Part I
Jasper
This was a bad idea. I knew better than this. All I had to do was look back on the last time I'd seen the girl...but even now, standing outside her house, I couldn't bring myself to leave. I needed to check on her. I had to….to apologize. It was all my fault, and I'd never even gotten to tell the girl I was sorry. It had been two months…two months of living with my now depressed family, minus Edward who I had to blame alongside myself. What had he been thinking, abandoning her like this? He loved the girl, and I'd never felt him so completely desolate as when he'd come back and demanded we all leave. More than once I'd caught him running off to the woods in the days following the move to one of our other houses, his emotions distraught, and I was sure he was running off to cry alone. And then when he'd left us…of course, leaving us with the orders that we were not to make contact...Esme and Carlisle had been devastated. It wasn't until after I'd found Alice, curled into a ball on our bed, sobbing painfully, that I'd finally realized that I couldn't do this…I couldn't do this to her, I couldn't do this to Bella…I couldn't do this to our family. Edward couldn't hurt us all like this and then leave.
I'd climbed onto the bed beside Alice, pulling her into my arms and begging to know what was wrong. After a little coaxing I'd gotten her to tell me that Bella had been sending her emails…emails that she'd had to return plus a little hacking to make it appear as though she'd changed her address and that they were undelivered. But from the sound of it, Bella had been utterly destroyed by this…and it was killing Alice. But this wasn't just affecting my wife. Emmett was different. He didn't want to spar. He didn't want to play video games. He mostly just sat in front of our TV staring into space, his emotions heavy and painful, ignoring the rest of us. Rosalie, perplexed by her mate's behavior, had tried coaxing him away from the TV and into their bedroom, which had resulted in a screaming match that had finally ended with Emmett's disappearance for a full week. I'd been afraid that he'd gone back to Forks, but Alice assured us that he was just blowing off steam and hunting. After his return, he'd been a little closer to his normal self, but he refused to speak to Edward…up until the day Edward left us.
Carlisle and Esme were more affected than they liked to let on. I'd felt them begin to feel affection for Bella in the same way they felt it for all of us, and Carlisle had begun to see her as his own daughter. His love for her had been apparent to all of us, and if we'd needed another reason to welcome her into our family, our parent's affection for her had sealed her position. Then again, it wasn't just them. Emmett had fallen for the little human, seeing her as a baby sister to be protected and teased. Alice had become attached to her at once of course, deciding that they were best friends and sisters. Even myself, I had to admit, had grown attached, mostly because it was impossible not to unless you were blinded by your own prejudice…like Rosalie. From the day I'd first met her…first felt her hesitant friendliness, her wariness of me that was more stemmed from fear of rejection than actual fear, I'd wanted her to be happy with us. It was obvious to me…or it had been before Edward had made such an idiotic move, that she was going to join our family in a more permanent sense, especially considering Alice's persistent visions.
So now, as I found myself outside of her bedroom window, I felt less like a creepy stalker and more like a concerned family member checking on her…by climbing in through her window. I brushed the thought aside and climbed the wall easily, holding on to the ledge and peeking into the window. Her truck was in the driveway although it was a Friday afternoon
Her father's cruiser was gone, and I could only assume that he was at work or possibly fishing…she'd spent many weekends with us over the summer because her father was out with Billy Black. Looking in through the window, I found her bedroom exactly the same as the last time he'd seen it…maybe a little messier. But then looking more closely, I realized that it wasn't' the same…her meager CD and DVD collection was gone. There were no books in sight and her CD player was lying on the floor next to a box with wires poking out that I recognized with a wince. 'The stereo.' I realized with a jab of pain, but then thought of how hurt she must have been to do this.
But it wasn't her room and the realization that her books, CDs, and movies were all gone that startled me the most. It was her. She lay on her bed, her eyes shut as she faced the wall although she wasn't asleep. Her face was thin and haggard looking and I froze in place as he took in her pale face, the bruise like shadows under her eyes…the spots of red on her cheeks. 'She's sick?' I couldn't tell…I certainly wasn't a doctor, nor had I ever studied human medicine unlike my father and brother. 'Could that be why she looks so terrible?' I truly hoped so. 'Please tell me this isn't my fault. Please, please don't let me have been the one to do this to her.' Because ultimately I knew that it was my fault. Placing my hands against the window frame, I slowly pushed it up, taking a deep breath of the air that was saturated with her scent, which was not as potent as I remembered. But I breathed it in, glad that I'd hunted several times on the way. The burn in the back of my throat was uncomfortable but not unmanageable, and I took a second to congratulate myself before lifting the window even more, just enough to slip in silently. But even as I placed my feet on her floor, she didn't open her eyes…or even stir. I approached her hesitantly, pausing by the window before deciding against touching her. If she didn't know I was here, alerting her to my presence by getting too close wouldn't end well.
I took a second to sample her emotions, surprised that I hadn't been hit with them yet. Bella felt things strongly for a human, although they were nearly always positive in my experience. She was usually happy when she was around us, although she was often frightened of Rosalie. But now she felt…nearly empty. I felt her emotions like I would feel the emotions of a coma patient…barely there, muted…an indiscernible mess of numbness that I could barely make sense of. But she was in pain...although she was suppressing it to such a degree that I wasn't sure if she was aware of it. Deciding that standing here and staring at her without her knowledge was just a little creepy, I decided to speak up. "Bella?" I spoke softly, reaching out with my own emotions to rouse her. If she was sick, I'd find help, but first I needed to speak to her. "Bella?" I spoke up when she didn't respond, either physically or emotionally. Stepping up to her bed after a moment, I reached out and touched her shoulder over the blankets. "Bella." This time I spoke in a normal tone of voice, starting to worry about her lack of response. "Hey. Bella? Can you hear me?" Her emotions shifted a little, a flicker of confusion and surprise, then stilled again. Sighing, I knelt by her head, reaching out and touching her face with a hand I knew would feel cold to her and she jumped a little, cringing away. "Bella, open your eyes." I ordered gently, ignoring the pain in my throat. My worry was overriding my thirst at the moment. "Come on Bella. I came all this way to see you. Can't you look at me?" I asked, my tone gently teasing, and I tried to surround her with comfort and affection. Her eyes opened hesitantly then, regarding me with an emotion I couldn't quite identify. "Hello Bella." I greeted her, withdrawing my hand and smiling a little at her.
