WELL. This is my first story in english. I translated an OS I wrote for my bff, like, 2 or 3 years ago... I changed it a little, but kept the main ideas.

Argh, translating from french is SO complicated... You lost so many things! Words, formulations, images... The funny thing is, when I wrote it first, I was like "ARGH, it would be so easier to write in english!" Yep.

Please notice me for grammar/vocabular mistakes. I read and understand english perfectly, but it's still hard for me to write and speak it.

Disclaimer : I do not own any of the characters. Only the story.

Rating : M, for mentionning violence, sex (non-con)

He could smell vodka, powerful and heavy. Despite the suffocating heat from the blankets, Raivis was shaking like a leaf. Well, more than usual. The fear was so strong, for being alone in his room, without Toris to comfort him, shed his tears of fright et ease him, to speak to him until sleep overwhelmed him. Toris always waited form him to fall asleep to join his own dreamland.

But tonight, Toris wasn't there, and Raivis missed the nice touch of his hands on his cheeks, making impossible for him to calm down. Of course, the stench of alcohol was only Ivan's smell, when he told Raivis and Eduard to go to their room ; but it seems that it was sewed with the blankets and the sheets, like an itchy frabric. Ivan had put his hard, possessive hand on Toris's shoulder, and Raivis had let his tears run down his cheeks, like every night, morning and day. He would have to sleep alone tonight.

Oh, he wasn't proud of him, the tiny, weak, frighten baltic nation. But his pride could never bear Ivan's weight, so big and powerful, Ivan who could crush him with the lightest movement of his hand... as he proved once again, for when Raivis had started crying, two huge hands had a firm grip on his shoulders, and he was a few centimeters above the dirty floor. Raivis had closed his eyes, from fear, and to escape Ivan's vodka breathe.

"Well, there's no reason for you to cry, da?"

He had a reason to cry, but he would never tell. Compared to Toris, Raivis was lucky. Toris was the maid, the cook, the toy... He was Ivan's favorite. The two others were not less bullied, but the Russian giant was less violent towards them. Which didn't make it less unbearable.

Latvia had shaked his head, and forced himself to look at Ivan straight in the eyes, holding his breath. That cheap vodka...

"Da, da, that's much better."

He fell to the ground, softly whimpering from pain and shame. Eduard helped him to his feet, and they had left, almost running, to their tiny bedrooms. Raivis wanted so hard to look at Toris, his oh so sweet green eyes, and his gentle smile ; the promise to join him in the middle of the night and cuddle him 'til he slept. But he had hold on, biting on his lip, Eduard's hand still on his shoulder.

But right now, alone in his bed, he was glad he didn't look at Lithuania. He would have known right away that he couldn't keep his promise. He was tired, and worried, and he coulnd't know if he'd been waiting for an hour or the whole night. He was waiting, refusing to give up, like a child clinging to his teddybear. His pillow was wet with tears, and it only grew worse with time. And that smell of vodka, everywhere in the house, making him sick. Since he lived with Ivan, it seemed like the stench followed him like a disgusting perfume, glued to every pore of his skin. When Ivan breathed in his face, at night, Latvia wanted to run to the toilets to throw up everything he had. The blankets smelled, because they were from Ivan's closet, and he felt like a butterfly trapped in a terrible web. He never felt so captive before.

Ivan didn't force Raivis to drink with him ; but he knew where the bottles were, and he sometims couldn't prevent himself from the thirst of amnesia.

Toris didn't mind all this. In fact, he had the power to ease pain with the slightest of touch, and when he held Raivis close to him, the little nation felt no fear. Goodbye to drunk monsters and vodka nightmares.

Toris's smell was so nice. The smell of the meals he prepared for Ivan, the smell of the sunflowers he brought back from the fields, the smell of soap, and something sweet, like a spice, maybe cinnamon. At night, Latvia only had to breathe in his neck to feel good. Toris was his oasis in every circumstances he could face in here, in the huge russian house. The smell went to every muscle, relawing it, allowing Raivis to sleep.

Toris was his teddybear, his hero, his big brother, his mother, his lover.

If only he could focus on this smell, think about those green eyes, maybe he would fall asleep. He couldn't stay awake all night, anyway ; he would be so, so tired, and he would be clumsier than ever, and he would do something wrong, and Ivan would get angry and punish him, and...

A few minutes later, Raivis was sleeping like a baby. No more endless scarf, no more empty violet eyes, more visions of Toris held in his arms.

When he woke up, he felt like throwing up acid. He buried himself in his pillow, to escape from pain and nausea, mumbling soflty. Vodka vodka vodka vodka. Then, he felt a body moving the blankets, on his left. His heart started beating faster, as he turned over, fighting to open his eyes, suffering from all the tears he shed tonight. He streched his arms, leaning to the left.

"Toris?...

- Nyet."

A tear escaped. In the dark, he could see Ivan's little smile. He was over with Lithuania.

Raivis crawled under the blankets, closing his eyes as hard as he can. Maybe it was a nightmare, maybe he would wake up if he slowly counted to ten. He froze when he felt a large, cold hand on his stomach and another in his hair, a huge body glued to his. His guts were liquefying... Too bad this feeling was becoming kind of familiar. Whenever Ivan touched him, reminding him that he was his, Latvia felt like drowning, unable to breathe.

