Sleep Aid
By Infinity Complex
Exhausted and overworked, Raito has come up with several plans to get sleep. And NO ONE will deny him by the time they see the example he made of L…
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Another Note, or Romeo and Juliet
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Prologue: Liability
"Do you really need to go this far, Ryuzaki-San?" Raito asked, holding up his newly chained wrist to inspect the handcuffs.
"I am not doing this because I want to, you know," the detective replied, though the teenager highly doubted it, as one cannot resort to such drastic measures unless something was compelling them to. L was fiddling with his own wrist as well, trying to pull his long, baggy sleeve through the cuff.
"Huh…so this is what you meant by being together all the time," Misa stated, looking at the metal chain that hung between them.
"Yes, Amane-Chan," L replied. "Now, Watari, if you would please…?"
"Of course," the elderly man replied, walking in with a frighteningly large stack of papers – at least six inches tall – and placing them in front of Raito.
Watari began flipping through the stack, thick enough to be an encyclopedia, and pointing to various dotted lines, "sign here, parents names here, initial here, last name here, birthday here, health insurance here, signature here, social security here…"
The brunet turned to L, a little (very) unnerved. "Ryuzaki, what's this?"
"That's simple, Raito-Kun, they're release waivers."
"L and Watari are not liable for any physical, mental, or emotional trauma experienced by the each of the undersigned. This includes, but is not limited to: lack of sleep, added weight, lack of sleep, built up frustration, lack of sleep…"
I. Drama
Ingredients: sleeping pills, hard tile floor
Involved: Raito, L,
Witnesses: Kira Task Force (Soichiro, Mogi, Arizona, Matsuda)
"Ryuza', I don' feel so good," Raito slurred.
"Should I have Watari bring something for you?" L replied. To be honest, Raito could not tell of the concern was genuine, or simply feigned for the sake of the task force which was intently watching their interactions.
"No, I'ma fine."
"You're swaying in your seat, are you sure you're fine?" Matsuda asked.
"Jus' tired, 's all," the brunet's eyes were slowly opening and closing, as if he wanted to blink the tiredness away but did not have the energy to do so.
Meanwhile, the entire Japanese task force was shooting suspicious glares at the only person around the teenager enough to put him in this state, L.
The raven, in return, gave them an incredulous glance and a shrug as if to say. "What? Are you really going to pin this on me?!"
Yagami Soichiro raised one eyebrow angrily.
Apparently, they were.
L turned to the teenager, who was still swaying in his chair in an overly dizzy, completely out-of-it fashion. The detective sighed.
"I suppose I can undo the handcuffs and leave you in our room to sleep," he said, walking over to force the teenager into a standing position, "but I'm not carrying you there."
"'Kay," Raito replied, really too tired to care at this point.
L, sure that the brunet would be able to keep himself upright once standing, let go of the teenager…
Only to watch him fall flat onto the floor, asleep.
The task force's glares only intensified, but L could not blame them since he was worried for Raito as well.
And, though loathe to admit it, he did feel unusually guilty for depleting the teenager's health in such a way, even if it was accidently.
That is, until he found the bottle of maximum strength sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet a week later.
"RAITO-KUN!"
"Ultra-Strength Sleeping Pills, guaranteed to knock you out in fifteen minutes or your money back! Only $5.99! Buy them now!"
II. Resourcefulness
Ingredients: bike lock, office chair, handcuff chain
Involved: Raito, L
Advantages: Lack of elevators in Kira Task Force Headquarters
Raito was rather pleased with himself, the fake 'fainting due to exhaustion' plan had gone perfectly, and even got him a full eight hours of sleep every night for a week. Then, L had found the sleeping pills the brunet had used to pull it off, and figured it out from there.
He was not the world's best detective for nothing, and he could be damn scary when he wanted to.
But, either way, Raito had another plan to get some sleep.
Though rather undignified, the teenager could manage to fall asleep in his office chair when L refused to relocate to his bedroom. He had tried once previously and succeeded, but the infuriating detective sent him toppling out of said chair because he wanted cake!
