i told my brother that i liked to imagine a modern au where yumichika wears elaborate false eyelashes (google image search sizna moran) and he was like but they are still like in a gang with kenpachi and i was like omg yes and we came up with this skit that i decided to turn into a full fic so
fact: tumblr is apparently filled with hatin motherfuckers so here it is
Ikkaku taps his bare foot impatiently against the wooden floor of their living room. Ikkaku loves Yumichika (not that he is a sap that says it often or to anyone other than Yumichika, late at night, in the dark), but the man takes forever to get ready.
And to some extent Ikkaku can understand that. Yumichika has long hair for a guy and even though Ikkaku is ba- doesn't have hair he imagines one doesn't want to go out with it a tangled mess. Plus, Yumichika likes to look professional and put-together and Ikkaku can respect that.
It's just…the eyelashes. Pairs and pairs of "glamorous" (Yumichika's word) fake eyelashes all different bright colors and with different patterned feathers, but all of them long and time consuming to put on. Once again it's not the eyelashes themselves that are the problem, Ikkaku can concede that they look good, but they have to be glued on very carefully and even then Yumichika has to make sure they are just so and it seems that no matter what they cause both of them to never leave on time.
And Ikkaku would really like to be able to leave on time when they are going to a meeting with the Boss.
"Are you done in there yet?" Ikkaku bellows, knowing his voice will easily carry down the hallway into their bedroom.
"Almost! Just give me a second!" Yumichika shouts back, his elbows on his vanity so he can lean closer to the mirror. He really is almost done he just needs to make sure he second eyelash is straight.
"We're already going to be late you know," Ikkaku grumbles, appearing in the doorway.
"So? Kenpachi doesn't care if we're late," Yumichika reasons.
"I just don't him to think we're slacking or we're late because we're having sex or something."
Yumichika rolls his eyes. "You're too concerned about falling out of grace with him. He already likes us as much as he likes anyone that isn't Yachiru. I'm pretty sure we're the only underlings whose names he knows. Second of all, what are you afraid he's going to think we're too gay? We live together that's about as gay as it gets."
"Says the one who didn't tell me he could cook and let us get crappy take-out for ten years because he thought I would think being able to cook is too feminine." Ikkaku has to grin at the thought especially when Yumichika actually blushes.
"That was a long time ago," Yumichika mumbles.
"Also," Ikkaku fidgets, "Kenpachi might not know we're living together yet. I might have told him we were coming to work together because we're carpooling."
Yumichika slams his hand down on his vanity making the various bottles and tubes of product shake and flips around to stare at Ikkaku. "Carpooling! Because that makes us sound that better thugs Ikkaku." he says in disbelief, "You might has well have told him we are a middle class family with two kids and a dog." Yumichika shudders at the thought.
"I'll tell him at the meeting," Ikkaku says, seeing Yumichika's point, "Which we're still late for by the way."
"I'm done," Yumichika stands, briefly checking that his eyelashes are straight in the mirror. He slaps Ikkaku's chest as he walks past him out the door. "And put shoes on."
"Ah, do I have to?" Ikkaku complains, following Yumichika down the hall and looking disdainfully at the ratty sandals laying unassumingly in the foyer.
"Yes, you barbarian," Yumichika sniffs, "You can take them off in the car. Hey maybe we can take the carpool lane."
"And so it begins," Ikkaku says, knowing he's never going to live that one down.
Yumichika just turns his head and winks at him, reminding Ikkaku of his earlier complaints to himself.
Stupid, pretty eyelashes