THE ROSES ARE FINALLY CUT
A Hunger Games Fan-Fiction Novel
CHAPTER 1
I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, UNATTENDED. I went through the steps my sister had long ago. I am Primrose Everdeen. I am 17. No, 18. My birthday is today. My sister is Katniss Everdeen. Katniss doesn't know I'm alive. Nobody knows I'm alive. Nobody who does knows me. My home is District 13. I have a secret. A secret nobody knows. A secret nobody will ever know. My breath faltered as I thought of my dark, dark secret. Nobody can know. I thought just before I was sedated, again. The thin sheets of skin, some of mine, some from someone I'll never know, were bonding. Not a tighter bond than what he and I share, though. He's given up on you. He doesn't know you're alive. He thinks you're dead, just like everyone else does. I thought to myself angrily. Don't get caught up in the past. He's probably remarried. He doesn't know about her. He doesn't know about my little secret. He never will. Will she look like him, a painful reminder that he'll never be there? Will she look like me, like my mother, who she'll never know as Grandma. No, he doesn't know about Kaniss. Katniss Jr., my baby. Another kick, a strong one, a reminder to look to the future. Maybe I could go back, if not just to see him again. Would he be afraid, or excited to know? I have to tell him, maybe we'll redo it. No, just one glance from afar. I'm a maiden now, never to love again. I'm stupid, to think he'd want me, looking like this. Me, with not even skin to call my own. I lost everything that day. Everything but her.
"You'll never leave, will you?" I asked Katniss. The doctors think I'm crazy, but I don't care. It gets lonely, all alone in an empty room. She'll have to one day, though. Find someone, just like I did, and leave. Take her flight. Will she hide it, like me, or tell me? Parenthood scares me, and I'm too young for it, but I can't give her away. Not when she's all I have left. I think of those who really died. Finnick, Cinna, Portia. Those names echo through my mind. Katniss even had three miscarriages. She was in the room next to me. If she saw me, with my bloated stomach, it would hurt her. My being alive would cause her to harm herself, she wouldn't believe I was real, but the Jr., she would be in agony. She thinks she's barren, but Peeta refuses the thought.
"Maybe its me!" He tries to comfort her. "Try with Gale," he suggests. I can't help myself.
"No!" I cried. She couldn't. Gale was mine.
CHAPTER 2
I KNEW IT WAS WRONG, BUT I COULDN'T LET HER. Mine. He was mine. I hear Peeta tell Katniss to stay put, but he and I both know she won't. So the time we have before Katniss comes is valuable. I see his foot, so before he even is able to walk in the room, I start weaving a net of profanity and entangle him in it. I wasn't even sure I had those ropes to be honest. I actually think I made a few of them up. More morphling for me! Oh well. I did what I needed to. And then she walked in. Her eyes red and swollen from crying, and I thought, "now I've done it." Well, now Peeta and Katniss's eyes will match, too. Red and puffy. Not like I care. Katniss's eyes immediately drop to my expanding stomach line, and I can tell she's trying not to cry, throw up, and faint all at once. She manages not to faint. The room still reeks of salt water and leftover chicken. The last thing I see before I'm sedated, again, is Katniss running the waterworks. Wow, she's a mess. I wake up, and Peeta's still trying to calm Katniss down. They don't realize I'm awake until I ask, "Where are we?" I'm never awake long enough to ask, either from a morphling dose or fatigue. Katniss comes over to me, looks through my eyes, and slaps me. That's a new way to fall asleep. I still can't figure out the reason why she did that. It's not my fault she can't do it. I still can't regret the days when I had to go to the Hawthorne's because Gale was "sick."
My cheek still stings, so I reach up to feel it, and it's bandaged. I rip off the bandage, and, surprise! I'm sedated again. Maybe Katniss isn't the only mess. That was a fun day! Only three sedations! And I found a new way to fall asleep. Today was productive. So was the night. I managed to get myself killed, again. This time, I was pulled from the reaping ball again, but this time, Katniss didn't volunteer. Or show up in the Justice Building. I really love it when my brain still thinks while I'm asleep. I had two chances to die, one, being barbequed by Cinna. Two, getting sliced by the careers in the training room. I finally died when Peeta jumped up on me, slapped me on the face, no surprise man and wife have the same habits, and threw an axe that imbedded itself into my skull. And I woke up screaming, wouldn't shut up, and was transferred back into the realm of nightmares, meaning given a strong morphling dose. I think I'm going to be even more trouble for my nurse then I already am. I would say than necessary, but I already do that. I've been thinking, I should try to get myself sedated an extra time each day, you know, shoot for a record.
