A/N: Just a short two part story. The second part will be up in the next day or two.
Endings and Beginnings
Part 1
"Hi, sweetie. Sorry I'm running late. On my way to the car right now."
"It's okay mom. Have you talked to Gibbs today?"
"No, I haven't talked to him for a couple of days. Why?"
"He was here a while ago but when I said you weren't home yet he wouldn't come in and wait. He didn't look too good mom. I think you should go check on him."
"Didn't look good how?" She worked to keep the alarm out of her voice knowing it would only make her daughter worry more.
"He looked like he did when he first got out of the hospital sort of. And he was limping really badly. You know, he just didn't look too good."
"I'll call him from the car. I want to get home before you leave."
"Mom, dad will be here in about 20 minutes. It takes you at least 40 this time of day. You need to go SEE Gibbs, not just talk to him. You know he won't tell you anything but that he's fine."
"Megan, why are you so adamant about this?"
"I'm just worried because he really seemed to be hurting today. And because I really like Gibbs and I want the two of you to…you know…see each other and…you know spend time together."
"Oh."
"Mom, you've been so happy since you and Gibbs got together. I just want you to stay that way. And, I'm worried about him. Maybe he shouldn't have gone back to work so soon."
"Dr. Taft would agree with you but unfortunately, Jethro did not. Okay, I'll go see him. What are you and your dad doing this weekend?"
"Just dinner tonight and then the Nats game tomorrow. I'll be home on Sunday afternoon because he's flying to Chicago. Call me and let me know about Gibbs."
"I will. Thank you for calling me and for worrying about Jethro. Have fun this weekend. I love you."
"Love you too. Bye."
"Bye sweetie."
Secretary of the Navy, Sarah Porter was standing next to her car while her driver patiently waited for her to finish her phone call. She shook her head and smiled as she closed her phone.
"Sean, would you please drop me at Agent Gibbs' residence instead of mine."
Sean Phillips smiled at her and said, "Of course Ma'am. Everything alright?"
Phillips knew Gibbs and knew he and the SecNav were more or less a couple and of course this was not the first time he'd driven his boss to Gibbs' house. He'd spent a lot of time waiting in that particular driveway over the last several months while Gibbs was recuperating from being shot in Iraq.
"My daughter is worried that Agent Gibbs isn't doing well and she insists I check on him."
"She can be very persuasive, ma'am."
"Yes, she certainly can be."
Sarah got in the back seat and closed her eyes as Sean eased them into the late Friday evening traffic. The drive to Gibbs' house would take almost half an hour. It seemed no matter where you wanted to go in the DC area it would take at least half an hour. Sarah sat back and closed her eyes and relaxed. It had been a long week and she hadn't had more than a couple of short conversations with Jethro since last weekend. He had been back at work for two weeks now and Sarah was pretty sure that was the primary cause of whatever difficulties he was having today. His surgeon had been opposed to Jethro going back to work at all and certainly was not in favor of him returning a mere three months after very nearly being killed in Iraq. No one was going to keep Leroy Jethro Gibbs from returning to his beloved NCIS; not Dr. Taft and not Sarah Porter. She hadn't even really tried because she knew it would be a lost cause and she didn't have time or energy for those.
The two of them had begun seeing each other very occasionally about a month after Megan had been kidnapped and successfully recovered by Jethro's team with some assistance from the FBI. It was a very well guarded secret that they were dating, for lack of a better word, until Jethro was shot. At that point they had been together for about six months and the fact that she had very nearly lost him had pushed Sarah to abandon secrecy in favor of being with Jethro while he recovered in the hospital and later at home. They still kept a very low profile but it was now public knowledge that they were more or less a couple.
Jethro spent a lot of time at her house but had never spent the night. That was his rule and was not, at least so far, open to debate. Sarah had spent the night with Jethro on several occasions, always when Megan was with her father. Jethro could not explain how that was different than him spending the night at her house when Megan was away but again, Sarah didn't see any point in pressing the point; she was perfectly happy to stay at Jethro's house. They had been out together in public a few times and naturally that had been reported in the gossip pages of the Post and the Examiner. Jethro hated the publicity and Sarah wasn't thrilled but given her position that had been bound to happen and she was willing to put up with it. She certainly wasn't willing to stop seeing Jethro and he was very much in agreement with that so they simply did their best to stay out of camera range.