She looked at me in bewilderment, her body curling into a protective ball as she stared at me. "What's wrong?" I asked gently, starting to reach out to her again, but she closed her eyes once more, and for a second I was bombarded with her emotions…agony that was crippling, pain and abandonment and just a flicker of hope that was too quickly crushed, and I clenched my jaw, trying to sort through it all before she suppressed it once more. I let myself touch her once more, my hand stroking her face, which felt too hot now that I thought about it, although humans always felt too warm to me. "Come on. Talk to me." I pleaded. She shook her head, turning her face into the pillow and cringing back, and I felt a wave of hurt. "Bella…I'm so sorry." I decided to go ahead and apologize. I certainly owed her that and deserved her loathing, but I hoped that she would try to understand…it was unlike her not to. "I understand if you can't forgive me…" I paused in my apology when she opened her eyes and continued staring at me, eyes full of tears that spilled over after a second. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you…" But the truth was, I couldn't make any sense of her emotions. She shook her head, a pained cry escaping, and she closed her eyes once more, prompting me to return my hand to its place on her cheek. "Can you talk to me? I don't understand what you're feeling. Please, Bella." I begged when she shook her head, my worry escalating.
"Not real." She whimpered into her pillow, making me frown in confusion, then shock when she clarified. "You're not real."
"I'm…what? Not real?" I shook my head incredulously. "Are you sick, Bella?" I asked, now more concerned than before as I cupped her cheek in my hand.
"You left. You're not real." I flinched at the pain in that statement and suddenly wondered how many times she'd dreamt that one of us had returned. I clenched my jaw, filled anew with rage at both my brother and myself.
"Look at me." I sat on the bed beside her, leaning over her where she was propped against the pillows, and framed her face with my hands. "I am real, Bella. I'm also worried." She shook her head, the bits of hope I felt from her ruthlessly crushed, and I fought against her pain. "No, Bella, listen to me. I'm real. You can feel my hands." I reached down and caught one of her own, squeezing just firmly enough to press her fingers together. "See? I'm real. I came back to see you…or to apologize, rather." She stopped shaking her head, staring at me with a mix of hope and fear, and I squeezed her hand once more, surprised when she suddenly lunged forward, dropping my hand and throwing her arms around my neck, her hot face pressing into my shoulder in a way I knew wasn't comfortable for her. Her body convulsed with sobs, but it wasn't the pained cries that tore at me…it was her emotions.
As if a dam had broken loose, I was flooded with pain and sorrow and abandonment and a hollow emptiness and a thousand other horrifically painful emotions that made me stiffen, my eyes closing and my jaw tightening against the sensation that physically hurt much to my surprise. Lest she think I was rejecting her, I forced my hands to lift, going around her and resting on her back where they froze. My eyes flew open once more and I realized that I could easily feel the girl's bones. 'Has she eaten since we left?!' I cried in my mind, suddenly aware that there were more ramifications to our actions than just her pain. 'How often do humans need to eat again? A few times a day…do I need to take her to the hospital? I have to call Carlisle.' I resolved. My father had been at work when I'd decide to leave in the middle of the night, leaving only a note for Alice. I wasn't sure what I'd thought I would do after checking on Bella, but I knew now that leaving again wasn't an option. We'd brought her into our lives and woven her into our family…we couldn't just abandon her like this… no matter what Edward thought.
I was a little surprised when her breathing evened out, then I realized that she'd cried herself to sleep. Wincing a little at the thought, I carefully lay her back on the pillows, pulling the blankets up to her chin and moving from her bed. I looked around the room, sighing softly at the lack of all the things she'd loved before, then left the room, heading downstairs to the kitchen where I pulled out my phone.
In our family, we had a few rules. No killing the humans was kind of the big one. No stepping into the sunlight in front of humans, hunting in front of humans, or otherwise revealing ourselves as vampires to them was another important one. There were more…mostly unspoken ones. We all respected and, when the occasion called for it, obeyed Carlisle and Esme, although it was rare that we were expected to do so against our wills. They disliked it when we fought in the house, so sparring was generally taken outside and far enough away that Esme wouldn't worry. We were also expected to keep major purchases (cars, expensive supercomputers, islands) to a minimum, although our money did quite well in the stock market, and Carlisle's salary was no joke, nor were ours when we did actually get out of high school. We were expected to keep up the façade of good students and stay out of trouble when we attended school as well.
But one of the most important unspoken rules was that we were expected to answer our phones when we weren't hunting. Carlisle and Esme loved us and it worried them when we didn't answer our phones. Everyone's number was programed into all of our cell phones, and if we had service, we answered them. This was so we could keep in contact should something…dangerous happen. Mates, when they weren't together, tried to keep in contact with one another as well. During my journey here, I'd broken that rule. Looking down at my phone, I realized that I'd missed two calls from Carlisle, one from Emmett, four from Esme, and six from Alice. Wincing at that last number, I decided I'd better call Carlisle first…the conversation with Alice may take a while, and for Bella's sake, I needed to speak to Carlisle.
"Have you spoken to Alice?" Carlisle's first words took me aback and I frowned at the phone, instantly worried.
"Not yet…is she okay?"
"She's out of her mind, worried about you!" Carlisle cried incredulously.
"Can't she see me?" I asked in surprise. I'd figured Alice would be able to tell Carlisle about Bella with me here…
"She's having trouble seeing Forks right now…I'm not sure why…but that's beside the point, Jasper. What were you thinking?"
I ignored his chiding. He could yell at me later. "We have to come back." I told him simply, my voice pleading. "Carlisle, you don't know what this is doing to her."
He paused and I could imagine the pain he felt. "So you saw her?"
"I'm at her house! Carlisle she looks awful! I think she's sick."
"Does she have a fever?" I knew that his snapping into professional mode was his way of dealing with his stress and worry and I shook my head, knowing he couldn't see.