CHAPTER 3
OKAY, MAYBE GETTING SEDATED EXTRA WASN'T SUCH A GREAT IDEA. I'm starting to hallucinate. And I have the urge to paint flowers. When my nurse comes in, I try to remember if I did anything else that would have them sedate me. I can't think of any, so I ask where I am again. Guess what! Extra sleeping time. I dreamed of the Games again, but Gale volunteered for Peeta, and he cut me into pieces and fed me to a mutt when he found out about his daughter. Our daughter. I woke up, ask the same thing, and then got more sleeping time. Same dream, but Katniss killed me. Oh, the fun my brain has when I can't control it. This time, when the nurse comes in, I ask where she works. It worked she told me where she works, also known as the prison I'm trapped in. More down time for me. I wake up and she's still there, so I ask where the "Ash and Davis Maternal Hospital" is. I found out it's under District 12, and Ash Everdeen started it years ago. "Dad must have been pretty knowledgeable to know we'd both end up here," I say. Apparently, I was supposed to forget my meeting with Katniss. More brain-making-me-paranoid-about-everyone-I-know-time. I told my nurse that if she wants me to forget everything that happens, I'll only try harder to remember. I get more brain-in-control-freaking-me-out-time. The fun that nurse and I have together. I ask her how she gets home, and she says "out this door, take two lefts, one right, and out the main door up the elevator." More parnoiding-brain-control-time. Well, I'm getting out tonight. At midnight, I sneak out of my room, take a left, another left, a right, sneak out the door and into the air. Fresh, clean, aboveground air. I know Katniss and Peeta will have left the doors unlocked, so I go over there. I recognized everything I saw. I didn't expect Katniss and Peeta going at it on the couch, though. That was a laughable surprise. Well, they were too engrossed with each other to realize I had come in, so I just slunk by them and into my old bed. I woke up and smelled Peeta baking, I would think he would be tired from all the "baking" last night. Haha. About that, Haymitch was in on my state of not being dead, and visited me once telling me Peeta had just discovered how to bake. I didn't get this until now. Oh, wow. He's sly. I walk into the kitchen and sit down at the table.
"What the hell is she doing here?" she said, looking at Peeta accusingly.
"How would I know?" he asked her, tearing up at the memory of our last meeting. Wimp.
"I'm just here in my house, sitting at my chair, at MY TABLE!" I screamed. "I also don't like my couch being used for an oven," I added coolly. Peeta blushed, but this made her angrier.
"What do you mean your house, your chair, your table, YOUR COUCH?" she roared.
"I was an original resident, you know," I replied. "It's as much mine as it is yours." I got her cornered. She couldn't counter that.
"Before you were dead," she hissed. Well, then again, maybe she could.
"Well I'm back now, so you have to deal with me."
"NONONONONONONONONO!" Baby.
"Bye then, going to Gale's!" I chirped merrily, not too unhappy with the arrangement.
"He's not there!" she screamed.
"So? Hazelle is."
"I'll just call him," I thought as I stormed away.
CHAPTER 4
HAZELLE WAS EXPECTING ME. Katniss must have called. Bitch. Even so, she was more than happy to take me in. Hazelle was the only one who knew. About Gale and me. When she saw me, she looked shocked, but quickly regained composure. She had made soup, and I willingly accepted some. Morphling was not the most substantial meal, to say the least. She even gave me a few secrets to hold on to. Apparently, both Rory and Vick were desperately in love with me, and when I "died", moved to other districts. Rory was in 7, he always loved being outside, enjoying nature, and Vick was in 10, being the animal lover he is. I had never realized how popular I was. In the Hawthorne's household at least. Now just Hazelle, Posy, Katniss and Peeta, My nurse, Katniss's prep team, and a few Capitol doctors live in 12. And now that I'm not dead, so do I! And I only hate Katniss, Peeta, the doctors, and my nurse! Less than half of them genuinely like me, too! That's a plus. Just then, Posy walked in, and didn't remember who I was. She's so much older, if I didn't know she was one of the only people living here, I wouldn't have recognized her. It still stung. Hormones suck. I just started bawling, and couldn't stop. Posy always looked up to me, and didn't know who I was? Hazelle explained who I was, and, being eight years younger than me, ran out screaming about a ghost. And the doctors told me I would be happy once I recovered. I hated them anyway, though. Hazelle must have caught that I wasn't welcome at the Mellark's, and told me to stay in the guest room. Posy didn't like having a haunted house, but she got over it after I made cookies. Hazelle told me I needed to call him, but I was scared. I put it off for weeks. She finally told me that I had to speak to him, that he was to depressed to remarry, and called him for me.
"Gale, there's someone here who you need to speak with."
"I can't now, mom. I'm busy," he replied.
"You are going to speak to them or I will come to 2 and beat you," Hazelle threatened. "Here she is."
"She?"
"Yes, she!" She screamed, impatient, and thrust the phone toward me. "He's all yours," she mouthed.
"Hello?" I heard a strained voice say.