Before she could get too relaxed Sarah's phone beeped at her and by the time she finished dealing with a minor problem, they were pulling into Jethro's driveway.
"Sean, I don't really know how long I'll be. Can you give me a couple of hours? I hate to mess up your evening."
"It's no problem, ma'am. I'm meeting Julie for dinner so that will work out just fine."
"Thank you Sean. Julie again huh? Sounds promising."
Opening her door for her, Sean smiled and said, "I sure hope so. If you decide you don't need me just text me."
Sarah didn't miss the mischief in his eyes as he closed the door and wished her a good evening.
"Yes, I suspect you should keep that phone handy. We'll see. Have fun, Sean."
"You too, ma'am."
He waited until she was closing Gibbs' front door before he drove away. Sarah set her briefcase and purse on the floor just inside the door and looked into the living room. As she had expected, Jethro was on the couch asleep. He had his feet up on the coffee table, an ice pack on his left knee and a woodworking magazine open in his lap. There was an empty beer bottle in his right hand. Sarah looked at him for a few moments hesitant to disturb him.
Before she took a step toward him, Jethro raised his left arm and motioned her to him. Sarah sat on the edge of the couch and leaning down, kissed him softly on the mouth. Jethro put his arm around her and did his part to keep the kiss going. When they both needed to breathe, Sarah sat up and put her hand on his chest, gently stroking down the length of the still visible scar left behind by Dr. Taft and his lifesaving surgery.
Jethro finally opened his eyes and smiled up at her. "Hi, what are you doing here?"
"Hi yourself. Megan called and insisted I come check on you. She said you were at the house earlier and she thought you didn't look good. She said my calling you wouldn't suffice; I had to come see you in person and make sure you're alright. Are you alright?"
"Am now. Sorry I worried her."
"Why didn't you stay?"
"You know I don't think I should be there with her when you're not there."
"Jethro, it's not like you're some stranger. Megan is very comfortable with you; she feels very safe with you. It's perfectly fine with me for you to be there if I'm not home."
"I know that but I don't feel right about it. People talk and we don't need that. Besides, she was right; I didn't feel right and I needed to be home."
Sarah looked at him, studied his face and saw the pain she had become used to seeing in his eyes was back. And obviously the knee was hurting.
"You were in the field today weren't you?"
"Yep. Just doin' my job. I didn't chase down anybody or fight with anyone. I simply took notes, talked to people and directed my team. Nothing that's gonna kill me."
His tone was a mix of impatience and anger. She knew the impatience was with himself and the anger was just a side affect of his frustration; it wasn't directed at her.
"Hey, it's okay. It's only your second week back. Things will get better. Have you taken any pain meds yet?"
Jethro held up the empty beer bottle and smiled. "Just this one so far. Ellen brought over a pan of her homemade lasagna so I'm waiting for that to be ready. Stay for supper?"
"That sounds wonderful. I told Sean to give me a couple of hours so yes, I'd love to stay for supper."
"Call Sean and tell him I'll take you home."
"Once you eat and take pain pills you won't be in any shape to take me home tonight."
"Who said anything about tonight?"
Jethro put his feet down and pulled her close. He held her face between his big hands and kissed her on the forehead. In a soft, needy voice he said, "I'd really like it if you'd stay tonight."
Sarah put her hands on his wrists and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth.
"Well, it just so happens Megan is spending the weekend with her dad so I'd be very happy to stay the night with you."
"Good because I've missed you."
"And I you. Now, how about another beer? I'll go check on the lasagna and see about some salad to go with it."
"Yes, another beer would be good. You want some help?"
"No, I want you to stay right here."
Sarah got up and slipped off her shoes. She went to the kitchen and soon returned with her phone and two beers. Before checking on their supper she called Megan.
"Hi sweetie."
"Hey mom. Is Gibbs okay?"
Laughing Sarah answered, "Yes, he's fine. Well maybe fine is stretching it but he's okay. Just sore and tired."
"Are you going to stay with him?"
"As a matter of fact I am. Okay?"
"Absolutely. Can I say hi?"
"Sure."