"I don't know. I couldn't tell…"
"Okay, is she feeling ill? Stomach pains? Is she having trouble eating?" I closed my eyes, frustrated and worried and having no idea how to answer any of these questions.
"Carlisle, the only interaction I've had with Bella was trying to convince her that she wasn't hallucinating or dreaming, and then holding her while she cried for five minutes before she passed out on me. I have no idea. But she looks like she hasn't eaten since we left and she's an emotional wreck and…" I paused, reminding myself that I had to let Carlisle take this all in. "What can I do?"
"Where's her father?"
"Not here. She was in bed when I got here."
"It's only…three o'clock there." His voice was surprised.
"Yea, I know." I heard her breathing change and looked up at the ceiling. "I think she's waking up."
"Try to get her to talk Jasper. Take her temperature…there should be a thermometer in the bathroom. Have her eat soup if she can keep it down. It sounds like she needs it…just give her broth for now." I was silent, trying to figure out how to do all of that. "She should have chicken broth in the cabinet, so just microwave it…in a bowl. The thermometer goes under her tongue. Press the button, put it in her mouth, wait until it beeps. If it is over 103, take her to the hospital immediately. I have to go speak to my boss…"
"Is everything okay?"
"I'm leaving work…I'll be there as soon as I can. I just have to call Esme."
It was with acute relief that I went back upstairs to Bella's room, but that relief died when I found her curled in a ball, sobbing. "Bella?" She whirled around, staring at me with wide eyes, and I went over to her side, taking her hand and sighing when her arms went back around me. It worried me, the way she clung to my shirt. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"You're real." She whimpered, and I pulled away gently, loath to hurt her.
"Of course I'm real. We've been through this." I started to stand, surprised when she clung to me with what must have been all her strength, but still her hands only formed loose fists around my shirt. "Hey, I'll be right back, okay? I'm not leaving you." I promised, stepping hesitantly away as her hands dropped, her emotions shifting back to sorrow and pain, and I hurried into the bathroom, shifting through the medicine cabinet and the drawers until I finally found a white stick with a rounded end, a small digital screen coming to life with a beep when I pushed a little round button.
Hurrying back into the room where she leaned against the pillows, her face wet with tears, I sat on the bed beside her, wondering how one was to go about taking another person's temperature. "Um…can you open your mouth?" I asked, holding up the thermometer and sighing in relief when she didn't seem to think I was insane. Opening her mouth and lifting her tongue, she lay back against he pillows and closed her eyes while the thermometer sat in her mouth. I assumed it wasn't painful…or even uncomfortable, as she seemed to be drifting back toward sleep. After a minute, the little thing beeped and I carefully removed it, reading the screen.
Her emotions were still mostly fearful and confused, so I sat the thermometer on the table and looked at her once more. "Bella, I'm not going to disappear on you. Don't worry." Her face was instantly filled with reproach and I celebrated even that little spark of the girl I'd come to know…the one that would scold a vampire. "Listen, we can talk about all of this later. But right now, we have to talk about you." She frowned in confusion. "I think you're sick, Bella. How long have you felt ill?"
"I don't know." She answered a little listlessly, and I bit my lip in worry. I wasn't a doctor. I wasn't a therapist. I'd never studied any of that! All I knew was that she wasn't acting like herself and I didn't know if that was because of her emotional trauma or her sickness that she may or may not have.
"Okay…here." I reached forward, pulling the covers down and putting an arm around her shoulders and another under her knees. I needed to do something; so feeding her seemed like my best bet at the moment. She began shivering as soon as I lifted her from the blankets and I winced at how ridiculously light she was…even lighter than before. I hurried down the stairs, placing her on a sofa in the living room where she could see into the open kitchen, then found a blanket to wrap around her. "So, how does soup sound?" I asked, watching in worry as her eyes began to drift shut once more. "Soup it is." I mumbled, going into the kitchen and searching for soup, finding a can of chicken broth, and dumping the contents into a bowl that I stuck in the microwave.
I felt her embarrassment and turned around when she seemed to rouse herself, sitting up and looking at me. "I…you don't have to…"
"Stay." I ordered her firmly. "I think you're sick, and you need to rest. I've got it." The microwave beeped and I pulled out the bowl, sticking a spoon in and carrying it over to her. "Eat." I commanded, deciding that my only option was to make it an order, as she eyed the bowl with disinterest.
"I'm not…" I tried to make my face stern, but I wasn't sure I could manage it. She looked terrible, leaning weakly against the couch, her arms wrapped around herself feebly, the blanket pooling in her lap, her entire body shaking from the cold only she could feel. I moved closer, sitting beside her and carefully lifted a spoon of the broth to her mouth.
"Fine. Open." I insisted, a little gentler this time, and she complied after a moment, another wave of her embarrassment hitting me and I wondered at that. She was barely coherent enough to realize I was actually here…but she knew enough to be embarrassed at my clumsy attempts to take care of her? I fed her a few spoon-fulls, easing the liquid into her mouth a little at a time and wondering how humans had the patience to spend so much time eating. Finally she shook her head, turning away when I tried to feed her another spoon full, and I placed the bowl on the floor, wrapping her more securely in the blankets. "You feel better?" I asked, wondering if chicken broth was the magical element that would fix her…but she only shook her head, burrowing under the blanket. "Carlisle's coming….he'd going to take care of you, okay? Where's your dad?"
"Gone." She mumbled, her eyes drifting shut.
"Gone where?" I asked, forcing myself to be patient…surely immortality should grand endless patience. But I found myself sighing inwardly when she didn't answer immediately. "Bella? Where did you dad go?"
She opened her eyes once again, looking at me blearily. "Hm?" I sighed, wondering how long Carlisle would be, and then berating myself for the thought.
'It's not her fault she's sick! Stop being a jerk. If anything this is my fault.' I sighed, putting a hand against her hot face, surprised when she leaned into the contact. "Bella, where did your father go?" She blinked, seemed to think, and then looked back up at me.
"Fishing. All weekend with Billy…he left." I could hear the hurt and pain in her words, and I wondered how Charlie was handling this. Apparently not well, if he'd, as it seemed, given up on her.
