I was seeking some CJ nostalgia and I always thought the scene where Charlie and Joey are allowed to see each other again was really sweet, despite Charlie being a big, dirty liar. So, I thought I'd write a little one shot based on that. We'll follow the scene for half of it and then branch off and hopefully see what might have been if this story had played a different way. I hope you like it! Love, IJKS xxx
The Last Chance
Joey Collins sat in the living room at the only place she had been genuinely able to call home in recent years. She hadn't been comfortable in her family house for quite some time now. Lying about who she really was in order to keep her brother onside had been tiring. It had been too much. And although she had been to hell and back twice over with Robbo, at least it had brought Charlie into her life. And Joey was convinced that Senior Constable Charlie Buckton was the single most amazing woman she had ever met. In fact, she wasn't prepared to limit it to gender – she was the most amazing person she'd ever met. And Joey felt extremely lucky to be able to say that she was her girlfriend. Sometimes she had to pinch herself to remember that it was real and she wasn't living in some kind of fantasy land.
It had been a hard road to win the apparently heterosexual Charlie over. She'd saved Joey from a terrible ordeal and their friendship had grown from there. Charlie had taken her into her house, under her wing and into her heart. She'd panicked over falling in love with her at first but when push had come to shove and Joey had basically given her an ultimatum, Charlie had been brave and chosen her. It was either that or Joey would have sailed away from Summer Bay forever and left her behind. But when she'd given her one last chance to be with her, Charlie had taken it. They'd spent hours kissing in Charlie little, blue car, parked up at the beach and eventually, one thing had led to another. They'd gone to a nearby hotel and spent a glorious night consummating their love.
Unfortunately, they'd been forced out of the closet far more quickly than they'd intended. First, Ruby had caught them kissing and after a bit of a temper tantrum, she'd accepted them as a couple. Charlie had continued to struggle and when they'd gone out to dinner with Ruby that night, Joey had been extremely wounded that she'd refused to hold her hand in public. And Charlie had been anxious about spending the night together in Leah's house without her knowing the truth. Then Brett had shown up, drunk and angry, and he'd spilled the beans to Leah. With the secret out, Charlie had been shaken but she'd more than happily taken Joey to bed with her that night. They'd made love again and again and slept soundly in each other's arms.
But yesterday, it had all gone wrong. They'd been having a happy breakfast when Ruby's boyfriend, Xavier Austin had arrived and awkwardly announced that someone had spray-painted 'queer' on Charlie's car. And that had led to a day of hell. Charlie had been humiliated at work, where she'd been giving a talk at Ruby's school and Brett had made a formal complaint against her for taking advantage of a victim whose case she was investigating. Charlie and Joey had both been interviewed and kept apart for the whole night. Joey had unhappily spent the night in the caravan park, thankfully paid for by the police station as they had demanded it. She'd hardly slept and come so close to calling Charlie on so many occasions. But she'd got through it and she'd received the call to say that everything was okay and they were allowed to be together again. Joey had got dressed quickly and tried to do something extra nice with her hair. Then she'd raced over to the house and was now mindlessly watching television, desperately hoping that her girlfriend would be home soon.
Charlie took a deep breath and walked into the house. She felt sick over what had happened last night. She'd showered for ages and soaped her body so many times but she still felt dirty. She could still feel Hugo Austin on her skin. What the hell had she been thinking? She hadn't been thinking. It had taken so long for her and Joey to finally get together. She could hardly believe that she had thrown it all away at the first hurdle. Over the years, Charlie knew she had made a lot of mistakes, mistakes that she hated herself for. But this was certainly one of the two worst things she had ever done. She was disgusted with herself and she knew that as soon as her beloved girlfriend found out, she would hate her too. Stepping silently through the kitchen, Charlie entered the lounge and paused when she saw Joey, facing away from her, watching TV. But she looked tense, like her mind was elsewhere.
Charlie studied her for a few moments and she wondered if her heart would ever stop leaping whenever she set eyes on her. Joey was definitely the most beautiful person she had ever met, inside and out. And while it was all taking a lot of adjusting, Charlie knew that she had never been happier than she was when she was with Joey. She struggled with the gay label and she hadn't managed to feel comfortable in public, but when they were alone together, Joey brought out a side in Charlie that she'd never seen in herself before. Her heart leapt, she couldn't stop smiling, she was able to tell her over and over again just how in love she was. So, why then, had she done what she did last night? Inside, she shuddered at the memory and her heart broke at the sight of her innocent, beautiful Joey sitting there, oblivious to everything.
