"Furbies"
From Domidan Inc.
A tale of epic proportions, intense depth, and riveting plot.
Giggle, giggle
Summary: Hermione finds Remus in an oddly sexy predicament and invites him to a party in the room of requirement. There they find Harry and Snape getting it on with random quotes from Mr or Miss Zambini. Ron and Dumbledore, as well as others make an appearance to view the fellow promiscuous characters.
Rating: R for really random sexual humor.
Characters: The sexy beast duet, REEEEEEMUS AND SNAPE, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Mcgonagall, Blaise Zambini the heshe, Filch and his sex toy, Mrs. Norris, and of course the twinkling Dumbledore.
Disclaimer: Don't sue us because we are mad and feel the need to express with our random sexual experiences through the characters in question. WE live vicariously through our stories. TA!
Warning: TOTALLY OOC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plz don't flame us.
Parody's are supposed to be humourously, derangedly, retardedly, stupidly, pointlessly… INSAAAAAAAAAAANNNNEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: If you are at all offended by this but of insanity, do like the good citizens of South Park do and, "Blame Canada!!"
Another Note Thingy Yeah: If you can spot the blatant references to Napoleon Dynamite and Anchorman, you get a cookie!! Yay!
Yet Another Note: Remus' thoughts are like this.
Begins with Remus
Twas the night after Remus Lupin's M.W.C. (Monthly Werewolf Cycle) and he vas vedy vorny (Very horny). Because of his LOSing (lack of sex), Remus was very sexually frusterated indeed. A hot shower would do him good. I don't think the students would find this so appealing if they found me in the hall. He looked downat his ever so prominent erection, straining proudly through his ebony, satiny dress pants and sighed audibly. "I need to whack off soon," Remus muttered to himself. It has been so long since my last exhilarating sexual experience and I am yearning for reawakening. He quickly headed for his chambers, avoiding any and all human contact, which was easy being an ex-marauder. Oh, how I miss those wild, crazy days when my yearning was often fulfilled. I need Hermione. Desperately. Oh, Hermione! If only you knew my ever so secret feelings! If it was even humanly possible, his erection grew even more; his pants began to rip in the front as his stiffened member engorged itself tenfold. The buttons flew off in a frenzy, and he gasped, then quickly ran in the direction of his room. "Merlin's balls!" I could be fired for this. Good thing Dumbledore is away at some slitherin boy scout gathering, screwing random first years. He then ripped his clothes off and jumped in the shower, masterbating furiously.
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…"
Focused on Hermione
Note: Hermione's thoughts are like this.
Hermione sat in the middle of the common room, on the floor…alone…staring into the flames, those firey, orange, hot, scorching, dancing, frolicking flames. She was entranced by them until Ron disturbed her everlasting peaceful silence, "Tina, you fat lard…" he sighed, "Eat your food." Then he left abruptly. Hermione returned to her gazing. "Oh, how I wish all of my wildest dreams would come true." She sighed loftily, her voice lofty. I want to see that sexy DADA teacher right now. Where is that big hunk of juicy, cheese? Oh, how I love his firm, bubbly buttocks. I just want to take his two glorious cheeks into my hands and squeeeeze! Squeeeeze! Oh no…what am I thinking! HE'S MY PROFFESSOR!!! HE IS 20 YEARS OLDER THAN ME…but he still has a nice ass…NO HERMIONE stop it you pervert….oh, but those hands…so agile, so slim and pretty…that they might roam freely over my….NOOO STOP IT RIGHT NOW, you insolent fool he'll never love you! Oh, well, I can still rape him using Harry's invisibility cloak…man I need help…All the while, Hermione is walking subconsciously towards Lupin's quartersShe finds herself outside his bedroom. How did I get in here? Aren't there numerous wards and locks I should have to break through? Oh well….I'm in his room…I'm in the room of the Hogwarts' sex god…(insert graphic details of Remus' sexual exploits) Hee! He's so lovely. Let's see what he has in his bathroom…. Hermione walks in and gasps…OMG…he's naked!! Veery naked…Ooooo I really shouldn't be here…. Wow, I didn't know werewolfs got so excited after full moon. It's actually rather…errrr…ohhhhh....Reeeeeeemus, "Ummm, Professor?"
He obviously didn't hear her and continued his heated ministrations, his hand pumping his member wildly, moaning her name, "Oooooooh Hermione."