"Alright. Well we're going to take care of you, okay?"
"You left." Her voice was more pained than angry and I moved my hand to her hair, stroking it gently.
"I know. I'm so sorry, Bella. This is all my fault." She shook her head and I frowned in confusion.
"My fault." She murmured, on her way to sleep once more. Her emotions, previously too painful for me to cope with, were calming a little, and I tried to ease them further. "Sorry, Jasper." She choked on my name, leaning her head against my shoulder. "Was stupid…sorry."
"Bella…" I shook my head, pulling her against his side. "It was not your fault, darlin." I mumbled, squeezing her shoulders. "You did nothing wrong. I promise." I kissed the top of her head, rocking her back and forth as tears fell from her eyes. "It was my fault, Bella. Mine and Edward's and I'm so sorry." I watched as her eyes slipped closed once more, her head falling back against the sofa, tears still seeping through her eyelashes. I wiped at her eyes gently, brushing away the tears and holding her until the phone chimed in my pocket.
Moving carefully from Bella's side when my phone vibrated, I went to the kitchen, placing my phone against my ear. "I'm on my way. How is she?" Carlisle asked in lieu of a greeting.
"Her temperature was a hundred and two. Is that bad?"
"Yes…but if we can get it down, she'll be okay. Did you get her to eat?"
"Yea…most of a bowl of broth. Her emotions are changing. At first she was almost numb….and then she was in so much pain…but she's starting to calm a little. She seems cold though."
"A side effect of the fever probably. She'll have chills for a while, and then she'll get hot, so keep an eye on her." Carlisle sighed, a worried sound. "It's good she was able to eat. Was she able to sleep?"
"Yes. She's asleep now."
Carlisle was silent for a long moment, then spoke quietly. "Did you tell her I was coming?"
"Yes." Carlisle was silent but I knew what he was asking. "She didn't really react…I don't think she believes me. Honestly I don't think she even believes I'm here. She's in a lot of pain, Carlisle. Her father's out with Billy for the weekend, but he must have known…" I sighed in frustration. "I don't understand it…how he could let her get this bad. She's hurting so much…"
"I'll be there by morning, sooner if I can. Call Alice. She's worried sick."
Bella
I didn't believe it. I couldn't. I didn't dare. That Jasper would appear in the middle of my numbness and try to pull me out of it…I just couldn't figure out why my brain had conjured up Jasper of all people. Edward maybe…even Carlisle or Esme. Possibly Alice. But Jasper? Maybe it was my desire to apologize to Jasper…to get some kind of closure with him. But I'd felt his hand on my face and tasted the soup he made me…I'd almost believed for a minute, offering to make the soup, but then, after falling asleep and waking in the living room once more, I realized that I must be going completely insane. I didn't see Jasper anywhere…couldn't hear anyone. Tears fell from my eyes once more and I heard myself whimper, curling up on my side and crying. My head ached and I felt so tired and cold and hot at the same time…
"Sorry, darlin." I cried harder, hearing his voice, knowing that I was truly insane now. No wonder my father didn't want to be around me. "Sorry. I need to get you back to bed." The cold hands on my face, under my shoulders and arms…they felt so real. I leaned against the hard shoulder my brain had conjured, tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "Open your mouth." I did as he asked, wondering if I'd just walked to bed…or if I'd never left. Wondered at the voice that sounded like Jasper but couldn't be…felt my heart break once more as I let myself hope. "Shh, Bella. Don't cry, darlin." I'd heard him call Alice that…why would he call me that? I didn't understand…I felt like I was in a haze or trapped in a dream. "Your temperature is the same…lay down, Bella. Try and rest." He kept a cool hand on my face, easing the heat that seemed to suppress me, and I kept crying even as I drifted.
I wasn't sure how long it was before I heard his voice once more…why did he sound so scared? Jasper was a vampire…he could fight anything. "Her fever's stayed the same…she's not really responding to me anymore."
"You did very well, Jasper. At least she ate something. She's so thin…she's lost a lot of weight." The covers were moved off of me and I opened my eyes, unable to believe what I was hearing, and my entire body seemed to freeze at the sight of Carlisle. Why was I so cold? "Hello Bella. Can you hear me, sweetheart?" It was too much…I didn't dare answer him. Turning my head, I felt sobs build up in my chest and escape, my body trembling with them. I could barely manage to curl into a ball...it just took so much effort. I just wanted to sleep…
"She still doesn't believe it. She's lost all hope, Carlisle. It's as though she doesn't even believe we could come back…he's destroyed her."
"We're going to fix this, Jasper. I shouldn't have agreed…" Cold hands touched me as he spoke, gentle hands at my throat, feeling around the base of my jaw, then my sides, something cold against my chest. "He was so upset but I should have stood my ground. It's only been a little over two months…can you imagine…" A cold hand touched my face. "Her breathing hasn't been affected…but she seems exhausted. I wonder how she's been sleeping. Get me a washcloth…run it under cold water. I'll see if we can get her temperature down. I brought some things from the hospital if it gets too bad. Bella?" He addressed me again, kneeling beside me and meeting my eyes, tucking the blankets back up around me. "I know you're upset, sweetheart. But we're here now. I'm so sorry Bella. We should never have left like we did. I'm going to take care of you, okay?" I managed a weak nod, still not trusting it. But I'd play along if I could keep Carlisle and Jasper here. He mumbled something about my father and I wondered if he was asking me.
"Fishing." I mumbled, trying to answer his question. "All weekend…every weekend…fishing." He seemed concerned and a cold, wet towel was pressed against my forehead, then at my eyes and my cheeks.
"He leaves you alone every weekend?" Carlisle asked as he cooled my face, and I felt the bed dip beside me, the calm that I'd learned was from Jasper attempting to soothe me.
"He…can't wake me." I tried to explain that he was so upset when I had nightmares, the ones that plagued me every night. It took so much effort just to talk. "He's…sad. Nightmares. Heard him. My mom." I closed my eyes, giving up. I'd tell him later…if he was still here. The thought made me cry once more and a hand took mine. Opening my eyes, I decided to plead with my subconscious. "Don't leave." I begged. "Not again…please." I couldn't figure out why he looked so heartbroken when I asked that, but I felt cold lips against my forehead.
