"Hey Axel, c'mon! Sora, Kairi and the others are going to the mall!"
Axel looked up and eyed his boyfriend, a look of utter boredom etched on his face.
"You go, I've got some stuff to take care of here," said Axel dully.
"But… But Axel!" Riku whined tugging on his sleeve, "It's almost Christmas! We're supposed to spend time with family and friends… and loved ones," he added seductively, whispering the last part into the red head's ear.
Usually when Riku started talking like that, Axel got all horny and jumped him, but not today. Nope, today Axel merely flicked a bit of dust off his pant leg and muttered, "It's cute Riku, but I'm not going."
"Spoiled sport," pouted Riku grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. Axel winced. Had Riku, King of the Emos, just called him, The Life of the Party, a "spoiled sport"? But then again, Axel probably would've called Riku the same thing had he been in his shoes… But still! The injustice! Axel huffed and proceeded up to his room to get on his suit so that he could put this whole thing behind him as soon as possible.
"So Axel couldn't make it?" asked Kairi sounding a little disappointed.
"Yeah," sighed Riku chewing on the end of the straw of his cup of soda a little, "he said he had stuff to take care of…" Riku was walking through the mall with Kairi, Selphie, Tidus, Wakka and Sora, drinking a mix of different sodas.
"Hm," said Tidus looking thoughtful, "that's too bad… I was really looking forward to him coming."
Riku turned to stare at him.
"Why?" he asked shrewdly, thoughts of two-timing and betrayal zipping through his head. Tidus shrank back a little under the glare of Riku's X-ray stare.
"Well…" Tidus tugged at his collar a little as he broke a sweat, "I was planning to er… Drag him into the Victoria's Secret store!" he blurted out the last line quickly and instantly threw his arms up over his head protectively.
"What?" asked Riku blankly, completely thrown off guard by this one.
"I- I just wanted to see his reaction to some of the displays and… yeah," Tidus finished lamely.
"Tidus that's so mean!" cried Kairi giving Tidus a good thwack over the head.
"And perverted!" added Selphie giving him another good slap upside the head.
"That's a great idea!" said Sora eyes lighting up, "Oh wow… Could you imagine the look on his face? That'd be so cool!" The girls and Riku shot Sora some very nasty glares but the spiky-haired brunette took no notice.
"And we could drag Riku along too, ya?" asked Wakka joining Sora among the hierarchy of evil.
"You would do that to a gay guy?" asked Riku in shock, Sora and Wakka's' grins only intensified, "Man, you guys… That's real low. I didn't think you were that mean."
"It's okay, Riku," said Kairi, linking arms with Riku and resting her head on his shoulder, "we'll protect you."
"Yeah," said Selphie, assuming the same position as Kairi…
Wait.
Let me rephrase that.
Linking arms with Riku like Kairi had done.
There. That's better. (A/N: Whew… Dodged a bullet there…)
Sora, Tidus and Wakka shot glares at Riku who responded with a series of sheepish grins.
"Why is it gay guys can get girls so easily?" muttered Tidus. The statement was addressed to Sora and Wakka, but Kairi, Selphie and Riku heard him.
"It's not really 'getting girls' if you're gay," said Riku matter-of-factly.
"Yeah," said Kairi, "and besides… Girls like hanging out with gay guys better because they can sympathize with them."
"Too true," said Selphie, nodding in assent, "and besides," she added, "Girls can scope out hott guys with gay guys… Something that usually makes straight guys go running." Kairi and Riku muttered their agreement to this solemnly while Sora made distinct gagging noises.
"Ugh," Tidus blanched, "let's change the subject."
"See what I mean?" asked Selphie turning to stare at Riku and Kairi.
Kairi and Selphie began a huddled discussion about the many faults of boys, especially the straight ones.
"Although I suppose they have their uses," said Kairi admittedly, "after all… Gay guys may be more fun to hang out with but they can't actually have relationships with any of us…"
She and Selphie were completely oblivious to the faces the guys were making behind them.
"I don't know… in my opinion he looked better with the black hair… What do you think Riku? Riku?"
Everyone turned to look at Riku.
