Annabelle Grace Kepner-Avery, Anna.

Jackson loved her. All 7 pounds, 14 ounces of her. He hadn't been able to stop looking at her ever since Ben handed her to him & since that moment he felt that he was always meant to be a father, her father. She was healthy, she was real & she was here, it was all still really surreal for him. He'd been walking on egg shells the entire duration of the pregnancy, not entire exactly but still, waiting for the shoe to drop, for something to happen, for some test to come back with less than ideal news but after that minor incident with the ultrasound glitch, things had gone pretty much smoothly, much to his surprise. Until today that is, but they made it through. Right now, his daughter was fast asleep in his arms, in a hospital room, with her tiny nose twitching adorably reminding him of someone else he had spent a considerable number of hours watching sleep.

Jackson looked up to see April sleeping a few feet away, in the hospital bed. It had taken him almost 15 minutes to convince her to let go of Anna and rest but she was wary & scared. She had regained consciousness terrified that the baby hadn't made it but the smile on her face when Jackson walked in with their daughter was enough to light up the entire room. April was a natural with her and Anna took to her immediately making Jackson look on with a content smile but also an annoying tick which he pushed to the back of his mind. The name Annabelle was April's choice, Grace was his but it felt like a good fit for her. It was only after promising that he'd still be there with Anna that April finally conceded & took some morphine that helped her sleep.

She honestly deserved it, she had been amazing & put her life on the line for their daughter. Her scream with that first cut still reverberated in his head & he couldn't get it out, her pain was evident & went through him like a knife was cutting through him as well.

But worse than the scream was the deafening silence that followed, much, much worse. His heart dropped, his knees buckled & he needed to hold on to the hospital counter to stand as he begged for her or Ben to say something. But silence. He could hear Arizona & Bailey saying something to him at a distance but his ears were ringing holding out hope to hear the confirmation that she was okay. The next thing he heard was a shrill cry of a baby, his child was born, seemingly ok and that's when the Ambulance had finally arrived. Jackson realized at the back of his mind that he had become a father, their child was here but all he could concentrate on was the fact that he still didn't know about April. He couldn't breathe, he thought he lost her, his best friend & favorite person. She still was. No matter the pain, the hurt, the abandonment, if he had to choose his favorite person, it was still her & probably always would be. It was only when Ben said that they were on their way & trying to stabilize her was he able to breathe a little. She wasn't dead. The wait for the Ambulance to arrive had been excruciating but he made it through only to run out on its arrival. He couldn't help but yell out for her on opening the doors regardless of knowing that she would be unconscious. But seeing April like that, fragile, barely breathing, hit him in the gut & he could not help but hold her & caress her head, silently praying to a God he didn't believe in, that she be ok because he could not imagine a world where April Kepner did not exist, it was beyond his capability to.

Once April had been taken into surgery & Jackson was sitting with Anna in his arms, waiting for news, his mind started to question him. Question his choices, his reaction, how he pretty much ignored his own new born daughter to make sure his ex-wife was okay first. Jackson brushed it off. Of course, he would worry about April. Ex-wife or not, she was an integral part of his life and had been for years & just because they were divorced, doesn't mean he wouldn't care whether she lives or dies, he's not that kind of a person. He had heard his daughter, her cries, everyone confirmed that she was doing okay but April was the one whose life hung in the balance, that was the reason he focused on her. The only reason. It wasn't some deep, startling epiphany or moment of clarity. Nope, not at all. She was his oldest, closest friend, mother of his child, of course he didn't want her to die. Of course the thought of her fighting for her life made him choke up & fight back tears, of course thinking that he might never see her or make her smile or talk to her made him want to throw up, of course picturing her lifeless body made it impossible for him to breathe & of course hearing Bailey say, "she's stable", would make him feel like the stars aligned & all was right in the world. These were completely normal reactions someone has regarding their close friend. There was nothing more to it.

As Jackson sat there, holding Anna & looking at April, he felt a heaviness in his chest thinking about his not-exactly-family but sighed with the satisfaction that everyone was here, everyone was okay & they were still some kind of a family, there were 2 parents, 1 child, all alive & healthy & they can do this. We can do this.

Pain. Fear. These were the two overwhelming feelings April had when Ben cut into her. Pain, because she was essentially being sliced open without an ounce of medication, in the middle of her friend's kitchen but even so, even with that kind of mind numbing pain, the fear was worse, much worse. The fear that even after all this, all the pain, all the praying & all the compromises, there was a still a chance that her, their, child might not make it. She had been serious when she asked Ben to do whatever it took to save the baby. It didn't matter if she didn't make it, she'd leave happily knowing that her child was safe & Jackson would be a tremendous father. Of course, she would have preferred to be able to make it along with the baby and get a chance to be a mother but April knew for a fact that if she made it but the baby didn't, she wouldn't have survived that loss again. She had barely survived it last time with a husband by her side & now even that bit of support wasn't there with her in that capacity. She needed that baby to be okay even if it cost her life, she was willing enough to pay it.

But the pain was still overwhelmingly powerful. She tried to power through it, to let it out with her screams so that she could be able to remain semi coherent long enough to ensure that the baby was delivered safely. She pushed herself as much as she could but eventually the pain took over and made her pass out from it. She could still feel it in her lower abdomen, the searing feeling that shot through her as the sanitizer-covered knife cut through her & April woke with a start.

It took her a second to realize where she was & before the fear could take over, she saw her ex-husband silently dozing off sitting on a couch next to a crib with their daughter in it. Anna was perfect, all cute nose & 10 fingers & 10 toes, she was perfect. As she pressed on for some morphine, a small smile spread on her face as she silently thanked God again for her little miracle. She really had put in all her faith for this baby's safety but the fact that they both had made it out of this alive, she couldn't be more thankful. She was going to be able to raise her & watch her grow & that was what she was going to hold on to even as her heart ached a little as she imagined what could have been if it wasn't for.. No. It's the past, that chapter is closed now & it's probably for the best. Her & Jackson were getting along fine for a while & she was going to focus all her energy on Anna. Her mind was still fuzzy from all the medication and the almost-dying but as she lay there, she felt this sense of peace, like she did when she found out about the pregnancy. It had been her light that helped her make it through a devastating time. Maybe that was the point, maybe their marriage & relationship wasn't meant to work out but at least she & Jackson had created something beautiful & she could live with that.

A while later, April heard Jackson slowly wake up & come around to her bed.

"Hey", He said with a smile, "How are you feeling? Any pain?".

"I'm okay. Nothing a little morphine can't fix", She replied with slight smile, "How's Anna doing?"

"Great. She's quite a sleeper. I hope that sticks.", He chuckled as he looked back at their daughter. "I'm going to run to the vending machines real quick, you need anything?"

"Can you grab me another pillow?"

"Sure". He went to get her another pillow & brought the crib closer to her.

"How long do you think they'll keep me here?" She asked as Jackson adjusted the pillow on her bed.

"A week or so, may be longer if your progress is slow but my guess is that won't happen", He replied as he left the room, grinning, "After all, you're a soldier."

April smiled at that. Yep. She could live with it.

-
What a season, huh. I'm still reeling from it & from all the shit that happened in 12B. But here's my little take on their post 12x24, road to reconciliation. Just something to get us through the helliatus :)
Reviews are always appreciated :)