Inspired by the song "Stay" by Hurts.
You watch the clock on the wall in front of you. See it tick closer and closer to that moment you've been dreading for a week now. You go through your life and wonder how you made it this far without opening your heart. You wonder how you managed to be in her life without breaking, without uttering those words you've rehearsed for years. Words like 'I love you' were never said. Instead you said you would do anything for her, that she's part of your family, that you would always be there if she needed you. In your mind that was as close as you could come to expressing your love and devotion. Of course she never understood.
And now you find yourself in an impossible situation. You know she's leaving tonight. You know she's on her way over to you as the clock marks another minute gone. She's coming over to say goodbye, and you know it will be a sad look on her face. You can't stand whenever you see sadness in her eyes, when that sparkle disappears behind dark skies. You want to turn the world upside down to find the source and do whatever it takes to make it go away.
The knock resonates off the walls, startles you and makes your throat dry up. Why hasn't time stopped yet? Her face shows signs of tears, she seems… empty. Yet she smiles at you, whispers a soft 'hi' and looks at you. Sadness evident and your hands itch. You have to grip the door to restrain them. She holds out a list; numbers, addresses, things you don't care about right now, and speaks. You can't hear it, but you see her lips moving, shaking. When you can't find the will to reach out and accept the paper, she leans in and places it neatly on the table on your left.
How are you supposed to keep going without her? How do you wake up every day from now and go to work like nothing has happened? How in the world can you think that time will heal all wounds, knowing you won't feel her hair tickle your hand like it does right now? You jerk your hand away, she notices the hitch in your breath even though you are convinced you act like normal. Something in her eyes tells you that she knows you're struggling, and you hope that she's struggling just as much. Deep down inside you hope she is hurt and will cry on her way to the airport, that she will go to bed tonight and wonder why she ever took that job.
Whatever she says, you can't seem to reply. You're out of words, and how fucked up is that, when you have spent so many years not talking at all? You simply stare at her coat, her shoes and the hand that hangs along her side. You don't know how much time has passed when she whispers that final word, not touching you, not looking at you, cause you have come off as mad. She leaves the word hanging and walks away.
The sound of her steps vanishes and you are still standing there staring at the spot where she stood. You feel cold and empty, you feel dead. That fire in your heart dies when you can no longer hear her. And you fall to the floor. Your hand slides down the edge of the door until it crashes to the floor.
It's the sound of the door one floor down that wakes you. You can hear the soft creek and you can picture her walking out and down the steps. You want to scream it out, but that lump in your throat is too big. For once, you want to scream out everything you feel, every single fear and hope, and wish and dream, but what's the point if she can't hear you?
You can't change her mind all by yourself.
So you get up and run towards the stairs while you scream her name from the top of your lungs. To hell with other people, they don't know your troubles. In just your socks, you run down the stairs and rip open the door. She is about to open the car door and you swallow.
"Stay."
You're not sure if it's the word that catches her attention, cause you could barely hear it yourself. But at least she has seen you, and is frozen with her hand on the door, staring back at you through giant raindrops.
"Stay" you say louder this time, finally finding a way around whatever has blocked you for years. "Stay with me."
You know she heard you this time and you slowly make your way down the stairs. She looks confused, uncertain, and you move closer. "Don't go, stay with me." You stop when you're standing on the curb right next to her. Even the rain can't hide the tears on her cheeks, and you feel your own warm your skin as they trickle down to your chin. Her hand leaves the door as she turns to you. Her breath is uneven and you somehow expect her to turn you down, say it's too late, but not a word. You take a step closer, take her cold hand in yours and hold on for dear life. Why haven't you seen this before? She anchors you, holds you down when you are lost. Just the touch of her hand is what you need to feel invincible. Her shaking hand fits perfectly in yours and you are desperate to know if the rest of her fits against you. Your lips are on hers before you know it, and thank god for that anchor. Soft lips presses against yours instantly, a hand sneaks around your waist and pulls you closer. And yes, you fit.
Why did you even wonder?
As you stand there with her lips on yours, her hand in yours and your heart in hers, you can't help but be amazed of how strong a four letter word can be. You should've known you never had to spill it out to her, she would've known anyway. You should've said it years ago. You should have said it all when you knew.
A single raindrop presses between your lips as you part and for once you're smiling.
"Stay?"