Title: Holding On

Author: Lifeguard

Disclaimer: I wish I owned CSI…but I don't.

Spoilers: Gum Drops, Grave Danger, and any s.6 episode that has aired.

Rating: PG 13

Summary: Post Gum Drops. Nick meets Cassie's legal guardian. Will she take care of her or take her away? Or will she end up helping Nick in the long run?

"…and Nancy," he stopped mid-sentence, and then silently closed the book. She had fallen asleep. He lifted the covers from her waist, bringing them up to her neck, and then gently stroked her hair. He clicked off the light and pulled the door over.

Coffee sounded like a good idea, he did need to head to shift soon, and reading made him a little sleepy. He began to walk down the hall, nodding to the nurse who was coming on for night shift.

"Mr. Stokes?" a voice called to him.

"Yes?"

A stout older woman, holding several folders looked at him.

"My name is Darla Ward, I am the social worker who was assigned to Cassie McBride's case. They told me that you're the one who found her."

"She left me the clues," Nick smiled, "So what's going to happen to her now? Or I mean, after she gets out of the hospital?"

"I looked into finding her legal guardian, and I was able to get a hold of Mr. McBride's younger sister. She's now responsible for Cassie."

"Is she coming then?"

"She's on her way from Toronto, Canada."

"Does that mean that Cassie has to go with her after she's been released?" Nick asked curiously.

"That will be up to Miss McBride when she gets here."

A pager beeped, and both reached for their own.

"It's mine," said Darla, "I have to go see someone in the emergency room. Now you continue to take good care of that girl until her aunt comes, like I've heard you have been doing," she grinned at Nick, then walked away.

Cassie had a legal guardian, a family member who would take care of her. It sounded like a good idea, the way it should be. At least she would be familiar with her aunt, it was better than a foster family. Yet this aunt lived so far away. What if Cassie hardly knew her? That could be worse than living with strangers. But by far the worst thought that ran through his head was the fact that Cassie might be leaving Vegas. He had formed an attachment with her. From the moment he started working the case, he had been getting to know her, and now that he had actually spent time with her, the two had formed a bond. He felt connected with her, on a level that he understood, coming from being the victim himself. It was as if helping her was chasing away the demons he still fought from his own ordeal. He shook his head. He had known that this would happen. He knew that she was either going to be taken away by a legal guardian or by the state to live with another family. He just wasn't prepared to deal with it so soon.

Looking at his watch he realized that he had to get going or be late for shift. He informed the nurse that he was leaving, and told her to call him if Cassie needed anything. He added that he wanted to know when her aunt got there as well. He needed to meet this woman, to know that Cassie was going to be alright, because he would do everything in his power to protect her from now on.

There was a movie on and around her people were giggling at the antics on screen. She didn't care what was playing, she had to much on her mind.

"Miss?"

The flight attendant's voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Would you like a pillow?"

She nodded, and accepted it and the attendant moved onto the next person. She put the pillow behind her head, but didn't close her eyes. She didn't think she could sleep without seeing them. That thought brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes, and she swiped at them with her fingers, not wanting people to start asking questions.

She had been at work when she received the call. Her supervisor had summoned her to his office to take the phone. It had been in the middle of the lunch rush, and she had thought that a personal call at that time would have made him mad. Yet he wasn't, and that made her wonder who was trying to get a hold of her. It was a social worker on the other end, and in gentle terms had told her of her brother's death, then that her sister in law and nephew were also gone. She had burst into tears and then frantically asked about her youngest niece. It was a relief to hear that Cassie was alive, but then there was the realization that she was now her legal guardian. Without any hesitation she said she would be on the next flight to Las Vegas.

There were details of the crime that she did not know. She didn't know who had killed her brother's family or why. She did know that her niece was alive, and it was a miracle. It would be the nurse at the hospital who would fill her in later.

"Please fasten your seatbelts. We will be landing in Las Vegas shortly," the loudspeaker announced.

She blinked. Her eyes felt heavy and she realized she had fallen into a dreamless sleep, brought on by the exhaustion of the situation. She sat up and straightened her clothing, preparing for the landing.

