A/N: Ok, this is partially inspired by a cold day in late April and also by a sudden memory of YunCyn's GetBacker classic of the same name and general formula. Go! Read it! I LOVED it, laughed until my sides hurt. Then, two days ago, the song flitted into my head along with my favorite wanderer's dazed expression and I thought "Ooo! FUN!" So, here it is. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or this song. Gods help the world if I did.

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Raccoon and Wolf

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Kaoru and Saito, sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-

"HENTAI!"

singer is bludgeoned by a fuming Tanuki, while Saito shakes his head and lights a cigarette

Kenshin: "But Saito's MARRIED!"

Everyone else: "You're MARRIED?"

Saito takes a long drag and glares.

Raccoon and Hiten Master

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Kaoru and Hiko, sitting in a tree

"Isn't she a little young for me?"

"HENTAI!"

singer is knocked halfway across the dojo

Kenshin: "Shisho! You wouldn't!"

Hiko: "I wouldn't what, baka deshi?" sip

Kenshin mutters to himself.

Raccoon and Ice-Man

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Kaoru and Aoshi sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

singer is chased around dojo by Kaoru AND Misao, both screaming for blood. In another room, Aoshi's hand twitches.

Kenshin: now with narrow, bluer eyes "Aoshi? Surely not. He's so cold."

Raccoon and Rooster

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singer is shoved aside by a certain apprentice, who grins evilly

Busu and Sano sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Sano: "Why, Jo-chan, you naughty thingz!"

Kaoru: "Yahiko! 500 strokes!"

Yahiko: "Awwww."

Kaoru: "And as for you..."

Sano goes flying halfway across the dojo.

Kenshin: Eyes markedly yellow "Sano? Sano is closer to her age-wise, but he's such a slacker..."

Sano: rubbing head "Hey!"

Raccoon and Hitokiri

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Kaoru and Battousai sitting in a tree.

Kenshin disappears

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Kaoru disappears

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Battou...hey, where are they?

A familiar indigo ribbon drops out of the sky and lands on the singer's nose. Singer looks up at a nearby tree.

Oh.

scoots away

Fox and Wolf

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Megumi and Saito sitting in a tree.

Megumi: "Are you really married?"

Saito: "Yes, I'm really married."

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Megumi: "To a woman?"

Saito: sighs "Yes, to a woman."

First comes love

Megumi: "Tell me about her!"

Saito: "Why?"

Then comes marriage.

Megumi: "Because I have to know what kind of woman marries a man like you."

Saito sighs again, lights another cigarette. Singer throws up hands in disgust.

Fox and Hiten Master

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Megumi and Hiko sitting in a tree.

Hiko: "How old are you, Megumi-san?"

Megumi: hiding mouth with sleeve "Now, Hiko-san, you know you should never ask a woman her age. OHOHOHOHO!"

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Hiko: "Hey, Singer! How old is she?"

Umm. Dunno. Mid 20s, I think.

Singer is slapped upside the head by Megumi

Hiko: "Still too young."

Oh I dunno. I'm 12 years younger then my husband.

Everyone except Hiko and Saito facefault.

Fox and Ice-Man

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Megumi and Aoshi sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-Urk!

Singer is treated by Megumi for kunai wounds to the throat. Aoshi's other hand twitches.

Fox and Rooster

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Megumi and Sano sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Sano grabs Megumi, kisses her hard on the mouth and struts off, smirking. Megumi rubs her mouth with her hand.

Megumi: "Why couldn't you have paired me with Ken-san?"

singer looks at the tree, which is now sporting a patch of pink foliage

I think he's busy.

Weasel and Wolf

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Misao and Saito sitting in a tree

schiiink

Mou! I was kidding!

singer hides behind Hiko. Saito sheathes his katana.

Weasel and Hiten Master

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Misao and Hiko sitting in a tree

K-I-S-uhn

singer is knocked unconscious by an empty sake jug

Hiko: "That one's really too young for me!"

Weasel and Oni

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Misao and Han'nya sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

singer is chased around dojo by Misao and three very unhappy spirits.

Misao: "Han'nya's DEAD!"

Hiko: "Really, singer. That's perverse, even for you."

Weasel and Rooster

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singer once again shoved aside by Yahiko

Misao and Sano sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Yahiko is driven into the floor of the dojo, courtesy of Misao and Sano double-team strike

Weasel and Ice-man

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Misao and Aoshi sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes

Misao: "Aoshi-sama!"

Huh?

singer watches bemusedly as Aoshi storms out, grabs Misou's wrist and drags her inside.

Wolf and Bhudda

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Saito and Tokio sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love,

Then comes marriage

Then comes Saito with the baby carriage!

singer beams at finally finishing the song. Saito huffs and walks away

Saito: over shoulder "It was marriage first."

Singer huffs, plops down next to Hiko and helps herself to his sake.

So, how long do you think they'll be up there?

gestures to tree, now sporting yellow next to the pink

Hiko: "Knowing my baka deshi? Could be hours."

Hmm. So, Hiko-sama. IS there any woman you're interested in?