Why was Ivan here? Maybe... Maybe Toris hadn't satisfied him yet?... He started shaking so bad it looked like convulsions. He sniffed, because of all the crying. All his body reflected his terror.

"You're still cold... I'll bring more blankets for you tomorrow, da?"

He didn't tell Ivan that the eight blankets he beared at night were a pain to sleep. Sometimes, he was hot, Toris feared he had caught some fever. Anyway, the small nation couldn't speak a word. The violet eyes were in his back, but he knew exactly what they were watching, expecting an answer... When Raivis opened his mouth, only a whimpering noise came out.

But Ivan seemed satisfied, as he hugged him almost tenderly. Raivis opened his eyes, as the strong hands moved on his body, like disgusting snakes. Fingers brushed his groin, rested on his hip. Another strange sound came out. He didn't want Ivan to touch him like this.

The other hand went to his cheeks, gently stroking them. He was so scared, he didn't smelled vodka anymore.

"Are you alright?"

The sweetness in his voice was unbearable, full of honnest worry, and the boy could only think about what Toris had been through. He wasnt' so naive anymore ; Ivan smelled of sex. Oh, he had learned to recognize that smell, even if he wasn't the favorite toy. He hated it so much. It was as disgusting as vodka, or more, because Toris.

"I'll stay with you tonight, da."

A shiver run down his spine, and he couldn't help but sob quietly. He curled into a ball, so Ivan couldn't touch him as much as he wanted to ; the Russian didn't approve, as his hand on Raivis's hip went to his forehead. Raivis felt his head turn to the left, to Ivan He couldn't find the force to help it, to avoid the pain (a crak! escaped from his neck), or turn himself, to ease his owner's anger.

"Open your eyes."

The voice was hard, now. Raivis felt kind of relieved ; he prefered that harsh tone to the evil sweetness he showed a few minutes ago. His eyes were red and swollen, so he couldn't see very well, and for that he was graceful. Ivan seemed nicer, all blurred. But Latvia knew the reality, and the thought of a hurt Toris came to his mind. He shaked his head, shaking.

Ivan pressed him against his body, and Raivis had his head in his neck. It was horrible. The skin reacted to his eyelashes, and the little nation had to smell vodka, snow, sweat, sex. Nausea made him moan, and the Russian hugged him closer. Terrified, Raivis stood still, sniffing, trying to control his body.

"I'm fine here, da..."

Latvia shivered, and concentrated for a while on Ivan's hands. They were warm by now, against his skin. Then he focused on his breath. Russia started petting his hair, tenderly, as if he tried to calm him down.

Raivis realized suddenly ; he was exhausted. A monster was cuddling him, a disgusting, sadistic monster, and he couldn't help but to give up to sleep. It was harder and harder to think, his body was relaxing. Raivis hated himself right now. He wanted to cry, scream, vomit, even fight against his owner ; he was weak, and easily scared, but he wouldn't give up. He couldn't give up, for Toris. He never felt so dirty.

But yet, he fell asleep, curled up against Ivan, breathing his smell. In his last moments of consciousness, he realized that, alcohol and sex apart, it wasn't that bad. It was something cold, and wild, powerful... He couldn't understand how, but it calmed him, relaxed him. He almost forgot that it was Ivan's.

When the Russian moved in the bed, leaving him, he was deeply asleep.

"You don't like me..."

Raivis didn't heard, and answered by mumbling incoherend words, like a child who refuses to wake up. He didn't feel the cold lips brushing his, gently. He hugged Ivan in his sleep, and dreamed. He was with Toris, playing, cuddling... but Lithuania's eyes were darker, nearly violet, and his smell was stronger, wilder. He also had a strange accent.

He was still in his dream when he woke up. A strange doubt filled his mind ; was it Toris's smell, really? He could feel the cold russian sun licking his skin, and he knew the light would burn his eyes if they opened right now. He went slowly, like a kitten, opening them only for a second. He smiled ; the eyes he had met were green and loving.

"Sorry, Raivis... I had an emergency, and... You... You were already sleeping when I came back, so..."

Relieved, happy, Raivis kissed slowly Toris's jaw, trying to get back to sleep, now he had his protector, now the monsters were gone. He hugged him and enjoyed the light kisses the Lithuanian gave him on his face, hair and lips. He still was so tired, and his eyes hurt so much...

"I'm so surprised... You cried, of course, but you did it, you slept alone... You're growing up, Raivis..."

By the bed, on a chair, a sunflower-themed blanket was waiting for him.

That's it, yep. Hope you like it!

When I published it in french, I was asked to write amulti-chapters story, buuuuut nooooooooooo. I'm a lot more comfortable with OS.

I love Ivan. I've got a thing for twisted children. That's what he is to me. Poor thing needs psychological help x)

I'm not a fan of the Baltics, btw ; but my bff'll always be my little Toris 3 And I'm her Prussia. Yeaaaahhh.

And I'm not into RussiaxBaltic either. To me, he'll always be lonely. That's the point with him, what makes him interesting to me.