"Hi," I replied meekly.
"Prim?"
"Yeah."
"Prim! How are you alive?"
"I have about as much clue as you do," I answered honestly.
"How are you?"
"I-I-I-I can't tell you over the phone. I think you should come see me yourself." I was scared of his reaction.
"I'm on the first train out of here!" he chirped. The line disconnected.
I wish I just told him. It would be easier to hear his disappointment over the phone. I cried myself to sleep that night, afraid of what tomorrow would bring.
CHAPTER 5
HE STROLLED UP TO THE HOUSE MERRILY. What had I gotten myself into? What would he say? I sat down quickly, trying to hide her under the table. Then he came in. He saw me. He looked confused. I saw him decide he didn't care, and he ran over and kissed me. Again and again. I missed him so much. Soon, I began kissing him back. Hazelle laughed, and I blushed. Gale just rolled his eyes. Then he gave me a puzzled look.
"Why couldn't you tell me how you were?" he then asked suspiciously. Hazelle looked at me and nodded. I began to stand up. But I couldn't. I was had my first contraction. I winced, and Hazelle knew what was happening.
"The first one?" she asked. I nodded. "Sit back down," she ordered. I obeyed without a second thought. I nervously glanced up at Gale. Luckily, he still didn't know what was going on. Good. He could wait. And then I got a kick. I winced again. Hazelle asked with her eyes.
"Kick," I whispered. Gale and I started catching up. When he asked for the millionth time what was going on, I stood up, and his eyes widened.
"I-I-I-I have to go." He ran into the woods. Was he leaving? Why? I started to get up to chase him, but Hazelle made me sit down.
"I'll get him," she reassured me. I nodded and let her go. I probably couldn't catch up to him anyway. She knew the shortcuts he took. Besides, I needed to lie down. Badly. I had lost a lot of sleep last night. Thinking about his reaction. I wouldn't have dreamed it would be this bad.
HAZELLE'S POINT OF VIEW
I found him. He made the mistake of telling me all his hiding places when he was younger.
"Gale, what's wrong?" I asked delicately. He looked at me then ran away. Found him again. I repeated my question again.
"I can't do it," he said and he burst into tears.
"Can't what? You kept a family of five alive for years, then a family of 7," I told him.
"Be a father," he replied, still sobbing.
"Yes, you can," I said. "You don't realize what a big help you were in raising Vick and Posy," I added gently. He sniffed. He thought for a while.
"I'm scared."
"Oh, and she isn't? She has the two hardest jobs, carrying and delivering."
"I know."
"It helps to go through it with a partner. I've gone both ways." I added. "It'll be easier for both of you if you're there for each other. Can you at least try? For her?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Go get her!"
GALE'S POINT OF VIEW
She was sleeping when I got back to the house.
"I'll always be there for you," I whisper as I leave the room. Posy wants to know what's going on.
"The ghost is having a baby," I tell her. She doesn't ask anymore questions.
I walk back into the room and sit at the foot of the bed.
"Deep in the meadow."
"Under the willow," I sing back.
"A soft bed of grass, a soft green pillow," we join in harmony. She sits up and we kiss. A long, sweet kiss that I wish never stopped, but we pulled away gasping.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you, too," I respond. I stay with her until she falls asleep, but I have to go. I need help.
CHAPTER 6
PRIM'S POINT OF VIEW
I wasn't really asleep. He got up and left, and I followed him. Silently, quietly I followed him. Through the Seam, the meadow, and under the gate into the forest. I followed him. He was hunting, and had shot a groosling when a twig shattered under my foot. I froze, and he turned around.
"What are you doing here?" he asked fiercely. And I started to cry. Again. Why does this keep happening to me?
"I could ask you the same," I managed to choke out between sobs.
"Thinking," he replied curtly. Then he swiftly swept me off my feet and carried me back home and laid me in bed. He got up and left a tearful me again. What does he need to think about? When he came back, I was playing cards in the kitchen with Posy, who seemed now to recall who I was. Am. Who I am. And then she came in.
"Get away from my husband, bitch," I said.
"Oh, because I can't see my friend anymore," she replied. Typical Katniss.
"Um, maybe you should leave?" Gale said, obviously confused. When she was gone, he asked if I had a name yet.
"I had one," I responded. Nothing else was said for a while. Then I heard a small voice.
"Daddy! Daddy!" it called. I looked down at my thorax, bewildered. The voice was getting closer now. "Daddy!" it persisted. Finally, a young boy, no older than three, burst through the door. "I found you!" he said. It was my turn to flee. I ran to the elevator that leads to the coalmines. I ran deep inside and after I found a promising amount of coal dust, I lit a match. I was about to lower it when I heard Hazelle.
"Stop! Stop! Oh, thank God, you didn't do it yet!"
