Title: Goodbye's Already Gone
Author: Shelby
Summary: She stopped, turned around, and sent him a sad smile. A single tear slid down her cheek. "You left me a long time ago, Chuck and I really, really miss you." Chuck and Blair one-shot on the Empire State Building, end of Season 3. Slight spoilers of 3.17.
A/N: So read and watched Canada's spoilers. I wrote this afterwards to express my feelings. I wouldn't call it dark, but positive in a sad way. If you don't like it then don't attack me. Your opinion is different and I understand that. I don't want us to be the same, conformity sucks, right? I am just saying upfront that if you attack me I will delete your anonymous review or write back in full bitch mode if you're logged in. Shelby isn't taking the abuse anymore guys. I don't have to post anything I write, but I do it for those who enjoy it. If you don't, then just ignore it.
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Blair stepped onto the Empire State Buildings Roof and looked straight ahead. He had her back to her, but she knew who he was. Chuck Bass was waiting for her, flowers in hand. They had broken up under the worst possible circumstances, yes worse than cheating. But she still agreed to meet with him. She just hoped he wasn't expecting her to just take him back. She may have a couple months ago, when she was weak, but she wasn't that way anymore. Their breakup had been a huge wake-up call to her. She left NYU, transferred to Columbia where she was Queen, and started to be the Blair Waldorf she had once been. Her life was good now, better than ever in fact.
"Chuck," Blair greeted. She stopped behind him and nodded her head. He turned around, a nervous smile on his face.
"Blair," Chuck rasped. His voice was hoarse and scratchy. He didn't look too well either. He had been drinking a lot lately, probably doing other things too. It wasn't the Chuck Bass she used to know, the one that started to disappear after junior year.
"Why did you want to see me?" she asked. Her eyes flickered to the flowers, but then back to his. She acted uninterested in them, but in a polite way.
"I- well… I just-" he stuttered and then fell silent. His eyes fell to the floor and he cleared his throat. Then his hand came forth to giver her the flowers. Their eyes met again.
"Thank you, but I don't think I'm going to take them. It isn't really appropriate given our history and what we are now. We're not even really friends anymore," Blair told him. She sent a sympathetic smile. His hand fell and he tried to play it off.
"Of course, that makes sense," Chuck returned. The hurt in his voice was evident, in his eyes too. To try and hid it was useless, but he was Chuck Bass and to protect his pride meant everything.
"So the Empire has been going well… I congratulate you." It wasn't a sarcastic comment on her part, but she did have to force a smile. That hotel was a bitter subject for her. It always would be.
"Thanks." He sounded awkward again. Obviously, he wasn't sure what to say or he didn't know how to say it. Maybe it was best he didn't say anything.
"So what have you been up to? I heard about Columbia," Chuck said. He looked up again and put his hands in his pockets. The flowers had fallen to the floor. She pretended not to notice.
"Chuck, look," Blair sighed, "I know you're P.I. has been watching me. I know that you know what's going on, how good things are going for me. Which is why I'm wondering why you'd ask me that question and even more why you'd contact me now, after all that happened." She stood her ground and looked him straight in the eyes.
"I-I just thought maybe you'd forgiven me," he responded.
"But you haven't done anything to make me forgive you. Nothing has changed from when you did what you did, Chuck. You can't just expect time to heal all wounds. Some things need to be fixed by the person who broke them in the first place, some things can't be fixed at all," she explained. Her voice was solemn for a moment, but then she regained composure.
"So does that mean you're never going to forgive me? That we can never be the way we were again?" His eyes watered, but he pushed back the tears.
"I don't want to be how we were again, Chuck. It wasn't healthy. Sure, we had our good times, but the bad times outweighed them. I can't tell you how many times I felt like I was in a one-sided relationship. It was worse then when I was with Nate. At least he was just too oblivious to know, but you-you were supposed to know me, Chuck. I loved you more than I have ever loved anyone. I wish I could look back and feel like you felt the same, but with how you acted I can't." She shrugged her shoulders sadly.
"But I did love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Blair, I do-"
Blair held up her hand and he silenced.
"Please don't," she shook her head, "there's no point, at least not right now. It's only going to hurt you when I don't say it back."
"Does that mean you don't love me anymore?" He laughed, but it wasn't cheerful. It didn't mean he found it funny, but that he was scared of her answer.
"I don't know who you are to love you, Chuck. I know that I love the Chuck Bass I used to know, but he's been gone for so long that I've moved on. When I lost him, I lost myself, but now he's still gone and I found myself again. Even though I love him, it doesn't mean I won't make it without him," Blair told him.
"When you say you've moved on… does that also entail that you-that you-" He continued to try, but they both knew he couldn't vocalize it himself.
"That I've met someone else?" she finished. He swallowed a huge lump in his throat and nodded.
"I don't need a guy in my life to ask you to stay out of it, Chuck. But if you sincerely want to know that I've moved on to a healthy, happy relationship then I have, with myself. I love me right now. Sure, I'm dating a bit and having fun, but it's college and I'm not exactly looking for another serious relationship to drag me down." Blair spared a light laugh, but it died when she saw his face. She should have phrased the last sentence slightly different, but there was no use over spilt milk now.
"That's what I did then, drag you down?" Chuck asked. He looked at her hurt.
"Don't ask for my sympathy right now, Chuck. It's still too soon. I didn't come here to hurt you, but I won't show sympathy either. I'm still a bitch if there ever was one, but I'm holding back for you. So just don't make me be mean to you," she asserted.
"Now tell me," she sighed and rubbed her eyes, "why did you want to meet with me here?" Her arms crossed and she waited patiently. In all honesty though, her insides twisted with anxiety.
"I-I, dammit Blair," he cursed and shook his head. He looked up at her seriously, his eyes glossy looking. "Maybe I miss you okay. Maybe I'm really sorry and I miss you." His eyes looked to her with hope when he silenced. He was begging her to tell him she missed him too, that everything was going to be okay, and they could love each other again.
"Which me do you miss?" Blair asked, just above a whisper. Her eyes were now glossy too. It was evident she still cared about him, she still loved him, but that wasn't always enough.
"What do you mean? I miss you, Blair Waldorf," Chuck frowned.
She quickly wiped at her eyes and hid a tear away from him. She shook her head and tried to speak with the strength she came there with.
"If you have to ask that then I think it's time for me to go," Blair told him. She then turned around and started to walk away from him, back to the door.
"Blair! Don't leave. Don't leave… me," he called. With each word his voice grew smaller. He grew smaller.
She stopped, turned around, and sent him a sad smile. A single tear slid down her cheek.
"You left me a long time ago, Chuck and I really, really miss you."
And then she was gone.
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A/N: Once again, I felt good writing this. So don't tell me I'm biased or I shouldn't have. A writer writes to express themselves and their feelings. If you don't like it then go write or read what you want to. I can't please everyone and I don't intend to.