Dearest Red
Didn't think it could get so cold. The wind howling making the shutters on the windows slam against themselves, this old house you've lived in your whole life creaks like an ache worse then anything I've ever heard, the snow filled wind bellowed in the night and the force of it made haunting noises. We were huddled on your bed, covering ourselves with the blankets and furs you had found but that didn't keep me warm, the night was so cold neither one of us could barely move. Your arms were wrapped around my waist I remember, warm fingers by my sides in an embrace, it was never the blankets that kept me warm that night, it was you. You a friend I could never have asked better for. Looking up at your face a small smile begins to come forth, I know the cold nor the wind doesn't bother you, your a lot stronger then me like that. Living here in the woods your whole life this must be normal, but not for me. The truth was I didn't like the wind but my mind raced for other reasons.
"The winds pretty bad out huh?" you say with warm eyes, I could only imagine to break the silence of this night, and I get that. With every howling call from the snowstorm it feels like the few candles in the room flickers ever so slightly but no less giving off a soft glow. We should be sleeping but I can't, too many things grace my mind but it seems you can't sleep either. What bothers you? Is there anything on your mind?
With slow nods I reply, "Yeah, I've experienced snow storms before but never this bad" A whispered reply leaves my lips and I feel you shift. I am not one to be scared of these things but this time I feel skittish. Maybe it's your presence or how your holding me now, it's just a friendly gesture but my heart does flips within my chest. It must be the wind.
With my reply your eyebrows furrow, maybe the thickness in my voice gave it away but you look back concerned. I feel so open with you, I hope you feel the same way. Your fingers move away from my sides as you shift around to face me properly. I almost shiver at the loss of your arms, feeling cold once again but instead your facing me, the sweetest smile, never loose that Red. "The wind will pass, it always does" the corner of your mouth twitches up in a confident smirk and the slight nod of your head is reassuring. I return the smile and the nod, you always made me feel better but that uncertain knot is still there in my stomach, it won't leave and it feels like its engulfing my heart in a endless knot. I want it to leave, I want to hold you once again. You seem so calm I wonder if you have ever felt this way before.
"I know it will, but I… I don't know, I feel scared, my stomach feels like it's in knots and I cant shake it. Its just a snow storm" I breath on those final few words, its all too much but yet I don't want to be anywhere else but here with you. I feel so safe around you Red. I hope you know that. Your hand grazes mine and holds it to my response. I take it, the feeling of your hand sends warm tingles up from my finger tips to my spine and with it I rest my head on your shoulder, shutting my eyes. It's not the storm that gives me this uncertainty, no storm isn't that bad.
I feel you move once more, shifting forward and coming closer. It is cold in here I admit, it's why your moving closer right? "It's okay to feel scared Snow, but is it the wind that bothers you?" I open my eyes to that. I feel like I can't breathe, the air so cold it whispers against my throat drying it out. "I don't know" I swallow. I've never felt this way before. My heart, the storm, you, how am I supposed to feel? You're my best friend Red I shouldn't feel this way for you.
I pause, try to regain some sense and continue, "I cant explain it. Every time I'm around you I feel something, I cant explain it but it's there… and I know I shouldn't feel this way but my heart feels like it's burning every time I'm around you" I didn't think I would admit that. I shouldn't have said that. My entire being feels like it drops and with a regretful rush I try to face you once again. But I cant, your other hand places itself back too my waist and holds me. I want to see your face but you hold me back, an embrace that I accept but my mind begs to see your reaction.
I can feel your body moving, a sigh and a slight barely there laugh so small I strain to hear but it's there no less. I shouldn't have said anything. Will you truely laugh at me? Mock me? No, you're not like that. Your fingers squeeze my hand your holding, it feels so reassuring. I turn my head to look up, I need to see something. I peer up despite your protests.
Are you… happy? I don't know what I expected but a genuine smile isn't one. The howls of the world fall back in the distance. I feel you moving our held hands up to my chest and the other allowing me to move, your smile falls as you sense my nervous feeling. I go to speak, to take it all back but I cant. You lean forward as my lips pry open but I never speak. Your lips touch mine… Are you kissing me?
The knot in my stomach grows stronger. I didn't think it could have gotten worse but somehow it has. Somehow I am fine with that. Despite my shock and my widened eyes I lean forward and accept it. I didn't know it truly until now but this is what I had wanted. I followed your pace, my other hand moving to your shoulder, holding you close. You were so slow with me, I'm happy you were but I didn't want to stop. It was you who pulled away. I look up to you flustered and confused, but you only grin. You look so happy the whole knot in my heart falters. It doesn't hurt anymore. "I wish I had known" …you did? the wind echo's, lacking its intensity as it had before. You tenderly kissed my nose and my cheeks go red.
Thank you for reading,
This story is a tribute to Threadbare, another RedSnow story xx