Lengthening His Stride
by
Alexander Pennington
"By this much!" he demanded, indicating a point on a ruler. The daemon wavered in the air before him.
"Impossible!" said the daemon.
"But I've brought all the necessary ingredients!" He thrust a finger at the table between them, strewn with a crack pipe, a particularly short and curly hair, and some rumpled underwear, held stiff by many stains. "And besides," he said, "if you don't, that's where you're going next!" He pointed at Uncle Joey bent over the bed, his pants pooled around his feet, gibbering and playing with hand puppets.
"Alright, alright, Danny." The daemon raised its hands in supplication.
"Don't call me Danny! Don't ever call me Danny! My name's Bob."
"Okay Bob. I suppose we can do this after all."
"That's more like it." He crossed his arms while a smug smile spread across his face. The daemon's talons made intricate patterns in the air, leaving glowing trails, as it spoke in a guttural language full of hisses and clicks. After a moment, Bob felt a tingling in his pants.
Bob found the door that read "Barney", writ inside a purple star. He appreciated the gold fringe on the star for a moment before applying his knuckles to the door. "Who is it?" called a jovial voice from within. Bob pushed through the door and closed it quietly behind.
"Hi Barney, I'm Bob Saget. We're gonna be the best of friends."
"Hey, aren't you that guy from Full House?"
"Bend over."