Sarah handed Jethro her phone. "She wants to talk to you."
"Hey kiddo. Thanks for sending your mom over."
"You're welcome. Are you okay, Gibbs? Really?"
"Yeah, like your mom said, just tired and sore. Not used to workin' all day."
"I'm glad. You guys have a good night. Bye, Gibbs."
"Have a good weekend, kiddo. Maybe I'll see you Sunday."
Sarah watched as her lover and her daughter conversed. One of the things she liked so much about Jethro was his way with Megan. They obviously had a special bond due to the kidnapping and the fact that Jethro had rescued her. She knew Megan had a sort of crush on Jethro and he was mindful of that and very respectful of Megan's feelings. What he probably didn't know was how much Megan wanted him and her mother to be together. Sarah was just coming to that realization herself.
Jethro handed her back her phone and Sarah told Megan goodnight. Then she went to check on supper. By the time she had put together a salad the lasagna was ready. She took it out to cool and was on her way to get Jethro when he appeared in the kitchen and in her personal space; very much in her space in fact.
He crowded her back against the counter and trapped her there with his hands on either side her hips. He leaned down and kissed her neck right below her ear. Sarah managed to get her arms free and wrapped them around his waist pulling him in as close as he could get. The kiss moved to her jaw and then finally her mouth. In her experience, there were few things better in the world than being kissed by this man.
Finally ending the kiss, Jethro asked, "Did I say I was glad you're here?"
"Sort of. I'm happy to be here. I have missed you this week. Will you tell me about work after we eat?
"You mean about how I'm feelin' don't you?"
Sarah gave him a quick kiss on the mouth and said, "Yes. I admit it, I love you and I worry and…."
"I know. Let's eat and then we can talk."
So, they had a nice dinner with talk mostly about Megan and her lacrosse team and school. It was a bittersweet circumstance to be involved with a woman who had a teenage daughter when Jethro's own daughter never became a teenager. He tried very hard not to let his memories affect his relationship with Megan or her mom and most of the time he was successful. Sometimes though he couldn't help but look at Megan and wonder what might have been.
When they were finished eating they cleaned up together moving easily around each other in Jethro's small kitchen. The comfort Jethro felt in this relationship was such a welcome change from any he'd had in recent years that he sometimes wondered how he'd managed to find himself in such a good place. Sarah had intrigued him from the first time they met but he had certainly not entertained any sort of personal feelings for her in the beginning. Gradually over her first year in the job he came to appreciate her dedication and honesty and eventually he began to wonder about her in a more personal way. The near tragedy of her only child being kidnapped had brought them together for an emotion charged few days and each of them separately came to the realization that they had a mutual attraction. And the rest, as they say, was history.
Sarah's phone rang and she looked at the caller id and said, "I have to take this. Sorry."
Jethro just grinned at her and replied, "I'm going outside for some fresh air. Come join me when you're through."
Limping his way around the backyard Jethro pulled a few weeds and picked up some small branches that had been blown down in a recent wind storm. He got the hose and gave the flowers on the deck a drink then sat down and put his leg up on another chair. His knee was still bothersome and he sometimes wondered if it would ever be 100% again. Then he thought about all the young troops back from Iraq or Afghanistan who didn't have one or both of their legs and he felt pretty stupid for worrying about a little soreness. He had to admit it was better than even two weeks ago but he also knew he'd done too much this week and that was one reason he was hurting so much tonight. Sarah would undoubtedly get that information out of him with very little effort and Jethro was okay with that.
Jethro closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the warm evening and the fact that a sweet, beautiful woman was in his house. Having Sarah in his life was almost literally a life-saver for Jethro and he knew he hadn't told her that enough. Maybe tonight would be a good time to do that he thought.
Sarah watched Jethro on the deck, sprawled out in a deck chair with his leg up rubbing his knee. She finished her phone call and ran upstairs to find a change of clothes and Jethro's pain pills. Ever since Jethro had come home from the hospital she had been slowly accumulating clothes at his house. The first few weeks he was home she was there every day and sometimes overnight especially the first week. He refused going home to Ducky's house and certainly hers was out of the question at the time, even though that's what Sarah had really wanted. So, she stayed with him during the day that first week and then periodically as her schedule allowed after that.
