First story what up fam. Comments/critiques/reviews/whatever would be nice but I don't expect it!
Hanayo sits alone in the club room, lights off. She used to turn it on when she entered, but lately she doesn't see the use, the computer monitor produces more than enough.
At first, she wanted to turn that off, too. She felt like it teased her. It mocked her insecurities and it laughed at her. But with her finger on the power button, she looked at the monitor again and realized she didn't have the heart to turn it off with the image of their last concert reflecting off her glasses. So she left it on, as a bittersweet reminder of how things once were.
She sits with the monitor light on. Her homework is out in front of her, but she doesn't look at it. She keeps it out for appearances, so she can feel like she's at least doing something. Once more, she checks her phone for any new messages. The answer, as it always seems, is no. With a sigh, she sets her glasses on her homework, crosses her arms on the table, and she tucks her head between her sleeves.
It was another sleepy week. Sleepy was the only adjective to describe how she feels. No excitement, nothing to look forward to. Her body aches, but she doesn't understand why. She's lonely. She's tired. She wants to disappear. Everyone is growing at twice the speed she is. Everyone around her are flowers, and she's a blade of grass sitting alone in a dark room. This place is the only place she can sulk, and she feels pathetic for it. But, there's something soothing about sitting in her old chair. It reminds her that she mattered, and she made people smile back then, even if she can't do that anymore.
When her eyes feel heavy, and she thinks she's going to fall asleep, her phone buzzes. She's grown to crave the light chirp of her text tone. With a smile on her lips, she sits upright, puts her glasses on, and grabs her device.
"Sorry Kayo-chin! I fell asleep early last night ^ w ^ ;; Don't be upset with me! Q A Q I'll text you after class or sometime later tonight… Let's do our best today, nya~!"
She chuckles. Of course she could never be upset with her. She misses her too much to ever be anything less than grateful when she texts her back.
Rin's family moved to America before their third year started. Her father found business there, and her mother wouldn't allow Rin to live by herself in Japan. Hanayo's mother was more than willing to let her move in, but the apartment was too small for even her and her mother to live properly. The weeks leading to the move were tearful, but the girls were thankful for the time they were able to get. Life felt somber without Rin by her side. She'd been her friend since primary school, and existing so long with another person left a permanent longing for her when she's not around.
Every day, Hanayo worries for Rin. English was her worst subject in school, and adapting to a knew life seems hard. There's a seven hour time difference, so when Hanayo wakes up for school, Rin's sound asleep. They text everyday, and once a week they video chat. It's not the same as having her in the same room with her, but it's all she can have of Rin and she takes what she can get.
"Don't worry about it, life happens! I hope you're having a good day, and remember to take a break every once in a while. Don't overdue it! c: Call me later tonight, if you have the time? Take care! xoxo" Hanayo's fingers quickly drill the buttons. She presses send and waits for a response. After twenty minutes of no response, she sets her phone down once more.
Even though she only has a few sentences from her best friend, she is happy enough with the attention. She packs up her things and places them in her bag. With one last look around the room, she reaches for the door, when it suddenly opens in front of her.
"Oh! I'm sorry. I thought the lights were off so I didn't think anyone was here," Maki starts, but then pauses. Maki knows the lights were off. If they were on, she would have seen the glow from where she studies in the library. "Hey… You weren't sitting in the dark in here by yourself, were you?"
To this acknowledgment, Hanayo feels heat burning in her cheeks of embarrassment. "Ah, no, I mean kind of..! I came in here to dust but the bulb must have blown so I just finished up without it. No big deal or-"
To this, Maki flicks the light switch. The lights turn on immediately. She inspects the room and sees the dust powder their old belongs. The shelves that Nico's idol merchandise once filled aren't empty, Hanayo brings her own stuff to make the old club room feel like home, but it is not nearly a fraction of what things were. The crown and cape that Nico so kindly gifted the girl now sit on the shelf, with a few trophies next to them. They are unpolished and no longer shine. Everything in here looks pitiful now, even the girl who sits here in the dark.
Hanayo's small embarrassment turns into humiliation. She can't move, she mortified Maki caught her lie. Her palms feel wet and she avoids eye contact with her former idol mate.
"I-I must not have flicked the switch on all the way. What a silly mistake!" Hanayo mumbles and tightens her grip on her bag's straps.
Maki blinks. She knows she caught Hanayo in a lie, but she wasn't going to give her grief about it. She feels guilty for letting the situation get so bad. A part of her still wants to hold onto the past, but another part is trying to push herself forward. The former is why she's here today.