He was lying sprawled on the floor, practically being dragged, all because his handcuff mate was hungry.
So, the brunet decided it was time for some…countering measures.
And it helped when his father decided not to ask precisely why Raito wanted a bike lock. But then again, Soichiro had long ago decided it would be best not to inquire why his son wanted all of these materials, and in that way avoid mental scarring.
The entire task force was asleep
Raito could not help but smile demonically at the thought of this plan.
The Next Morning
"Hey, guys!" Matsuda exclaimed, as usual, in a manor far to cheerful for the early hour in the morning. "Ryuzaki-San, why do I see an extra chain?"
"…" silence was the only answer given by the detective across the room.
Matsuda squinted. "And…A PADLOCK?! Don't you think this is taking it a bit too far?"
L sighed, "It is Raito-Kun responsible for this, not I."
"I don't think Yagami-Kun would be that stupid," the younger investigator said.
The detective across the room raised an eyebrow as if to say, "and you think I would?"
But instead of voicing that opinion, the raven instead continued, "he used the bike lock," he motioned towards the thing with an expression of pure disgust, "to chain his handcuff to his office chair, and then fell asleep."
Aizawa had heard enough of the conversation to comment on it, and asked upon walking in, "Why in the world would he do that?"
"Because this way I can't yank him out of the chair," L grumbled in response.
The other two members of the team walked in, both giving curious looks to the boy who had managed to fall asleep in the office chair. And then they noticed the second chain.
Mogi, not one to talk but certainly one to think, could quickly come up with satisfactory reasons for this rather…odd arrangement, and simply nodded. Soichiro, however, was very curious about why his son was forced to sleep in that uncomfortable position.
"Um…Ryuzaki-San…?"
"It was Raito-Kun's idea, last time he fell asleep in the office chair, I accidently yanked him out of it. And this way such an occurrence can't be repeated without throwing me to the floor as well," L summarized, fully explaining the bike chain and the reasons behind it.
"Yeah, Ryuzaki-San," the subject of their conversation had woken up in a graceful way that only he could. Simply fluttering his eyes open and suddenly being at full mental and physical capacity without experiencing any of the sleepiness or crankiness that most normal people were prone to.
"And," Raito continued, "It's a win-win situation as well. I can get some sleep, and you can get your cake, as long as you're careful not to tip the office chair over."
Raito smiled his most devious smirk, and L turned to face him with wide eyes.
"Raito-Kun," he deadpanned, "You and I both know that the kitchen is three floors down, and there is no elevator."
"Ryuzaki, I was sleeping."
"I am aware, Raito-Kun."
"I was sleeping…in my office chair."
"I know, Raito-Kun."
"Then what am I doing ON THE FLOOR?!"
III. Appeals
Ingredients: sympathy, common sense
Involved: Raito, L
Guest Stars: Parental!Watari
L was very cautious, the past three weeks had been hard on him and now the raven had to constantly be on watch for any of Raito's new tricks. He should have been happy that the brunet had not carried out another scheme in the past week, but that only meant that he was due for one very soon.
Little did poor L know…
"Ryuzaki-San, why can't we go to bed?" Raito asked in his whiniest, most annoyingly screechy voice, it was the time of night that the brunet hated most, the two o'clock cake run.
"Well, why must you go to sleep this instant, Yagami-Kun?" the detective replied with a question of his own.
Raito's eyebrow twitched, so it was "Yagami-Kun" now, was it?
"Because it's two in the morning, I don't work well on so little sleep–"
"As I'm well aware, Yagami-Kun."
"–And I only got TWO HOURS of sleep last night!" Raito emphasized the last reason as they turned into the kitchen, where Watari was cooking the task force's meals for the next day.
"L, he's right, you know," Watari said, still not looking away from his work, "and you'd benefit from some sleep as well."
"Oh, so now you're on his side too?" the detective grumbled, heading towards the fridge.
