"This can not be happening..." I whispered in my bathroom. those little words echoed around the room, forcing me to actually realize that my life has taken a completely different turn, possibly for the little ones that I held my hand told me so much. I was going to have a child. He or she was going to love me unconditionally just because I was someone to bring him or her into the world.
My head is spinning as I thought about everything that I would have to give up if I had this child. There is no way that I could ever have an abortion. I would never be able to live with myself if I did, knowing that I was responsible for my own child death, & I don't know if I could give up my baby to a stranger.
Suddenly I thought about Jacob. What what do you think? What would you say? What you want to kill it? Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I imagined his answers to my questions. I could just see him pulling out of hair and yelling at me, telling me that I need to kill it. I clutched my hands around my stomach trying to shield my baby for my images of him.
I had to tell him. There was no doubt about that. He needed to know that he had a child, even if he would never want it.
I heard my front door slam and I jumped, being startled out of my imagination nightmare. I hope my breath as I heard someone stopped up stairs. I heard the door closest to my bathroom slam shots, and I knew that it was Jasper. I stood still looking at my face in the mirror. I knew that once he walked into my room to say hi, he would know that something was wrong and would ask me what it was. I also knew that there was no way that I would be able to hide the truth from him.
We have always been close. He was always there for me when I needed him for whatever the reason. Whether it was that I had gotten too drunk and need a ride home from a party cuz there wasn't one single sober person left, or that I just needed someone to talk to. I knew that he would beat probably one of the only people who would be able to keep their heads during this. He has a way with emotions that I don't think anyone really understands.
I heard him walk towards my door, and looked at myself in the mirror trying to compose myself. He opened my door, and i took a deep breath. "Bella, I'm home!" He said. I opened my bathroom door and took a small step on to my white carpet. I looked at him, and I couldn't even try to fake a smile. I lost his eyes darkened as he took my appearance. "Bella, whats wrong?" He said slowly. I could practically feel his eyes searching me for any form of a clue. His eyes drop to my hands and I realized that I still was gripping the test like it was my lifeline.
His eyes met mine again. They were full of so many questions but I'm sure he wanted to ask me. I felt something drop off my arm. I didn't realize that I started crying again. He opened his mouth to say something, before he could get out one word, I ran over to him, burying my face in his chest and soaking his shirt with tears.
His arms wrapped around me, & I knew that I wouldn't have to face this alone. I would have Jasper there with me every step of the way.