Disclaimer: I don't own Waterloo Road, or the characters, or anything you recognise. I just made up the plot.
A/N: This idea hit me while I was doing some washing up of all things, as I was musing over Episode 8. Rachel's part in the end of that episode always makes me sob, and I just had to give her some sort of comfort, even if it's not quite what any of us want it to be… yet. Roll on Episode 10! This is to make up for the plonker I suspect Eddie is going to make of himself in the next episode. Oh, and apologies for the Meddie stuff in the beginning, it was unavoidable.
Summary: We saw what the news of Maxine's death did to Rachel, and Steph, but what about Eddie?
Wrong
Eddie waved once as the inspector slid into her car and pulled out of her parking space, finally gone and their problems for the moment diminishing. Then, with a sigh of relief, he turned to the side of him where he expected Rachel to be, but she wasn't there. There was just an empty space. It was silly of him to have thought she would be there, because he always knew if she was close by, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled in a greeting to her every time she got within a few metres of him. But the questions remained, if she was not with him, where was she? He looked around, his eyebrows knotting together and caught a glimpse of his Headmistress hurrying towards her car, a distraught expression on her face that he didn't like looking at. What on earth…?
"Rachel!" He called across the car park but she didn't turn, he couldn't even be sure she'd heard him, and before he could shout again in a louder voice, she was yanking open the door to her car and practically throwing herself inside. He didn't have time to approach and stop her before the engine growled into life and she was following the inspector out of the school gates. He watched, wishing she would incline her head just a little and catch his eye, wishing he knew what had changed, but she didn't and soon he was left staring out of the school.
Eddie couldn't get that look in her eyes, the twist of her mouth, out of his mind. Something was incredibly wrong, and he didn't know what it was. Reaching back in his memory, he vaguely recalled her answering a phone call; had the bad news come that way? But then she would have only been a few feet away from him, why didn't she explain before running off like that? Flashbacks of the first day of term and last day of term began to riddle his thinking, Rachel facing danger by herself when he should have been there and the unsettled feeling inside him suddenly turned to dread.
"Eddie? You alright?" Another female voice penetrated his thoughts and he turned at last from the gates, to try and pull on a smile to face Melissa. His now finance was looking at him with a mixture of concern and happiness, and he determinedly pushed away the incident with Rachel so he was able to press a kiss to her mouth without thinking of her sister, for once.
"Yeah, fine. You ready to go? Where's Phil?" He asked, slipping an arm around Mel's waist as he looked around for his soon-to-be son-in-law and spotted him meandering towards their car. He felt her arm sneak around him in reply and tried to be comforted by it, even while thoughts of Rachel threatened to break into his mind again.
"Glad today's over?" Mel asked, leaning her head against his shoulder as she looked up at him. He nodded, forcing his head to concentrate on the woman beside him, not on the one who had just driven out of school without a word. "We did ok, didn't we?" She continued, and Eddie was conscious of the way her eyes were still lingering on him, as if she knew he wasn't entirely focussed on what she was saying.
"Yeah, we did." He answered, squeezing her lightly before they parted so she could go to one side of the car and he to the other. Unconsciously, his eyes flicked up to the school gates again, unable to stop the worry solidifying in his mind that something had happened and Rachel had run off to deal with it by herself, when she should have someone there with her. Resolving to call her as soon as he got home, he swung himself into the car, putting the matter from his mind again. The drive home was quiet, Mel seemed to have realised he was thinking about something he was not about to share with her and although Eddie tried not to dub her with the label, she sulked a bit all the way home. Poor Philip sensed something was off and remained silent until they arrived back as well. Not exactly the best start to what he had hoped would be a cheerful evening.
********************************
Dumping his bag on the kitchen table, Eddie listened with a wince as Mel and Philip stomped upstairs. He certainly wasn't in for a pleasant evening and he had only himself to blame. How stupid was he going to look if he phoned now and there was absolutely nothing wrong? He'd upset the woman he was supposed to be marrying, and probably her son as well, all for one look he'd seen on Rachel's face? What was wrong with him? Sighing, he pulled out his mobile and pressed speed-dial three, Rachel's home number, putting the device to his ear and leaning against the counter, desperately hoping he had jumped to the opposite conclusion.
