Metal Gear Gas 2: Sons of their mother.
I don´t own any of the Metal Gear characters, Konami does, but Im sure you already knew that...
(Black screen)
Snake: The Hudson River, two weeks ago.. We had been stupidly informed by an anonimous font that
a new type of Metal Gear was scheduled for transport, and we were stupid enough to believe
the information even knowing there´s a price on our heads...
The whole thing stank, ´cause our noses have been out in the garbage too long...
(The screen shows George Washington bridge, a cloacked figure walks across the bridge, then it
starts running, activates Stealth camouflage and drops out of the bridge using a rappel rope.
Suddenly the rope breaks and the figure falls into a ship landing on its face)
The camo gets damaged and the figure is revealed, it´s Elvis! Eh.. I mean, it´s Solid Snake!
Snake: Oww... Darn! (Calls on Codec) Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: Kinda, wazzzaapp?
Snake: Kept you waiting uh? Im at the "Snake point"
Otacon: Eh?
Snake: Eh.. "sneak point"
Otacon: Oh, kickass! Snake, do you know how the specifications of Metal Gear were sold
in the super markets after Shadow Moses?
Snake: All Ocelot´s doing.
Otacon: Yes, and now every state, group and dotcom has it own version of Metal Gear!
Snake: And we are part of an Anti-Metal Gear organization, right?
Otacon: Not quite, what Philantropy really wants is to recover all of the Metal Gears so they can
rule over the world.
Snake: And we are helping them.
Otacon: That´s right.
Snake: .......
Otacon: ......
Snake: ........?
Otacon: Anyway Snake, I want you to investigate where that Tanker is headed.
Snake: Why?
Otacon: Dunno, but I have the feeling you will have your first boss battle up there.
Snake: Cool, Im ready to go.
Just then, an army of misterious soldiers gets into the ship and kills all the stupid and defenseless
Marines, but nobody noticed ´cause they are complete idiots.
Snake gets behind one of the soldiers and points his weapon at his head.
Snake: Freeze!
Soldier: (Moans like a little girl)
Snake: Hehe, toss some bullets, @$$hole.
Soldier: Don´t have any!
Snake: WHAT!? Do you know who the hell am I?!
Soldier: Eh... Osama Bin Laden?
Snake: HEY! YOU ARE THE TERRORIST HERE! NOT ME!
Soldier: Terrorist? What are you talking about? We are here to destroy Metal Gear and prevent the
end of the world as we know it!
Snake: Eh... So Im the bad guy here...
Soldier: Seems like it.
Snake: Anyway, let me get this straight, you are the good guys who want to save the world from
Metal Gear, right?
Soldier: You got it.
Snake: Then why kill defenseless Marines?
Soldier: ´Cause they are a bunch of idiots, they lack Artificial Inteligence!
Snake: .....?
Soldier: Look, we asesinated them because they were a waste of polygons in this game!
Snake: Nice point man.
Snake shoots the guard with his M9 and keeps going to the Tanker´s bridge. After a few minutes he
gets there and informs Otacon about the ships direction.
Snake: (On the Codec) Otacon, the ship´s going to Acapulco, Mexico.
Otacon: Now that´s something. I don´t have any comments about that.
Snake: Thought so.
Snake then sees a female soldier outside the deck and goes there to investigate.
Woman: (Talking on her radio) The explosives are in place, just behind Metal Gear.
??: (Voice in the radio) Cool, anyway, I want you to leave the ship.
Woman: No! That is were I belong! to Acapulco!
??: You swore this to me! That you would leave the unit once the mission was a failure!
Woman: I have nowhere else to go!
??: Go home and buy some eggs and bacon for your mom, or she will kill us both!
Woman: Maldicion! Me lleva la.... (Turns off the radio)
Snake gets out of behind a box and points his weapon at the woman.
Snake: Freeze!
Woman (Olga): (Raises hands)
Snake: Hey! I haven´t told you to raise your hands!
Olga: (Puts down her arms)
Snake: Good, now, hands over your head!
Olga: We are nomads, wanderers.
Snake: Oh really, Im Elvis then!
Olga: E.. ELVIS!? THE KING?!
Snake: Oh no, here we go again..
Olga: Rock stars... so you shoot women too?
Snake: Im a nomad too. Now, toss your gun overboard, slowly...