"Oh Bella, we're not going to leave. We're coming back, sweetheart. I'm so sorry we left you." But of course that's exactly what I wanted to hear, so it couldn't possibly be true. Sobbing even harder, I let myself drift back to sleep.
Jasper
My father put his head in his hands and I put an arm around him as Bella fell asleep, tears still on her cheeks. Taking the cold towel, I cleaned her face, then put it back on her forehead where, hopefully, it would cool her off. She was still shaking, so I pulled the covers up to her neck, tucking them around her. "We can't do this to her again, Carlisle. She won't survive it." I spoke quietly in the near silence.
He shook his head, looking at me sadly. "No…never again. I should never have let him…I don't know how I could have thought…what have I done? What has Edward done!? If he could see her now…" He shook his head. "He thought she'd move on, Jasper. If Edward had known that she would feel pain like this, I can't believe he would have left her. The fact that she's sick on top of it…"
"Well that's just Bella's luck." I managed a strained smile that Carlisle tried to return and failed.
"I'm going to start an IV…if you'd like to wait downstairs…or go hunt?" I was torn, staring between her and the door, and he put a hand on my shoulder. "You've done extraordinarily well, Jasper. Go. Hunt. I'm not leaving her side. She won't wake alone." I took a deep breath, realizing that I did need to hunt after sitting at her side…and the best time would be while she was asleep.
I used the window, wanted to get far away before he pierced her skin, which would fill the room with the scent of her blood even more strongly that it already did. I knew it would take him a few minutes to get her IV set up, and that she would probably sleep for much longer, so I had some time to hunt…but I didn't want to be gone long. Racing back around the house to the woods there, I began searching for something small.
Carlisle
I watched my son disappear out the window and looked back down at Bella…the little human girl…no, my little human daughter that I'd failed so miserably. I couldn't imagine how I could make this better. But I would. I would get Edward…contact him somehow. He had to know how bad it was. And I would get everyone back here. And Bella would be happy again. And if she still wanted it, she'd be in the family. I wasn't going to lose her. I could be selfish enough to turn her…if that's what she wanted. I could give her immortality…membership in our family for the rest of her existence. She would never feel like this again. I stroked her hair for a moment, realizing that she was still crying even as she slept. I knew that Jasper hadn't told me the half of it…he'd summarized her pain to spare me. But I could see it in her face and in the way she tried to curl into a defensive ball…the way that's she'd looked at me with such disbelief. She truly didn't seem to believe that we were real.
I mounted a hook in her wall, hanging an IV bag and then slipping a needle into her arm that I taped in place, adjusting the flow of the medicine. It would hopefully bring down her temperature and help her heal. She'd obviously lost weight and I was afraid she was becoming dehydrated. Hopefully the fluids would help with that, and I'd monitor her diet closely once she was recovered. She began to toss and turned, even as I tried to hold her still so she wouldn't tear out the IV, and then I had an idea. Sitting on the bed on top of the covers, I pulled her into my arms, holding her like I knew Edward always did, and she seemed to relax in my arms, curling against me and holding my shirt. "I'm so sorry, Bella." I mumbled. "I'm going to fix this sweetheart. I promise."
I had arrived around two am and sat with her through the morning, keeping the wet cloth on her forehead, until she finally began to stir around eleven. Jasper, who'd returned about an hour ago, handed me a new washcloth when she broke out in a cold sweat. "Her fever broke." I told him, relieved as I wiped her face. "How does she feel?"
"Mostly the same." He trailed off when her eyes fluttered open, her eyes meeting mine and widening in surprise. The hesitant, frightened look on her face made me wince and I touched her cheek.
"It's okay, sweetheart. You're safe." She shook her head, a sob building in her throat, and I hurried to reassure her. "Shh, don't cry, Bella. You're okay."
"You're not here." She cried, shaking her head frantically and shrinking away from me, making me curse my previous willingness to listen to Edward.
"Bella, look at me." She did, albeit hesitantly. "I am right here. It is me. It's Carlisle. Jasper came back to check on you and he called me when he realized you were sick. I am here, Bella, in Forks, with you." She seemed confused and I took her hand. "See? Can't you feel my hands?" I lifted her hand and placed it against my face, her hand warm against my skin. "You can feel me, Bella. I'm really here." Her hand trembled against my face, then lowered to join her other arm in wrapping around my neck. I hugged her back, careful to keep her close to the IV bag so as not to tear out the needle. She wasn't crying…only clinging to me desperately. "I'm here." I promised once more, my lips against her hair. Jasper sat behind her, careful of the IV tube connected to her arm, and kept a hand on her back, obviously hoping, like I did, that feeling us with her would convince her.
I looked up at Jasper, and he seemed to read the question in my eyes. "Her emotions are the same. Disbelief. Confusion. Fear. Pain…sorrow." He spoke too quietly for her to hear and I nodded my head slightly. That was fine…I certainly deserved the pain I was feeling now. But we would stay with her…stay until she finally started to believe that we were here…that we couldn't leave her again. My hand rested on her upper back where, much to my displeasure, my mind was absently naming the bones I could easily feel there. Grief could be fatal, and I worried that, in her case, it might have been, had Jasper not come to check on her.
"Can you get her some water? She needs fluids. And food."
"More broth?" Our voices were kept too low for her to hear, and I nodded.
"Please." Jasper stood, glancing at her as he left, and I shifted her to the bed once more, piling pillows behind her head so that she could sit up. She slumped back against them, her eyes heavy, her hands dropping from my shirt, and I wanted to scream or break something…or kill someone. She looked so frail, her cheeks sunken in… I shook my head, forcing a gentle smile for her. She would be fine. I would make sure of it. She was my daughter, and I'd take care of her. I heard the microwave turn on, and Jasper appeared at my side with a glass of water, handing it to me, and I placed it in front of her, maneuvering the straw between her lips. "Drink, sweetheart." I urged her, and after a second, she did. "Are you hungry?" She just looked at me, more confused than sad now, and I felt a faint stirring of hope. "Sweetheart, Jasper's going to bring you some soup. Do you think you can eat it?" She continued to stare at me and I cupped her cheek, growing worried. The contact seemed to startle her, but I kept my hand on her face, knowing she still didn't feel well. "Do you think you can eat?" I asked again, keeping my voice gentle.
