Okay I would like to clear something up before I start this fic. At first there will be LOTS of flashbacks because Taylor remembering her time with Ryan. I am NOT killing Ryan. I couldn't do it. He won't be gone the whole story either. Well you'll just have to read.

Chapter 1

Its been a year since she's seen him. A year since she's felt his touch on her skin. A year since she married him and a year since he'd gone off to war. They were high school sweet hearts. Married two days after graduation, two days before he left her to defend his country. She laid back in her bed, the bed she hated since it was in her dorm at the college he had dreamed of them going to together. Taylor Townsend had married Ryan Atwood so he would know that when he returned home after two years across the world fighting she would still be there loving him.

She needed him to know she would wait for him. So she lived through his letters and I love you's in those letter's. Taylor absently twisted her wedding ring around her finger before looking over at the clock on her nightstand. 3 am. Suddenly her room mate opened the door of their door as she stumbled.

"You're still up?" she stopped abruptly staring at a wide awake Taylor. "I can't sleep."

"Still worried about Newport?" Taylor hadn't even thought about the summer approaching her in Newport. The town where she met her husband. The town she graduated from. Where she found our what best friends meant.

"Oh, Olivia! I haven't even thought of that!" Taylor cried pulling the covers over her face. "Taylor, sooner or later you'll have to face it."

"I know I just really miss him." Taylor pouted. "Only one more year." Olivia tried. "What if he comes home and doesn't love me anymore." She pulled the covers back down. "Are you serious?!"

"its been a year..." Taylor trailed off. "Yeah and how many letters has he sent you? How many times does he say I love you in those letters? You're nuts if you think he won't love you."

"I know. I just want him home in my arms." Taylor cried. "Oh baby, he will be." Olivia walked over to the girl that had become her best friend in the past year. "Thanks Olivia. I'm going to miss you." Taylor cried holding on to Olivia.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be in this town where every where she seemed to go reminded her of him. She hadn't been here since last summer. Now here she was getting out of her car in front of the Cohen's house where she'd be staying that summer. She wasn't sure that she really wanted to stay in the pool house where they said she could stay. The pool house where Ryan had lived had far too many memories of the time she spent with Ryan.

Taylor shut her car door before smoothing out her clothes. She didn't want to go in. She wanted to go back to Berkeley. She wanted to go back to the comforts of her dorm room with her new best friend and just stay there. But that wasn't an option.

The only other option was to go to her moms house and that was not happening. Well actually it wasn't even an option. Her mom wouldn't let her stay there anyway even if she asked.

She decided against walking through the main house. Instead she reached the pool house as she closed her eyes and opened the door. She smiled at one of the biggest memories here, besides where they made love to each other for the first time.

"I love you so much, Taylor." Ryan breathed into her ear. Taylor's body shivered at his touch. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind before she leaned her head against his chest. "Marry me." She thought she was hearing things but then he repeated it. "Marry me." She turned around instantly as he caught her in his arms again. "Ryan." She moaned. "I love you. I want to know that when I get home you'll still be here waiting for me. I want to know that once I'm back you'll still love me like you do now." He smiled. They were standing in the middle of the pool house watching the rain fall against the windows. They would be graduating high school in a month and then Ryan would be off to war and Taylor would spend her summer without him. Then she'd go to Berkeley like she had planned all along. "Alright." She giggled. "Really?" His face lit up. "Really. I love you and even if we didn't get married I would ALWAYS wait for you Ryan. You're the only guy I'll ever in my life love." She kissed him hard on the lips.

Taylor took in the surroundings of the pool house. This had been her safe place since Sophomore year of high school. This had been the place she ran to when her mother's boyfriend would hit her or try something more. This was the place she fell in love with Ryan. They'd sit and talk for hours.

Becoming best friends at first but soon becoming much more than that. She looked over at the bed. That bed had a lot more memories than anything else in the room. She smiled to herself remembering the first night they'd spent together. Then she remembered the many nights after that they'd spent together there in that same exact bed. She needed to be wrapped in his smell but she knew better than to get into that bed because it wouldn't smell like him. It would smell like laundry soap. Taylor walked out of the room and into the sun. She glanced over at the pool and memories flooded to her again.

"So, how many kids do you want?" It was an odd question coming from Ryan but Taylor looked over at him and smiled. They had just gotten into the pool a few minutes before. She swam over to where he was before answering him. "Two, a boy that looks like you and…" "A girl that looks just like you." He smiled wrapping his arms around her. "Sounds perfect." He kissed the top of her head.