Maki came by everyday when the second years were third years. Things were different without Eli, Nozomi, and Nico, but she embraced the change because it was going to happen no matter what. Maki, who was told she was the cold one, never saw herself as cold. She was sad. She missed her friends everyday, but there wasn't anything she could do about it. Third years graduate. They move away to study at universities. Nozomi and Eli called on the occasion. They went to the same school, so if you had one on the phone, it was easy to talk to the other. Nico stayed nearby, she went to a school that was close so she could help her mom watch her trio of siblings. She even blessed everyone her presence once a month.
Everyday after class, the six remaining girls sat in the clubroom. It was an unspoken rule to never mention their old concerts. When people did, it resulted in sweet nostalgia followed by bitter longing for how things once were. They could mention new idol groups, new concerts, and any fans that remained asking for autographs, but directly talking of Muse was nearly forbidden.
Since they weren't practicing, the girls had more time to goof off. Honoka on the occasion made sweets. Kotori brought fashion magazines for everyone to flip through. Rin stashed a few games in the clubroom. Maki poured tea for everyone. Hanayo stored a small rice cooker so everyone could make a small meal. Umi kept everyone in check. Energy was still high with six girls. As a unit, they were a garden.
On their final year, Hanayo and Maki were all that was left of Muse. When Muse disbanded, Hanayo slowly but surely returned back to her shell. With Rin gone, Maki kept an eye on Hanayo. Rin perked Hanayo up. Rin made her go on adventures, even if they were just trips to cafes. Hanayo reminded Rin to do her homework, which gave her a sense of purpose. Maki knew these things about their relationship, and she knew it would be hard on the girl. She told herself she would watch over her, and make sure she would get on her own feet and move forward.
At the beginning of the term, they ate lunch together. Maki asked how things were and always spoke first. Hanayo always responded, but her heart was only half in it. After class, Maki followed her to the clubroom and made sure it was clean. They would sit for a bit, never in silence, even if it sometimes felt it. But Maki was content and whole-heartedly believed Hanayo would grow stronger from this.
She wasn't expecting to become so busy. Her mother started hounding her more to become a doctor. She loved making music, but a part of her was still the little girl who wanted to please her mother. So when Maki started going to the library after class instead of the clubroom, she didn't think it was strange that Hanayo was still going to the clubroom. She thought she was studying, or visiting idol websites like she used to. When the school nurse said that she could sit in the nurses office and learn from her during lunch period, she thought that the other girls would certainly eat with Hanayo instead.
"Oh, I see. Well, it's a good thing that lights actually do work," Maki says, her voice is reassuring. However, she can't look Hanayo in the eye, and her stomach holds a knot. She takes one deep breath, and attempts to regain her cool composure. She sets her bag on the table, the first time in months, and glances as the dusty shelves.
The turn of events are unexpected to Hanayo. She blinks. She was planning on leaving, but it has been so long since she's had company. She places her bag back down next to Maki's, but remains uncertain.
"It's been a while since I've been here," Maki admits. She twirls a piece of her hair.
"It can't be helped, Maki. You've been so busy lately," Hanayo responds. Her tone is genuine. She knows that life is going on, that's part of the reason she feels so small.
To this, Maki smiles. "I'll make more time," she says. "For the club, I mean."
"I don't want to put you out or anything!" But Hanayo understands what Maki's saying.
"I can see you missed a spot or two while you were dusting," She stands up and grabs a handkerchief out of her bag and turns to the shelves. Hanayo's eyes grow wide once more. It's true that she missed many spots, because she hasn't dusted in two months. She's embarrassed how badly she's let the room go.
"I'll help too, Maki!" Hanayo says and she grabs a rag from another shelf. The two dust and polish the old frames and trophies until they shine. They make small chat about school and the new café opening nearby and towards the end, they conversation turns to new upcoming idol groups that formed recently. They were at it for nearly an hour.
When all is fair and clean, they sit down once more. Maki looks through the window and sees how dark it is. She checks her watch and sighs. Her mother was expecting her, and now she's late.
Hanayo sees anxiety in Maki's eyes. "It's getting late, I think we should head home soon."
"I hope you don't mind," Maki says and she heads for the door.
"Of course not! I really should be leaving, too," admits Hanayo and they meet at the exit.
Maki turns off the lights of the clubroom and holds the door open for Hanayo. She gets up and heads for the door, but upon second thought she turns around. She looks at the computer monitor once more. There, she sees the picture of everyone at the last concert. She smiles and turns the power off. Then, she follows Maki out, and the door closes to the dark club room.