Wearing some light cotton pants and a soft tee shirt and carrying his pills and a bottle of water Sarah stepped outside finally able to relax and put work on hold for the weekend. At least she hoped so. She stood behind Jethro and held the pills and the water over his shoulders as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He took the meds and the water and Sarah went to sit in a chair opposite him.
"Thanks."
"What are you thinking about out here?"
He looked at her and smiled his patented half smile, "How nice it is to have you here."
"Oh, thank you. I like being here with you too. I just wish I could take away the pain you are obviously in tonight."
"You do. And I don't mean by bringing me these." Jethro held up the plastic bottle and shook it.
"That's a sweet thing to say but I mean in more practical, real terms. It worries me that you still have so much pain after all these months."
"Cyril says it's to be expected. And, I admit I probably overdid it a little bit this week. Listen, I'm serious when I say you do help with the pain in a real way."
Jethro reached for her hand and Sarah moved closer so he could touch her.
"I should have told you this weeks ago. When I got back and was lying in the hospital not knowing when I'd see you I was going crazy. I hadn't heard your voice in too long and I wasn't sure what you knew or even where you were. I wanted so much to see you but I didn't know if you were ready for what your coming to the hospital would mean for our little secret."
"I was going crazy too, worrying about you and not being able to be with you. I thought you'd never get back here."
"Sarah, when you walked in the room that morning I felt like I could really breathe for the first time since I got shot. But I have to admit I was still worried about us; about how things would go. When you touched me and kissed me I finally believed I was going to be okay."
By now Sarah had tears in her eyes and Jethro's voice was thick with emotion.
"Remember the first thing you said to me?"
"I told you I loved you."
"Yes. When I heard that I knew all the pain had been worthwhile. I was dreading the coming weeks and months because I knew how hard the recovery was going to be. At least I thought I did. But when you said that I realized I had something to look forward to besides just going back to work and I knew it would all be worth it."
"Oh Jethro, that's the most wonderful thing you could ever tell me. I didn't know how you'd feel about our relationship being out in the open but from the moment I heard you'd been shot I knew I couldn't stay away once you came home. The idea of losing you made me ill and I had to make sure you knew how much you meant to me."
"So you see, you really do help me, Sarah. Being with you feels so good it really does take the pain away. I'm glad you made the decision for us that we wouldn't be a secret anymore."
"I am too but honestly it wasn't so much a decision I made as an overwhelming need to see you and make sure you were alright. I don't think anything or anyone could have kept me from being there that morning."
"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you this. I should have let you know how much I appreciated seeing you that morning a long time ago."
"It's okay. We've been pretty focused on you getting better and anyway, you've let me know in lots of ways that you appreciate me. Don't worry about that. Now, how about telling me about your week. And, take two of those pills I brought you."
"Those can wait. I may need to make my self useful later on this evening."
"Useful?" Laughing she said, "That sounds interesting. Okay. The week?"
"I probably just drank too much coffee and didn't eat right. And, I stayed late a couple of nights reading cases the team worked while I was out. I just didn't take it easy like Cyril said."
"How many days did you go in the field?"
Jethro looked at her and shook his head. She kept her eyes on him and all he saw there was love and concern.
"Three or four I guess." He sounded like a little boy caught with cookie crumbs on his shirt.
"That's two or three more than you were supposed to if I'm not mistaken."
"You're not."
Sarah just shook her head and smiled at him. She knew when Dr. Taft told him he needed another month before he should do field work that would never fly. Jethro had been itching to get back to work for weeks before he got clearance so she knew that as soon as he was in the office and Director Vance's back was turned Jethro would be out the door with his team. He was not going to sit on the sidelines any longer. As much as she worried about that she had accepted it. She knew Tony, Ziva and Tim would have his back. She wanted Jethro healthy but she also wanted him happy. There was a trade-off there and she was willing to help him with any consequences that came from him going back to work too soon.
Jethro waited for her to chastise him but that never came. He wasn't surprised because one of the best things about Sarah was that she was completely supportive of him and didn't try to change him. Theirs was an easy-going relationship with no unreasonable expectations on either side.
"Well you seem to have survived so let's change the subject. Got any ice cream in this house?"
