Ch 1- When We're Getting On

*This takes place at the edge of season six… so yes, totally impossible, but I just wanted to take the magic if for a spin!

"OUCH!" Carson grumbled, pulling the covers away from his wife, briskly turning his back to her in his half asleep state. It hurt her more than it hurt him, but she said nothing, just as she usually did.

Elsie was exhausted but lay awake wide-eyed, noting that even in sleep he was cold as ice. Feeling dejected, her heart sunk and she sighed, a fresh batch of tears springing to her eyes as she shivered: cold and alone. Her heart torn in two, she tugged the bundle of covers toward her, just enough to cover herself and huddled under it, as if for protection.

She listened to the pacing of her husband's breath, fearful he might wake, as his anger subsided and the darkness of night dragged him back into an uneasy sleep. She shivered, staring wide-eyed into the pitch dark that kept her captive night after night, the gaping void he'd left when he'd ripped her heart out months earlier aching like death's sting.

Elsie moaned quietly, having never thought when she wed almost a year earlier that it would be this way. She never could've imagined it would be this way. She was listless, crushed and numb all in the same breath: her utter emptiness incongruous with the new life that teamed inside of her.

She shut her eyes as her hand slid to her middle. Kick! It brushed along the side of her hand, night in and night out, breaking the monotonous silence and filling her head with thoughts of the heartache that took up her days. Kick, kick, kick! It haunted her, and when it did her husband scoffed; making her terrified that she was in a dream from which she'd never wake up.

Elsie squeezed her eyes shut and turned on her side, cradling her belly, urging the unwanted child to stay still. She bit her lip and tears began to fall, as they did night after night.

"Stillness little one." She whispered. "It's what's best for you."

…

Elsie didn't truly sleep; she never did since the news came. Once darkness fell upon her, the little one haunted her into her dreams. Exhausted, Elsie clung to the last vestiges of her nightmarish rest as the light poured in through the windows. She didn't realize she'd cuddled up to her husband and he to her as they slept.

"OUCH!" Carson cried again, the baby's harshest kick causing them both to wake with a jolt.

He jumped out of bed and she sat up, caressing her growing frame in her hand, her hair a mess. He didn't notice the worry on her face, and the dark circles that surrounded her tear-filled eyes. Called to attention, she didn't know what to say to the angry stranger who stood at her side and paused a beat, feeling his unwanted baby happily tap her insides.

He sighed, coming to a realization of what had woken him… yet again.

"That's funny its still there." She started, looking down at herself, the sarcasm in her tone overwhelming.

Carson was heartsick: he adored this woman and had wanted desperately to make her his wife and spend his life with her. But he'd never considered the possibility of making her the mother of his child and didn't want to consider it even now… make that especially now.

"Elsie I just… we're too old." He said, just as he had months before when she first told him.

Resentful, she wanted to laugh at him, but paused instead. Like she didn't know she was past her prime? That her ovaries had an expiration date stamped on them that was in its self a little aged. This was hard on her: she ached with every solitary breath she took. He'd broken her, and the child inside was finishing her off. Fed up with her new husband's excuses, she'd decided months before that she wouldn't argue about the impending baby: she'd tease him instead.

"Well maybe you are, but my eggs were more than willing Mr. Carson."

He was stunned at the graphic depiction and shuttered to think of it like that, her eggs.

"Elsie!" He was alarmed.

'We're getting on Mr. Carson.' She'd said at the beach, taking his hand.

He'd loved her for so long he couldn't even say, but he'd only felt steady from the moment she'd first taken his hand. And when he finally proposed, he'd thought this was it, his paradise forever, just his bride and him. She'd been nervous at first, thinking he wouldn't want her as she was, but he'd coxed her into bed and into becoming one.

'I want a full marriage.' He'd said. 'With everything that goes along with it.'

Anything else would've felt like a sham to Carson. But now, he stared down at the growing lump that protruded from her stomach, the last thing he'd wanted or expected from a full marriage at his age.

"How can I be too old for it, when my body took to it like it had nothing left to loose?" She quipped.

She did have nothing left to loose, and everything to loose. Life had never been perfect for either of them. Both married keenly aware of the risks that lie ahead as most married people do: that life was a challenging business, but that until death did them part, they'd be in it together, thick and thin. Still, it couldn't have been even a full month in when she became pregnant. They learned of the news by the time spring turned to summer and found themselves wholly unprepared for the ripple effect it would have on their new marriage.

Elsie would never forget coming to him in tears, her heart bursting with surprise and joy for the miraculous gift she had for her new husband…. Only to have him spew it back in her face, leaving her alone, pregnant and afraid. Memories of his outrage and panic remained on her heart and mind, and even as the months drew on, she couldn't shake the things he'd said: 'how could this happen,' 'is there anything we can do about it…' And worse.

'What happened to for better, for worse?' She'd wanted to ask.

"Mrs. Hughes that's very…" Carson paused, not shy about letting her know he found her language very untoward. "Vulgar."

"It's Mrs. Carson, thank you." She snapped. "And that's funny; it wasn't at all vulgar to you during the act…"

He'd been more eager to make love to her than she'd expected; and at first it'd overwhelmed her. But with all honestly, she'd enjoyed it and her new husband much more than she would've ever thought. In hindsight though; she wished she'd gone with her gut and said no.

