Title: The Good Girl OR Breaking the mold
For: 2013 The Good Wife `Plan B` Summer Ficathon .
Prompt: I`m not always such a good girl, you know.
Author: Bepatientimadoc AKA justlovebt
Fandom: The Good Wife
Pairing: Alicia/Kalinda
Word Count: ~2100
Genre: Romance
Time: early tequila days
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of the CBS show The Good Wife, in my stories, they just own each other.
A/N: I`m so, so happy with this `Plan B` ficathon! It makes me feel all giddy! Come! Prompt! Write! Thanks for this lovely prompt! Hope you let me know what you think...
Summary: Alicia finds herself not wanting to be a good girl any more... *Insert Kalinda here*
The good girl or Breaking the mold.
Prompt: 'I`m not always such a good girl, you know.'
Kalinda
'I`m not always such a good girl, you know…'
The lawyer pouted, her facial expression and tone of voice proving the exact opposite of her words.
Kalinda should have been annoyed, should have rolled her eyes, should have felt something different than this rush of endearment, this swirling in the pit of her stomach she tried to blame on the tequila.
Alicia placed the shot-glass before her, asking for a refill. She had sounded like a petulant child, and still... To Kalinda`s immense surprise she felt the urge to give in, to reassure, to give Alicia an `Of course you`re not' kind of answer.
Very un-Kalinda-like.
Almost as un-Kalinda-like as those warm and fuzzy emotions, that rushed through her every time she caught a glimpse of the first-year associate.
`Yes, you are.`
She simply stated, glad to find out her voice, at least, still had the Kalinda-edge.
Alicia
Alicia looked up, only to find dark, twinkling eyes, calmly staring into hers. Although it had been her intention to respond at least quasi-outraged at the blatant dismissal, she found the protest dying on her lips. Damn it. Was that woman always right?
`Yes, I am.'
She admitted, sighing.
`But I don`t want to be.`
She stared at her glass, that was now again filled to the rim with the transparent, biting fluid. A thought entered her mind, fluttering in like a lost bird. Kalinda had taught her how to drink tequila, was pulling her, every day, out of her comfort zone. Was, if she was completely honest, CHANGING her comfort zone.
Once, Kalinda had told her, that everything she wanted to be her, was her. That, she had to say, appealed to her, but she simply didn`t know where to start.
`Can`t you teach me…?'
What? Alicia doubted how to finish the sentence, feeling Kalinda`s dark eyes explore her face, causing her to blush. To be a bad-ass? To use breasts as subpoenas? At last it came to her.
`To be more like you?'
Kalinda laughed, but the sound lacked humor, and her voice sounded raw, almost harsh as she answered.
'Believe me, Alicia, you don`t want to be like me.`
The associate looked at Kalinda from the corner of her eye, catching how the investigator slowly regained control over her emotions. It was as if, at times, the woman slipped, spilled some water out of the bucket of feelings that was filled to the rim. Always avoiding any form of contact until the last drop was mopped up.
It was curious. Normally someone of Kalinda`s exceptional beauty would have intimidated her, cause her to be competitive. But, even though she had, since she had met the investigator, done more effort to look good, she doubted that had anything to do with jealousy. She felt too at ease with this woman. This woman who was such an expert at hiding herself.
The only uncomfortable moments were those when they came too close, physically, and that strange, burning sensation grabbed a hold of her, making her blush. Although… Even that she could not call `uncomfortable`. Quite the contrary.
Alicia sighed, pushing these new, confusing, thoughts to the back of her head and focusing on the business at hand. Her inability of not being `Miss-goody-two-shoes`. She hated it, but how did you break a pattern you had been following for as long as you could remember? At time she thought there were cracks in her `good-girl` behavior. But she wanted something bigger than cracks. She wanted to break the mold.
Kalinda turned to her, the sharpness of earlier no longer visible in her body-language. Rather she looked slightly defeated and eerily calm. Like she had everything under control. A look Kalinda normally pulled of rather well, Alicia thought. This time, however, the long slender fingers nervously handled the empty glass in front of her, and the attorney realized her friend was nervous.
'Why do you want to be more like me?'
What was it about Kalinda, that she always seemed to be willing to help her? It was obvious she had struck a chord, earlier, yet here she was making –awkwardly, but still- eyecontact in order to see if she could be of service. It made Alicia`s heart race and melt at the same time.
`An example, you mean?'
The investigator merely nodded, her fingers continuing their jittery handling of the small glass. She wrecked her mind, trying to come up with the requested example, but finding herself at a loss for words. Something about the way Kalinda looked at her, made thinking impossible. Forcing herself to look away from the mesmerizing eyes, she inhaled, shivery.
`I wish, I could just… You know… Kiss someone, other than my husband, damn the consequences.'
Where had that come from? How many different examples could she have come up with? Why did just this one escape her treacherous lips?
She had been talking about Will, of course she had been talking about Will. She was always talking about Will. Wasn`t she? But then why did her eyes wander to the mouth that was so close to hers? Quickly, she brought them up again, but the smoldering emotion she caught a glimpse of when she reached Kalinda`s dark eyes, made it difficult for her to breathe.
The investigator smiled, the kind of smile that made Alicia`s heart skip a beat. The half crooked, sexy smile she had seen before, but never directed at herself. The flirtatious smile Kalinda used, with such immense power and success, for her investigator work. A success the lawyer now more than understood. Kalinda uncrossed her legs, and slowly crossed them again, the leather-covered calves sliding effortlessly next to each other in the sexy movement. The eyes, pupils dilated, seemed to beckon her closer before the hand gesture did.
