Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at Once Upon a Time fanfiction. I'm not sure that I'm entirely happy with it, but I decided to publish it anyway to see what you all think. I may consider adding more snippets to it from the missing year if there's interest. No beta so all mistakes are sadly mine.
She isn't quite sure how to react when Snow White first tells her the news – that she's expecting, that she and the shepherd are going to be parents, again. For a moment she can feel the old hatred rising up inside her, that bitter resentment because of course things would work out for her stepdaughter – they always do.
It's only been a few short weeks since Storybrooke, since her carefully constructed New England town crumbled to dust, since her very last piece of happiness exited her life forever. A few short weeks and Snow's already moving on, recapturing her happily ever after, and all Regina's left with is vengeance and despair.
In this castle, those feelings are all too familiar.
"I feel like I'm betraying Emma." Snow admits, "Like having another baby means that I'm giving up on the first, like I'm abandoning her all over again," and Regina almost retorts "Maybe you are", but her searing flash of antagonism has already cooled and instead she only says "Snow…"
"We didn't plan this you know", Snow continues as she paces across the room. "David and I we just… it just… happened. And now that it has" she sighs "I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I'm happy of course. I wanted another child, another shot at motherhood because I missed so much with Emma..."
Snow stops talking abruptly and turns to face her stepmother. There's no accusation in her voice or her eyes, but Regina still feels the sting of regret, and unintentionally she grimaces.
"Regina, I didn't mean to…"
"I know you didn't." She cuts her off with a wave of her hand. "But you're right. No parent should have to miss their child's life. It's the worst curse imaginable."
Her tone is solemn and that soul crushing misery that threatened to overwhelm her when she first arrived here is back again. She supposes that it's never really been all that far away.
Before she can give in to dark thoughts, a gentle hand on her shoulder snaps her out of her reverie, and she looks up into Snow's sympathetic expression. She grunts and shakes her head, forcing her despondency back down into that tightly locked vault in her heart where it belongs.
"Snow, you have another chance. You should embrace it. You deserve to be happy."
Regina knows the smile she gives her stepdaughter doesn't quite reach her eyes, but she means it, she really does, and she hopes that her words are enough to reassure the younger woman.
Snow sighs and sits down beside her. "I guess I'm just afraid that something will happen. I don't know if I could take... if I could take that again. And what if I'm not a good mother? I thought I was giving Emma her best chance when I agreed to put her in that wardrobe, but she was miserable and she never forgave me for it."
"You're really talking to the wrong person about bad parenting" Regina says sardonically. "My son was so angry with me that he ran away to Boston when he was 10. And you, I cursed twice and would have had you burned at the stake if you weren't so damned good at thwarting me."
"You're right, I guess I can't be a worse parent than you" Snow deadpans.
Regina glares daggers at the woman and if there weren't an innocent child growing inside her she might consider conjuring a fireball. But then Snow laughs and throws her arms around her and Regina is taken back decades ago to when Snow was only a child herself. She rolls her eyes and scoffs "brat" but embraces Snow tightly and absently strokes her hair.
When they finally separate Snow asks tentatively "You said you gave Emma good memories. What were they?"
"Mine mostly. I couldn't change her childhood, that's too much a part of who she is, but I could resolve her biggest regret: giving up her son. I gave her birthdays and Christmases, first words and first steps, storytimes and snowmen. Although I did leave out anything that had to do with apples."
"Hunh." Snow nods "Why would you do that?"
"Because if I can't have a happy ending with Henry, well…someone else should."
Snow contemplates this for a moment. "Do you think she is happy?"
"I was."
Snow lays a hand on her still flat belly and Regina can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. For things that she once had, for things that she will never have. She hopes she isn't turning green.
"Snow, you know as well as I do that there are no guarantees. Some choices we make for ourselves, other choices fate makes for us. We do our best with what we're given. Sometimes we make the right decision, sometimes we really don't. But sometimes we get a second chance…"
And sometimes, Regina thinks, we get a third and a fourth and a fifth chance. She's actually lost count of which one she's currently on. She certainly never thought she'd be back in this castle giving reassurances to Snow White that she actually means. Choices and fate indeed.
Snow still looks doubtful though, and Regina's legendarily short temper briefly flares.
"Oh for God's sake Snow, you're a hero, you'll be fine! And I'll kill anything that tries to hurt you or that baby."
"Regina!" Snow scolds lightly.
But Regina realizes that she means that too. The Evil Queen may have repented, but she hasn't converted entirely. In fact…
"Oh don't look so surprised dear. I'm a terrible person but I'm one hell of a witch."
"Regina…"
"Now why don't you run along and find your Charming husband? I'm sure there's something productive the two of you could be doing for our kingdom besides this useless worrying." The Queen flicks her wrist dismissively.
"Ok." Snow sighs, but she squeezes Regina's hand on the way out and whispers "Thank you".
"Oh and Snow" the smile on The Queen's face is genuine "Congratulations".
Snow smiles back and exits The Queen's private chambers, leaving Regina alone with her thoughts. It's a strange mixture of emotions that this revelation has evoked within her. Nostalgia for the past, anticipation for the future. There's a hole in her heart again that can never be filled, but perhaps this child, her stepchild, and that not so royal prince can help make the chasm feel a little less deep.
And if not well, there's always dark magic, furious vengeance, and a monkey loving half-sister available to take her frustrations out on.