"Sure do. C'mon let's go in and I'll fix you your very own, custom sundae."
"Ooh, you know I can't resist an offer like that."
They returned to the deck with their ice cream and enjoyed the rest of the early summer evening. Jethro marveled at how much Sarah really did love ice cream, how much she could eat of it and how little effect it seemed to have on her waistline. He'd never known another adult who loved ice cream the way the current Secretary of the Navy did.
Seeming to read his mind, Sarah said, "Don't sit there judging my ice cream intake, mister."
"No judgment. Jealousy really at how it never seems to show on you."
"Well, you help me work it off most times and I do work out you know."
"I'm always happy to help you stay in shape you know that. And yes, I know you work out. It shows. In all the right places."
"Thank you, Jethro. You could stand to put on a couple of pounds you know. I'd say you're still down about ten from before Iraq."
"Yeah but I'm in no hurry. I'm going back to some lifting next week and working out with Ziva. That will help. If it doesn't kill me first."
"Tell Ziva I said to take it easy on you."
"Sure. That'll make a difference."
They laughed and Sarah scraped the last bite of her sundae from the bottom of the bowl. She looked at Jethro who had his eyes closed and a small smile on his handsome face. A face she never go tired of looking at. A face that had gained some extra lines in the last three or four months but at least now it was a face without pain etched in every corner.
"Do you remember our first kiss?"
Jethro opened his eyes and looked at her. "Of course. You kissed me in your kitchen the day Megan came home. Pretty bold move."
"I was just trying to give you a quick peck on the cheek but you moved and…"
"And you kissed me right here" he put his finger on his lips and winked at her.
"It wasn't my original target but you moved."
"Timing is everything."
"You left about 30 seconds later and I thought I'd offended you. Or something."
"You didn't."
"What were you thinking as you left that day?"
Jethro took a few moments to consider then he said, "Good kiss, bad idea."
Sarah laughed. "Really? Why bad idea?"
"Timing again. We were both in an emotional place because of the kidnapping. I knew you hadn't meant to kiss me like that. I took advantage of you for a second and I knew that was wrong. I liked the idea of kissing you but I knew it shouldn't happen. Not a good idea for you to get caught up with me."
"And yet here we are."
"You are very persuasive. And persistent. Thank god."
Again, Sarah laughed and that made Jethro feel good. He liked the sound of her laughter and he really liked it when he was the reason she laughed.
"You're right I didn't intend for the kiss to go that way but I enjoyed it anyway. And, I probably wanted it as much as you did but I wouldn't have admitted it right then. What about kiss number two? Remember that one?"
"Sure. In your office about two weeks later. I left that one thinking, very good kiss and maybe not such a bad idea."
"Progress. I had just gotten a report from the psychologist who evaluated Megan. She had told me how well-adjusted my daughter was and that she saw no ill effects from her "ordeal" as she referred to it. I was very happy. And relieved."
"I could tell."
"Too bad we were interrupted by my phone ringing."
"Happens to me all the time."
"Which one do you think really sealed the deal?"
"Three. And four and five. In my office. I think that's when I first knew we had something goin'. Again, you started things off but I guess I was pretty happy to join in."
"As I remember you were very happy to join in. I'd never had so much fun in an elevator before. Or since for that matter."
"We gonna go through all our kisses or can we just agree they are all very, very good now?"
"We don't need to recount them all. Yes, I agree they are all superb. I love kissing you Jethro. I don't think I'll ever get enough."
"That's okay, I don't plan on stopping any time soon and you can have as many as you want."
"I like the sound of that. I don't think I've ever asked you this but why were you so reluctant at the beginning?"
"You know, history, bad luck all that. Mainly I just never pictured myself kissing the Secretary of the Navy."
That made Sarah laugh again. "But you probably never pictured the Secretary of the Navy being a woman did you?"
"No, I never did. But, I'm damn sure glad that happened and that it happened to be you."
"Me too."
