A/N: this is a story me and Ariana Buchanane (don't know how to spell for life, Ariana, don't kill me!) wrote together, and it's completely insane (Yay!) Read and Review, my nasty little friends…
Disclaimer:
I don't own anything apart from me. Do I own myself? Or does myself own me? I'll get back to you at this…THE STORY STARTS… oh, wait, not yet…
Some person from outer space falls from the UFO right onto my head.
Some person from outer space:
Nice Day, isn't it?Me
: Shut up, I'm telling a story here. Okay here goes…Harry Potter and the Curse of the Never Ending Nightmare
Harry Potter was on his way back home to the Dursleys. The train ride was long and enjoyable, but when he arrived at number four Privet Drive he was quite stunned to see that Dudley had lost weight! And now he looked so handsome! His hair was combed back and he was wearing a tuxedo. Harry was amazed. He was about to have a concussion when his Aunt Petunia came out looking worried.
"Oh! Our poor Dudley! What has happened? They starved him to death at Smelting's ! He's as thin as dog! That's it I'm sending him brownies every week! So he will be a healthy boy again!" Aunt Petunia cried as she began to burst in to tears.
"Mum! Can't you see this is the new me! Look at me now! I was Prom King and I was also voted the boy who lost the most weight!"
"I'm impressed!' said Harry open mouthed.
"Dudley! See what you've done! You've even affected your father!"
Suddenly Uncle Vernon came out flexing his powerful muscles. Uncle Vernon was as thin as Dudley. They both made flexing posses and caused Aunt Petunia scream bloody murder! Aunt Petunia grabbed a sharp kitchen knife and stabbed Uncle Vernon to death screaming like a Banshee. Then she cut open Dudley's stomach decapitating him at the same time. She looked around, but saw no one other than Harry. She eased closer toward him.
"You know I always hated you!" she said, "Now I'm going send you to your mother!" she screeched like a vulture, while looking like a vulture at the same time.
She came closer and closer to Harry. A twisted look in her eyes. The bloody knife in her hand.
"Why couldn't you just be normal?!?" she yelled as she was about to slip the dirty knife into Harry's chest.
Harry screamed as loud as possible. He suddenly found himself in his own bed at the Dursley's. Dudley came in with a startled look on his face. First a look of fright then a look of regret.
"Dammit! I thought someone had kidnaped you!" said Dudley his plump face frowning down at Harry.
"You know I had a dream and you were in it! You were thin, but now I've realized that's quite impossible," said Harry easing back into his bed.
Dudley's cheeks turned a bright red as he began to leave the warm room full of useless junk that he had broken. Of course Dudley was still fat. Do doubt about that! Uncle Vernon was still snoring , but Aunt Petunia was up making breakfast for Dudley. Dudley began to sniff with his large nose.
"I want food," he said happily and jumped down stairs to eat whatever he found there before Harry got out of bed.
Harry stepped out of the bed and began to walk slowly down the steps. A surprise awaited him. Aunt Petunia had made bagels for everyone. Of course his was stale and tasted like something Dudley recently got out of his system in the bathroom. Harry took one bite and threw it out the window like a grenade. He made a scared face and sank in to his chair.
"Good thing I'm in a good mood today wretched boy!" Uncle Vernon said to Harry, "Or else you'd be in big trouble! We don't throw bagels out the window! Is that some kind of ritual you picked up at your crazy school or something?"
Harry looked up into Uncle Vernons fat face and said, "Don't scream at me you fat pig!"
Uncle Vernon looked furious. His pig like face was even turning a bright shade of red. He picked up Harry quite easily and put him in the car. He drove him into the middle of a desert and left him there. Harry began to scream.
Suddenly he found himself in his bed at Hogwarts. Ron was standing by his bed with a worried look on his face.
"What happened?" he asked hastily.
"I had a dream that I was dreaming that Dudley and Uncle Vernon became thin and that Aunt Petunia killed them and was trying to kill me. Then, I dreamt that I woke up and I talked back to Uncle Vernon at breakfast and he drove me to the middle of nowhere and left me there."