Nick walked down the hospital hall. It was nearing lunch and he was glad to be done shift, which had run long. He figured that he should be at home, trying to sleep, but he couldn't. Lately he had become an insomniac, as strange as it sounded he couldn't sleep during the day the way he was used to. His insomnia stemmed partially from his own fears that had developed from his ordeal. His dreams were once haunted by ants, green lights and dirt. He would wake up in a cold sweat, convinced that he was in the box again. But now those dreams intertwined with that of being lost, of being alone and following an endless trail that eventually led to the dead bodies of Cassie and her family. Insomnia came from not wanting to sleep, and now when he needed the rest, he relied on heavy medication to sleep.

He wanted to make sure, before he went home for the day, that Cassie was alright. His daily visits were essential for him and the little girl. Both knowing that they had someone to hold onto to.

Yet something was different this morning. A small, dark haired woman stood outside Cassie's door. She had freckles that danced across her light skin, which looked particularly pale, and her eyes seemed sad. Her rumpled black shirt and jeans looked travel worn, as she sat slumped in a chair.

He approached her slowly, and stood next to her. She seemed surprised by his presence and brought her eyes quickly up to meet his and looked at him curiously.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Nick Stokes, I'm a friend of Cassie's. Is she up yet?"

Before he had even finished his sentence, tears began to fall down the woman's cheeks. She got up from her chair, and suddenly was embracing him. He wasn't sure what to do.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, holding the woman who he didn't know.

She abruptly pulled away from him and her face turned red.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, "Wow, you must think I'm mad."

"No, I was just wondering who you are."

She smiled shyly at him, "I'm really sorry, it's just that I've heard so much about you, from the nurse and Cassie…you saved her, you're her hero…" more tears fell down her cheeks.

"Don't cry. I didn't save her, she saved herself. She left me the clues to follow. Now you still haven't told me who you are."

She gave him a sheepish half grin, "Sorry…now I'm rude and a mess. I'm Clara, Clara McBride, Jude's sister," she extended her hand.

"It's good to meet you Miss McBride," Nick replied, shaking her hand.

"Please, call me Clara. Miss McBride makes me feel old."

"As long as you'll call me Nick."

"Then you must forgive me for just hugging you like that. I really just can't believe how much you did for my niece. If it wasn't for you, she might be…" she swiped at her eyes again, "I don't know how to begin to thank you for everything Mr-I mean Nick."

Her blue eyes were still glazed with tears as he gazed at her,

"She's a wonderful girl, and a smart one too. Like I said, if it wasn't for her trail…" he broke off, not wanting to go any further, "She's not up yet is she?" he finished, switching the subject.

"No, I only got here about a half hour ago. I didn't want to wake her."

"Did you fly from Toronto?"

"Yes…how did you know that?"

"Cassie's social worker told me you were coming."

"Oh. Yes, I live there. I used to live in Vegas, but about two years ago I got a job offer I couldn't refuse. Before that I was really close with Jude, Nina and the kids. Not that I wasn't when I moved, we talked all the time on the phone and over e-mail. I can't believe this happened though…" she turned away from him.

"It's alright," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She faced him again, wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Sorry…"

"There's no need for you to apologize. You're going through a lot and you have every right to shed some tears."

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Excuse me? Mr. Stokes?" a nurse appeared by his side.

"Yes?"

"I just got a call from Cassie's room, I think she's up."

Nick nodded his thanks and turned to face Clara again,

"So shall we go in and say hi?"

He pushed open the door to the little girl's room and walked in, with Clara following behind.

"Hey sleeping beauty," he greeted her.

"Hi Nick," she whispered back in her raspy voice.

"Look who came to see you sweetheart," he said, gesturing to her aunt.

Cassie's face lit up upon seeing her relative,

"Aunt Clara!"

"Hi baby," she replied, going over to the girl to hug her.

Nick took in the tender moment between the two and decided that they would need time to catch up. He silently left the room, and headed home.

Three days after Clara arrived in Vegas, the funerals for the McBride family took place. It was a dull day as friends and extended members of the family stood around the graves. As the final respects were being said, Nick glanced at Clara who was standing beside Cassie. The little girl, who had been released from the hospital that day, stood quietly by her aunt, her face blank, looking only at the grave stones of her family. Clara let her tears flow down her cheeks, and held tightly to her niece's hand. The priest finished his piece and people began to give their condolences and make their ways home. The CSI team had all come out to the funeral, each feeling a certain connection to the case, and the little girl. But it was Nick who stayed behind while the others started for their cars, promising to catch up later.