Anxiously, Charlie moved further into the room. Joey turned and leapt to her feet in sheer elation when she saw her.
"Hey!" she greeted.
"Hey," Charlie replied softly, accepting Joey happily into her arms.
She hugged her tightly, taking a moment to breathe in her scent and feel their bodies pressed so closely together. Holding on, Charlie hardly wanted to let her go. Maybe they could stay like this forever. Maybe then they would never have to face reality. She still hadn't quite figured out what to do next. Should she tell the truth about her betrayal? Maybe if she was upfront and honest, Joey might be able to find it in her heart to forgive her. She could pass it off as temporary insanity, a blip that they could ignore and move on from. As they drew away from each other, Charlie gazed into Joey's eyes. She's so beautiful, she thought lovingly. How can I ever tell her what I did? I can't bear to be the cause of more pain in her life.
"They rang and told me we were clear to see each other," Joey said, unable to stop smiling.
She let her eyes wander over Charlie. She looked like she'd barely slept and had the weight of the world on her shoulders and yet she was still so stunning. Joey didn't think she'd ever seen a real life person so beautiful before. She was in shorts that revealed her slender, shapely legs and a red, sleeveless top. She had curves in all the right places and Joey hoped she didn't look too lustful. But she'd spent so many weeks wanting but not being allowed to have Charlie that now that they were an item, Joey struggled not to keep touching her. For her part, Charlie gazed lovingly at Joey. She had done something different with her hair and Charlie thought it was particularly pretty and the blue top she was wearing was very flattering.
"It was torture not being able to talk to you last night," Joey said.
Charlie fought images of how she had spent her night. It made her feel sick. She didn't even like Hugo, not in that way. But she'd been so messed up and he'd called her gay. In all her life, she'd never had a problem with gay people but when the word was being flung at her, she hadn't been able to cope. Hugo had been after her for a while and Charlie had needed something, anything to take the pain away. She cursed herself now and wondered how she could ever have gone through with it. If she'd thought she had been in pain last night, it was nothing compared to now.
"Are you okay?" Joey asked worriedly.
She could read the sadness in Charlie's expression and she desperately wanted to take her pain away and she hoped now that they had the go ahead, she'd be successful.
"Yeah," Charlie said, forcing a smile and nodding. "Yeah, good. How about you?"
"Yeah," Joey said. "Just relieved."
They smiled at each other for a moment before Joey took Charlie's hand and pulled her onto the couch. They sat close to each other. Turning her options over and over in her head, Charlie ran a hand through her hair. Was it better to tell the truth or was it better to lie? Perhaps if she kept quiet, Joey would never find out what she had done, although Martha, Brendan and Xavier had all seen her do the walk of shame that morning. All it would take was one person to spill the beans and it would all be over. And would it be fair to build a lasting, loving relationship on a lie? She couldn't bear to hurt Joey but she knew that either way, she would. Her self loathing increased.
"I'll never forgive Brett for what he did," Joey ventured. "You know, you should maybe press charges against him for making a false complaint or something."
Charlie's heart lurched at the idea that Joey would willingly sacrifice her only family for Charlie's sake. She loves me that much, she thought to herself. And I don't deserve it.
"In his own way, he was just trying to protect you," she said.
She smiled sadly at her girlfriend who shook her head firmly.
"I don't need protecting," she said. "Not from you."
Charlie chewed on her lip so hard that she tasted blood. Joey watched her, full of concern, touching her hand and asking what was wrong. Their eyes met and Joey was startled to see that Charlie was crying.
"Charlie..." she said lovingly, reaching out to stroke her face. "Charlie, it's okay. Everything's okay now."
Charlie shook her head.
"It's not," she squeaked.
"What are you talking about?"
"I've done something terrible..." Charlie said, her voice cracking with emotion. "And I'm so, so sorry. I hate myself. And I know you're going to hate me too. After everything... I can't believe I'm losing you."
She cried harder. Confused and concerned, Joey gathered her into her arms and held her tightly, gently kissing the top of her head. Charlie sank onto the floor, resting on her knees in front of Joey and clinging on tightly.