Taylor walked into the Cohen's kitchen where she found Sandy and Kirsten at the table. "Taylor!" Kirsten immediately jumped up from her chair to hug the girl that had become like her daughter. "I've missed you so much!" Taylor cried hugging the woman she thought of as a mother.

"I invited you for Thanksgiving and Christmas…" Kirsten pulled away from the 19 year old. "I know, I just had a bunch of things I needed to catch up on at school. I'm sorry, Kirsten."

"Taylor." Sandy stood up from the table. "Hey Sandy." She smiled walking over and hugging the man. "Heard from Ryan lately?" The aging man asked. "Yeah, I just got a letter yesterday." She smiled thinking about it. "Then we should getting one soon." Sandy laughed. "Should be." Taylor shrugged leaving the two of them in the kitchen as she made her way for the stairs and up to Seth's room.

"Taylor Atwood!" Seth laughed as Taylor bounded into his room where he was laying back on his bed reading a comic. "Seth Cohen." She laughed walking over and hugging the guy who over the years she'd come close to as friends. "So where's Summer?" Taylor's hands went to her hips.

"She'll be here in a few hours. She wanted to spend some time with her dad." He shrugged as Taylor made him scoot over so she could sit next to him.

"So has Ryan written you?" She asked taking the comic from his hands. "Yeah, I got a letter today." He pulled it out from under his bed. "You keep your letters from him there?" She asked. "Sure do." He sighed handing it to her. "No, it's yours. I don't need to read it." She smiled handing it back. "Alright." He said sadly before putting it back under the bed where it was safe.

"I miss him so much, Seth. I don't know how he could leave me like this. It's been a year and I still can't grasp this." Taylor cried. Tears ran down her cheeks creating streaks on her face.

"It's just something he had to do Taylor. His dad fought, his grandpa fought. He thought that maybe it was supposed to go down the blood line or something I guess. But one more year and he'll be back." Seth tried to comfort her but he knew that no words he said would help.

"I know." She tried to smile through the tears but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. The only thing that would help her was to hold him. To kiss him. To hear his reassuring voice telling her that they would make it through anything.

"Atwood!" Summer squealed as she saw Taylor on Seth's bed. Taylor jumped up and hugged the girl who had introduced her to Ryan Atwood. "I've missed you, Summer!" Taylor cried holding onto her. "I've missed you too. So how's Berkeley?" Summer asked pulling apart from Taylor.

"Lonely. How's Brown? Must be nice going there together…" Taylor looked down at her hands picking absently at her fingernails. "Aww, Taylor." Summer hugged her again. "I'm like a broken record." Taylor tried to laugh. "I would be too." Summer assured her.

"So what do we want for dinner?" Kirsten went through the take out menus glancing up at the three teenagers standing in front of her. It was strange all three of them there without Ryan. "Oh Chinese sounds good!" Seth and Summer said in unison. Taylor just laughed before feeling a pang of loneliness go through her body.

"I'm not hungry." Taylor turned around and walked out of the kitchen to the pool house. "Taylor." Summer knocked on the pool house door. Taylor was sitting on the bed watching the TV, or rather staring at the TV she wasn't even paying attention.

"Yeah?" Taylor turned her attention to Summer. "He'll be back soon." Summer walked over and sat on the bed next to Taylor.

"Everyone keeps saying that, Sum but even though you guys are close to him you have no idea what I'm going through right now. I'm in pain. Sometimes I wonder if we didn't get married if I would still feel this same pain. I wonder if maybe it would be a bit easier because there's a chance he could die…" Taylor choked. "Don't think like that!" Summer snapped. "How can I not, Summer? How can I not?!" Taylor cried.

"I don't know, Taylor but thinking like that is not helping your situation at all. Do you love him?" Taylor nodded. "Then you were meant to be married to him. Even if you waited years from now it wouldn't matter." Summer tried.

"Thanks, Summer." Taylor tried to smile. "No problem, Atwood." Summer smiled pulling Taylor into another hug.

"So what do you want to do today?" Seth walked into the pool house where Taylor was making the bed from the previous night. "Oh is that for me?" She asked pointing to the extra cup of coffee in Seth's hands. "Sure is." He handed it over to her. "Thank you." She sat down on the now made bed. "No problem. Summer's on her way over." He told her sitting in the chair across from the bed.

"How about lunch at the diner and then the beach?" Seth suggested. "I don't know…" She trailed off. "Why did you make her cry." Summer came up behind Seth slapping him on the back of his head.

"I didn't mean to! I just mentioned the diner and the beach and she totally shut down on me!" Taylor ignored them as she walked over to the night stand picking up Ryan's latest letter.