Days go by after that first night. Weeks. Months even. I stopped taking the contraceptive pills I was so used to and let my love for Peeta take over. We continued to live our lives as normal, but made sure to actively try for a baby. After about four months of trying and no results, me and Peeta decided to go visit the doctor to make sure everything was working the way it was supposed to. Walking into town and the doctor's office was awkward to say the least. Even though the revolution was years ago, everyone still treats us differently. Especially me, because to them, I never stopped being their Mockingjay. The constant pestering and gratitude has died down a little, but the never ending stares are still there and I don't ever think they'll ever go away.
Once in the doctor's office, me and Peeta sign in and sit down in the waiting area. There is only two other people in here with us, and they both have small children with them. Thankful that they are more concerned with their children and not staring at us like everyone in town did, I finally have a minute to relax and consider the situation. I scoff in frustration as I think over the reason why we are here. I didn't want children, and now that I do, nothing is happening. If that isn't irony, I don't know what is.
Peeta sits next to me, bouncing his leg, his tell sign that he's nervous. I reach over and settle my hand on his thigh and squeeze it. He puts his hand on top of mine and holds on to it tight. "What's wrong?", I ask him as I lean in closer, not wanting the other people here to hear our conversation. I know he's nervous, hell I'm nervous, but he looks like he's on the verge of a meltdown. He sets his forehead on mine with his eyes close and whispers, "What if it's me?". I look as him baffled, "What do you mean?", I ask without the slightest hint of what he's talking about. He opens his eyes and I can see they are filled with fear and sadness. "What if I am the reason you're not getting pregnant." I look at him with as much love as I can muster as I tell him what I've been thinking these past few months. "If anyone of us is to blame, it's probably me" I half laugh, not meaning it, and trying to diffuse the situation. He moves his forehead away from mine as creases form on it. He looks at me in half confusion, half misery. "What do you mean that it's probably you?" he asks. I realize he took what I said to heart and I have to explain myself now. I take my hand from his thigh and smooth out his hair. "I really need to give him a haircut" I think before answering him. I rest my hand at the nape of his neck and respond, "I mean, I've been through a lot in my life. Not just me, but my body. We've both taken one hell of a beating between the games and the revolution. I mean come on, I got shot. But it also could be us being impatient, I mean it hasn't been that long." I laugh because I know it's only been four months of us actively trying. Peeta nods, weighing what I've said. "I've been through a lot to, with the high jacking and all, and like you said so have you. It is totally possible something is wrong", he replies, trying to explain how my body isn't the only one whos been beaten on and how it could have possibly ruined our chances for having a family. I can tell now he's thinking how both of us have the possibility to be really messed up here. I put my arm around him and give his neck a feather light kiss. "I know you went through that awful situation, but you fought your way back to me" I tell him as I continue a trail of kisses up his neck to his jawline, "and I am almost certain that neither one of us is to blame." The minute I say it I know it's a lie. There is a big possibility one of us is damaged, but if I can make it look like I don't believe that, maybe it will ease some of his worry. So I lie to him. His lips turn up into a smile when he hears me say it and he turns his head and sets his lips on mine. The kiss is sweet and loving and perfect and it reminds me why I love him. He pulls away a little too soon for my liking and looks into my eyes. "No matter what happens, no matter if I'm the reason or you're the reason, or fate just hates us and doesn't want us to have a kid, I love you with everything in me" he says as he gives me a light kiss on the nose. Right as he pulls away, the nurse calls our name.
We both get up and follow her as she leads us farther back into the clinic. Every step I take, I pray that nothing is wrong. I pray to whatever god is listening that I'm not to blame. I pray that Peeta isn't to blame. Please, please do not let Peeta be the reason this isn't working. He will never forgive himself if its him that's the problem. I pray that there isn't even a problem, and that it just takes time to have a baby. I really want this baby. I really hope nothing is wrong. The nurse stops in front of a door that leads to a small white room with an examination table. 'Here goes nothing' I think as we both step in.