He waited, a sinking feeling in his stomach as she took far too long to answer. Then the answer phone clicked and began speaking into his ear. Shaking his head, the sense of impending bad news only growing strong as he ended the call and pressed speed-dial one, Rachel's mobile, hoping she wasn't driving. Again, he waited for a response, and again, he was greeted by an answer-phone message. Biting his lip on the inside, he waited for the automatic voice to end and then the beep, before starting to speak.
"Hi, Rachel, it's me. I saw you run off this afternoon and … well, just, give me a call when you get this, stop me worrying, ok?" Taking the phone away from his ear, he cut the call and put his phone down on the table, staring at it, thinking he had done everything he could, she would call when she had a moment. That should be the end of it.
But as he leant back against the counter behind him again, he knew that it wasn't. His eyes darted around the room, thinking about the marking he had to do, the dinner he was supposed to be cooking tonight, the various jobs he'd assigned to this evening, even though it was no use. Eddie knew what he had to do. He hadn't taken off his coat, so he just grabbed his keys and mobile before heading out to the front door.
He considered calling up, to explain where he was going, but as he couldn't even explain it to himself he decided against it and just pulled open the door, feeling guilt flare up inside him but ignoring it, the sense he was doing the right thing stronger than the inclination to turn back. He didn't remember locking the door behind him, didn't remember striding to his car, didn't think as he pulled out of his drive and out onto the road. He did recall every red traffic light though, every slight build up in traffic, that slowed him down and kept him a few seconds longer from his destination.
Finally reaching the end of Rachel's street, he kept his eyes practically fixed on her house, looking for any sign of her or whatever was tipping off his subconscious. It was only when he was a few houses away that he realised her car wasn't there. Frowning again, he pulled up on the kerb opposite the building he was so familiar with and got out, locking the car and darting across the road to stand in front of her front door. There was no sign of life and he had been right, her car definitely wasn't here. He briefly thought about knocking his hand against her door, both to check if she was there and relieve some of his frustration with himself and her, but just as he was about to do so, he heard a familiar sound and turned, a sigh escaping him as he caught sight of her silver Audi coming down the street.
Squinting, he confirmed it was in fact her driving but then he was presented with another query: If she was driving, who was in the passenger seat? He waited, standing on her front step, for her car to roll into the drive and he just caught a flash of her frown at him, probably wondering what he was doing here, before he realised exactly who was sat next to Rachel. What was Steph doing in Rachel's car? And why did she look such a state? Moving forward, he approached the car warily, as Rachel got out. He'd thought she would speak first, ask why he was here, but she didn't, just avoided his eyes and shut the car door before going around to open the door for Steph and helping her out.
Thinking the blonde was hurt, he went to help as well but Rachel shook her head sharply to tell him no, before holding out her keys and nodding at the door he'd been stood at. He accepted her order for the moment and opened her home, swinging the door open as Rachel supported Steph over the threshold and down her hall, into the kitchen. Eddie hovered for a second by the front door, wondering what to do, before closing it and advancing after them, now more determined than ever to get some answers. What was wrong with Steph? And, more importantly, what was wrong with Rachel?
He stopped just outside the kitchen doorframe, watching as Rachel gently set Steph down in a chair and turned away towards her kitchen counter. Eddie couldn't see her face, but he watched as she paused, hands splayed across the surface and even from this distance, he could tell her breathing was hitching every few seconds. He was about to move forward, to help in whatever way he could, when she straightened herself abruptly and turned, hand scraping her cheeks as she finally faced him. He couldn't have torn his eyes from her face if he'd tried; he hadn't seen her that distressed since the first day of term and it physically hurt him that she was going through something again and he hadn't known until now.
With some steeling of her spirit, he was sure, she hesitantly lifted her gaze to him and he tried to show all the empathy he felt in the one look they'd shared since he'd got here. It seemed that was too much for Rachel, and she returned her attention to Steph, who he noticed was shivering and tears were running down her cheeks. Reaching out to the other woman, Rachel took her hand and went around to stand in front of her, inclining her head so Steph could meet her eyes.