She nodded her head, just a little, the movement hesitant, and I moved to sit beside her, one arm draping around her so that she could feel my body pressed against her side. "I'm here, Bella." I promised, squeezing her shoulder. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving you again. Okay?" She looked up at me for a long moment until Jasper brought the soup, handing the bowl to me, and I scooped out a spoonful as he knelt on the floor beside the bed on her side, taking one of her hands.
She allowed me to feed her, swallowing the soup as I placed it in her mouth, and it seemed like she was hungry. She finished the entire bowl, then leaned against me, obviously still tired. "You can sleep, Bella. We won't go anywhere."
"Is it…" Her voice trailed off as her head drooped against my shoulder.
"Is it what, sweetheart?"
"Day?" She mumbled.
"It's Saturday morning." I told her, removing my arm and removing one of the pillows, helping her lay down. She blinked tiredly at me, then glanced over at Jasper who squeezed her hand with a faint smile. "Go ahead and sleep." I prompted her. "We'll stay."
Bella
When I woke again, I was more aware, although I kept my eyes closed, clinging to the dream that slipped away. 'Stupid stupid…of course Jasper and Carlisle didn't come.' I felt tears slipping through my eyelids and was too tired to brush them off. 'Don't be an idiot. They're gone. They left me, and they're never coming back.' Saying it again and again in my mind did little to desensitize me to the idea, and I sobbed, rolling over on my side to curl into a ball, then crying out when something ripped out of my arm, a sharp pain followed by the feeling of blood trailing down my hand.
Someone swore and a cold hand touched my arm, making me freeze in place. "Sorry, sweetheart, I was on the phone."
'No. No way.'
"Esme was frantic when she heard…I'm sorry." I winced at the sting in my arm, my eyes still closed.
'There's no way…I'm insane. Really, truly insane. I have to be.'
"We'll leave it out for now…but you're going to have to drink more fluids, sweetheart. You're nearly dehydrated still…we're lucky Jasper came when he did…Come on in Jasper. I've got it bandaged."
'No. This was not happening…I had to get out of this house. I was going absolutely insane. Maybe I would look up Jacob Black…hadn't seen him in a while…or force myself to call Angela to do something. Anything to make this dreams that were bleeding into the day stop."
"Bella?" Yes…that was Jasper's voice. And it was as deep and Texan as I remembered…maybe more so. Why could I still remember his voice so well? He sighed and I felt someone touch my face. I couldn't believe I could still imagine this…the feel of their cold hands on my skin. "Bella, we are here. You're not dreaming, darlin. You're not hallucinating. Open your eyes." His fingers wiped my cheeks where the tears continued to fall. "Please, Bella. Look at me." I felt myself lifted just a little, and then I was leaning against someone, their arm wrapping around me, just like in my dream. "Bella. Open your eyes."
Jasper had never given me an order. I'd never heard him sound stern with me…he'd never really interacted all that much with me, period. So just for a second, I let myself hope. I opened my eyes.
Jasper was kneeling in front of me, his hand on my face…his honey brown eyes worried. Slowly, his lips turned up into a smile. "Hey Bella." He dropped his hand from my face, taking my hand, and I realized that I was leaning against Carlisle. "That's right, darlin. We're here." I opened my mouth, shaking my head for a second, then a sob escaped, and I lifted my hand to my mouth. This couldn't be real….but I could feel Carlisle's arms around me…I felt Jasper's hand clutching mine.
Carlisle squeezed me, holding me tightly to his side, and pressing his lips against my head as I dropped it on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Bella. It's okay sweetheart. We're here." I shook my head.
"No….no you…" I chocked on my words, sobbing painfully. Someone moved to my other side…opening my eyes once more, I still couldn't believe it. Jasper was beside me, his hand on my shoulder, his emotions overwhelming me, calming me…and I was crying too hard to even ask what was going on.
"Look at me, Bella." I did, figuring I must be insane at this point, so it couldn't hurt. Well…it hurt plenty. My chest felt like it had been ripped open…the numbness I'd been hiding behind was gone, and the pain was right at the forefront now. "I came to apologize for what happened at your party, and when I got here, you were sick. So I called Carlisle. We are really here, Bella. I promise. We're coming back, okay? Esme, Alice, Emmett…we're all coming back to Forks. We shouldn't have left in the first place."
I didn't even think about Edward…didn't dare. I was with Carlisle and Jasper…they were here. They came back. That was enough for now. Sobbing softly, I rested my head on Carlisle's shoulder once more. "It's me, sweetheart. I'm here." He whispered to me. "I'm so sorry, Bella." I clutched his shirt in my hands, not willing to let him pull away…not even to look at him. They would somehow disappear again and I couldn't handle that. Not again. "We will not leave you, Bella. But I need to get you under the blankets. You're going to get cold again." Gently, he unwound my hands from his shirt while Jasper pulled the blankets down. Still too tired to do anything but let them place me under the blankets, my body shaking from the cold that still plagued me. "You're malnourished sweetheart." Carlisle placed his fingers against my wrist. "It's why you can't stay warm. Here." He placed another blanket over me, stroking my hair when my eyes slipped shut against my will. "You can sleep if you want, sweetheart. Can you drink some water for me first?" I drank when Jasper held the glass to my mouth, the ice water heaven to my throat that was sore from crying. "There you go. Go ahead and rest now, Bella. We'll stay." I didn't believe him. I reached out, clutching his hand, wishing I was somehow strong enough to keep him here, but he turned his hand over in mine, holding it, and Jasper moved to lay beside me, his arm around me.
"We aren't leaving, darlin. Go ahead and sleep." Sure that I would feel it if he left, I followed his advice, letting myself drift away, begging him once more not to leave before I gave in completely.