"Okay, that was probably the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done in my life, and I've accidently walked in on Haymitch naked one time" Peeta says as we walk into our home. After we were led into the examination room, a male nurse came in and escorted Peeta to a different room. I kissed him and wished him good luck which earned me a frantic look and a scoff. He told me what he had to do to get "tested" and it was uncomfortable just to hear it. When Peeta left, the same nurse that escorted us into the room came back and led me through a number of tests, mostly in my down under area. After those tests, I have made a vow to never let anyone "down there" besides myself and Peeta ever again. "Tell me about it" I tell Peeta as I take my scarf off and set it down on the kitchen table. I sit on the chair and begin unlacing my shoes and so does he."And now more waiting" he says when he gets his shoes off and goes to start a fire in the living room. The doctor told us that they would call with the results later today. All we can do now is wait and hope that when the phone rings, it's not bad news.
I start to make me and Peeta hot chocolate to fight off the cold outside and to lift our spirits after a day like this. When it's ready, I take it to living room where I know he is. When I walk in, he's lying on the couch with his forearm over his eyes. He hears me coming and looks up. "I figured we could use a pick me up" I tell him as I set down the hot chocolate on the coffee table. "That's exactly what I need right now" he tells me as he picks up his mug and takes a big gulp. When he removes it, he has a large white mustache made of cream on his face. I laugh when he starts to wipe it away with his tongue but can't reach all of it. "Here, let me help" I say as I lean in and start to lightly kiss the whip cream of his upper lip. What slowly started as clean up duty starts to escalate to something more. Peeta begins kissing me back as I start to finish up the whip cream on his face. "I have to say that that whip cream was extra delicious" I tell him between kisses. He only hums in response and continues his kisses. His lips slowly move from my mouth to my neck all the way down to my collarbone, slowly kissing and lightly sucking my skin. We have no plans for today, so I let him continue. A very welcomed distraction. He starts to unbutton my shirt as I thread my hands in his hair, gently tugging on his blonde curls. He moans in response, his hands moving faster as he undoes all the buttons on my shirt and shoves it off my shoulders. I grab the hem of his shirt and drag it over his head and throw it to the floor. "I think this couch is a little too small" he tells me as he grabs my waist and throws me over his shoulder. I burst out laughing trying to squirm my way out of his grip. He makes his way up the stairs, wobbly I might add, thanks to his prosthetic, and into our bedroom. Right as he collapses on the bed with me in tow, the phone rings. "Seriously" he says as he rolls off on top of me but never loosening his grip on my waist. "I need to go and answer that" I say as I try to get out of his grasp, knowing that it's probably the doctor. Peeta just holds on tighter. "It can go to voicemail" he says as he slips his hand into the waist band of my jeans and starts to leave wet kisses down my neck. "Peeta, no, its probably the doctor, I need to go answer it" I tell him as I escape his grasp and run down stairs to answer the phone. I reach the phone just in time and answer, "Hello?". A quiet, friendly voice responds "Hi, Mrs. Mellark, this is Doctor Lamb from the medical center. I am calling in regards to you and your husbands' appointments this morning. I am pleased to inform you that the test results have come in and all results look to be within the normal range. These things just take time, so you and your husband should continue trying and we will go from there" she finishes talking, yet I'm to shocked to respond. "Hello? Mrs. Mellark?" the quiet voice goes on, wondering if I'm even here. "Yes, I'm here, I'm here, thank you, Thank you so much," I say into the phone. I hear the lady begin to respond but I don't catch it as I drop the phone and race up the stairs back to my and Peeta's room. "We're fine! Everything's fine!" I yell as I jump on Peeta who's still laying on our bed. I land right on top of him and he grunts in response. "Wait, what's fine?" he goes, trying to recover from my entire weight landing on him. "Nothing is wrong with us! That was the doctor and she said everything is fine!" I tell him as I move off of him so I can speak to him normally. It takes him awhile to finally understand and his eyes twinkle in response. "Everything's okay?" He asks as tears start pooling in his eyes, "I'm okay?" he asks as those tears start falling down on his cheeks. He was so worried about this, and now that we know that everything is okay, now that he knows he is okay, I can see the relief wash over him. "Both of us are okay" I tell him as he lays his head on my shoulder. We stay there for about five minutes just relishing in the fact that nothing is wrong and that our pasts won't affect us from trying to have a family. "I love you so much Katniss" he whispers. "I love you too, and I can't wait to make this baby with you" I tell him as I rub my hands up his back. He picks his head up and looks in my eyes, and I swear the look he gives me makes my stomach do a backflip. "Well let's get started shall we?" he says as he starts to move us down on the bed. "Let's" I say and we pick up right were we left off.