When it got dark and started to cool off they went inside and settled in the living room. Jethro went back to his woodworking magazine and Sarah snuggled in close to him with a paperback she'd been working on for weeks. It was comfortable and easy for the two of them. A definite change of pace for Jethro when it came to the women in his life. The last few years had been pretty quiet in that department but for a while after Jenny came back there had been a succession of women in his life that were anything but comfortable and easy. After Dr. Ryan disappeared from his life Jethro decided he was through with women and he'd been happy with that decision until Sarah Porter became the first woman to serve as the Secretary of the Navy. Even though he was intrigued by her from the start he never imagined she'd one day be such an important part of his personal life. Feeling her tucked into his side, her legs stretched out next to his, Jethro realized he was finally happy again. He enjoyed this woman's company, her easy-going personality and the fact that she accepted him with all his quirks and failings. And, to top it off she was a great cook and a wonderful lover. Sometimes Jethro wondered when the other shoe would drop and all this would disappear.
Sarah read for a while enjoying simply being in close contact with the man she had fallen in love with despite all the warnings her inner voice had shouted at her for so long. The obvious fact that he was indirectly under her authority professionally was the first reason she shouldn't have ever kissed Special Agent Gibbs. The next several reasons were also pretty obvious to anyone who knew him; several failed marriages, several more short term relationships, obsessive work ethic. The list could go on and on but Sarah had come know a much different man. She didn't discount that Jethro could be difficult and that he had some rather challenging emotional baggage but once she spent a little time with him she discovered he wasn't quite the bastard he wanted people to think he was.
The quiet, respectful way he had dealt with her during the kidnapping and especially the way he cared for Megan that terrible night it ended, had shown Sarah the side of Jethro that few people got to see. She had done her research of course so she knew all about the chances Jethro took to catch the bad guys. She knew about the questionable corners he sometimes cut and the courage he showed time after time when things seemed to be going sideways on a case. Now of course she also knew Jethro was a lot more sophisticated than he would ever want people to know. He was very well read, he could actually cook more than steaks although that was still his go-to meal. Of course he could build just about anything from a toy boat to a log cabin and he had a very green thumb when it came to his yard and flower gardens.
They took their time getting to know each other and it was several months after those stolen kisses in the elevator before they became lovers. Sarah had invited him to dinner on a Saturday when Megan was with her father. They had been oh so close to taking that last step several times but one or the other of them had always backed off at the last moment. Sarah knew what or rather who, she wanted and she was certain Jethro wanted the same thing but they were both cautious; neither wanted to make a mistake or hurt the other person. There were plenty of reasons for them not to get really wound up in each other but it seemed that was happening anyway. That Saturday night after some wonderful grilled salmon and a bottle of very good wine, they sat on the couch talking and kissing and when that simply wasn't enough Jethro stood and reached down for her and she led him to the bedroom.
That first time was everything Sarah had been imagining. Even though there was an underlying sense of urgency in the room, they took their time undressing each other and spent a long time touching and exploring and simply enjoying finally being where they'd both wanted to be for so long. They didn't talk much naturally but they certainly communicated very well together. Sarah found herself unable to think of anything except the man who was slowly but surely driving her insane with desire. Jethro's mouth and hands were like magic; setting her on fire and then cooling her down over and over again. By the time she came completely apart beneath him she'd lost all power to form a coherent sentence. But then she didn't really need to speak anyway so that didn't really matter. She was not a passive participant but Jethro so thoroughly overwhelmed her she was pretty much powerless. But in a good way.
About two hours later she woke up and found Jethro asleep sprawled out on his back, a satisfied smile on that wonderful mouth that had done so many nice things to her earlier. Sarah slipped out of bed to use the bathroom and when she came back to bed she proceeded to awaken her favorite NCIS agent and in a short while she was doing some overwhelming of her own. Jethro never stopped smiling the whole time. But, much to her chagrin he did get up sometime around 2 am and go home. Sarah had known he wouldn't spend the night no matter what happened so she wasn't surprised but she wasn't too happy either. Even so, she counted that night as one of her very best ever.
"Hey, you awake? You haven't turned a page in a long time."
"I'm awake. Just thinking."
"About?"
"Us."
"I like the sound of that."
"Yes, me too. But apart from that there's something I want to run past you. Something I want your opinion on."
"Okay. Shoot."
"I'm thinking of resigning at the end of the month."