He was staring at something…
Sora walked up to him and tilted his head in the direction Riku's was turned.
"Um Riku?"
"Hm? Yeah?"
"Why are you staring at Santa Claus?"
Everyone turned their attention to 'Ol Saint Nick and blinked. He seemed like your average Chris Cringle… Chubby, white-haired and bearded, and wearing the traditional red and white outfit complete with the cool hat. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Kairi turned to Riku.
"What about him?" she asked, "he seems like every other Santa."
"No…" Riku whispered, and he seemed to be talking mostly to himself, "It can't be… he would've told me… unless he thought… But why is he…?"
"Something wrong? Do you know him?" asked Tidus questioningly.
"Yes…" Riku shook his head and blinked at Sora and the others blearily, "Oh sorry… Did you say something?"
"Why were you staring at Santa?" asked Sora teasingly, "Got a little crush? Wanna go sit on his big lap?"
Riku turned and blinked at Sora again. And then quite suddenly his face broke into a huge and mischievous grin that frightened the hell out of the little brunette.
"Yeah… I think I'll go do that," he said impishly, "Here hold this."
The cup of lemonade was pushed into Sora's hands unceremoniously as Riku walked over to join the line of toddlers and assorted parents waiting to meet Santa Claus. He looked back at his friends and waved pleasantly.
His friends waved back, albeit nervously.
"Do you think Riku's finally lost his mind?" asked Kairi timidly.
"Well it was bound to happen sooner or later," said Tidus casually.
"Yeah but… What do you think he thinks he's doing?" asked Selphie.
"Who knows," shrugged Tidus.
Riku waited patiently in line.
Finally the time came when he was up. He could see the look of horror etched onto "Santa's" face. He braced himself. This was going to be humiliating, and he wasn't used to acting like this in public. This meaning causing huge disruptions for humorous purposes and basically acting like a total goof. Usually it was Sora and the others causing the huge public scenes and creating scandals.
Still, he reasoned with himself, if they could pull it off he could too.
Mind made up Riku marched right over to "Santa" and hopped on his lap without warning. "Santa" gave a little grunt at the impact.
"Hi Saaaannttaaa," drawled Riku, stretching out the Santa suggestively.
"Oh my gosh," whispered Kairi putting a hand to her mouth, "is he hitting on Santa Claus?"
"You were right," Tidus confirmed leaning over towards Kairi, "Riku has lost the vestiges of his sanity."
"Vestiges?" asked Sora blankly.
"Remnants," explained Tidus bluntly.
"Ooh…" Sora returned his gaze to his silver-haired friend who did in fact seem like he'd lost the remains of his sanity. Riku had his arms wrapped around Chris Cringle's neck and was staring up at the poor old man with affection.
Parents were muttering, security guards disguised as elves were whispering.
"Well, I just hope Riku doesn't get into too much trouble," said Sora.
"What do you think you're doing?" hissed "Santa" as said Riku continued his little trick.
Riku pouted adorably (he'd learned how to pout from Sora) and whined, "But Santa I want to tell you what I want for Christmas this year…
"You see," he continued, "I'm not sure if I'm going to get anything at all… Because I'm not sure if I've been good enough this year… So tell me Santa am I on the naughty list?"
"Santa" gulped and broke out into a sweat.
"L- Look kid, just get off and-
"Santa?! How could you say those mean things to me?!" Riku sounded aghast as he leaned back, not removing his arms from Axel's neck.
"C'mon Riku please…" he muttered, "Have pity…"
"Ooh… You know my name! You really do know everything huh Santa?" Riku breathed into said Santa's ear.
"Riku… move…"
"Okay fine…" huffed Riku, then he leaned in very close to poor old Saint Nick's ear and whispered in his most seductive voice, "but before I go… Could you just tell me if I've been naughty this year?"
And just like that the lock on "Santa's" self-control was off
"Whoa! What is going on over there?!" cried Tidus.
"I think Santa's trying to kill Riku!" shrieked Selphie in her high-pitched, ten-octaves-above-normal voice that only she could pull off.
"No," said Kairi slowly, "No it looks more like… Are they making out?"
"Oh my God! Pedophile!" shrieked Selphie.
