Bird of Paradise.
I am nothing but a pretty bird. Perched in my cage like some exotic animal, with a collar encrusted with some red stones that I like to pretend are rubies. "You don't deserve the real ones," my master had said, "but they make your optics glow."
Nothing but a pet, broken, used and owned.
Once I had been great. A long time ago I held the title of Second in Command. Once.
Now I sit in the cage, my wings huddled close, as there is never enough space to spread them out and I can't help but hope he will offline me one day, that the humiliation will end.
There are footsteps, not his but someone else's, thank Primus. It's Thundercracker, once my brother, now... barely a spectator to my silent humiliation. He looks at me with saddened optics as he leaves the datapad on Megatron's desk. I try to call for help, beg him to release me to let me leave and offline peacefully or go to Autobots and let them offline me but all that leaves my vocalizer is a broken "screeeee". Thundercracker looks behind him and with a sorrowful look leaves me alone again.
Until Megatron returns.
Until he takes one more thing from me.
It's terrifying how he managed to take everything from me already. First my rank, then my honour, my trine, my freedom, my dreams, my comm, my voice and my will to live. He's breaking me time and time again, taking myself from me.
I am nothing but a pet.
Pet that is praised when being good and scolded when bad. Pet that has no voice, no free will. Pet completely dependent on it's master's wishes.
He took away my ability to say I'm sorry.
I am.
Took me long enough to admit it to myself. Enough humiliation, enough torture, enough taken away to understand.
I wish I had never disobeyed that day. But I was once a different mech. Once, I was a mech, a proud seeker with his armor shining in the sun. Best among the fliers. Most cunning cunning the fighters.
I am nothing but a property now.
I hate it. I hate him. For doing it to me. I ruff my armor and cycle the air trying to calm myself down. He'll be back soon. I hate the anxiety that he makes me feel. I wait for him, every day, every hour, every minute. Not sure of my own fate.
I hear him, he's coming. His steps are light and not nervous. I flinch when he enters the chamber. I look at him fearfully expecting, anxious, hoping for his touch and afraid he will touch me.
I am intimidated but my meta can't stop but spout invectives at him.
Look what you did, You broken me, taken my humanity, taken everything from me. Give it back, GIVE IT BACK!
I scream in my head, unable to hold the liquid rising in my optics. But the only sound leaving my broken vocalizer is a silent whimper.
He notices me and smiles at me. Almost gentle but I am not fooled. I nudge the doors to my cage with my nasal ridge. It's humiliating but I want out. OUT! I will beg and grovel if it only gets me out of this cage. My prison, my punishment.
He chuckles, and comes toward my cage. He reaches between the bars and I nuzzle my head into his hand. Touch is good. It makes me know he didn't take my sensors from me. I hate that I crave his touch.
"Such a pretty bird," he praises me and I coo in some kind of enjoyment. "Have you been a good pet today?"
I scree in response, a long time ago I learned that I shouldn't showing me as being a mech was punished. I am nothing but a pet, mindless animal.
Nothing but a pet.
"Good." He opens the door to the cage and I wait patiently as he attaches the leash to my collar.
I used to struggle once, leap for freedom every time he opened the doors. I do not any more.
Whenever I tried to run, he used to break me more. Not only my mind but my body - one thing that he didn't take from me, though he broken it more times that I can count, and every time he made Hook bring me back to the good shape.
I hate him.
I pad out of the cage finally able to stretch my wings. I purr in contentment, joints popping as my wings spread to their full width. He looks at me appreciatively and strokes my wings which, in turn, makes me mewl in pain. Too sensitive. But I don't shy out from his touch.
He's my master, my owner, I am to allow him whatever he does.
I am nothing but a pet.
He tugs on my collar and I follow him obediently like the good pet I am. My meta screams once again at me. Demanding I struggle, I run, I SCREAM! but I choke it inside. Once, I used to have power, now I'm nothing. I don't deserve to be free.
I want to be free.
I nuzzle his hip where, in his subspace pocket, he caries the energon treats for me and look at him expectantly. He pets my head and withdraws one of them. Holding them between his fingers he offers it to me. I obediently kneel in front of him and open my mouth; He places the treat inside my lips and I take it gently, careful to not graze my denta against his fingers.
BITE HIM! My meta screams.
Once. I used to bite hard, once. Spit the treat out, hating to take anything from his hand.
I am nothing but a pet now. Well trained and obedient. I will not bite a hand that feeds me.