(Olga tosses her gun to the water)
Snake: Now, turn around and get naked!
Olga: WHAT THE HELL!?
Snake: Hehe.. just kidding..
Snake stares off into space doing nothing while Olga runs behind a box and takes out another gun.
Olga: Elvis! Your life ends here! ...For the second time...
Snake: I was kidding about being Elvis, you idiot! Im Solid Snake! The legendary hero of Shadow
Moses!
Olga: ......?
Snake: The man who infiltrated Outer Heaven and destroyed the first and second Metal Gears..?
Olga: ........?
Snake: The guy who appears in the cereal boxes..?
Olga: Oh! That´s right! I recognize you now! You are the guy of the Lucky Charms!
Snake: Wha...!? I meant the "Solid Snake" cereal!
Olga: Oh c´mon, nobody buys that crap.
Snake gets pissed off and shoots his M9 at Olga´s neck, the girl falls asleep.
Snake calls Otacon again.
Snake: Otacon, the ship appears to be under their control.
Otacon: Did you find anything about their origins?
Snake: The soldiers are heavily armed, and they have Mexican accent.
Otacon: Mexican troops? That´s new.
Snake: I guess the russians are tired of being villians in all the games, so they put Mexican
troops instead.
Otacon: Oh.
Snake goes to the Tanker holds, where Metal Gear is supposed to be.
After passing around a group of Marines, Snake realizes what the soldier said about the IQ of the
Marines, and blasts them using a USP he got from Olga. The Marines didn´t hear the noise of the
shoots because they are a bunch of dumbasses.
Snake gets to Hold 3, where the Marine commandant was giving a speech to a group of Marines.
The important and dynamic speech caused a singular effect on the Marines (they were all asleep)
Snake takes photos of Metal Gear´s front, front left, front right and a "GAY" lettering in
Metal Gear´s leg.
Scott Dolph (Marine commandant): Metal Gear GAY was called that way after the great "Michael Jackson!"
We the Marines will lead the world to a new order with Metal Gear GAY!
Marines: Zzzzzz....
Snake reaches a PC and sends the photos to Otacon.
Just then, Revolver Ocelot comes from behind Metal Gear´s leg.
Ocelot: Excelent speech, my friend. Gift of the silver tongue, they say it´s a mark of a good
officer.. and of a dumbass...
Scott: Identify yourself!
Ocelot: Im Shalabastard! Also cal...
The Marines wake up at the sound of "Shalabastard" and begin laughing.
Ocelot: Ahem! Also called Re..
Marines: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Ocelot: HEY! SHUT UP! IM ALSO CALLED REVOLVER O...
Marines: SHALABASTARD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ocelot: DARN YOU IDIOTS! MY REAL NAME IS PATRIC LAINE!! KNOWN BY THE CODENAME REVOLVER OCELOT!!
Marines: ..........
Ocelot: Im Revolver Ocelot!
Marines: ......?
Ocelot: .....
Marines: Revolver who?
Ocelot: Oh, fine, Shalabastard..
Marines: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
Ocelot: Anyway, I came to take Metal Gear GAY back.
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: No, I came to take it back.
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: ......?
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: What the hell´s happening to you?!
Scott: Im repeating myself, ´cause of the old age!
Ocelot: ......
Then someone takes the commandant hostage, it´s Sergei Gurlukovich, leader of the Mexican troops.
Otacon: Snake, we´ve ID that old man, his name is Sergei Gurlukovich.
Snake: Gurlukovich? That´s a russian name!
Otacon: Konami decided to keep the names intact.
Snake: Good.
Sergei: We are stealing GAY so Mexico can rise again!
Ocelot: I regret to inform you, that I have no intention of giving Metal Gear to an idiot like
you, colonel.
Sergei: Ocelot! Have you sold us out!? Are you still in league with Solidus!?
Ocelot: No hard feelings colonel, "Father Mexico" can rot for all I care.
Sergei: DAMN YOU!
Ocelot takes out a Nerf gun and kills Dolph and Sergei even before he can use his gun.
Ocelot: Show´s over!
(The Marines give an applause)
Ocelot detonates the C4 that was planted in the ship.
Snake: Ocelot!!
Ocelot screams in pain because of his arm, after a few seconds he is back to normal... Well.. kinda
normal..