"Get out! Get out! I need to do this!" I exclaimed, exasperated.
"No, no you don't," Hazelle replied. "He loves you, he really does."
"And the kid?"
"I can explain," she said, "but I think he should."
CHAPTER 7
She drags me to the elevator and she pushes the button. The elevator shedders and the match falls. The elevator shoots up, and we free-fall until the cold ground, still wet from the previous rain, hits us. We're both winded, but Hazelle manages to get me up and drag me toward him. I don't resist. I'm too tired. Too dead to the world. And we reach the house. The house where the boy is cuddled up with him, on his lap. And I cry. And cry.
"Gale, explain," Hazelle says firmly.
"Well, in Two, I had a friend, a single mother, and she needed help, so I helped raise the kid," he said shortly. And I was jealous of this woman. I was locked up, and he was with her, and I was lonely, and cold. And she was there, in his arms. I built up an extreme hate for this woman, and a barrier against the world. Now I was truly alone. Hazelle was like a mother to me, but I would never be able to trust her like I did my true mother. Or my sister. I told myself these were memories, nonexistent anymore, but it didn't help, and I was on the floor. A used, wasted body. An old shirt thrown on the floor. Useless. I wish the mine hadn't exploded. I wanted to go back there now, with a match. And it squeezed, and hurt. She kicked. And I fainted. And I dreamed. The most awful dream. He was with her, and I was standing there, and could only watch. Eyes glued on them, stuck open. I couldn't move, couldn't make a sound, couldn't close my eyes. When I woke up my eyes burned, like in the dream, but not from being open. From tears, I realized. I was on the bed, and he was looking at me. He was concerned. I kicked him. He fell of the bed. And I laughed. So he got up and left, just left.
CHAPTER 8
LAUGHING WAS THE LAST THING I DID. After that, when I tried to get up, speak, even sleep, I thought about him. Holding her. And I couldn't do anything. But cry. And cry. The only words that ever came out of my mouth were "GET OUT" that occurred on the rare occasion when he came into my room. I was starving myself, my state deteriorating by the second. And then there was a time when I did need someone.
"HAZELLE!" I called anxiously. "Hazelle?" She wasn't home. "GALE! GALE!" I was going crazy. He had been coming back from hunting and heard me. I heard his sack drop outside and he burst into my room.
"Oh my God!" he cried. He picked me up and ran. I was in tears. He tried comforting me, but it didn't work.
And I was back in the place I had run from for so long. The place I never wanted to be again. I was under 12. He was holding my hand the entire time.
"Breathe," he said softly, "breath." But I couldn't. It hurt. It hurt so much. Nothing was helping. And she was born. But she wasn't a she. Or a he. A nothing. And it was my fault. She was dead.
"She was badly malnourished," the doctor said frankly. I don't think my days at the hospital earned any sympathy from him.
"Fix it," I said.
"I-I ca-"
"FIX IT!" I was in tears. My strength, what kept me going, was gone? It couldn't have happened. But it did. And it was my fault. My fault.
"Prim, are you okay?" Gale asked.
"My fault," I moaned, "my fault."
"This wasn't your fault," he said, "it wasn't."
"YES IT WAS!" I screamed back. He knew it was. I knew it was. Why does he keep feeding me lies? He started to tell me it wasn't my fault again. "SHUT UP! WE BOTH KNOW IT WAS!" I said, starting to cry again. "It was," I whispered. This time, he didn't offer any verbal support. He just held me, we both sat there weeping, with me cradled in his arms. And one day, I got up. I took the box of matches from my coat pocket, and ran outside. I found another mine. I went down. He was still at the top, waiting on the elevator to come back up.
"No! Prim!" he screamed.
"I love you" I called back, and with those three words, I lit the match and let it fall.
EPILOUGE
I STILL WATCH HIM. He and his happy family. I was jealous, but mostly happy. When I watched the joy on his face when the first came, I was happy. Same with the second, third, and the twins. I was happy. For him. For her. For the family. They had a good life together, the life I wanted our family to have. And he got it. It's good enough, isn't it? My other half gets to live what I wanted. It isn't what he wanted. When I walk through the Seam at night, I hear the tears. To her, they are silent, but to me, each tear soaking into the blanket is a call for me. Her's did it too. Killed himself. And as he and I stand over the bed, we share one thing. Loathing. For our love's new half. Peeta would take the melancholy walk through the Seam with me. Gale didn't want her. He wanted me. She wanted the dead, and so did he. Gale wanted Prim, not Katniss. And I was watching that night, when he took the knife. Into the room. His final resting place. The knife plunged into his heart. And he was there, his spirit, holding my hand. And there were many tearful kisses. Then she woke up. She pulled the knife out of his body. With no one left for her, the kids married in different districts, she did the same. She came to me first, and I expirienced sisterly love for the first time in years.