"Charlie, nothing can be that bad..." she ventured, although she was feeling more than a little unsure.
What could Charlie have done that would cost them their relationship? She tried not to jump to conclusions but it was hard not to panic at what Charlie was telling her. She tilted Charlie's face until they were looking at each other. Charlie gazed longingly into Joey's eyes and took a deep breath.
"I... I... I slept with someone else."
Joey's face fell. She dropped her hands from where she had been holding Charlie, feeling suddenly sick. She sat up a little straighter and stared at her.
"What?" she asked meekly.
"I slept with someone else," Charlie said tearfully, hating to have had to say it once let alone twice.
Joey continued to stare. She licked her lips, trying to process what Charlie was telling her. How could she betray me like that? I thought she loved me.
"I'm so sorry," Charlie said.
"What... um... what... why? Who?" Joey asked, not entirely sure she wanted to know the answer.
"It was Hugo," Charlie said quietly, hanging her head.
Joey leapt up, pushing Charlie away in the process. Charlie continued to weep, gazing up at Joey who was pacing a little.
"Do you love him?" Joey asked.
"No!" Charlie said, getting to her feet and approaching her girlfriend. "I love you!"
"Then why did you do it? Cheating isn't exactly a traditionally method of letting someone know that you love them, Charlie!" Joey said, tears brimming in her own eyes.
"I know. I know. I hate myself for hurting you, Joey. I'm so sorry. I was just so messed up last night..."
"And I wasn't?" Joey exclaimed.
She furiously wiped her eyes.
"I spent the night in a crappy, little caravan, hardly able to sleep because I was missing you so much. I was so worried about you. And I wanted to break the rules and call you but I guess it would have been fruitless anyway. You wouldn't have heard it ring because you were too busy having sex with some guy!"
"I'm sorry."
"You keep saying that but if you were that sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."
"I was a mess," Charlie said again. "I didn't know if I'd ever be allowed to see you again..."
"So you decided to celebrate?"
"No!"
Charlie stepped closer, taking hold of Joey's hands. The younger girl was tempted to pull away. She felt like her world was imploding. But a big part of her just wanted to shake it off, start again and pretend it never happened.
"I love you so much," Charlie said.
"How can you?" Joey asked.
"I know I did the wrong thing. But please, never doubt my feelings for you."
"How can I not?" Joey asked.
"I screwed up," Charlie said. "When you came into my life, you turned my world upside down..."
"So, this is my fault now?" Joey asked coldly, pulling her hands away and shoving them into her pockets.
"No," Charlie replied desperately. "No. Joey, nothing has been your fault. You've done nothing wrong. This whole thing has been me. From the start. We fell for each other and I messed you around so much. I hurt you and I still don't forgive myself for it. And then we tried to make it work and then... with the car and Brett... and it all went wrong. I made the worst mistake of my life. I was being called a lesbian and being accused of being a sexual predator. And I couldn't cope. I did the stupidest, most hurtful thing I could ever have done and I regretted it before it even happened..."
"You did it though," Joey pointed out.
"I did. I did and I'm sorry."
"Did you spend the whole night with him?" Joey asked, her voice hollow and tight.
Charlie nodded her head, full of shame. Joey's lip trembled as she asked her next question.
"Did you like it?"
"No," Charlie replied without hesitation. "I hated it. I hated betraying you. And I hated being with someone who wasn't you. It was awful. It was one of the worst nights of my whole life. Joey, I never want to be with anyone who isn't you. You're the person I love. You're the person I want to be with."
She reached out for Joey again, placing her hands delicately on her hips and searching her eyes.
"Joey, I know what I've done is unforgiveable but... is there any chance that we could...?"
"What?" Joey asked tearfully.
"Please could you try and forgive me?" Charlie begged. "Could we draw a line under it all and start again? For real this time. No more drama. No more hurt. I swear that I will do anything... absolutely anything to make this up to you. Everyone knows now. We can be out and proud. We can be a proper couple. No more hiding. I'll... I'll tell my Dad about us. I'll... I don't know. I'll do anything you want. Please... please give me another chance?"
Joey was shaking a little and she'd long since stopped trying not to cry. She felt like everything that meant anything had been taken away from her. Gazing into Charlie's sorrowful, pleading face, she was torn over what she ought to do and say.