"Wow," said Ron looking confused.
Ron and Harry got dressed and went to the great hall for a nutritious breakfast. Hermione was already waiting for them there. She looked at them and her eyes glowed purple. She opened her mouth and two beastly fangs appeared.
"Hello Boys! Do you remember what Mad Eyed Moody taught us about vampires? Cause if you don't you're in trouble!" She said this with such a devilish smile that Harry and Ron screamed.
Suddenly they woke in their beds at Hogwarts.
"What happened?" Harry asked.
"I don't know. All I remember was Hermione and her fangs and then I screamed and woke up here."
"Me too. It was a dream! But wait how do I know this isn't a dream?"
"Duh! Cause you're asking yourself whether or not this is a dream!" Ron said.
They got dressed and went down to the great hall. At the great hall Snape greeted Harry , "Well if it isn't Harry Potter and he forgot his shoes," laughed Snape.
Harry looked down to find that he wasn't wearing shoes just as Snape had said.
"Students! Come here! The famous Harry Potter forgot to put on his shoes today!"
Harry was infuriated. He took out his wand and said, "Avada Kedavra!" with a wave of his wand. Snape screamed wildly. Suddenly he found himself in his bed at Hogwarts.
"That was weird," he said to himself.
He got dressed went down to his class. The students of Gryffindor and Slytherin arrived steadily. They all sat in their seats and took out their books.
"Does anyone know how long it takes to make a batch of Polyjuice Potion?" he looked around the class for any number of raised hands, "Miss Granger I see you're willing."
"It takes to 2 months and 4 days to make a Polyjuice Potion," Hermione said eagerly.
"That is wrong," said Snape with a smile on his face.
Hermione screamed so loud that the glass of the windows cracked. Suddenly she found herself in her bed at Hogwarts.
"Oh it was just a dream. I knew I'd never get that question wrong," said Hermione to herself.
She got dressed and walked to the girls bathroom. There she saw Moaning Myrtle. Suddenly the Mer People came out of a toilet and began to attack Moaning Myrtle. She screamed loud and long. Hermione began to shake. Suddenly Moaning Myrtle woke up in the Prefects bathroom. Percy was taking a hot shower and Moaning Myrtle looked stunned. Percy was singing a happy tune when he heard Myrtles gasp.
He turned to look at who had gasped and screamed. No prefect wants a ghost starring at them when they take a shower. Suddenly he woke up in his bed at Hogwarts.
"Such a terrible dream. To imagine that a little ghost person would show up in the bathroom and watch me shower," said Percy.
He got dressed and walked over to the Great Hall where he saw his Girlfriend Penelope Clearwater. She looked at his face in pure fright.
"It's me Percy," he said.
Penelope screamed Percy's face had turned green and slimy and he had no nose. She suddenly woke up on the Hogwarts express. She was sitting next to Percy and his face was the same as it has always been. Suddenly Harry walked in with a scared look on his face.
"Voldemort is here!" shouted Harry.
Suddenly a mist with red eyes floated into the compartment. It laughed hideously. It was Voldemort and not one person screamed.
"He's not scary," said Penelope yawning loudly.
Voldemort screamed. He never thought that people wouldn't be afraid of him. Suddenly he woke up in his castle and gasped as he did.
"That was a horrid dream, " he said to himself, "No one scared of me! Quite ridiculous."
Voldemort went up to the mirror and found that he was not in his castle, but in Dumbledore's office.
"How'd I get here?" he asked himself.
There was a chair with it's back turned to him. The chair turned around and in it sat Dumbledore.
"I sent you here," said Dumbledore.
Harry Potter walked in trying to catch his breathe.
"Dumbledore I think . . ."
The minute Harry saw Voldemort there he screamed. Suddenly he woke up on the Hogwarts Express. Harry Potter was on his way back home to the Dursleys. The train ride was long and enjoyable, but when he arrived at number four Privet Drive he was quite stunned to see . . .