"No," Watari said sharply, "No cake."
"Bu–" L began to object.
"No buts either. Sugar keeps you up."
"But…"
"Bed. Now."
"Okay," L dejectedly hung his head like a chastised child (which is in effect, a perfect description of him) and headed out of the kitchen, though his cooperation was most likely due to the large knife with which Watari was cutting the roast beef.
On their way out, Raito had just enough time to turn around and mouth, "Thank you," to the elderly man before he was dragged off by the raven.
The older man just winked.
Recipe for Chaos
Characters: A, B, L, Matt, Mello, Near, Raito
Materials: Belgian Truffles, EDWARDO THE MAGICAL ROBOTIC SHRINK!™, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon with DSi, Death Note, three large rooms with padded white walls
*straight jackets recommended
Instructions:
Place L and Mello in room 1, refuse to give them any sweets for two days.
Give Raito the Belgian truffles along with instructions not to share the candy with ANYBODY. Place in room one.
Place the EDWARDO THE MAGICAL ROBOTIC SHRINK!™ in room 2
Place A in room two. Watch happily as A proceeds to tear the EDWARDO THE MAGICAL ROBOTIC SHRINK!™'s head off when it tries to talk the emo boy out of suicide.
Give Near the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with DSi along with instructions not to share the game with ANYBODY. Place in room 3.
Take away all of Matt's cigarettes and electronics, place in room four. After a day, move to room three.
Give B the Death Note. Frantically search for a place to hide.
IV. Hostage
Ingredients: candy
Involved: Raito, L
Warning: No Belgian Truffles were harmed in the making of this section
L was always a man of function over appearance: his haphazard hair and simple, unchanging wardrobe were examples of this. And this fact extended to the detective's diet as well.
The detective was by nature an insomniac; no amount of medication or therapy could change that fact. He did not aim for only two hours of sleep a night, but he had learned to take advantage of his condition by working when he could not sleep.
Unfortunately, just because he could not sleep did not mean the raven did not feel the effects of the tiredness. Which is where the sugar-loaded substances helped immensely, and why he only ate foods high in some form of carbohydrates.
Otherwise, though he would be awake, the raven would be completely brain-dead – lacking any energy to power his hyperactive thought process.
And, as the detective felt his mind begin to slip away again, he realized he would need more sugar.
L reached for the bowl of candy always faithfully by his computer monitor. Not finding it, he scowled and moved his outreached hand around the desk's surface a bit, feeling for the bowl but stubbornly refusing to look away from the glowing computer screen in front of him.
Still did not find anything, and he had to repress the urge to growl, and finally looked up after a full minute...
He began to seethe.
Raito.
Raito was eating HIS sweets.
Not that L was overprotective of the saccharine food in specific, as he could always get more. But he was very territorial, and letting the teenager have what the detective considered the his property, well…
It felt like he was losing ground to the brunet.
And the evil, evil boy just smirked, popping another piece truffle into his mouth.
"I didn't know Raito-Kun had any preference for sweets, he never eats anything sugary," L said in what he hoped was a bored monotone. He could already feel his mind slipping into the oblivion of sleep, or a sleepless sleep in his case.
"I've got a preference for the good chocolate," the other genius admitted honestly, "so naturally I just couldn't resist fine Belgian truffles."
That was true, the raven could see it in Raito's eyes, but he also knew there was another meaning behind his handcuff-mate's actions as well.
Black eyes narrowed angrily and came closer to a fully shut position than the investigation team (barring Raito) had ever seen.
The little bastard knew! He knew the importance of L's sweets and was using it to his advantage.
He watched with a sort of forlorn self pity as the devil incarnate continued to eat the sweets that WERE NOT HIS.
Raito watched in his peripheral vision, the detective seemed to be coiling in his sitting position and preparing to spring at the teenage boy. Raito smiled in amusement. This latest scheme was an all in one amusement and recuperation package, it seemed.
But, before L could leap and exact his revenge on the demon with the Belgian truffles, it all went black.
