Peter sat out the popcorn, Hi-C, and Otter Pops for Hiro, Ando, Parkman, and Mohinder. It was Friday: slumber party night! And there was something Peter couldn't wait to tell them about.
Mohinder grabbed a blue Otter Pop and asked in his sexy-as-always voice, "Alright, which are we going to watch first: Mean Girls…? A Cinderella Story…?"
"A Cinderella Story!" Hiro and Ando shouted out in unison.
Peter sat down on his couch and yawned dramatically. "Oh, I've been so tired lately…" He yawned again, just in case everyone hadn't noticed the first time.
"How come?" Parkman asked, though, being able to read minds, he saw where this was going.
"I think because Sylar keeps me up all night. I just can't seem to keep him off me." Peter giggled uncharacteristically. "Ever since he took on this new power…"
"Oh, do tell," Mohinder said. Mohinder secretly lusted after Sylar; he found those bushy eyebrows just irresistible. But he was willing to settle for just living vicariously through Peter.
"The power of sex!" Peter said. "It's the latest ability he's taken on."
Mohinder and Ando sighed, dreamily. Parkman rolled his eyes. If he'd known that trapping Sylar and Peter together in their minds would result in them becoming best friends and eventually lovers, he probably would have reconsidered it. For weeks now, the two of them had been living together in Peters apartment, ridiculously in love and ridiculously annoying.
As Mohinder and Ando dreamed about Sylar's new love making ability and Parkman considered erasing his own memory so that he wouldn't have to think about it, Hiro sat there sucking his orange Otter Pop, deeply confused. "What's the power of sex, Peter Petrelli?" he asked.
"Um… The power to have sex… But to do it really, really, super well," Peter said.
"That's a lame power," Parkman pouted.
"It's better than random red lightening," Ando said.
"Or the power to be slightly stronger and slightly more limber than the average person," Mohinder said.
"Okay, so there are a lot of lame powers. But that doesn't make super-sex any less lame," Parkman said.
"You're just jealous, Matt," Peter said. It was true. Parkman's deepest wish was to be the world's greatest lover. When he was younger, he used to dress up as Zorro and pretend to come along and sweep beautiful women (who were played by stuffed animals and pillows) off their feet. But alas, Parkman's desire for super-powered-sex hadn't manifested. Fortunately for him, mind reading and mind control were very useful when it came to seducing poor, unsuspecting women, men, and that one goat.
Hiro was still confused. "Peter Petrelli, if you don't mind me asking, exactly what is… sex?"
The room froze. Jaws dropped. "Surely you've dated before, Hiro?" Mohinder asked.
"He's only ever kissed," Ando said. "I assumed that this was just because most of his girlfriends end up getting stuck in the 1940s before they get a chance to do more. I had no idea…"
Peter stood up abruptly. He stuck his finger in the air and announced, "This calls for an emergency lesson. An emergency lesson… in sex!"
Five minutes later, they had arranged Peter's apartment into a make-shift classroom. Peter stood behind a desk, using a pointer to direct his class's attention to various places on a giant picture of the male reproductive organs he always kept with him. "And these little doodads here are the testicles!" he announced.
As the hours rolled by, Hiro felt his knowledge of the world broadening. Even Parkman and Mohinder were surprised to find that there was a great deal of things they'd never known about sex. "My, Peter, how did you become so knowledgeable about sex?" Mohinder asked, clearly impressed.
"My brother Nathan taught me all I know," Peter said, blushing.
"Ew…" Parkman said. Mohinder, Ando, and Hiro were too busy fantasizing about hot, sweaty Petrellicest to comment on the matter.
Just then Sylar walked through the door. "Honey, I'm home!"
"Darling!" Peter said, throwing his arms around Sylar. He planted a smooch on the ex-serial killer's lips.
The three Asians in the room all sighed romantically as Sylar dipped Peter into a deep, passionate kiss. Parkman attempted to use his mind control powers to keep himself from seeing the scene, but he was unsuccessful.
"Alright, time for your midterm, class," Peter said. "Orgy time!"
"Oh, boy!" Ando said, ripping off his pants.
Noah Bennett, Angela Petrelli, and Hiro's dad (who was somehow alive again) burst into the room. "Did somebody say orgy?" Noah asked, tearing off his shirt to reveal a sea of manly chest hair and perfectly sculpted abs.
"I still don't know if I'll know what to do, Peter Petrelli," Hiro whispered to Peter.
"Don't worry, my sweet little master-of-time-and-space," Peter purred as he slipped a hand down Hiro's pants. "I'll show you everything I know."
Sylar grinned and put his arms around Peter and Hiro. "It's a brave new world."
Several minutes later, even people well on the other side of town could have sworn that they'd heard somebody shout, "Yatta!"