Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
Pairings: Axel/Roxas friendship.
Author's Note: I wrote this as a present to a friend a couple of years ago, before 358/2 days came out. Naturally that means it's not strictly correct, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it if they can ignore that fact. It's kind of half crack, half serious... mostly just done as a bit of fun. Hope you enjoy:
Dead By April: Promise Me.
"Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful."
AXEL : 20th Nov
New guy joins tomorrow. Some blond kid with a Keyblade. Call me stupid, but considering past experience with keyblade masters, I don't think we should be welcoming him with open arms. That Sora kid got rid of Larxene though, so I guess they can't be all bad. Talk about constant PMS.
Dunno what Mansex is up to. Maybe he's planning on using this Roxas guy to take out Sora? Wouldn't hold much hope out on that one, since we can't even find the guy. Disappeared along with Namine back at Castle Oblivion. I bet if we find her, we'll find him. Still, never pegged Sora as the type to hide. Maybe we did more damage to his memories than we thought.
Still, can't wait to shake things up around here. Every day seems the same lately.
ROXAS : 20th November
Tomorrow I join Organisation XIII. Was approached by Xemnas, who seemed very interested in my Keyblades. He wants to use me as a weapon, a tool to defeat the Heartless. I couldn't care less what he has me do, as long as it helps me figure out who I am. What I am.
Xenmas assures me that Kingdom Hearts holds the answers I'm looking for, but I'm unconvinced. How can you trust someone that can't feel guilt when they stab you in the back? I'll have to tread carefully.
AXEL : 21st Nov
Met Blondie today. Miserable git. Refused to play along when I dared him to steal Xigbar's eye patch, even when I told him it was his initiation. Luxord was much more fun. Got him to dye Marluxia's hair pink. Backfired slightly when he decided he preferred it to his natural brown. Flowery prat. Killed by a kid though, that'll teach him to be a nancy boy.
It was totally worth tampering with the robe orders. Imp looked like he was drowning in fabric.
Anyway, said I'd show him the ropes on his first patrol. Squirt's got no appreciation at all, said he didn't need to be babied. Honestly, kids today. You try to help a guy…
Going anyway. Have a feeling this Newbie will be fun to torment.
You know, it was strange. His eyes were just like Sora's.
ROXAS : 21st November: Day One of Organisaton XIII
So, I'm officially Number XIII of the Organisation. The "Key of Destiny".
The place isn't exactly what I expected. I didn't get to meet everyone, since apparently some of the members were out on Organisation business. Saix showed me to my room and gave me a rota for the nightly patrols. He's a strange guy. Seems so reserved, but I doubt the others – we passed a few of them on the way, but I wasn't introduced – would show him so much respect if they weren't afraid of him. There must be more to him. My room's closest to a guy called Axel. Have a feeling we won't get on, since he greeted me with "Hey Roxy! Name's Axel, got it memorized?" before virtually crushing me and babbling some none-sense about dead flowers and children. He's obviously insane.
Was rescued by Demyx. A cheerful guy that runs around with a giant guitar – clearly phallic – My relief was short lived though. Axel re-appeared as soon as Demyx was summoned by The Superior. Kept nagging me to steal the eyepatch of a guy who looks like he's just lumbered off a mountain somewhere. Blatant suicide, keyblade or not. I chose life. Besides, I have more important things to do than indulge in the childish pranks of some freak with ADD.
The guy's a frickin' stalker! Everyone else seems happy enough to leave me alone, but he just won't leave! Wanted to follow me on my first patrol, like I couldn't manage on my own or something.
Didn't realise I'd be the youngest. Xemnas insists we all wear this dark black uniform. I suppose it's meant to make us look imposing. Didn't really pull it off, since it trailed behind me, at least 2 foot too long. You'd think as a group of evil masterminds they could figure out to buy a small. Stupid Nobodies, no sympathy at all. Felt ridiculous and scowled at everyone.
Axel pissed himself laughing, the little bastard. I just know he's behind it.
I get my new uniform tomorrow.
AXEL : 22nd Nov
Horribly bored. Singed off Demyx's eyebrows in his sleep to amuse myself. Don't think he's noticed yet. Hah.
Couldn't help Blondie with his patrol. Mansex had me on a stupid errand. Asking Sephiroth if he was interested in helping our campaign, align himself with the darkness and all that jazz. Waste of time, guy's got his own priorities, and enough strength to follow through with them. Seems un-naturally interested in a guy named Cloud. Well, whatever floats his boat. They both look girly anyway. Suspect Mansex is jealous of Seperoth's hair. It's everything his spiky mane tries and fails to be. Walked in on him straightening it once. That bit of ammo got me off duty for weeks. Aaah, good times.
Suspect Xigbar has something to do with my sudden change in schedule. He knows I love freaking the Newbie's out with stories about him and Xaldin! (Luxord still thinks they're getting it on. Man, I kill me.) He ended up going with Roxas, waved at me on the way out, the scheming little shit. He must have arranged something with Mansex, caught him mucking about with curling irons or something. Don't know what he thinks he's doing, getting all pally with my new best friend. Action will have to be taken.