Ocelot: It´s been a while, brother! *Fart*.
Snake: Who are you?
Ocelot: You know how I fart! *Fart*
Snake: ....Gas...?
Gas Snake: Not so young anymore, eh Snake? *Fart*
Gas: Few more years and you´ll be another dead clone of the old man! *FAAARRRTTTT!!!*
Snake shoots at Ocelot´s arm, but nothing happens.
Snake: WHAT THE!?
Gas: But I, I live on trough this ass! (Holds his ass with his hands)
Snake: Gas´ ass!?
An explosion below Snake sends him to fly, then Gas gets into Metal Gear GAY and sinks the Tanker.
Inside GAY, Ocelot talks with someone by radio.
Ocelot: (Back to normal, yeah, this time is really normal) Yes, at the location we discused.
Ocelot: Yes, I have photografic evidence of Roy Campbell in the nudist camp, the Cypher was most
useless.
Ocelot: No, Im not hungry sir.
Ocelot: No, my birthday´s not tomorrow...
Ocelot: NO! IM NOT BILL COSBY!!
Ocelot: What´s your point, sir?
Ocelot: Yes, I´ve washed your underwear well, sir.
Ocelot: Not at all sir! NO! WHAT A THING TO SAY!! NO! ARE YOU ON CRACK, SIR!?
Ocelot: Oh crap, yeah, Im sorry about your fish´s death... (rolls eyes)
Ocelot: Yes, I´ll buy another one in the way home...
Ocelot: This conversation is getting annoying and longer than expected, sir...
Ocelot: .......
Ocelot: Yes, I´ll be sure to buy some eggs and bacon for tomorrow´s breakfast..
Ocelot: Yes, of course, Mr. Solidus.. Eh, I mean, Mr. Third Snake Brother.. Eh.. Mr. George Sears..
........... Oh YEAH RIGHT! Mr...... President....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Save?
Whatever No Dunno Don´t care [End this chapter already!]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Well, that was it, I hope you´ve enjoyed it cause I really did!
Any comments, suggestions or ideas to alfa@danworld.com, please R&R!!!)
I don´t own any of the Metal Gear characters, Konami does, but Im sure you already knew that...
(Black screen)
Snake: The Hudson River, two weeks ago.. We had been stupidly informed by an anonimous font that
a new type of Metal Gear was scheduled for transport, and we were stupid enough to believe
the information even knowing there´s a price on our heads...
The whole thing stank, ´cause our noses have been out in the garbage too long...
(The screen shows George Washington bridge, a cloacked figure walks across the bridge, then it
starts running, activates Stealth camouflage and drops out of the bridge using a rappel rope.
Suddenly the rope breaks and the figure falls into a ship landing on its face)
The camo gets damaged and the figure is revealed, it´s Elvis! Eh.. I mean, it´s Solid Snake!
Snake: Oww... Darn! (Calls on Codec) Do you read me Otacon?
Otacon: Kinda, wazzzaapp?
Snake: Kept you waiting uh? Im at the "Snake point"
Otacon: Eh?
Snake: Eh.. "sneak point"
Otacon: Oh, kickass! Snake, do you know how the specifications of Metal Gear were sold
in the super markets after Shadow Moses?
Snake: All Ocelot´s doing.
Otacon: Yes, and now every state, group and dotcom has it own version of Metal Gear!
Snake: And we are part of an Anti-Metal Gear organization, right?
Otacon: Not quite, what Philantropy really wants is to recover all of the Metal Gears so they can
rule over the world.
Snake: And we are helping them.
Otacon: That´s right.
Snake: .......
Otacon: ......
Snake: ........?
Otacon: Anyway Snake, I want you to investigate where that Tanker is headed.
Snake: Why?
Otacon: Dunno, but I have the feeling you will have your first boss battle up there.
Snake: Cool, Im ready to go.
Just then, an army of misterious soldiers gets into the ship and kills all the stupid and defenseless
Marines, but nobody noticed ´cause they are complete idiots.
Snake gets behind one of the soldiers and points his weapon at his head.
Snake: Freeze!
Soldier: (Moans like a little girl)
Snake: Hehe, toss some bullets, @$$hole.
Soldier: Don´t have any!
Snake: WHAT!? Do you know who the hell am I?!