And Raito laughed in amusement when he realized the raven had fallen asleep, picking him up (the detective was frighteningly light, Raito would have to force him to eat more often) and went to their room so he could catch up on some sleep as well.
In the kitchen, a group of lonely strawberry shortcakes sitting in the refrigerator creepily begin to talk.
"L, L, where for art thou, L?"
V. Socialite
Ingredients: Misa
Involved: Raito, L
Victims: one can of espresso coffee
"Ryuzaki-San. If we are going to be staying up this late, I want company," Raito demanded one night.
"I doubt anyone would be willing to stay up until four in the morning with us, Raito-Kun," the stoic detective replied.
"I think I can find someone," Raito replied, grinning deviously.
An awkward silence of medium length insued.
"Raito-Kun, who're you talking to on your cell phone, any and all outside contact is prohibited."
Raito abruptly held the phone away from him at arm's length, just in time to avoid his ears being blasted off with a loud, screechy, "OF COURSE MISA WILL STAY UP WITH HER RAITO-CHAN!"
The teenager then ended the call with a small 'beep' and closed the electronic monstrosity, smiling maniacally.
The raven groaned - this was going to be a long night - and almost immediately the pair went back to working.
But the tranquil clicking of keyboards was soon interrupted.
"RAITO-KUN!" Misa screeched, glomping her self-proclaimed 'boyfriend'.
"Great to see you to, Misa," Raito replied in an equally cheery voice, if not only half as loud, and embraced the girl affectionately. It was disappointing, as L was at least hoping to get some entertainment out of seeing Raito suffer from the blond bombshell's presence, but it seemed that the brunet was unwilling to put on a show.
"Hey, Watari-San, would you mind getting Misa-Chan and I some coffee?" Raito asked.
"Of course," he answered. "Decaf, I presume?" Watari then asked – he remembered the last time Misa had too much caffeine and shuddered. The repair bills they had to pay were astronomical.
"Nope," Raito said, shaking his head energetically. "Espresso."
L shook his head and sighed softly. "State your demands, Raito-Kun."
"Alright L, here's what I want…"
"Hey guys! Matsuda showed me this awesome drink called COFFEE! It gives me this amazing power to ignore the rules of grammar and make everything I say a run on sentence that goes on and on and on and I can proclaim my love for Raito or my hatred of that pervert Ryuzaki for chaining up my boyfriend and I can sing my gratefulness to Matsuda for showing me coffee all in one single breath *Gasp* And I ran 50 laps around the building because if that doesn't get me in perfect shape than I don't know what will…"
"Hello, Watari."
"Yes, L, what would you like?"
"Please bring up a tranquilizer dart gun for Amane-Chan."
"…And I don't think I'll be able to sleep for days ha-ha-ha I would look like Ryuzaki-San with those big bags under his eyes and everything and I could wear that hideous outfit too OH MY GOD, WE COULD BE TWINS!! And I might even walk in that hideous slouch for a day but then Ryuzaki would have to compromise and wear shoes because there is no way I'm leaving here without them..."
Epilogue: Innuendo
The clock had just chimed ten, and the investigation team was still working.
"Ryuzaki, let's GO TO BED!" Raito exclaimed.
"Raito-Kun, its only ten," the detective stated, "I believe the agreed upon time was twelve."
"Yeah, but you and your antics kept me up until two last night, of no fault of my own, and I'm making up for the loss of sleep tonight."
"Okay," L said, being dragged away by his handcuff mate.
The team went into two different phases of shock; the first being when they realized the kind of hell Raito must have put the detective through to be able to go to bed so early. The second came on when Matsuda declared the possible sexual connotations of this conversation.
Fin
And yes, I know I should be working on Shine New Light, I'm most likely going to get a chapter up later today or tomorrow. I offer my sincerest apologies to those fans of the story, and hope this at least made you laugh.
By the way, there is a tempting little green button that really wants you to click it. Please do not dissapoint the button!!!
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