He takes me to the Throne Room, his favourite place to brag about his exotic bird. Decepticons are looking at me disturbed, though once the stares were much harder. Once. Now they are used to having their Leader's pet beside him.
The energon treat was nice, but my tanks are empty. I hear them pinging for a refuel and I curl on myself. I won't beg, I won't. I place my head on My master's lap, and allow myself to be petted as he listens to Decepticons' reports. Try to forget about the tank. My Master will feed me when he decides it's needed. I lick on his hand in appreciative gesture. But he slaps me away. I howl in pain and curl beside his pedes, nuzzling them absent-mindedly.
I watch the mechs around. Some of them are trying not to look at me. Can't they understand? I am not Starscream any more. I am only Megatron's Pet.
His property.
My meta still fights it, screaming inside me, making me feel frustrated, act rashly and stupidly. Because sometimes I am forgetting that I am nothing but a pet. I hate that I once was a full mech. That once I was a jet, free to take my chassis into the skies.
Free.
Once.
Not any more.
When I'm good, Megatron would take me to the top of the tower and he would let me spread my wings, feel the wind - the reminder of freedom I once had. My meta screams then, wanting to leap out, to jump and either offline or fly free with the birds around.
I enjoy every single moment of the wind in my wings, imagine it's only sky around me and I'm zooming through clouds. Free like a bird.
What a false idiom that is. I am nothing but a bird and I am not happy, nor free, though those short moments make me feel the slivers of happiness in my spark.
I hate the moments after. I feel walls closing in around me, smothering me, choking off the air out of my vents. But I manage to smother the fear down, not to anger my master.
It's when I feel the tug on my leash that I snap out of my memories. There is an energon cube placed in front of me. Every single Decepticon optic is looking at me. I lean my head down and I lap at the sweet substance. It's good, not high-grade, not enough to make me fully energized, but enough to keep me functioning. I look at Megatron and he looks at me, smirks. Then he turns to look at the Decepticons and stays silent. He's proving a point. He had broken the most disobedient mech into well trained pet.
No one will ever decide to disobey him. No one will take my place of a pet. No one will ever free me. I am to be his pretty bird forever.
With a wrong move I spill some of the energon on the floor and with panicked squeal I try to lap it up from the floor, but he notices, he always does.
I'm sorry I've been bad pet, I'm sorry I'm sorry, Please no.
I beg, but only incoherent squees are leaving my vocalizer. I see his optics flare with rage and I cower before he rises me up by the collar. Choking me, blocking my vents. I struggle but only minutely. He's my master, I've been bad pet. He throws me against the wall and I cower, whimpering. He strikes me. I cower and whimper more. Once, I would think about striking back, or running or hiding.
Once.
I am nothing but a pet now. Bad pet. Such a bad pet. I spilled the energon. Wasted it. Wasted the precious energy that Megatron shared with me. I'm sorry, I'm a bad pet.
He tugs at my wing and I scream. It hurts. STOP IT! I struggle now. He had ripped my wing once, when I still didn't realize I was his pet. I had tried to stand up to him then. Regretted it ever since.
But no, he is pulling me to his office again. Not the cage, not the cage. Please I'll be a good pet, please no. Not the cage.
He throws me in and my still outstretched wings hit the bars and I wail in pain and in terror. I hate the cage. It's closing in on me. Tight. It's choking me, all around me. Not enough space. My vents are circling, my gyros are spinning. I try to calm down, but I scream, this time loudly. Earning another slap to my faceplate. I bite at his hand and fight. Not the cage. Please. I hate the cage.
He snaps the door shut and I jump at the door trying to get free, I fight the urge to flap my wings, it will hurt. I cycle the air fast and hard and I'm feeling panic rising in me. I am afraid, so afraid. The space, the bars, they are choking me. I almost can't circle the air. I leap once more at the bars. LET ME OUT! Let me out. But there is no one that would listen. Only red optics glowing at me as I whimper helplessly. Hurting. Caged. Broken.
I slide down, holding the bars and sobbing helplessly. You've broken me, let me out, let me live.
Let me die.
Once again, nothing but a helpless whimper leaves out my vocalizer. Please.
He turns around and leaves me alone.
I sob and I cry and I curl into myself.
Once I was a bird that owned the skies. Once I tasted the freedom.
Now I'm lying broken under his feet. Caged, collared, owned.
Nothing but a beautiful pet.