Soldier: Eh... Osama Bin Laden?
Snake: HEY! YOU ARE THE TERRORIST HERE! NOT ME!
Soldier: Terrorist? What are you talking about? We are here to destroy Metal Gear and prevent the
end of the world as we know it!
Snake: Eh... So Im the bad guy here...
Soldier: Seems like it.
Snake: Anyway, let me get this straight, you are the good guys who want to save the world from
Metal Gear, right?
Soldier: You got it.
Snake: Then why kill defenseless Marines?
Soldier: ´Cause they are a bunch of idiots, they lack Artificial Inteligence!
Snake: .....?
Soldier: Look, we asesinated them because they were a waste of polygons in this game!
Snake: Nice point man.
Snake shoots the guard with his M9 and keeps going to the Tanker´s bridge. After a few minutes he
gets there and informs Otacon about the ships direction.
Snake: (On the Codec) Otacon, the ship´s going to Acapulco, Mexico.
Otacon: Now that´s something. I don´t have any comments about that.
Snake: Thought so.
Snake then sees a female soldier outside the deck and goes there to investigate.
Woman: (Talking on her radio) The explosives are in place, just behind Metal Gear.
??: (Voice in the radio) Cool, anyway, I want you to leave the ship.
Woman: No! That is were I belong! to Acapulco!
??: You swore this to me! That you would leave the unit once the mission was a failure!
Woman: I have nowhere else to go!
??: Go home and buy some eggs and bacon for your mom, or she will kill us both!
Woman: Maldicion! Me lleva la.... (Turns off the radio)
Snake gets out of behind a box and points his weapon at the woman.
Snake: Freeze!
Woman (Olga): (Raises hands)
Snake: Hey! I haven´t told you to raise your hands!
Olga: (Puts down her arms)
Snake: Good, now, hands over your head!
Olga: We are nomads, wanderers.
Snake: Oh really, Im Elvis then!
Olga: E.. ELVIS!? THE KING?!
Snake: Oh no, here we go again..
Olga: Rock stars... so you shoot women too?
Snake: Im a nomad too. Now, toss your gun overboard, slowly...
(Olga tosses her gun to the water)
Snake: Now, turn around and get naked!
Olga: WHAT THE HELL!?
Snake: Hehe.. just kidding..
Snake stares off into space doing nothing while Olga runs behind a box and takes out another gun.
Olga: Elvis! Your life ends here! ...For the second time...
Snake: I was kidding about being Elvis, you idiot! Im Solid Snake! The legendary hero of Shadow
Moses!
Olga: ......?
Snake: The man who infiltrated Outer Heaven and destroyed the first and second Metal Gears..?
Olga: ........?
Snake: The guy who appears in the cereal boxes..?
Olga: Oh! That´s right! I recognize you now! You are the guy of the Lucky Charms!
Snake: Wha...!? I meant the "Solid Snake" cereal!
Olga: Oh c´mon, nobody buys that crap.
Snake gets pissed off and shoots his M9 at Olga´s neck, the girl falls asleep.
Snake calls Otacon again.
Snake: Otacon, the ship appears to be under their control.
Otacon: Did you find anything about their origins?
Snake: The soldiers are heavily armed, and they have Mexican accent.
Otacon: Mexican troops? That´s new.
Snake: I guess the russians are tired of being villians in all the games, so they put Mexican
troops instead.
Otacon: Oh.
Snake goes to the Tanker holds, where Metal Gear is supposed to be.
After passing around a group of Marines, Snake realizes what the soldier said about the IQ of the
Marines, and blasts them using a USP he got from Olga. The Marines didn´t hear the noise of the
shoots because they are a bunch of dumbasses.
Snake gets to Hold 3, where the Marine commandant was giving a speech to a group of Marines.
The important and dynamic speech caused a singular effect on the Marines (they were all asleep)
Snake takes photos of Metal Gear´s front, front left, front right and a "GAY" lettering in
Metal Gear´s leg.
Scott Dolph (Marine commandant): Metal Gear GAY was called that way after the great "Michael Jackson!"
We the Marines will lead the world to a new order with Metal Gear GAY!
Marines: Zzzzzz....
Snake reaches a PC and sends the photos to Otacon.
Just then, Revolver Ocelot comes from behind Metal Gear´s leg.