"It kinda looks like Riku's kissing back though and- Oh GOD! What are those two doing?!
"Ha! I knew it!" cried Riku triumphantly as he yanked off a snowy white wig to reveal unruly red spikes underneath. Several children in the background screamed.
"Yeah yeah whatever," muttered Axel, "just help me get this fat suit off…"
"Gladly," said Riku before obliging.
…
…
"Damn it! How the hell are you supposed to get outta this thing?!" Riku swore in frustration as he continued to try to rip the fat suit off in vain.
"Um… I don't know," said Axel, "It was easy enough to get on…"
"Well, try to help me here!"
"Alright, alright…"
…
"Shit! It's stuck!"
"I know that dumb ass!"
"Now, now… No need to start swearing."
"Damn you Axel."
After ten more minutes of struggling with the fat suit and various other articles of clothing Axel and Riku were down to their boxers…
When the mall police showed up (A/N: FINALLY! Geez those guys are slow.)
Leading the two men away, without even giving them a chance to get their clothes on. Axel was lead out calmly, flashing dazzling grins at anyone looking their way; which was basically everyone. Riku just smiled; apparently very pleased with his accomplishment. It wasn't long before Sora, Kairi, Selphie, Wakka and Tidus came running up carrying the two males' clothes.
"Wow! You guys that was awesome! That was the best stunt yet!" cried Sora in awe. Tidus and Wakka came in nodding fervently.
"Riku! That was amazing! I didn't think you had it in you to pull something like that off!"
"Man, I can't believe you guys doubted me," said Riku feigning hurt.
"Sorry mon," said Wakka, "won't happen again, ya."
"So where are you guys taking them?" asked Sora addressing the cops.
"The police station," one of them replied gruffly.
"Aren't you going to let them put their clothes on first?" asked Selphie, holding up the bundle of clothes in her thin arms.
"Now Selphie," instructed Riku, "give them a break… It's not too often people like these two get two guys as hott as me and Axel to go with them into their cars willingly… well almost willingly anyway."
It was because of this statement perhaps, that the guard pulling Riku along shoved him into the police car with a little more force than was needed. Giving the silver-haired male a huge bruise on the top of his head.
Perhaps it was because they hadn't actually managed to get their clothes off all the way, perhaps it was because Riku had flirted with the judge or maybe they just got lucky… But Riku and Axel pulled out of the incident with nothing but a small mark on their records.
Two days later Riku was lying on the carpeting of Axel's apartment, basking in the warmth of the fire.
Axel joined him soon with two cups of steamy hot cocoa.
"So," he said wearily, "What made you do it?"
"Do what?" asked Riku.
"You know what," said Axel warningly.
"Oh right…" said Riku, "I don't know… It just seemed like the fun thing to do at the time…"
"The 'fun thing'?" asked Axel skeptically, "You don't know how un-Rikuish that sounded." Riku looked over at Axel in surprise.
"You don't like it when I have fun?"
"No it's just… I'd rather be the one dragging you along with whatever insane random thing I'm trying to pull…" Axel said delicately.
"You like me better when I'm emo don't you?" asked Riku.
"No," said Axel hastily, "I just like you better when you're yourself… You know… All depressing and yet totally cool at the same time?"
Riku frowned and he looked at the floor, stirring his cocoa in a melancholy fashion.
"There! That's it!" cried Axel sitting up and wrapping his arms around Riku's waist, "That's the Riku I know and love!"
"Whatever," replied Riku dully, only to be replied with a kiss.
Riku leaned into his arms sleepily.
Well, he thought as his eyes began to close, if it makes Axel happier I suppose I can stand being a little depressed…
Author's Note: So here it is… My very first Axiku. Thanks to all who review!
You peoples make me happy. Also I dedicate this fic to Rosalyn Angel, Trangai, and BisquickBismarck… The very best writers for AxelxRiku in the whole freakin world!
You three… You humble me… (bows deeply)…
I would be deeply honored if you would review… You know when I was writing this I was SO nervous! I kept triple-checking for mistakes because this is my big debut in the crack pairing world and I wanted to make a good entrance…
PLEASE REVIEW PEOPLE!!!
bliss