The unmistakable hand gesture that said `Go ahead`.
Alicia`s eyes grew wide, her heart pounding, her throat dry. Kalinda`s full lips parted slightly and the lawyer had to suppress a moan that came from deep in her abdomen, where a fire had started to roar.
`I promise I won`t bite.'
The sexy words were accompanied by an even more appealing sound. The slight teasing, the obvious flirting. The naughty twinkle in the other woman`s eyes. Alicia bit her lip, trying to control the shivers of desire that rushed through her body.
'Unless you want me to…`
Closing her eyes shortly, Alicia felt the slight buzz the tequila had caused grow stronger. The thoughts about what Kalinda could do to her with those lips, those teeth, softly scraping at her skin, made the whimper escape from her throat.
She almost did it, she almost gave into the temptation that was weakening her, making her hands tremble with intense longing to touch.
But then, in an instant, the moment was over, and Kalinda moved her body towards the bar again, the playfulness disappearing out of her eyes faster than water could slip through fingers.
Kalinda
Kalinda turned away from her friend, hiding her confusion by avoiding eye contact. She shouldn't be so disappointed. It was just a silly game she had played after all, knowing Alicia wouldn`t actually kiss her, just to show the other woman what a good girl she really was. But when those eyes had glanced, with such longing, at her lips, for a moment she had thought… Hoped…
Hope… Was she really that stupid? Hadn`t she learned, long ago, that hope brought nothing but heartache and disappointment? Then why had she let that weakening emotion back into her heart? The heart that now pounded, so un-Kalinda-like, in the back of her throat, making her tremble so much she didn't dare to raise her glass.
But around Alicia she`d always felt more like Leela than Kalinda. More naïve, more sweet. A good girl. The good girl Alicia was so desperately trying NOT to be anymore.
Because Kalinda… Kalinda would have kissed her right then and there. Fucked her, probably, and forget about her the next day. Kalinda, with her fuck-me boots and her fuck-you attitude would not have turned away from the challenge of making a good girl do bad things, just because she was afraid that woman might not want to look in her eyes afterwards.
Fear was not something Kalinda knew… At least not before Alicia, not before Alicia had made her frozen heart beat again.
But then again, Kalinda had never had anything to lose before.
Suddenly there was something more important than sexy games, lack of commitment and instant satisfaction.
Suddenly, just sitting there, talking, hearing the other woman`s voice, was not something she was willing to give up.
Her heart wrenched as she mumbled something about how Alicia WAS a good girl, and at times that wasn`t bad at all. Signaling for another round, the investigator found herself talking more than she ever remembered doing, although she wasn`t sure what she was saying at all.
Alicia
Alicia sat, still as a statue, feeling like a shadow of herself. What had just happened? She stared at her hands, feeling unreasonably angry at the bodyparts for letting slip away an opportunity. A dull feeling spread through her chest as she heard Kalinda speak, as if from far away.
`So? You are a good girl, what`s wrong with that? Believe me, sometimes it is definitely less messy.`
"But I like messy" She wanted to say, but she didn`t. She just sat. Because she… She was a good girl.
Risking a glance at the woman beside her she was surprised to catch the gorgeous woman staring at her. Quickly looking away, Kalinda kept talking about how great it was that she was so GOOD, when all she could think of was doing something BAD.
And suddenly she knew… Suddenly she saw… Everything she wanted to be, she could be…
Turning her stool towards the investigator, Alicia inhaled deeply, hoping the oxygen would contain the courage she would need. But then, strange enough, she found she did not need bravery after all.
It was the most natural thing in the world to take the sides of Kalinda`s seat in her hand and turn the woman towards her.
It was the most natural thing in the world, to look up into those dark eyes and brush a strand of hair behind Kalinda`s ear.
It was the most natural thing in the world, to lean in and breathe the words against Kalinda`s lips.
`I`m not always such a good girl, you know.`
The words came out, just right, this time, the insecurity that had been weaved through them before nowhere to be found.
And then, all that was left to do, was the most natural thing of all.
Pulling the other woman closer to her, she kissed her.
She didn`t care that Kalinda`s lips were hard with surprise for a few seconds, she did not care that their mouths first, clumsily, had to find a way to fit, to melt, together. It did not matter, at all, that Kalinda, trembling, almost fell to her, in such a way that she had to catch the other woman, letting her hands slide from her shoulders, slowly, up to her neck.
What did matter, was the softness she had not anticipated, the moan that escaped Kalinda`s lips as she yielded into the kiss. She had not been prepared for the wave of emotions overwhelming her when the investigator granted her the access her tongue had been seeking, making her dizzy. It was like coming up for air, this connection she had longed for, without knowing it herself. And she felt the mold break.
She had tried to add another, darker part to herself, but instead had found the bright core of who she was.
She gasped, breathlessly, but found herself unable to break the kiss, clinging to Kalinda as if to a lifeline, knowing only one thing for certain.
If it was like this, to be bad, she never wanted to be good again.
Kalinda
The tear that had escaped the corner of her eye, was very un-Kalinda-like. But she found that she didn't care. Finally giving in to the emotions she had been hiding all this time made her feel as if her chest might explode with the fierceness of it, but she did not care. It also didn`t matter that Alicia caught the tear in the palm of her hand, cherishing the vulnerability it represented, before deepening the kiss even more, filling it with the tenderness her heart had, unknowingly, yearned for.
She knew the hope in her heart was Leela`s, but as she felt Alicia`s hand cover her cheek, holding her, protecting her, she thought, maybe, she could make it Kalinda`s.
Maybe being a good girl, wasn`t so bad after all.
THE END