Ocelot: Excelent speech, my friend. Gift of the silver tongue, they say it´s a mark of a good
officer.. and of a dumbass...
Scott: Identify yourself!
Ocelot: Im Shalabastard! Also cal...
The Marines wake up at the sound of "Shalabastard" and begin laughing.
Ocelot: Ahem! Also called Re..
Marines: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Ocelot: HEY! SHUT UP! IM ALSO CALLED REVOLVER O...
Marines: SHALABASTARD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ocelot: DARN YOU IDIOTS! MY REAL NAME IS PATRIC LAINE!! KNOWN BY THE CODENAME REVOLVER OCELOT!!
Marines: ..........
Ocelot: Im Revolver Ocelot!
Marines: ......?
Ocelot: .....
Marines: Revolver who?
Ocelot: Oh, fine, Shalabastard..
Marines: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
Ocelot: Anyway, I came to take Metal Gear GAY back.
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: No, I came to take it back.
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: ......?
Scott: What are you planning to do, steal this thing?
Ocelot: What the hell´s happening to you?!
Scott: Im repeating myself, ´cause of the old age!
Ocelot: ......
Then someone takes the commandant hostage, it´s Sergei Gurlukovich, leader of the Mexican troops.
Otacon: Snake, we´ve ID that old man, his name is Sergei Gurlukovich.
Snake: Gurlukovich? That´s a russian name!
Otacon: Konami decided to keep the names intact.
Snake: Good.
Sergei: We are stealing GAY so Mexico can rise again!
Ocelot: I regret to inform you, that I have no intention of giving Metal Gear to an idiot like
you, colonel.
Sergei: Ocelot! Have you sold us out!? Are you still in league with Solidus!?
Ocelot: No hard feelings colonel, "Father Mexico" can rot for all I care.
Sergei: DAMN YOU!
Ocelot takes out a Nerf gun and kills Dolph and Sergei even before he can use his gun.
Ocelot: Show´s over!
(The Marines give an applause)
Ocelot detonates the C4 that was planted in the ship.
Snake: Ocelot!!
Ocelot screams in pain because of his arm, after a few seconds he is back to normal... Well.. kinda
normal..
Ocelot: It´s been a while, brother! *Fart*.
Snake: Who are you?
Ocelot: You know how I fart! *Fart*
Snake: ....Gas...?
Gas Snake: Not so young anymore, eh Snake? *Fart*
Gas: Few more years and you´ll be another dead clone of the old man! *FAAARRRTTTT!!!*
Snake shoots at Ocelot´s arm, but nothing happens.
Snake: WHAT THE!?
Gas: But I, I live on trough this ass! (Holds his ass with his hands)
Snake: Gas´ ass!?
An explosion below Snake sends him to fly, then Gas gets into Metal Gear GAY and sinks the Tanker.
Inside GAY, Ocelot talks with someone by radio.
Ocelot: (Back to normal, yeah, this time is really normal) Yes, at the location we discused.
Ocelot: Yes, I have photografic evidence of Roy Campbell in the nudist camp, the Cypher was most
useless.
Ocelot: No, Im not hungry sir.
Ocelot: No, my birthday´s not tomorrow...
Ocelot: NO! IM NOT BILL COSBY!!
Ocelot: What´s your point, sir?
Ocelot: Yes, I´ve washed your underwear well, sir.
Ocelot: Not at all sir! NO! WHAT A THING TO SAY!! NO! ARE YOU ON CRACK, SIR!?
Ocelot: Oh crap, yeah, Im sorry about your fish´s death... (rolls eyes)
Ocelot: Yes, I´ll buy another one in the way home...
Ocelot: This conversation is getting annoying and longer than expected, sir...
Ocelot: .......
Ocelot: Yes, I´ll be sure to buy some eggs and bacon for tomorrow´s breakfast..
Ocelot: Yes, of course, Mr. Solidus.. Eh, I mean, Mr. Third Snake Brother.. Eh.. Mr. George Sears..
........... Oh YEAH RIGHT! Mr...... President....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Save?
Whatever No Dunno Don´t care [End this chapter already!]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Well, that was it, I hope you´ve enjoyed it cause I really did!
Any comments, suggestions or ideas to alfa@danworld.com, please R&R!!!)