Disclaimer: I don't own Darren Shan.
Geth342: I've always found Annie Shan to be a fascinating character and i've always wondered how she reacted when she found out that she was pregnant and had to tell her parents. So, this is my version. Sorry about all the angst :) Hope you enjoy.
Cursed Child
I guess you could say that my life is cursed.
I mean, let's have a look. When I was eight, my older brother fell out of a window, broke his neck and died.
When I was nine, my mother became depressed.
When I was ten, my closest friend moved away to a foreign country and never wrote to me.
When I was twelve, some girls began to bully me in school and so, most people avoided me. I didn't make many friends after that.
When I was thirteen, my first boyfriend cheated on me after one month.
When I was fifteen, I saw Steve Leonard for the first time in years and we soon started dating.
When I was fifteen and three quarters, I discovered that I was pregnant by Steve.
Shortly after I turned sixteen, he left me - revealing his true colours and leaving me to explain to my parents exactly what had happened.
This is more or less the point I'm at now.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
I've told my parents that I have something serious to tell them. They acted surprised when I said this but I'm sure they know what I'm going to say. After all, every girl in school has noticed. And every boy. In fact, my cheek is still sore from where Denise Thomas slapped it earlier and called me a 'hussy who is no better than she should be'. Perhaps the worst thing was that no one, not even my 'friends', tried to stand up for me. They just left me, alone and depressed.
Every student I know (and quite a few who I don't) has been talking about me behind my back. Wherever I go, I hear 'Ooh, did you see Annie Shan? She's pregnant. Wonder who the father is. She always looked the type.' or 'It's not her fault, it was the death of her brother, it's got her messed up.' Some people have come up to me and asked me if I'm pregnant and I always say no, to which they walk off, looking scornful. Others even ask me who the father is whilst some just remain silent and hope that they'll find out through gossip. They'll be lucky. The only people I plan on telling about Steve are mum and dad. Just the memory of the hatred on that man's face on the night he left me is enough to send chills down my spine.
I know that I shouldn't dwell on that night but I can't help it. It was … there's nothing to describe it. How one person can be so horrible, so…so evil, is beyond me. Even the thought that not all boys or men are like him does not comfort me because then I remember him whispering 'You can try to forget me but just remember. I had you first.' and then the wicked smile carved on his face.
When I first met him, Steve seemed wonderful. He was kind, funny, charming, caring - the perfect boyfriend. Even when he found me crying after I had done the pregnancy test and I told him that it was positive, instead of shouting or running away, his face lit up and he held me close as he said that it was wonderful news. He said that he would work hard and get money for our child. The only thing he did was make me promise not to tell anyone. I was so overwhelmed by the way he handled the news, I agreed instantly. I thought we would live together for the rest of our lives.
Now, just the idea of him touching me disgusts me. The memory of him doing a lot more than just touching me makes me sweat with horror. It's funny but when I was younger, I would hear about girls who dated dirt bag guys or girls who got themselves pregnant at the age of sixteen and I would think, 'That's not going to be me.' I thought I had it all under control. How strange to think about how quickly my control slipped…
I guess if there is one good thing in all of this, it's that Darren can't see what his best friend turned into. Darren and Steve were like brothers; dad always used to joke that we should have turned the spare room into a second bedroom for Steve, since he always seemed to be around our house. I think that, if Darren did know what Steve has become, what he's done to me, it would kill him all over again. But at least he will never find out. He died thinking of Steve as his greatest friend, not a…demon? What word can I use to describe him? He's not a rapist, not a paedophile nor a murderer. I'm not sure that I could even try him in a court of law. He hasn't really committed a crime.
I have just heard my parents enter the house so I guess that I should tell them now. What can I say though? How can I tell them that their only living child, their 'innocent' little girl has managed to mess her life up so spectacularly? I mean, not only did I get myself pregnant before I turned sixteen; I am now too far gone to have an abortion (although I'm not sure whether I could ever have one) and the father has run off. Well done Annie, good job.
In the end, I cry. I don't mean to - I don't want to make myself look fake or anything like that- but I can't help it. I get as far as 'Mum, dad, I'm preg-' before I dissolve into helpless sobs, unable to finish the sentence which must be one of the nightmare scenarios for every parent, the end of that word lost amidst a flood of tears. It's enough though. My parents immediately rush over and hug me, rubbing my back supportively, although their faces have turned white. When they ask me how far along I am, they look horrified at my answer. Their next questions are: 'Why didn't you tell us earlier?', 'Where is the father?', 'What do you mean he's gone?' and 'Who is this bas- (Dermot!)- sorry, punk, anyway?' My answers - almost unintelligible due to the amount of crying - are 'I promised the father', ' I don't know, he's gone', 'He left two weeks ago' and 'Steve Leonard, Darren's friend' respectively. Mum and Dad are speechless with horror. I apologise for messing my life up and then dissolve into a fresh wave of tears. I would give anything to turn the clock back.
It takes another hour before they have successfully extracted the whole story out of me, from meeting Steve up to now. I leave out some details: Denise Thomas slapping my face, the insults I receive at school daily, the fact that I lost my virginity in my bedroom on the one night that they had been away and had left the house in my care. I think these details would have hurt them too much. I do, however, leave in all the events of that night two weeks ago, when Steve returned after his long absence just to taunt me. This proves to be too much for me however, because as soon as I've gotten it out, I start sobbing so hard that mum and dad cannot hear each other over the noise.
Dad instantly becomes furious. Not at me, like I thought he would be, but at Steve. He says that Steve took advantage of me and that if he ever comes back, he (Dad) will personally rip him apart. Mum does not say anything but her knuckles have turned white with anger and she nods at everything that Dad says. I guess this means that means that they will support me in my decision to not let Steve have access to my child.
Something else has just occurred to me. The way that that man acted, everything that he said, it's almost as if he wanted me to become pregnant. I remember the look of wild joy in his eyes when I first told him. At the time I thought that he was just happy to be a father but what if that was what he wanted all along? But why? Why on earth would he want to get me pregnant and then leave me? It's such a weird thing to do, but I think I'll be happier if I never find out his reasoning. I never want to see him again.
Mum wants to know what I'm going to do with the baby. I don't know. I can either keep it or give it up for adoption. I'm not sure which one will be harder. Could I bear to give up my own child? Could I bear to keep it, knowing that it's his? It would be easier to decide if I had been raped but I wasn't. No matter what I think, I can't forget that this child was formed at a time when I thought I loved Steve. It's too hard a decision to make. What should I do with it?
I wonder. If I am cursed, does that mean that the child will be cursed as well? If that's true then I guess what Steve said is true. Maybe I will be a horrible mother. Maybe I'm just a horrible person.