A/N: sorry I have taken so long to write something else I had writers block because Hollyoaks became crap since Brendan left but hey I am back and writing. Hope you enjoy this first chapter more to follow.

Warning for this chapter: some suicidal thoughts (which may be triggering), depression and swearing.

Brendan was sat in his cell glaring at the wall like he did most days thinking about his life and feeling lonely it had been two years since the whole standoff on the fire escape on Chez Chez. Steven had sent visitation notices every week since he had been inside. He would screw them up and chuck them in the bin which in the corner of his cell. He knew Steven was be down there in the visitor's room every week and it broke his heart that he didn't go down to see him because he wasn't going to cause Steven any more pain but he knew not seeing him was causing him massive amounts of pain. It was a no win situation and Brendan couldn't be dealing with that kind of emotions. He got up and started pacing the cell he hated this being in prison. He was so close to his happy ending and it got ripped apart until there was nothing left. Brendan kicked the metal bed of the thought of it all. Some days he wanted to end it all, to take his life. He couldn't cope with prison and being a complete loner. He made Cheryl swear not to visit and get on with her life, Steven was insistent but Brendan let him near him, the boys didn't want to know him and this made him feel so alone. Some nights he laid there dreaming about a bright future with Steven and the kids but it made him feel even more depressed about his life. He had the same routine day in day out and he always shuddered when he realises he was the next 37 years of this to look forward to. Now he was two years in he was on auto pilot.

XOXOXOXOXOX

A while later he was still sat on his bed. He sighed and bought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms round them. He leant back on the cold wall he hissed as his head and neck touched the cold wall. He got used to it and sat there. It was post day meaning another visitation notification of Steven. He wasn't sure how to feel about that many more. He was frustrated that his Steven wasn't getting the hint but he felt loved because it meant that he cared enough to sit in the visitor's room surrounded by criminals and their loved one and go there ever week for two years. It was very touching for Brendan. The door opened and the prison guard came in to the room and dropped some letters on to his desk and left the room. Brendan got up and got the two letters and a visitation notification. He opened the visitation notification and he started to read it.

Dear Mr Brendan Seamus Brady

This is a visitation notice that Mrs Amy Barnes and Mrs Cheryl Brady will be visiting you on 5th of May 2015. You have the choice of whether you go down to the visitors room and see them.

You're sincerely

R. Milner

The visitors' office manager

Brendan re read it over and over again with his mouth hanging open. Why were they coming to visit him? 2The fifth of May" he thought to himself "that's tomorrow"

He opened one of the letters which he recognised as Cheryl's writing.

Hey Babe

Right you must come see us tomorrow in the visitor's room it is important that you do. It's something really urgent that must be done face to face. I love you Bren and hope you have been keeping well. Anyway be there tomorrow please babe. Okay, Love you.

Love Cheryl

Xxx

His heart started to pump really fast as he sat there reading the letter over and over again. What had happened? He looked at the letter confused. He looked at the envelope of the next letter he didn't recognise the writing he got the letter out the envelope with shaking hands nervous now worried about was so urgent. He sighed and started to read the letter.

Dear Brendan

As you may know me and Cheryl are coming to visit you tomorrow so do not do a no show as what we have to tell you is really important and we can't put it in writing as it is really something you don't put in a letter. So come tomorrow or we will break in to the prison to find you and trust me we are willing to do that.

From Amy

Brendan laid himself down on his bed his mind active. What the hell was going on? Why was Amy involved? Unless something had happened to Steven, oh shit what if something had happened to Steven? He laid there his heart pounding in his chest. He made a mental note to himself to go to the visitors room and stay as calm as possible.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Brendan got up straight away the next morning and did his roll call first that morning all the other in mates were getting woken up by the bed vibrating and buzzing. He went straight to the prison cafeteria and grabbed himself a piece of bread and made himself a coffee. He sat down at his usual table and ate his food really quickly like he did most mornings but this morning instead he didn't go straight to his cell. He went down to the visitors room his heart beating through his chest he felt horrible. He went and sat down at his designated table and started tapping on the table. Time was going really slow now as he waited for the visitors to be let in to the room. Finally the buzzer went off and people started piling in to the room slowly. He stood up so that Cheryl and Amy would be able to see him. He looked around and then felt the wind get knocked out of him as Cheryl chucked herself at him. He caught her and held her close crying in to her hair. They broke apart Cheryl and Amy sat down. Brendan sat down opposite them. He was so glad to Cheryl and was even glad to see Cheryl. He wiped his face on his hoody sleeve and looked straight at the both.
"So how are you?" asked Cheryl looking at Brendan with teary eyes. This worried Brendan he gave her a closer look. She looked worried and she had bags under her eyes. "I am fine, what's so urgent" said Brendan quickly looking between the two girls sat in front of him.
"We have something to tell you" said Amy quietly she looked the same as Cheryl tired and worried. This was making him even more nervous.

"It's about Ste" said Cheryl

TBC