T: Humor
G House
Summary: In which House spends the evening catching up with his TiVo.
A/N1: Canonical reference:
Clueless S2x15
A/N2: Standard Disclaimer. Not mine. I'm just filling in a few blanks here and there and, in this case, having a bit of fun. Many thanks to Thomas L. Moran for writing Clueless. I'm just borrowing what I found in the episode. I promise to put everything back where I found it when I'm done.
A/N3: Thanks as always to my betas for indulging me these little whims while in the middle of more intense writing, and to BlossomYoung42 for any cleanup required. Comments and reviews gratefully accepted if you see fit. All mistakes continue to be my own.
Dr. Gregory House entered his apartment after a day spent dealing with the clinic patients from hell, crotch rot and all. He was off the next day, and looking forward to spending the evening catching up with what his TiVo had been recording of late. His best friend, Dr. James Wilson, had just moved in - again - until he could find his own place. Wilson's wife Julie had thrown him out for the final time and he had been taking up residence on the sofa, seriously curtailing House's evening relaxation routine. That night, however, Wilson was working late at the hospital before meeting with his soon-to-be ex-wife, and House was looking forward to having his place to himself - even if it was only for the evening.
Tossing his keys and the mail onto the side table next to the door, he limped over to the desk and dumped his backpack onto the chair, followed carelessly by his jacket. He made his way down the hall into the bedroom, where he kicked off his sneakers and changed into his usual attire of pajama pants and a t-shirt before heading into the kitchen for a beer and a couple of slices of leftover pizza from the night before.
House settled himself on the sofa, setting the pizza in his lap and picking up the remote to turn the TV on and try to decide what to watch first. He propped his bare feet on the coffee table and idly scrolled through the TiVo listings, settling on an episode of The New Yankee Workshop that he hadn't seen yet. You can't go wrong with power tools, House thought, munching away on the pizza as he watched the host and his crew systematically dismantling the interior of an old farmhouse somewhere in New England. When the episode was over, House went back into the kitchen for another beer and to see if Wilson had left anything resembling food in the fridge. He hadn't, so House grabbed the last slice of pizza and another beer and headed back into the living room to decide what to watch next.
He scrolled through the TiVo menu. Not really of a mind to watch SpongeBob SquarePants, but still in the mood for a laugh, House put on the classic episode of a British comedy called Blackadder. Everyone knew his brain was next to useless when it came to remembering names, but he'd always thought the skinny guy who played that idiot Prince Regent was pretty funny - especially when he was getting slapped around by that bigger guy who kept showing up from time to time. Rewinding the TiVo to one of his favorite moments, House was rather glad that Wilson wasn't there to see it. Wilson was much more of a Masterpiece Theater kind of guy, and didn't always find the dry wit of British humor to his taste, but it never failed to make House chuckle.
Taking another look at the TiVo listings, he decided to catch up a bit with The OC. It wasn't quite as much fun as Dawson's Creek, which he'd taken to watching on nights that Stacy was working late, and it wasn't nearly as melodramatic as General Hospital or Prescription Passion, his favorite daytime soaps that he was usually able to find a way to watch while he was at work. Now that Dawson's Creek wasn't on anymore, The OC filled the gap that Dawson's Creek left behind. The series was only a few episodes into its second season, and as House watched he was struck by the beauty of one of the new cast members. He had no idea who the actress was, but her character was that of Seth's new boss at The Bait Shop, a punk rock chick named Alex with long blonde hair that had a bright purple streak in it. She had the most amazing green eyes and a cute little scar on her right cheek. Granted, she was still way too young, but he couldn't take his eyes off her and ended up watching a couple of episodes straight through just because of her.
After a break to relieve his bladder, take a couple of Vicodin and grab the bottle of scotch off the piano, House came back to his spot on the sofa to see if there was anything else he had missed. An unfamiliar title appeared at the bottom of the TiVo listings, and he wondered if Wilson was already starting to commandeer his television. He poured himself a couple of fingers of scotch and clicked on the title, something he'd never heard of and thinking that it might be one of those boring lecture series programs that Wilson liked to watch sometimes. I can always delete it and claim ignorance if it turns out to be as stupid as it sounds.
House watched the first few minutes of the program and found himself rolling his eyes. It was a medical drama that he knew for a fact he hadn't recorded. House never watched these things. They always took themselves way too seriously, with crises to be had just before the next commercial, and every case being resolved with a happy ending - unless it was during Sweeps, in which case some unlucky patient was probably going to die of some ridiculous disease that didn't even exist in the real world.
I should've made popcorn, House thought when saw the main character berating his staff members for being idiots. He could tell immediately that this was one of those shows that was on that network where regular-looking people were hardly never cast as the lead. When the guy stood up and walked around his desk, House was surprised to see him with a cane in his left hand. Something about the guy looked familiar, but he just couldn't quite put his finger on why. The case, such as it was, tried to be complicated, but House could see what they were trying to do and hurled sarcasm bombs and his own diagnoses toward the TV as he watched this guy's young and attractive staff members make mistake after mistake on their way to figuring out what was wrong with the patient. The main character's best friend reminded him a little bit of Wilson, and seemed to be there for no other reason than to serve as a foil to the main character's efforts. They'd cast some actress with big tits as the Hospital Administrator. Apparently her job was to keep the main character in check but he always managed to find a way to circumvent her efforts, much to House's amusement. I've gotta try that argument on Cuddy sometime, House thought during one scene.
All in all, the show wasn't bad as those kinds of shows went, and House was almost tempted to watch another episode. But the hour had grown late, and he could feel himself starting to become one with the sofa, so he made his way into bed before Wilson could come home and give him grief about falling asleep in front of the TV.
He heard the key fumble in the lock, Wilson stumbling into the apartment soon after. House knew he should probably get up and give him time to vent, but he really wasn't in the mood. He'd had the evening he'd hoped for. Wilson's moping was just going to have to wait until the next day. The last thing he heard before drifting off to sleep was, "Aw fuck, House - you drank all the beer!"