"Please?" Charlie begged.
"I don't know, Charlie," Joey said honestly. "I need some air."
Charlie sank to the floor, her hope collapsing as Joey left the house.
Joey left the house and almost flew down to the beach. Her head was spinning with the morning's revelations and her heart was breaking all over again. How many times was she going to let Charlie hurt her? She'd denied her feelings in the first instance, then she'd admitted she liked her but told her she couldn't do anything about it. Then they'd finally got together but Joey had been painfully aware that Charlie had been ashamed of her. And now, sleeping with a guy to prove she wasn't gay, only confirmed that Charlie was uncomfortable in a relationship with a woman. Am I that bad? Joey thought to herself. Am I horrible that Charlie really can't bear to love me? She shook her head in utter desperation. Arriving at the beach, she sank onto the sand and wept. Not caring about what she looked like, she let heaving sobs wrack her body as she tried to wash away all her pain.
Ruby's head was reeling with the news that Xavier had seen her big sister slipping out of Hugo's room that morning. What was Charlie playing at? One minute she was straight. Then she was making out with female Joey every chance she got. And now she was sleeping with Hugo. It didn't make sense. So, in a bid to find out exactly what was going on, she headed home and found her curled up on her bed, wailing to the point she was struggling for breath. Any anger and sarcasm left Ruby immediately and she perched anxiously on the side of the bed.
"Joey?" Charlie said hopefully, looking up.
Disappointment flooded her as she realised it was Ruby. Mascara streaked her face and she still couldn't stop crying. Ruby put her arm around her and Charlie settled in her embrace.
"I heard about Hugo," the younger girl said, stroking her sister's hair.
Charlie couldn't speak. She just continued to cry.
"Did you tell Joey?" Ruby asked.
"Yes," Charlie nodded. "I don't know if I did right or wrong by telling her but I couldn't lie."
"What did she say?"
"She's hurt," Charlie said. "She feels betrayed. She has been betrayed. She left."
"For good, left?" Ruby worried.
For all her flippant remarks and her shock over the fact that Charlie had suddenly switched teams, the truth was that Charlie was happier with Joey than she'd ever been with anyone. Joey worshipped the ground Charlie walked on. She adored her and unlike the Roman's and Angelo's of this world, she was sure that Joey would never treat her badly. She just wished that Charlie had been able to treat her with the same respect.
"I don't know," Charlie said. "I can't believe how stupid I am! I had the most incredible partner. I had someone who loved me for who I am and I just... I've screwed it all up. I've lost her and for what?"
"Why... why did you do it?"
"I was scared that I'd hurt her by dating her when she was in my care," Charlie said weakly. "There was all this talk of me being a sexual predator and abusing her and... Ruby, I love her so much. I've never felt like this about anyone before and I..."
She sighed heavily, still struggling for breath. Sitting up, she wiped her eyes.
"Why did I have to get so fixated on the gay thing?" she asked. "If I'm dating a woman then yeah, I must be a bit gay or bi or... Does it even matter?"
"Not really," Ruby said. "I mean, you knew people were going to gossip but at the end of the day, nobody can help who they fall in love with."
"I've lost her forever," Charlie realised. "She's never going to want to be with me again, is she? She's never going to forgive me for this."
It was several hours later before Joey finally wound up back at home. Finding the communal areas empty, she braced herself to poke her head around the bedroom door. Her heart broke a little more at the sight of Charlie sprawled out on the bed, her hair in disarray and tear tracks down her cheeks as she slept lightly, looking stressed. She's always going to be the most beautiful girl I've ever known, Joey thought to herself. She still felt very conflicted. How could someone so wonderful be so hurtful? The Toni Braxton song 'How Could an Angel Break my Heart?' sprang to mind. She sighed heavily. The sound made Charlie stir. She leapt up in fright and took a few moments to figure out where and who she was. Her eyes found Joey immediately and her heart surged in her chest.
"Joey..." she said, although she had nothing to say after that.
"You've really hurt me," Joey said, still hovering in the doorway. "Every time I think about you and him together, I feel sick. I was in that caravan missing you and fretting about you and you were in bed with Hugo. We... we made a commitment to each other. Didn't we?"
Charlie nodded.
"After everything we went through... all the struggle and pain... nearly losing each other and then finally deciding to make a go of things... It just... it feels like none of it was worth it if you were just going to do this," Joey continued.