"I'm going to get you a blanket." Eddie was shocked to see the words barely registered with the French teacher, there was no recognition in the blonde's eyes, just an empty nod in answer before her head sunk to look at the table. Rachel didn't seem to expect anything more, just squeezed Steph's hand and set it down on the table before turning again to walk past Eddie, her expression set in grim stone and determinedly not looking at him.
Eddie felt completely out of place; he didn't know what had happened, he didn't understand why Steph was so upset, there was only one thing that ever affected Steph Haydock this badly and that was Maxine; had something happened to the girl? Was it anything to do with Earl? Where was Maxine? Why had Rachel gotten involved? Steph didn't even seem aware of him standing a few feet from her, she just stared into space ahead of her and those awful silent tears continued to run down her face as her shoulders shook. The house was completely silent, apart from faint sounds upstairs which he assumed was Rachel looking for a blanket for Steph, and it made him terrifically uncomfortable. He hated silence, part of the reason he worked in a school.
Then with a low sigh of relief, he heard Rachel's unmistakeable footsteps coming down the stairs and he sensed her come closer then slide past him, into the kitchen again, a thick woollen sheet in her hands that she draped over Steph's shoulders and tucked around her body. Unconsciously, Steph pulled the cloth tighter around her, then a sob finally broke through and she crossed her arms on the table as she lay her head on them, crying bitterly but with no words.
Eddie watched as Rachel looked down at a woman he hadn't thought she cared about, tears also swelling on her eyelids and her throat obviously swallowing hurriedly, and he thought she wanted to do something but didn't know what Steph needed. Finally knowing he needed to step in, Eddie took a slow step forward and caught Rachel's hand, ignoring the tension her whole body immediately adopted at the contact and drawing her away from Steph, towards the doorway and down the hall, into the door he knew was her living room. Rachel couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the crumpled form over her kitchen table, her expression terrified and traumatised at the same time.
Finally, he guided her into the living room and out of sight of Steph, still holding her hand but when she wouldn't turn away from the door he also took hold of her shoulder, physically angling her to face him. Her face dropped and he would guess her eyes closed as well, trying to hold back the tears he'd seen threatening in her beautiful eyes only a few seconds ago.
"Rachel." He spoke as softly as possible, entwining his fingers with hers as his other hand gently tipped her head up. "What's happened?" Her breathing hitched again at his words, and her eyes flickered open to meet his, and he hoped she drew some strength from the shared look.
"Maxine – Earl shot Maxine. Steph called me, hysterical, I had to go, Eddie. They were taking her away just as I got there, in a black bag, I had to get Steph out. She's lost Maxine and her home, everything, and she said Earl shouldn't have been there, and she's right, we should never have kept him in the school, it's my fault, you didn't want them either I knew but I had to give them a chance and he's – oh god, Eddie, he's killed someone." Rachel's breathing completely escaped her then and she started to gasp, her one free hand rising to cover one side of her face as she nearly collapsed herself. Acting instinctively, Eddie wrapped his free arm around her and held her to him, drawing the hand of hers he still held up to his neck as he laid his cheek on her hair.
Grief and sympathy swamped him as he tried to process the news. Maxine was dead – and Earl had killed her? It didn't seem possible. His thoughts flew to Steph, crying onto her arms on Rachel's kitchen table, and understood some of how she felt; he knew how devastating loosing a child could be. But his foremost concern was the woman in his arms, whose sobbing was soft and yet shook her entire frame. He knew from her broken words and the fact he understood her so well, that she would feel responsible, and he had to find some way of showing her she wasn't. Eddie knew there was nothing he could do for Steph just yet; she would need time. Rachel, however, needed some sense shook into her. It was Earl who had made the choice, Earl who had turned down the offer of help, Earl who had taken Maxine away from Steph, he would not let Rachel take that burden as well as the others he knew she already carried.
"Rachel, this is not your fault." He spoke firmly into her hair, hoping she was listening, but in a moment he was wishing she hadn't been, as she drew rapidly away from him and stared up into his eyes, her guilt swallowing any other emotions visible in her eyes. He only just managed to hold onto her hand as she motioned back towards her kitchen.
