feel. i still dont know if i know the definiton for the word. i thought i
did, but nothing seems real enough for me to apply it to. there's still
something there. a problem that i dont have a solution to. a light weight
on my shoulders. i dont know. it's like a having an invisible baseball in
your back while your trying to sleep. you cant concentrate on the task at
hand because you know, something's there. the best you can do is try to
ignore it. pour alocohol on it. take something for it. this is wear i am. i
am only happy when i roll. ecxtasy is my drug of choice. i once drank non
stop but x gives me x-catly what i want. the feeling. i can almost describe
it. overwhelming. joy.sadness. fear. pleasure. this is what i want. why do
these drugs exisit that make me feel this way. it makes me go from numb to
incredibly sensitive. why dont i have a medium? what am i lacking? why am
i alone? am i alone? why is this enough for all my friends? why do i feel
only as real as my thoughts? i feel like im going against god or something
for thinking this but its like my entire life i've been made to believe...
"ring"
"What the fuck?" i said. "I thought my phone was off".
"out of area?....., fuuuuck them, they ruined my blowin up" i said as i
laughed to myself and turned my phone off
So this was my saturday night, avoiding phone calls from my friends,
downing a six pack of naty light and eating four beans. all by my lonesome.
dont get me wrong i like my friends but i seem to be on a differant
wavelength than them. their problems seem so dumb. everyone seems so dumb.
i think can predict everyone one of my friend's future. i can see them all
growing up, having wives and kids. neighbors they dont really like but try
to get along with because they're neighbors. getting drunk at their usual
watering hole until they reach 40 and cant drink due to health reasons. i
see these people going on honeymoons, rasing kids, getting divorces,
stressing about money, working at a nine to five job in front of a computer
doing whatever they can to help the company increase in productivity.
because when the business is productive, the business is happy and when the
busineess is happy, you should be too. should. I cant do it. I cant. how
can you make working for something else enjoyable? how can people live like
this? wHy CaN'''T i?
"ring"
"dude, what the fuck? i'm wasting my high! i fucking.........."
"ring"
"turned my phone off."
"ring"
"out of area again. how the hell...."
"ring"
what the fuck.
click
"hello?"
"act completely normal like you know who i am, dont say a word, only
listen. to know the truth is to change every thought you think you know.
your dreams, your frustrations, your home, your friends, your mom and dad.
everything. is at risk. it is also a choice only you can make and i am
giving you that choice. the pill you digisted tonight gave you a feeling,
'emotions without a filter' we'll call it. unfortunatly it also gave them
access to you. they know what your doing at this very moment. they see
you. they know what your thinking.they know what your feeling. you cannot
fight them, you cannot outsmart them, you cannot out run them. but know
this; they will not make themselves known unless you are beyond the point
of no return. Tommorow, you will wake up and not be sure whether or not
this phone call was a dream. it is your choice to believe or not,but, a
mind cannot be opened while a trace is in it's system. So, follow your
mind,it knows what it needs to do. trust it, it lead you this far"
"click"
"what th..."
"BEEP" "BEEP" "BEEP" "BEEP"
8:15 am
did, but nothing seems real enough for me to apply it to. there's still
something there. a problem that i dont have a solution to. a light weight
on my shoulders. i dont know. it's like a having an invisible baseball in
your back while your trying to sleep. you cant concentrate on the task at
hand because you know, something's there. the best you can do is try to
ignore it. pour alocohol on it. take something for it. this is wear i am. i
am only happy when i roll. ecxtasy is my drug of choice. i once drank non
stop but x gives me x-catly what i want. the feeling. i can almost describe
it. overwhelming. joy.sadness. fear. pleasure. this is what i want. why do
these drugs exisit that make me feel this way. it makes me go from numb to
incredibly sensitive. why dont i have a medium? what am i lacking? why am
i alone? am i alone? why is this enough for all my friends? why do i feel
only as real as my thoughts? i feel like im going against god or something
for thinking this but its like my entire life i've been made to believe...
"ring"
"What the fuck?" i said. "I thought my phone was off".
"out of area?....., fuuuuck them, they ruined my blowin up" i said as i
laughed to myself and turned my phone off
So this was my saturday night, avoiding phone calls from my friends,
downing a six pack of naty light and eating four beans. all by my lonesome.
dont get me wrong i like my friends but i seem to be on a differant
wavelength than them. their problems seem so dumb. everyone seems so dumb.
i think can predict everyone one of my friend's future. i can see them all
growing up, having wives and kids. neighbors they dont really like but try
to get along with because they're neighbors. getting drunk at their usual
watering hole until they reach 40 and cant drink due to health reasons. i
see these people going on honeymoons, rasing kids, getting divorces,
stressing about money, working at a nine to five job in front of a computer
doing whatever they can to help the company increase in productivity.
because when the business is productive, the business is happy and when the
busineess is happy, you should be too. should. I cant do it. I cant. how
can you make working for something else enjoyable? how can people live like
this? wHy CaN'''T i?
"ring"
"dude, what the fuck? i'm wasting my high! i fucking.........."
"ring"
"turned my phone off."
"ring"
"out of area again. how the hell...."
"ring"
what the fuck.
click
"hello?"
"act completely normal like you know who i am, dont say a word, only
listen. to know the truth is to change every thought you think you know.
your dreams, your frustrations, your home, your friends, your mom and dad.
everything. is at risk. it is also a choice only you can make and i am
giving you that choice. the pill you digisted tonight gave you a feeling,
'emotions without a filter' we'll call it. unfortunatly it also gave them
access to you. they know what your doing at this very moment. they see
you. they know what your thinking.they know what your feeling. you cannot
fight them, you cannot outsmart them, you cannot out run them. but know
this; they will not make themselves known unless you are beyond the point
of no return. Tommorow, you will wake up and not be sure whether or not
this phone call was a dream. it is your choice to believe or not,but, a
mind cannot be opened while a trace is in it's system. So, follow your
mind,it knows what it needs to do. trust it, it lead you this far"
"click"
"what th..."
"BEEP" "BEEP" "BEEP" "BEEP"
8:15 am