"Please, don't say that," Charlie said tearfully. "I know I messed up but the few days we had... that meant something. Didn't it? I could never take that back. I could never wish it didn't happen. Every moment I've spent with you has been incredible."
"Then why did you destroy it?" Joey asked.
"Because I'm an idiot," Charlie said, wiping her eyes. "I finally found the one and then I pushed her away because she wasn't the person I expected her to be."
Joey managed a small smile at the thought that Charlie believed her to be 'the one'.
"I've never met anyone like you before, Charlie," she said. "I remember that first day. You didn't even know me and yet you were so caring. You helped me. And you encouraged me to be strong, to stand up for myself and press charges against the man that I felt had destroyed me. You protected me and you made me feel safe for the first time in years. And even when you messed me around, I kept loving you. I believed that you were worth it. I loved you so much and I was so desperate for you to love me back."
"I do love you," Charlie said, just in case there was any doubt.
"It's going to be a long road to forgiveness," Joey said. "I'm not even sure if I can do it. But I want to try."
Charlie's eyes lit up, hardly daring to hope that she was really being given another chance.
"I want to see if we can make a go of things," Joey said. "For real this time. Like you said. But there have to be a lot of changes."
Charlie stood up, wanting to reach out to her but not wanting to scare her away.
"Anything!" she said eagerly. "I'll do anything you want."
"No more being ashamed of me," Joey told her.
"I was never..."
"No more shame," Joey interrupted. "If people call you gay or whatever, you need to be able to rise above it because let's face it, if you really love me you can't exactly be completely straight, can you?"
Charlie nodded her agreement.
"I will," she said. "I can do that. I can accept that part of me. I can. I will."
"And I don't want to be some dirty little secret. You would never think twice about holding my hand or kissing me in public if I was a guy. I don't want you to think twice about it with me being a girl."
"I won't," Charlie promised. "I'm so happy that I might get the chance to hold you and kiss you again that I swear I'll do it wherever and whenever I can. I promise you. If you'll give me a chance to prove it to you, I'll be whoever you need me to be. I'll do anything."
She inched forward. Joey observed her, twisting her fingers together, still feeling very on edge.
"I want you to be you," she said. "I want you to be the girl who protected me, who accepted her feelings for me, who's willing to stand up for me and our relationship. I want you to be the person I know in private. I want you to be the loving, wonderful, caring woman that I know and love."
Charlie stepped closer and Joey finally reached out and held both her hands. She gazed into her eyes and saw the woman she loved, the woman who had never wanted to hurt her, gazing back.
"You betrayed me by sleeping with Hugo," Joey said. "But I know how bad you feel about it. And I'm so relieved that you told me because I swear, if you'd have lied and kept it from me and I'd found out... I'd be gone. I'd be out of here and so fast and I wouldn't have even said goodbye."
Charlie nodded, still crying.
"But I love you," Joey said. "I've loved you for as long as I've known you and I want to be with you."
Charlie smiled, tears of relief spilling from her eyes. Joey cried and smiled in returned, leaning in closer. Charlie felt overwhelming comfort as Joey held her in her arms. She rested her tired body against Joey's, her heart skipping a beat as Joey's lips brushed against hers. They kissed tenderly, savouring the moment, closing their eyes and losing themselves in each other.
"I love you so much," Charlie managed when they parted but refused to move far away from each other. "I swear that I will make everything up to you. I swear."
Joey nodded and stroked Charlie's face.
"This is our last chance, Charlie," she reminded her.
"I know," Charlie replied. "I know. And I promise you now that I am not going to make a mistake again. I am going to love you like you deserve to be loved. I'm going to be the best girlfriend I could ever be. I don't... well, I feel like a really bad person right now. I feel like a really bad person most of the time..."
Joey stroked her cheek, whispering that she wasn't.
"But you make me a better person," Charlie said honestly. "I feel like I could be someone with you in my life. You make me better. You bring out the best in me. And I want to spend the rest of my life, if you'll let me, proving that you haven't made a mistake by taking me back. I really will do anything to make you happy, Joey."
"You do make me happy," Joey replied softly. "That's the point."
She smiled warmly at her girlfriend, with the same affection she always had, determined to let the previous night go and move on together, towards their future.