"Not my fault? If it's not mine, whose is it? I let him stay, went against the majority of the staff to do it, I insisted everyone was wrong about him-"
"Rachel, that was Earl's fault! Not yours! He made the choice to do what he did. You did everything you could, you know that, we both did everything possible to help him-"
"But you said it yourself Eddie! Why can't I just accept I can't save everyone? Sometimes people just can't be saved."
"Yes, exactly, it's not down to you to save everyone. They have to do some of it themselves."
"But Eddie, he's shot someone, he's taken away someone's little girl, how did I not see-"
"How could any of us have seen this? Rachel, I mean it, this is not for you to feel guilty over. We both tried to look for the best in him, that's part of our job, he just hasn't changed." Eddie drew her forward towards him again, softening his tone to try and break through the walls of guilt he knew were spinning up around her. Rachel shook her head, eyes sliding to the ground as she obviously tried to comprehend his words and her own. "Rachel, please don't take this on as well. It's not your fault." He repeated, looking down determinedly into her eyes, waiting for her to look at him. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes, absorbed by her own thoughts.
Just as he thought she was about to speak, his mobile buzzed in his pocket and the moment broke, both of them sighing as the reality outside of her house intruded. She stepped back and he had no choice but to let her, her hands sliding from his grasp even as he knew it would cause them both pain to loose the connection. Angrily, he snatched his phone from his pocket and checked who it was calling: Melissa. Great. Just who he wanted to speak to right now, when he was trying to help someone else. Looking up, he realised Rachel had left the room, probably to give him some privacy, and expelled a short breath angrily before answering the call.
"Yes?"
"Eddie, where the hell are you, you left without a word or a note or anything, what is going on?" The stream or irritated words did nothing to ease his temper though he managed to keep his voice level as he answered.
"I'm at Rachel's. Something's come up." He didn't want to explain what he had just found out over the phone, though perhaps Rachel would not want anyone else knowing just yet until they had figured out what to do about the whole thing.
"Oh great, so does that mean you're not going to be home all night?"
"Melissa, this is important-"
"I'll bet it is. Well, don't expect dinner to be waiting for you when you get home. If you come home, I'm sure Rachel will keep you entertained, for a while anyway." Before he had a chance to snap back, to release the incredible surge of anger he felt at Melissa's words, the line went dead and he was left staring at the phone with a mixture of anger and bitterness. How dare she? How bloody dare she? How could she say that about her own sister? Eddie stood for a few seconds, the anger pounding within him, until it was as if someone had flicked a light on in his cranium.
All the little things over the last few weeks, tiny incidents he'd not paid any thought to but had built up in the back of his mind, now all rushed forward and demanded his undivided attention. Melissa's moments of self-absorption that were always so unreasonably irritating, Rachel's underlying bitter and strained happiness when around him, the lack of connection with the one woman he'd always had one with, his disappointment when she didn't smile at him anymore, his need to follow her rather than the blonde he was supposed to be marrying, the way he couldn't look at Melissa without comparing her to her sister and always finding Mel coming up short, the way her lips were never quite right, not what he had imagined Rachel's being like.
The surge of feeling whenever he saw the older sister, the nerves mixed with happiness mixed with a hundred other emotions he'd been determined not to put a name to. A rush he had never had when around Mel. All these things, which might have been insignificant at any other time, now span around his thoughts and finally made clear exactly what he'd been ignoring these last few weeks. It wasn't Mel he was in love with, it never had been; he loved Rachel. With his heart and soul, he loved Rachel Mason.
Bugger. That was the only thought that then decided to float across his unusually blank mind just then. Bugger. He loved Rachel; it wasn't just feelings for her, feelings that could be forgotten, he actually loved her. And he was engaged to her sister. A few less polite words then made their way across his mind as well. The anger that had been boiling in his veins a minute ago had completely faded, to be replaced by a feeling of loss. What on earth was he going to do?