Sarah had been kicking that idea around for a few weeks but she had not planned to tell Jethro tonight. Why she did she didn't know but it didn't matter. She valued his opinion and he often had some insight she hadn't thought about. Sarah put her book down and turned to sit sideways on the couch so she could see his handsome face.
"Wow, that's sorta out of the blue. Any particular reason?"
She reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.
"Several reasons but the main one is I want to spend more time with Megan. Next year will be her last year at home before college and I want to be able to enjoy that more than I have the last few years. I miss too much. I don't want to miss anything this next year. I know most parents miss things because of their jobs but selfishly I want to take advantage of the fact that I have the luxury of not having to do that."
"It's not selfish. But, are you sure you want to quit working? I thought you loved your job. You're doing a lot of good, Sarah."
"I enjoy my job that's true. I just look at Megan and know that after next year she'll be living away and we'll never get this time back."
Sarah was very aware that this topic was somewhat painful for Jethro even after all these years of coping with Kelly's absence from his life. She hesitated to say any more about Megan and wanting to spend more time with her. It didn't seem fair.
"It's my mom too. She's still in good health and she's been after me to visit her more. I'm actually hoping to persuade her to move down here in the next year or two and, I want to take her to Europe before she can't enjoy it."
"What will you do? I know you, Sarah, you won't be happy sitting at home and Megan will still be in school. She'll still have lots to do that won't include her mom."
"I know. I've been approached to do some guest lectures here and there. I'll be able to keep myself busy but on my own terms and my own schedule for the most part."
Jethro didn't say anything. He was looking off across the room and Sarah couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking.
"Any opinion?"
"I hate to see you go. It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and I trust your instincts. But what about after Megan's gone off to college? When she's gone what will you do? How many times can you and your mom go to Europe?"
"You're right, the year will go by quickly and then I'll be home alone and unemployed. The truth is I'll be able to go back to work without too much trouble. I've had some offers lately that would still be available a year from now."
"Then I guess the only question is do you really want to give up the job you have now; a job you clearly enjoy and are very good at, and then take another job in a year."
"I know it's a gamble but the bottom line is I want to spend more time with the people I love and if I have to give up my job in order to do that I'm prepared to do so. Just so you know, you're one of those people I love that I'm thinking of spending more time with."
Sarah had her gaze squarely on Jethro's face and when she said that last part she saw him swallow and close his eyes tight for just a moment. She felt him tense up just a bit where their hands were joined. He didn't say anything for a long few moments. This was one of those times when Sarah understood she needed to tread carefully. Talking about the future could be problematic with Jethro. She didn't take her eyes off his face and waited for him to reply.
"You shouldn't consider me when you're making these kinds of decisions or plans; plans about the future."
Jethro did her the courtesy of looking at her when he said that and he didn't miss the hurt that crossed her face and shadowed her eyes for just a second. He knew it sounded cold and he didn't want to hurt her but it was still difficult for him to accept that he was in a relationship that might actually work.
Sarah didn't try to hide the hurt that comment caused her. She knew Jethro loved her and she also knew he struggled even now with the idea of a long term relationship that actually worked and made him happy. She had no doubts though about the two of them and she was willing to be very patient with Jethro and his doubts.
Pulling his hand to her mouth, Sarah kissed his palm and stood up.
"I'm going up to get ready for bed. Why don't you give some thought to that last comment before you come up."
"Sarah, I…."
She silenced him with two fingers on his lips then she leaned down and kissed him.
"Jethro, just think about it. I love you."
Jethro sighed and let his head fall back against the cushion. Sarah had definitely surprised him with her plan to resign. In truth he hated the idea because she was good for the Navy and good for NCIS. He had been honest when he told her she was doing a lot of good. She had threatened to quit the night he brought Megan home but once the emotion of that situation had calmed down she realized she didn't really want to do that. Now though it sounded like she actually did want to resign. If the reasons she'd given him were really what was motivating her then he couldn't argue with the idea. He knew she'd never regret having more time with her daughter. On the other hand, if she had to miss an important lacrosse game or school assembly this last year of Megan's high school career she would regret it for a long time. There was nothing Jethro could argue about in that scenario.