When I woke up, it was to a sharp pain in my stomach, and I groaned, jerking away from the arms that held me and curling into a ball, a wave of heat making my face and neck hot, gagging painfully. "Bella? Hold on. Come here." Someone lifted me…and then I was kneeling on the tile floor in front of the toilet while my stomach emptied itself of the water and chicken broth, tears pouring from my eyes as I slumped against someone. "Bella? Are you okay?" That was Jasper…where was…I whimpered, gagging again and throwing up more water. "Sorry. I'm sorry, darlin. Is there anything I can do?" He wiped my face, gently wiping the tears pouring down my cheeks with a cold cloth. "Does it hurt, Bella? Can I do anything?" He sounded panicked and I clutched his shirt, not wanting him to be worried.
He would know if I lied, so I nodded. "Hurts." I mumbled, shaking from the cold that seeped from the tile floor.
"You want to get up? Carlisle had to hunt…Esme is coming. He'll be back in a few minutes sweetheart."
I cried out when my stomach twisted with cramps, but there was nothing left to throw up, and I tried to curl into a ball in his lap. He helped me, sitting back and rubbing my back as I lay against him. "Okay…okay we'll stay here." He hummed softly, a song I didn't recognize, but it lured me to sleep, until I heard Carlisle's voice.
"What happened?"
"She was sick...threw up everything she ate, and water. I think her stomach is still hurting her."
"She's malnourished…and to be sick on top of this…I think she has the flu." He crouched down, touching my face. "Her fever's going back up. We need to get her to bed. I'm going to hook her back up to the IV." Jasper lifted me then, and before I felt us move I was in the bed once more, the blanket tucked firmly around me. "I'm going to insert her IV, and get some fluids in her, and something for her fever. Can you run to the store?"
"Yeah, what do you need?"
"They have bread. Get some applesauce…plain, not cinnamon. And bananas. Crackers. Get a case of sprite too…it can help settle her stomach. And Tylenol…we need to lower her fever." I felt someone touch my face, then the door shut. A second later, I felt a prick in my arm, but it barely registered…"I know you're tired, sweetheart. You can sleep."
"Just woke up." I mumbled, looking up at him.
"You're sick. You need as much rest as you can get." He smiled a little when I clutched at his arm. "I'll stay, sweetheart. Esme and Alice are on their way. Emmett's going to come too. He missed you." He must have been able to read my stare because he sighed. "We can talk about Edward later…okay? We will talk about it. But you need to focus on getting better, and that means resting."
"What time is it?" I asked, still fighting sleep. He grinned, taping the tube to my arm and stroking my hair.
"It's nearly six am, Sunday. You can get up later, alright. Are you thirsty?" I nodded a little, and he held the glass to my lips, giving me a tiny sip, then waiting for a moment, gave me another, keeping it up until I drifted back to sleep.
Carlisle
I shifted, placing an arm around Bella as she fell asleep. The IV would help replenish the fluids and nutrients she needed, and I would try to get her to swallow the Tylenol when Jasper returned. I'd been returning from hunting, on the phone with Esme when I'd heard her getting sick…my wife was on her way, our children in tow. Even Rosalie was coming…mostly because Emmett was. They would be here in a few hours, and they couldn't arrive soon enough. I needed Esme here…I needed my family with me. Esme and Alice could help Bella get cleaned up and comfort her like I never could…of course I was a doctor…but she was my daughter, and I knew she wouldn't feel comfortable with me invading her privacy like that if I didn't have to. I would wait for Esme.
She mumbled in her sleep, wincing when she pulled at the needle, and I caught her arm gently. "Shh, sweetheart. I'm here." I rubbed her arm, sighing sadly when she moaned painfully, trying to curl into a ball. I rubbed her back, hoping Jasper would hurry.
A car pulled into the driveway and then there was a soft knock at the door. Frowning, I stood, then the scent hit me and I raced down the stairs, throwing the door open and pulling Esme into my arms. Emmett's hand touched my shoulder, and Alice was quickly pulled to my side as well. I glanced up at Rosalie who offered me a half smile and a nod. "Is she okay?" Emmett demanded before any of the others could speak.
I sighed, stepping back and letting them all come in to Bella's kitchen. Alice stayed at my side, her eyes closed, and I looked down at her in concern. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" I asked quietly.
"I can't see." She mumbled irritably, her head resting on my chest, and I ran a hand over her short hair. "How's Bella?" I smiled a little.
"Stop trying to see and I'll tell you. You're going to give yourself a headache." She smiled, pulling away to cross her arms and regard me curiously. Seeing all of them here, the concern apparent in their eyes…it reminded me why we were here. "She's malnourished." I told them seriously. "And I believe she has the flu as well…the malnourishment is making it hard for her to recover."
"Where's Charlie?" Emmett demanded, crossing his arms. "Why isn't he taking care of her?"
"She told me that Charlie leaves her alone every weekend…and probably other times. I haven't been able to ask her about anything else…she's mostly been asleep or incoherent. Esme?" My wife nodded, stepping forward and kissing me quickly, then hurrying upstairs. "You can see her after Esme helps her get cleaned up. I'll need to remove the IV first…wait here." I told my children, watching as Alice took a seat on the couch, and Emmett and Rosalie stood by her, Rosalie's hand on her shoulder. I hurried upstairs, pausing when I found Esme in the doorway, her hand over her mouth, her eyes closed tightly. "Love…" She shook her head, but didn't pull away when I put my arm around her. "Let me remove her IV and you can help her into the bath. She'll wake up…she'll be happy to see you." I tried to comfort her, kissing her cheek. "Would you like me to shut the door? While I take the IV out?" She shook her head, clasping her hands together.
I walked over to Bella's bed, stroking her hair and pushing it behind her ear, then gently pulled the needle out of her skin. Carefully placing a cotton ball against the little puncture wound until the blood no longer escaped, I gently placed my hand on her face. "Sweetheart? Esme's here. Bella?" Esme took a hesitant step forward, and I motioned for her to join us. "Bella, wake up." I murmured, clenching my jaw in worry when she barely stirred, the heat from her skin seeping into my hand.