"Eddie?" A soft voice wafted over to him from the door, a voice that restored sense but filled him with emotion as well. Rachel. He realised he'd been staring at his phone since Melissa had hung up on him, unable to translate his thoughts into any sort of physical reaction. He looked up, and caught the sad glint in her eyes before it was whisked away and replaced by a faint smile. "I bet Melissa's missing you, how long were you on my doorstep before I got here?" He sensed the guilt hovering over her before he realised the catch in her voice as she said her sister's name was more telling than he'd ever admitted to himself before.
"Not even a minute. And this is important. Is Steph going to stay here?" He asked, moving towards her, putting his phone away without a second of thinking back. Rachel followed the movement rather than meeting his eyes, her whole body uneasy and quite obviously needing support even if she wouldn't admit it.
"I don't know. I don't think she'd want to stay here, though she'd be welcome to. It's the least I can do." The last sentence was muttered very quietly, but he caught the gist of it as he approached and saw his words from earlier had been brushed away in the second she'd walked off, dismissed out of hand. Even if he hadn't heard, he could have guessed from her earlier words. As he got within a few steps of her, she pushed herself upright from the doorway she'd been leaning on and went to move further down the hall, but he just managed to catch hold of her hand again.
"Rachel, am I going to have to say all of that again?" He questioned, motioning behind him to where they had talked before and her eyes skittered away from him, first down her hall and then into the living room, her hand cold within his as he wrapped both his larger ones around her slim one.
"Eddie, I'm the only one that can truly judge me, and I know when something lies at my door. This is one of those things." Her reply was calm, low, and that only served to frustrate him. How could she so easily dismiss his opinion? He wasn't sure how to make it clear, so decided to appeal to the one thing in her character he knew was stronger than her awareness of her faults; her need to protect others.
"What about me? If you're to blame, then so am I."
"No Eddie, you're not. I made the choice. Steph is never going to forgive me." Her voice was fading, her head dipping as he knew her thoughts ran down the corridor to the French teacher neither of them knew very well. Raising their entwined hands, turning them to their aligned knuckles were just below eyelevel, he made sure she'd seen them before speaking.
"Rachel, we're a team. Whether you like it or not, we both accept responsibility or neither of us do. Look," he insisted as she shook her head, denying his words again, "look at our hands. We're inseparable, you and me. Whatever happens, we've always stood by each other, and I will always be on your side, even when you're not. If you can't listen to me Rachel, there's no hope for anyone. This is not our fault. I won't let you take the blame for this, I won't." He repeated, squeezing her hand slightly as he also found her other one and entwined their fingers again.
For a moment, Eddie worried that she would tear away from him, she tugged slightly on him as if that was what she intended to do, but within a moment of her doing that and him holding on, he saw tears once more swell on her bottom eyelid, glittering in the low light of her hall. And he allowed himself to hope he had gotten through to her. He waited with baited breath, for what he wasn't sure, then he heard her draw in a rapid breath that would have been a sob if her control had not been so good and took it as a sign. He gently let go of her hands and slid his arms around her, enfolding her in his embrace.
"You don't have to be strong all the time Rachel." He whispered into her hair, a hint of smile reaching his mouth when he felt her hands clench in his jacket and her face bury itself in his neck. He felt the cool touch of her tears as they finally eluded her vice-like grip on her emotions and cascaded down her face in a flash flood, one he was glad she hopefully found release in. He held her firmly, letting her know he was there, he was ready to let her cry on his shoulder, he wanted her to let him be strong for her. It seemed she was finally going to listen to him, she gave into the shakes and the tears and the sobs, she clung onto him like he was her only lifeline left in this world. And in many respects, he suspected that was true.
For all her good intentions, Melissa had done nothing, absolutely nothing for her sister since she'd appeared back in her life, and Eddie now had to acknowledge some of that was his fault; he'd gotten between the two sisters as effectively as if he'd shoved a mile wide chasm between them. He wished things could have been so different these last few weeks; he wasn't about to make excuses, but he did wish he'd done things a different way. The woman he was holding in his arms right now was more dear to him than any other adult in his life, so why had he gone out of his way to hurt her almost since the start of term? Comforting himself with the thought he could make it right, or rather, try and start changing that, he hugged her closer and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head.
A/N2: Now, I have a choice: Should I leave it there, with some hope, or make it fit in with the series and leave us with no hope until the end of Episode 10?