Chuuta saw her everyday. She has black hair just like his, but hers was longer, and the wavy strands would frame her face, showcasing the soft smile she always have. Then with that gentle expression, she would make him something from the flowers, sometimes a small bracelet, sometimes a crown. After that she'll look at his eyes with her sparkling orange orbs, and made him wear her creations. "Here you go Chuuta", she'd say. Chuuta would laugh and admire his crown or his necklace or his bracelet and then beamed at her,"Thank you kaa-san, I love it so much!". Then she'll laugh and he'll laugh and they'll both laugh, talking about as many things as they can until the sun slowly sets. It was at that time that she usually points somewhere at the distance and shouted,"look! Your father's back!". And as soon as he said that a man will rush to their side, gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, and ruffled chuuta's hair. And they'd went inside the house, still talking and laughing and joking around. Together.

And it was always at this very moment that Chuuta would wake up.

He opened his bright green eyes while still laying lazily on his bed, and let it slowly dawn to him that he wasn't a 5-year-old boy like he was in his dream, he's currently 14, but age wasn't the most important matter right now. He bit his lips. Just like every other night, it felt real, so very real. He can still remember her mother's soft touch and the sound of his father's laughter. No, Chuuta thought, it's not "remember". After all, you're not supposed to remember something you've never actually felt nor heard. Then what would be the word he was looking for? He doesn't know for sure, but he ignored the painful feeling and forced himself out of his bed and into the bathroom. He has to hurry up and make breakfast for both him and aunt mimi, and then go to school, and then... he let a smile make it's way to his face. elDLIVE, he thought. And then he'll go to work at elDLIVE.

He loved everything about the space police organization. The station, the people, his work, everything. Every single thing. Heck, even Misuzu. Even Veronica. Even that jerkass purple-skinned guy who ends up dead (his only good qualities was that he died though, chuuta thought) It was something, somewhere, where he belongs. A family he never had. He appreciates Aunt Mimi of course, but it felt different. Mimi is an amazing aunt, but she couldn't be everything in Chuuta's dream family. She couldn't be a little sister like Nino, or annoying older siblings like Veronica and Misuzu. Or a know-it-all brother like Dr. Love, or an uncle like Chief Laine (he thought of making the chief his imaginary father or maybe brother, but he feels both too young and too old). He wondered what the crew would feel if they knew the roles he was secretly giving them. Maybe they'd be amused (which is totally more of a Laine and Love thing) or worried (something Ninotchka would do) or even angry (100% Veronica and Misuzu), but no one needs to know, because he keeps it inside. Deep, deep inside him. As deep as he buried his feelings for Misuzu (which fades really quickly, when he found out about her personality problem), perhaps even deeper. No one needs to know. No one should know.

He can't let anyone know.

"It's time for our ni-"

"Night shift", Chuuta quickly interrupted,"Yeah, thanks for telling me".

Misuzu, unhappy with the interruption, glared at him, "well then, hurry up"

Chuuta stifled a laughter before following her. He smiled and thought to himself, well, definitely annoying sister material.

"Why is Chuuta smiling?"

Chuuta stopped in his tracks. He hates this. He hates it when Drew notice the small details of his action. It's to be expected, of course, considering they share one body (MY body, Chuuta noted bitterly) but he hates it nevertheless. Especially when Drew just goes all psychic and read his mind... he couldn't stand it. His thoughts, hus dreams, were one of the most precious things in his life. He liked to think of it as another world. An alternate universe where the Taketori incident never happened, where his parents are still alive... But in one hand, it is also a world where elDLIVE doesn't exist. Not to him, at least.

"Chuuta?"

Drew's voice dragged him back to reality,"no it's nothing. Let's just go". The smile vanished from his face, and if Drew noticed, the monitarian didn't say anything.

Minutes later they're in the station, and the green of the earth was replaced with blues and white. Chuuta let a small feeling of warmth crept into his chest. Home.

"But I think you and I are different, because unlike me, officer Kokonose, you don't hate your father", Misuzu said as she walked away, leaving Chuuta alone.

Chuuta smiled bitterly,"Maybe that's because I never had the chance to".

No.

This isn't happening.

They should've been back at the station by now.

Then everyone will tell him that he did great on his space walk training, that he can practice more later. Practice with them. Together.

Together.

He whispered the word softly, over and over, like some sort of spell.

He couldn't tell if he's feeling sad, angry, miserable, or what. There're too many thoughts to process, too many feelings to understand, so he ignored it all. He ignored everything. Until the storm in his mind calmed down, and somehow, they're already inside the station. He couldn't even bring himself to ask what the heck just happened. What kind of monster just appeared in front of them. Who was that man who saved him? He doesn't know, he doesn't even feel like knowing. He felt empty, he felt nothing. He was hollow.

Missing? What was missing?

Everything, a voice in his mind spoke.

"Are you telling me to... lie? To them...?"

He tried to force himself to breath, and tried to feel his own heart beating.

The only reason the will to live thing doesn't work was because he has no SPH Organs. That's all. You're alive, he told himself.

But you don't want to live

"I won't be friends with you"

No one would want to, Chuuta thought.

"You looked hurt"

Chuuta blinked,"What?"

Glock looked at him directly, eye to eye,"I said you looked hurt".

Chuuta gave an apologetic smile while trying to hide how the other boy's blank expression terrifies him,"S-sorry, I really don't get what you meant".

The pink-haired boy broke eye contact and fixed his gaze to a nearby tree. "If someone, a stranger, were to tell someone else "I don't want be friends with you" out of a sudden, how would you feel?". Somehow, Chuuta knew where this conversation was going, so he stayed silent. Glock ignored his lack of response, and continued,"Normally people would've been confused, like that Nino girl, or even annoyed like your twin-tailed friend... So why did you," he looked at Chuuta,"Why did you look hurt when I said that?".

Chuuta said nothing.

"I'm a stranger, someone you just met less than an hour ago, a declaration like that should've made you hate me or something"

He kept his silence.

"So why?"

"I'm sorry", Chuuta said, not knowing what else to say. Glock sighed irritably,"I've dealt with enough small animals to know you have a lot of problems"

"Small animals?"

Glock shrugged,"you look and act like it"

The black haired boy laughed slightly,"is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"You can take it as one", Glock said, then he fell silent. So did Chuuta, since he doesn't even want to talk. The quiet moment stretched out so long and thick Chuuta thought he could've cut it with a knife at this point

Glock was the first to broke the awkward silence,"You should tell someone if you have something on your mind".

"Yeah... I should", Chuuta said while smiling. He can't help but wonder though, how are you supposed to tell other people that you feel like a mess every single passing day and that all you ever wanted is to just die and get it over with?

But just like every other time, he said nothing.