Most of the mourners had left by then, and he hung back until it was only Clara and Cassie standing by the graves. He walked over to them, and stood with them for a few moments in silence before Clara said,

"It's not supposed to be like this. Why does there have to be so much evil in the world?"

"Because we're human," he replied quietly.

"Does that excuse what happened?"

"No, but it reminds us that life can be taken away so quickly, so we can't take it for granted."

A little hand tugged on his, and he looked down at Cassie.
"They're angels now aren't they?" she asked.

"Of course honey. And they'll always be watching over you," he said.

He wouldn't hear of them staying in a hotel room, so Nick insisted that they stay with him until Clara decided what to do. Later that night, after Cassie had fallen asleep, he was putting things away in the kitchen when Clara spoke from her place on the couch.

"How do you understand her so well Nick?"

"Understand who?"

"Cassie. It's like the two of you have a connection or something. I thought at first that it was because you found her, that you were really involved in her case. But then I thought you would have moved on by now, but you haven't. She really likes you Nick, she calls you her angel. She talks to you more than anyone, you got her to tell her story. The social worker said that she hardly talks to her, the nurses said that you're the only one she wants around. Cassie also said that you understand her because of something that happened to you. What is it Nick? Where did your bond come from?"

Nick came over to the couch and sat down,

"I was really involved in this case. Cassie became the only person I cared about, but there is something else, something did happen to me that I told her about," he started, then hesitated.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry…it's just…it's stupid."

"You want to understand her too."

"Yes."

"Then I have to tell you what happened."

She nodded for him to continue.

"Just over six months ago I was called to a crime scene. As I was examining some evidence, someone came up behind me, and the next thing I knew I was in a van, tied up and then knocked out again. When I woke up, I was in a box….buried…buried alive," he paused and Clara placed a hand over her mouth in horror, but he then continued.

"The guy who took me had a grudge against the lab, and he kidnapped me to get back at them. He left a tape recorder and a gun in the box. He told me that I could wait to die, or kill myself. I came close to actually doing it. If my friends hadn't have found me, I would have died. It took me months to recover…and I still am in that process. Cassie's case became a mission for me because I didn't want to give up on her, because no one gave up on me….I knew she was alive, I could feel it. It wasn't her day to go…just like I know it wasn't mine…" his voice began to break, and he felt Clara's hand on his shoulder.

"I think…I think we both understand what it's like to be on that edge…to be close to giving up…and then fight through it….or at least I think that."

Clara pulled him into her embrace, and between her own tears she murmured in his ear,

"I think you were meant to find each other, to save one another."

He pulled back from the hug and looked in her eyes,

"You think?" he asked.

"I know so. I'm not going to take her away from you Nick. We'll stay in Vegas, you two need each other," she said, wiping the tear with her thumb that had fallen down his cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"No, thank you…thank you for telling me this…it must be so hard for you…I shouldn't have made you tell me…"

He reached up and took her face in his hands, gently wiping the tears from her face.
"You needed to know…you needed to understand…and I needed someone to listen…"

Their eyes were locked, and suddenly they were leaning into each other and their lips met.

He kissed her with a passion, and she clung to him with all her might. They needed each other. They needed to feel, to be know that they were both alive, to get through everything weighing on their souls. She lay back on the couch and he fell on top of her, breathing heavily, and then she guided his lips back to hers. Her hands slid up his chest, touching, feeling the warmth, and he let his hands run up and down her body, feeling the rush of her blood, the heat, feeling alive for the first time in so long. She grabbed at his shirt, urging him to remove it, and when he began to tear at hers, he stopped.

He sat up, and she lay there for a moment, her eyes closed, mouth open waiting for the next kiss. When his lips failed to meet hers again, she looked up at him, starring at her.

"We can't do this," he said.

She sat up next to him and leaned against his side. She wanted to ask why, but she knew the answer.

"We can't," she answered, "not now. It would be for all the wrong reasons."

"It wouldn't be right."

"What if we took it slow? What if we got to this eventually, but not now," she asked quietly.

"I'd like that," he replied, taking her hand.

She squeezed his for a second, then got up from the couch, adjusting her shirt.

"Good night Nick," she said, then gave him a slight smile before walking down the hall.

"Good night," he whispered after her, laying his head back against the couch and closing his eyes.

To be continued….