Maybe Mansex is afraid of the glory of my hair. It is supremely manly, I can see why he'd feel threatened.
Hair envy, it's a terrible thing.
*later*
When they got back I made my move. Dove out the shadows like a freakin' ninja. Got Xigbar in a headlock and started throwing accusations left, right and centre. Put corks in his guns while executing a vicious nuggie. Idiot tried to shoot me when I accused him of taking advantage of our newest member on patrol and they exploded in his face. Classic. He should know not to mess with the master!
Even Roxy chuckled, at least I think he did, my face was embedded in a wall at the time. Stupid Demyx ruined everything!
Still, overall win I'd say. Axel: 1, Xigbar: 0. Oh yeah, Xigbar will think twice before wronging me again!
Huh, wonder what's going on out – oh shit! What if it's Xigbar? Maybe he's back for revenge! He's –
ROXAS : 22nd November: Day Two of Organisaton XIII
Last night was absolutely mortifying. Going to kill that red headed freak. Xigbar ended up going on patrol with me, which was bad enough in itself, guy thinks he's so Goddamn hilarious. He's not.
Every heartless struck down had to endure a horrible finishing line before embracing sweet¸ sweet relieffrom a never ending list of bad puns and one liners. "Sorry to do this, it breaks my heart." "I'd love to help you, but my heart just wouldn't be in it." Or, his personal favourite, "I've got my eye on you!"
Wish I'd stolen his fecking eye patch when I'd had the chance. Could have flicked it into his nasty, scarred face yelling "You wouldn't know funny if it hit you in the face!" and then "That's comedy, bitch!" on impact.
When we finally got back I was ready to collapse. I always knew the heartless were drawn to the Keyblade, but this was ridiculous. Never seemed to end. Maybe it's something to do with this place? The World That Never Was seems to be over-run. Must be to do with Kingdom Hearts. Hanging above the castle, illuminating everything with the light of a thousand lost hearts. By the end of it all I was half asleep, dragging my Keyblades along the floor, grimacing with every crushingly bad pun fired my way.
Then Axel leapt at us, crazy eyes, chakrams flaming, scared the crap out of me! Started yelling at Xigbar for keeping me all to himself, lunged at him and started some kind of wrestling match, all the time with this crazy determined grin on his face! I was all for sneaking away and leaving Xigbar to his fate until I heard Axel shouting at him for "stealing my innocence" in the woods by the castle. We both looked at him, mouths gaping. I couldn't help but twitch – what the Hell kind of organisation have I joined here? – then Xigbar tried to shoot him in the face and his guns exploded and set his hair on fire!
Demyx came in to find out what all the noise was about, screamed "Dance water, DANCE!" and drenched us all. By this point I was considering suicide, but the drama was far from over.
More accusations, as Xigbar patted his singed hair with a look of horror. (Don't know what he was so sad about, with that face, the singed hair's hardly the thing that's going to make him hideous.)
Demyx freaked out and snared me in some kind of death grip, barely giving a chance to wonder what the fuck happened to his eyebrows, and began shielding me from, quote, "The horrors of the world".
Xigbar stopped fawning over his hair and picked up – of all things – a smoking cork, before launching himself arms flailing, legs kicking at Axel, who was hunched over cackling like a lunatic.
Couldn't see much through the arms of a clingy Demyx (who by the way was still vowing to protect me from Xigbar's supposed "lecherous advances" *twitch*) but I saw Axel skid on the wet floor and fly into a wall, wind-milling his arms furiously.
Couldn't help but laugh. The look on his face right before impact! Classic.
*later*
Eurgh. What the Hell's going on out there? All I can hear from next door is a mesh of clangs, splashes and yelps. Took me forever to get Demyx off me – He's like a Goddamn leach – I just want to sleep! Who even knows what I'll have to deal with tomorrow! Stupid Axel. Stupid –
*later*
Oh my God! All Hell just broke into my room! Door burst open and Axel –big surprise – came barrelling in. Guy's turning into the bane of my life and I've only known him two days! What the Hell's his problem? Careering into my room with the words "Little buddy! Save me! Xigbar's gone mad!" before a giant hole's blasted in my wall and Xigbar comes charging through the flaming rubble, guns blazing! Cast Reflect on myself just in time. Standing there, in my pyjamas, with no sleep and a gaping hole in my wall, I snapped. Out came the Keyblades. New member or not, enough was enough. Good dose of lightning to them both, especially Xigbar . Barely resisted yelling "Shocking, isn't it!" as his smoking comedic ass flew through the hole he blasted in my wall. Axel landed on my bed, red pyjamas singed. Sat up, waving a finger at me like a drunk before slurring "Din hava get meh choo" as sparks crackled up his spiky hair. Flailed my arms madly screaming "OUT!" and he scampered after Xigbar.
Little buddy? Little buddy? What even is that? A freakin' death wish?
Forget the penalty. If every night's like this I'll have to leave The Organisation before my first week's up!