It wasn't the idea of her resigning that had really thrown Jethro and he knew it. It was her talking about considering him in her decision that had provoked his hurtful statement. Why? Jethro got up and wandered into the kitchen and stood looking out the window into the backyard. He took some deep breaths and let his mind drift back to the day Sarah came to see him in the hospital when he came home from Iraq. He'd told her the truth earlier; her visit made all the difference in terms of his recovery and his ability to withstand the difficulties of the next few months. Then he thought about all the times she'd come to the house and spent hours with him when he wasn't very good company. She never complained about his bad attitude and she never lost her patience with him. He'd lost count of the times she held him when the pain and the memory of that horrible day threatened to crush him. Jethro knew Sarah loved him and he was pretty sure he loved her too. Then why wouldn't he want her to have more time for them?
Jethro poured himself a shot of bourbon and went to sit on the deck. What exactly did "more time" mean he wondered. Weekends at his cabin in the mountains maybe. Or weekends sailing without worrying about her phone calling them back when they'd only just gotten started. That had happened at least three times already. Sarah was the only woman Jethro had ever been with whose job was more demanding than his and he had to admit if she wasn't tethered to that job and its phone things would be nicer for them. They could actually go out to dinner without being the topic of the next mornings gossip columns. They could stop worrying that everything he did was going to be triple checked to make sure he wasn't getting some kind of preferential treatment. The more he thought about it the better he liked the idea of Sarah not being the Secretary of the Navy anymore. Yes, he thought, he could get behind this idea. And, he could get behind them spending more time together. Now all he had to do was apologize and convince Sarah to forget his stupid comment. Shouldn't be too hard he thought as he went inside and headed for the stairs. She'd already proven she was committed to them by going upstairs instead of going home.
While Jethro was thinking Sarah was doing just as she'd said she was going to do. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and changed into some sleep shorts and cami. Then she settled on the bed with her book and waited. She knew Jethro would do exactly as she'd requested; he'd think about what he'd said and then come talk to her. She thought she knew what he'd tell her but she wasn't 100% sure. Her bet was that he would apologize and they'd talk about it and things would be fine. There was always the small chance Jethro would stick to his guns and tell her not to think about including him in her future. If they managed to stay together fine but she shouldn't count on it was the other option. Sarah didn't like that option but if that was his choice she'd live with. For a while. And, she was still resigning.
Two chapters later Jethro walked in the bedroom and found Sarah just barely still awake. She looked up at him and smiled that smile that he had grown to appreciate so much over the last many months. The smile that said, 'I love you and I like you very much'.
Jethro went to the bed and motioned for her to scoot over. He sat down beside her hip and leaned down to kiss her.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself. You okay?"
"Sure. I'd like to retract my last comment downstairs."
"Okay. Anything you want to say in its place?"
He leaned into her, one hand on the bed and the other playing in her hair. He kissed her again this time with more intent and more feeling.
"Come to think of it, I might like it if you weren't the Secretary of the Navy. If that's what you want to do I'm all for it."
"Really? What changed your mind?"
"I can't argue with you wanting to spend more time with your mom and with Megan. And, I kinda like the idea of you spending more time with me. I like the idea of people losing interest in us."
Sarah laughed, "Yes that will be nice won't it? What about me thinking of you in my future? You okay with that?"
"Very much. I don't know what it means exactly but I know I don't want to lose you. I can't see myself letting you go."
"Good because I have no intention of letting you go either. Jethro, we don't have to give what we have some kind of official title or name. I just want to enjoy the life we have and spend as much time with you and my family as possible. Coming so close to losing you made me realize very clearly that I do love you. I tried not to for all the reasons we've already talked about but in the end I couldn't help it."
"Me too. I love you, Sarah. I know what I said downstairs hurt you and when you stood up there was just a second when I thought you were going to leave. When you came upstairs instead I remembered I finally had someone I could trust to stick with me. I know I'm not easy and the last several months have been particularly difficult but you're still here and sometimes that still takes me by surprise."
"I know and I understand. Just remember, I'm not going anywhere. I won't give up or get tired or lose interest. You mean too much to me Jethro. More than you know, I think."
"Sarah, you make me happy and no one has done that in a very long time."
She reached for his hands and gave him a quick kiss. Then she sat back and said, "I believe you said something about being useful. Think you might show me what you meant?"
"Yes ma'am I believe I would very much like to do that."
TBC