"It's just… how on earth could you be… pregnant." He marveled, not liking the word.

She looked down at herself, six months along now, and wondered how it was he'd yet to come to terms with it all… at the same time, she still found herself in awe.

"You know, its not like it takes one person to create a child Mr. Carson."

"But Elsie, it….you and I…"

"He can hear you, your son can hear you, Mr. Carson." She reminded and he sighed. "You don't want your son to know he's unloved. Even if he is."

"No I…" Carson stopped, his eyes widening at the thought, her words making it too real for him. He wasn't unloved that wasn't it.

"Oh but Elsie how?" He asked quietly. "When we were getting on, you and I?"

Frustrated and not knowing the answer either, Elsie swung her legs out of bed and went to the dressing table where she began to do her hair.

"It's funny, isn't it Mr. Carson? My eggs were so impressed with you; the flattery took twenty years off!"

…..

Carson grimaced as Beryl plopped scrambled eggs onto his plate. It was the last thing he wanted to eat, or even think about. Eggs. He knew she'd said it just to be vulgar, just to get to him. Part of him wished he could show her more affection, after all, she was carrying his baby but he was just too stunned and still quick to anger. This wasn't what he'd planned for their lives together not at all. In reality; he could've never imagined such a thing taken place. Just as words haunted her, leaving a void in her heart, they plagued him. He couldn't get her tears out of his mind, her pleading, heartsick tears when he'd told her he hadn't wanted it and tantrumed on her, as if the dinner were cold and not to his liking.

"It's not what I had planned!" He'd continued, Elsie sobbing because he'd just flat out said: 'I don't want it.'

"It's not what I'd planned either Mr. Carson!" She tried to make him understand. 'Do you know how old I am?' She was terrified and it hit her very suddenly that she was going to be aged, alone and left to fend for a little one herself.

"Well I…"

"You what?!" She challenged, the bile rising in her throat when it hit her, her marriage was ending just as it was beginning. 'I'm the one who's going to be having the baby!"

He hadn't wanted to do that to the wife whom he adored; but he got the better of himself. He paused, watching her as she hurriedly overfed herself and Beryl stared back at him, disgust written across her face.

"Maybe its twins." She spat in his direction and he shivered at the thought. She thought twins were in order: it was double punishment for Carson and a double blessing for Elsie.

"I could stand for twins." Elsie said, her mouth full. "It'd explain my back aches."

"Older women do have a higher instance of having twins." Molesley pointed out, not thinking about the inappropriateness of his comment. "The egg will…"

Carson cleared his throat in disgust, pushing his plate away and Molesley stiffened in fear, Baxter grabbing his arm and urging him to stop.

"Sorry." The servant turned teacher whispered.

"Will everyone please stop discussing eggs!" Carson had had enough and got up, leaving the dining room.

"Tell him what I said to say?" Beryl whispered to Elsie.

"Shuuuu." Elsie giggled. "What does your science book say about ancient women, Mr. Molesley?"

….

"He's still not come around?" Beryl asked Elsie once the three women settled into the kitchen.

Elsie held her belly in one hand and her back in the other. Her time spent with her friend seemed like the only time she had that brought her any peace these days, except as time went on and her husband's opinion of her condition didn't change, Elsie found that Beryl became angrier and angrier. Dejected, she sipped her tea as Beryl assumed a fighting position, ranting against her husband. She sighed, listening to the cook's rage, not noting that Daisy watched her carefully. The young girl was amazed and like so many others in the house, wondered how she'd gotten pregnant in the first place. The thought of it happening, even on accident, had never crossed anyone's minds.

"Do you have everything you need?" Carson's voice boomed from the door.

"Yes oh great one." Beryl mocked.

"Mrs. Patmore I was speaking to my wife."

Carson was angry with Beryl and felt that she was prying where she wasn't wanted. After all, he'd poured his heart out to her before the wedding, telling her how very much he treasured his Elsie and how desperate he was for a full marriage with her. Ignoring Beryl, he came up behind Elsie and to her surprise, placed a pillow between her aching back and the hard chair. Despite his aversion to the baby, he waited on Elsie hand and foot, making it clear he still loved her.

"Yes Charlie I'll be fine." She whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

"I want you off your feet today, I…"

"Mr. Carson I'm fine." She assured and without another word he nodded, scrambling from the room.

"Disgusting." Beryl muttered, a thick spoon in hand.

Her heart sunk, her husband's special care of her making her feel all the worse: he loved her. He loved her tremendously, she could feel it in the brush of his lips against her hair, even in the anger he projected… but he did not love the child they'd made, something that opened old wounds for the aging mother to be. Elsie was quiet until Daisy left the room. Caressing her belly, she looked up at her friend, tears in her eyes.

"Mrs. Patmore."

"He'll get what's coming to him, I swear that…"

"Mrs. Patmore." The cook stopped when she realized Elsie was being deadly serious. "I was raised by a da that didn't want me." She sniffled, feeling the little one kick hard.

"Oh." Beryl's heart sank. The cook had been raised by a man who'd loved her deeply.

"My child won't have the same. He won't." She shook her head, determined.

"W-what are you going to do?" Beryl dried her tears.

"Scotland."