DIsclaimer: So I wrote this a long time ago and posted it on lunaescene. :] I love Kisame, so this is pretty awesome. I don't own Naruto, but I do own my OC.
That bastard.
That crusty, old bastard!
You were going to kick his tickering arse into the ground. You were completely fine when he decided to switch the Akatsuki's coffee to decaf. Without telling anybody! Everyone thought they had mono for two months before finding out his dastardly plot.
'Money grubbing geezer.' You sniffed lightly, running your now itchy nose along your sleeve. Currently, you were on your way to pay a pleasant visit to the dear ol' Grandpa of the organization.
This was going to far though. Even for his greedy hands. Sure when you want to save money, you cut down on some things. That or you get the less expensive brand. Doesn't everyone do that? Not Kakuzu. Oh no, of course not our dear rag doll. He does something more drastic.
Making your way down a familiar torch lit hall way, you were greeted by the over exuberant Tobi. You had a feeling this guy wasn't exactly showing his true colors. I mean, come on! The guy hung out with Zetsu AND Leader! He must be damn powerful, and only showing everyone what he's not to get them to think less of him. Who'd hit the only happy member of this dreary organization? Except Deidara, of course. Getting off topic.
Said member was currently hanging onto your arm, questioning why you had been so grumpy this week. This caused a chain reaction of two doors ripping open, one Zetsu grasping onto Tobi and pulling him safely behind the white, black and green mass. The other door belonging to our beloved Kisame, such a cute blueberry. Though he looked more amused then actually helping.
Your eyebrow twitched, a vein pulsing on your temple as Tobi continued.
"Zetsu-sempai~! Why is Aya Chan always grumpy around this time of month? Tobi tried to make her happy last month and Aya Chan threw Tobi into the refrigerator! And tipped it over so Tobi couldn't get out~! Is Aya Chan sick?" A dreadful gasp came forth from Tobi's mask, as he finally saw what Aya Chan had been carrying with her.
A rag... dyed red. Another reason you were going to beat the old coot. If he would have just bought red rags, it would have been a little better. But nooo. The cheapskate had to buy white towels and dye them red.
Tobi, being the lovable but annoying darling he is cried in surprise. Thinking the rag was dripping, with not even dried dye, was blood. "Oh no Zetsu-sempai! Aya Chan is dying~! She's bleeding everywhere!"
Kisame let out a bark of laughter. This was about to get ugly, he just knew it.
Zetsu quieted Tobi gingerly. Pushing the smaller into his room behind them and staring down at Aya, who by now had a dangerous twinkle in her eye. "He's in his room." Was all he said before returning to his room and closing the door with a soft shuck, so he could scold speak with Tobi properly.
Kisame pat her head as she passed and went right back into his room. Blue eyes darted around the hallway and promptly kicked the lock in on the old bats room. Said person glanced up from his money counting to fix her with a pointed stare and said promptly, "You're paying for that."
Your eyes narrowed, and you slowly, calmly walked up to his alighted desk and flung the droopy mess of a rag on his precious money. Kakuzu stood abruptly, hands slamming down on his desk as you both leaned over, glaring menacingly at each other. Lightening flashed between your eyes, neither giving up on the challenge.
"Do you have any idea what you just did to my money?" He yelled in frustration.
You snorted and replied mockingly, "You can wash them." Your blue eyes narrowed into slits, grabbing onto his mask and pulling him closer. "Now... Why the hell did you get me rags when I clearly asked for tampons you jerk!"
Kakuzu showed much displeasure in being drug closer to you in such a rough manor. Raising a brow in mock sincerity, "You said you were going on the rag. I thought I'd make things more comfortable for you. I mean seriously, a scratchy, cardboard pole sliding into your vag-"
"Shut up Kakuzu!" Your cheeks turned a soft pink.
"Plus, 6.45 for a twenty pack? And fifty cents extra if you wanted super, or plus. Fuck that. And the cheapest was card board."
Your head hung as you realized he wasn't going to stop. "Then why the hell did you bdye/b my fucking rags!"
Kakuzu shrugged, "Who wants to wash a rag that they know was white but turned red with blood? And not from a wound."
"Then why didn't you buy red rags you old coot?"
An indignant snort rang from him, "25 cents extra for getting red, when I can just go home and do it myself? Pfft..."
"...I hate you."
"Of course you do... Now back to what I was saying earlier. Why push a small itchy pole into you, by yourself, when I could do it for you?"
Your jaw dropped the embarrassed flush coming back in full force.
"Of course, we'd have to wait until tomorrow. Can't have you bleeding on me. Plus I'll have time to stop and get a pack of those fifty cent candles, maybe even some fruit." His voice trailed off as he noted the grip on his mask was gone and his door creaking as it swung open, too and fro.
Hand's on his hips, he looked down at his poor money. "She'll be back. When she finds out about her conditioner." The mere thought of him having to leave his money like this sent trembles of pain through his five hearts. But he'd have to if he didn't want that stuff touching his money too.
"YOU CRUSTY OLD BASTARD!" With that he let out a sigh. Just his luck.
~Somewhere in Zetsu's room~
Tobi sat doodling on the floor, working quite hard on the picture of Zetsu-sempai and himself. 'Tobi is going to make a good shirt for Zetsu-sempai~!'
Sighing in contempt, Tobi tilted his head at the white shirt. Trying to decide what colors to dye it. 'Tobi will be a good boy and dye it Zetsu's favorite colors!'
With that he ran over to his art supplies and started digging for his red and green dye...
"Zetsu-sempai!" He wailed, "Someone stole Tobi's dye! IS Tobi a bad boy?"