Esme walked over, sitting on the bed beside me, taking Bella's hand. "Sweetheart? Bella, it's me. It's Esme." She stirred a little, her eyes fluttering open. "Hello Bella." Esme fought to keep her smile in place. "Oh, sweetheart, I missed you." She reached forward, helping Bella sit up and lean against her. Bella wrapped her arms around Esme, sniffing softly. "Come on, Bella. Let's get you a hot bath, okay?" I stood, my arms crossed tightly against my chest as she helped Bella across the hall into the bathroom.
Jasper
When I returned with three bags and a case of soda, I was surprised to see the familiar car in the driveway, and then I raced through the door, my arms immediately going around Alice, the bags caught by a chuckling Emmett. Even Rosalie cracked a smile as my lips met Alice's although I couldn't have cared less. "You are in so much trouble." She murmured against my mouth, pulling away and keeping a hand on my face. "I couldn't see you since you arrived in Forks, Jasper. I can't see…anything now." I kissed her again, murmuring an apology against her lips.
"I couldn't let you suffer anymore, darlin." I murmured while Emmett, with a roll of his eyes, went into the kitchen, unloading the bags. "You were so upset…I was just going to check on her…apologize. But when I got here…" I shook my head, remembering the first night, when she'd slipped into a daze, no longer responding to anything I said…no longer even looking at me.
"I'm glad you came…we have to come back." She kissed my cheek. "I'm going to go help Esme…I love you, Jasper."
"I love you." I squeezed her hand, then moved into the kitchen and stood beside Emmett, taking a can of soda and sticking it in the freezer so it would be cold for her. I could feel Emmett's worry and fear, and I turned to him, leaning against the counter. "Have you guys heard from Edward?" I asked softly. Emmett shook his head, residual anger coming to the surface.
"Nope. Esme's tried calling…she can't reach him." I sighed.
"She needs him." I told Edward softly. "She's malnourished because she wasn't eating. Carlisle believes that it was her grief…we abandoned her, Emmett, and this was the result."
"I didn't want to leave!" Emmett cried, and i knew he was right. I could recall that day very well...when Edward had demanded we leave. Alice had been distraught...Emmett disbelieving and refusing...until Carlisle had made his decision.
"But we did, regardless. We could have stayed…we could have told Edward no." My brother sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head.
"Can't wait to see him again. I'm going to kill him." I smirked a little. I wouldn't mind taking a swing at Edward either, but I quickly sobered.
"Seeing her like this is going to be more painful than anything we could do." I argued softly. Emmett flinched.
"Is she going to be okay?" He asked quietly.
"Carlisle thinks so…she has the flu right now, so she's feeling pretty bad. But once she recovers from that, she can start eating again…with us back, hopefully she'll want to."
"She was starving herself." Emmett's voice was pained.
"She was too upset to eat…I don't think she was doing it intentionally." I tried to comfort him. "Humans are fragile. Apparently grief can cause them all kinds of problems…and Bella feels things strongly anyway." He sighed.
"He could have killed her, Jazz." I nodded. If I hadn't check on her, even if she had recovered from this flu, who knew what kind of emotional state she would have been in. It was so much easier for humans to kill themselves than for us to do so.
Rosalie moved to stand beside Emmett and I glanced up at her. Surprisingly, I didn't feel any hostility from her, despite the fact that we were at Bella's house, taking care of her. She was honestly more resigned than anything, but that was enough to irritate me. She just couldn't give up her own preconceived notions…even when the girl was so sick she could have died.
Carlisle, who'd stayed upstairs, outside of the bathroom door, spoke, inviting us upstairs to come and see her. Rosalie stayed in the kitchen while Emmett and I walked upstairs. Her door was open, and Esme was sitting beside her on the bed, her emotions fiercely protective. Carlisle was happy to have us all here, and was overjoyed to see Esme, but he was still worried about Bella. Emmett…Emmett felt like he was in shock for a long moment, and I tried to see Bella like he must. Bella had lost at least fifteen pounds since we'd left…her face was thinner, her body obviously weaker. Her scent, too, was weaker, and although she was covered to her neck with several thick blankets, she still trembled with cold.
Her eyes were closed, but they opened slowly when Emmett approached her bed, his hand taking hers. "Hey Bella." He mumbled, smiling a little, even if it was forced. "We missed you." He squeezed gently, wincing when he must have felt how frail her hand was. "How are you feeling?" She stared at him in bewilderment, her fever, along with the pain she'd already been feeling, fueling her disbelief.
"Can you bring me the Tylenol, Jasper? Her fever is rising again." I nodded, hurrying downstairs and bringing him the bottle. Esme sat her up while Carlisle gently coaxed her to swallow the pills and part of a glass of water. "It's okay, Emmett. You can sit with her." Emmett, who'd been hesitating at her bedside, sat gingerly on her bed, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.
Carlisle sighed softly. "We need to get her to the house…I have more supplies there, and my study can be used as a hospital room. It'll be good for her to get out of this house…" He glanced down at Esme, then over at me. "I'm going to try to reach Charlie. Jasper, can you get her some applesauce…see if she can keep it down?" I nodded, hurrying downstairs and bringing up cup of applesauce. Emmett seemed loathe to give up his spot by her side, so I handed the cup to Esme along with a spoon and watched her sit the girl up, feeding her slowly. Emmett's jaw was clenched, and I knew he was furious and bewildered and in pain…our experience with sick humans was close to zero, apart from Carlisle, and to see Bella so sick now was hard on him…on all of us. We didn't understand how she could have gotten so sick so quickly.
Her emotions were shifting a little; her disbelief and fearful sorrow were easing, leaving only bewilderment. She still didn't quite believe we were here half the time, but more than that, she didn't understand why we'd returned in the first place, no matter how many times I tried to tell her. Her fever was keeping her in a bit of a daze, anyway, and combine that with her grief, it was no surprise she couldn't quite grasp what was going on. Sighing as she started to slip back into sleep, I went downstairs to put the coke back in the refrigerator. She would sleep for a while.