"Yeeeesss?" said Hermione, still watching him intently.
His hand stopped it's game of frisky solitaire and he turned to face her fully, his face deviod of color. "Her…Hermione?" He said gruffly as he gaped at her, his mouth going dry, "D-did you need something, Hermione?" Hermione gaped at him standing there, stark naked, glistening wet, the water trickling down his toned body. Then, she shut her mouth, ripped off her clothes and jumped into the shower, shagging him senselessly. He did not object. Their bodies tangled and untangled, and tangled again…writhing intensely, radiating heat from the close contact as they both flew on white unicorns through Pleasure Town, moaning in ecstasy,
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…"
Later that evening
Later in the evening…much, much, much later…Hermione and Remus lay in the glorious afterglow of their frenzied lovemaking, entwined upon Remus' plush bed. "Say Remy…want to go hang at a super cool party tomorrow, yo? It's hot shizit, yo. Word up, dawg."
"Fo sho! Where be this happenin rave, Bitch?"
"Why, fair Remus, I doth proclaim, it dost be located over thy hills of romance yonder…it doth be commenced in the ever romancefulish Room of Requirement, fairest thou sirest. Dost thou wish to accomanyist meith?"
"What the fuck was that, Hermione?" Remus proclaimed, staring at her quizzically.
Hermione met his gaze, answering, "Well how the hell should I know? Blame the fucking writers, you bitch. They're crazy mo fo's."
Anyway, Hermione and Remus made their way to this radical party, man, after Hermione like turned into a fucking Hooters chick, man. Then they saw a bunch of people like yawwww…
Upon their drunken and hippy - ish entrance into the R of R (Room of Requirement, for all you slow ones) they were greeted by the sight of a mass orgy. "Groovy, man!" Remus exclaimed as they both leaped to join into the shagging fest.
All the while, Snape and Harry humped furiously in the corner. As Remus and Hermione explored the wonders of the Reverse Cowgirl, Snape stopped plunging into Harry's arse for un momento to wander over towards Hermone's place atop Remus. "Miss Granger…" he drawled, "You are both hot and intelligent! Ten points to Gryffindor! Mwuahahaha." He promptly gave her ass a smack, smirking as he slinked away back to his lover in the corner.
"I thought you'd never return!" Sang Harry drunkinly in the corner, groping Snape's velvety, white ass upon his return. "Ah yes, dear Harry…I have come! And so will you…in good time, my boy." He slurred highly, plunging again into Harry's bumhole. "Gay sex is fun!" Screamed Harry joyously, waving a rainbow flag.
Mcgonagall then stormed into the room furiously, " What is going on in here?"
"Just a bunch of random couples having hot, wild, unprotected sex, professor…Want to join?" proclaimed Ron suggestively.
"Well…" she looked around catiously, "If you insist…" She then jumped on the tall, gangly, might I add…horny, student and humped him ferociously.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Blaise Zambini, the heshe of Hogwarts, popped into the scene. Taking a deep breath, the heshe loudly announced, "Look, there's two doggies sittin by a tree….P I S S I N G!!!" After his announcement, he abruptly disapparated, even though it is impossible to do in Hogwarts. Well, goddammit, the heshe did it! Incredible!
The only couples to give Zabini notice upon his/her arrival, were Filch and his partner, Mrs. Norris, who promptly resumed their nasty activities after the heshe's departure. "Meeeeeeooooow!" Cried Mrs. Norris, as she approached Pleasure Town. "Rawr! I'm glad Harry didn't actually murder you in the Chamber of Secrets movie, my pet!" And all that could be heard for hours were the sounds common to mass orgies and such. Then, suddenly, the miracle maker of miracles approached the scene with much amusement, his eyes twinkling madly…like satellites in the heavens. That's right…you guessed it…DUMBLEDORE! And he watched…yes, he did. Twinkling…watching…drooling.
Then, after everyone was sexually exhausted, Voldie walked in and made a weird face, tapping his chin in deep thought, "Hmmmmmmm….Furbies."
The EndA/N: Hope you enjoyed…if not…FUNGY(go screw a donkey) fuckers…no don't hurt me, I didn't mean it! Honest! giggle giggle PLEEEEEEEEEEASE REVIEW. WE'll love you forever! Not really…but we'll still like you a lot!
Peace, Cheese, and Lots and Lots of SEX!!!
TA!
Domidan Inc.