Decided to take a little break from Kacxa week to do a little Acxa/Veronica! I've been meaning to work with this ship. Before anything else, I'd like to note that this isn't meant as a Lotor hate fic. I really don't mind Lotor as a character.
It was the drop of a porcelain mug. It had slipped from her hands.
She is already shaking because she knows what is going to come. He is going to yell and make a scene. He never hits her but he makes her feel like she's been hit. She makes her feel like she deserves it.
The mug shatters and the liquid spills.
The dread grows because she knows what she has done and what he will do.
The liquid spreads over the floor and she is already sputtering through apologies. She is trembling, breathing heavily, because she remembers. She remembers so clearly. "I didn't mean to." She whispers. He is going to holler at her, berate her. Chastise and mock her for being so careless and clumsy. "I should have held onto it better." She is on the verge of tears.
"Oh come on now." Veronica frowns. "Don't do that."
And she remembers, something different. She remembers that it is Veronica that speaks to her, not Lotor. Still, she can't hold back the tears despite the calmness of the voice.
"It's just a mug I can get a new one." She adds with a dismissive wave. Her face is nothing but light and impassive. This is only inturrupted when Acxa still looks at her despairingly. "Hey!" Though Veronica is cheerful in tone, more or less excited, Acxa flinches. "I'll even clean it for you." Veronica smiles, she hadn't noticed the way her exclamation had hiked up the other woman's anxiety. Not until she sees her slumped over with her head in her hands.
She had been too loud and too suddenly.
Veronica drops the washrag, she can clean the spill later, it no longer seems important. "What's wrong? I didn't do anything did I?" She sighs. "Please don't tell me I did something."
Acxa shakes her head. "It's not you."
"The mug really wasn't a big deal. It's not even my favorite one. Actually that one is the one I use when I'm too lazy to wash all of the other dishes…" She laughs.
"I know." Acxa answers. And she truly does, but she still struggles to fathom that her lover does too.
"Anyways, it happens all the time, I can't even tell you how many mugs I've dropped. I think most of my money goes into buying new ones." Really, Veronica is a bit of a dork. Probably more clumsy than Acxa herself.
Her intentions are only pure and kind as she gives Acxa a light punch to the bicep. In moments of clarity, Acxa knows and is accustomed to the way Veronica operates—all of the playful jabs and pokes. Veronica is all sarcasm and rough play. On a normal day Acxa loves it. But in the moment, she cries out. In the moment her fear doubles.
She feels bad for having done so. It isn't Veronica's fault, the girl doesn't mean her any harm at all, the opposite really. She just hasn't learned how to handle Acxa yet. She doesn't know what is wrong.
Veronica does do right though, in distancing herself and saying, "woah, sorry." She rubs the back of her head awkwardly and again, comfortingly, Acxa is reminded that things are much different now. That this is different.
"Not your fault." Acxa says as she fights to level her breathing. "Mine."
To this Veronica shakes her head. "You know that not everything is your fault right."
This is another thing Veronica does right and without knowing what Acxa has been trough. Those are the words she needs to hear. They help ground her. They help remind her that she is okay. That she isn't useless nor foolish. "I try to remember that."
"Good, 'cause I don't like making you feel bad."
That means the world to Acxa when she has only ever known guilt-tripping even for things out of her control. In fact, she recalls times when Lotor had gone out of his way to knock something over or mess something up just so he could blame her. She thinks that he got a rise out of belittling her, especially in front of Narti, Ezor, and Zethrid.
"You want a hug or something or should I clean that up before Coran pitches a fit over how untidy this ship is becoming." She dips into her Coran persona, "I work decapheob after decapheob to make sure this ship is spotless and you paladins and friends are messing it up." And she is back to Veronica, "He is quite a character, that Coran. My brother probably drives him crazy."
Acxa laughs. She wipes her eyes. She feels comfortable again. Safe. "You can clean it up. I mean, I can if you want…"
"No, no, it's okay." Veronica replies. "I got this one, you're always cleaning up my messes."
The more she talks the better Acxa feels. Veronica is such a breath of fresh air. She didn't realize how oxygen deprived she had been until she found the woman. She just hopes that Veronica can deal with how broken she is. She doesn't want to burden her.
"All clean…ish. Coran will have to deal." She declares as she tosses the towel into the sink. She takes a seat next to Acxa, apparently she catches on rather quick because this time she asks first, "can I hold your hand?"
Acxa takes hers first. Veronica smiles. "Thank you." Acxa says.
"Any time, it wasn't a big deal." Veronica still thinks that this is about the mug. One day she will tell her what the real issue is. She imagines that Veronica already has some inkling of the truth. But she will come out with it in time. Veronica has been nothing but kind and understanding, she imagines that she will take her eventual revelation the same. She just has to find the courage to finally vocalize it. To admit that Lotor wasn't good for her, that he was actually quite detrimental—man who made her feel worthless, had to be. Eventually she'd find the courage to admit that she deserved better.
She looks at Veronica.
Much better.