Author: Ozluv04
Title: Something New
Disclaimer: Not mine. Characters and places belong to J.K. Rowling.
Warning: R/S slash. Not your cup of tea? Turn back now. OOTP spoilers.
A/N: This is a sequel to my fic I Bequeath. It can be read alone but it works best with it's companion. Kind of like the boys. It's heavy on the angst, but I just had to do it. The plot bunnies made me. Enjoy!
Remus had never felt so defeated. Entering the unrelenting dark of the flat he had not resided in for more than a year made the days events seem all too real. Finding out Harry had been lured to the Ministry, the battle that followed, Sirius falling. Sirius falling through that bloody veil. He had a sudden urge to scream. Instead he made his way to his old single bed.
The bed was exactly how he had left it, with two exceptions. It was now covered in a fine layer of dust and there was a package laying neatly at the end. He had no energy to be curious at the moment so he lifted the medium sized brown package with the intent to toss it on the floor. He froze when he saw an envelope with his name written in a familiar, haphazard scrawl. Hands suddenly trembling, he cast a glance around the empty room as if expecting to find the writer hiding in the shadows. He felt foolish as he opened the envelope and pulled out the parchment inside. His breath caught as he began to read:
I hope you're not reading this, Moony, because if you are I'm...well, dead. I hate saying it so bluntly, but I've never been very poetic. You know that, though. I'm writing this while you sleep.
You're snoring(yes you snore). It's strange writing you a letter when I could just wake you up and tell you these things. It's not the same, I suppose. This is in case I'm gone. There are a few things I want you to know that I don't think I could ever tell you while I'm alive.
I love you, Moony. I hope I've said it often enough since I returned from that hell. I know I didn't say it enough before. You'll never know how sorry I am for letting Peter come between us. For allowing his lies to destroy my trust in you. I know what you would say to that: 'It was a bad time, no one knew what to believe.' But that's no excuse, I know the kind of man you are-the kind of man you've always been. My deepest regret is that I ever doubted you.
In Azkaban, they tried to take all the good things from me. All the happy times in Hogwarts. Your touch, your smell, your taste. Quidditch. They left me with the bad things. The prank. Grimmauld Place. The night James and Lily died. It all came back though, when I escaped. It was a little hazy, but I got the good things back and then some. I got you, older and more scarred than I remember, but still my Moony. And I got Harry. He's the best of both of them isn't he? The best of both and something more.
I won't pretend it's been all sunshine and flowers. I hate being locked up in this place. Sometimes it feels like I traded one prison for another, but then I remember you. And Harry. Then it feels bearable. You keep me going. You make me believe that it's only temporary, that I'll be free again. When I feel useless, I think of you. It doesn't make it go away but it helps. Merlin, it helps.
We discussed my will tonight. I could tell it bothered you. I'm sorry. I don't want to cause you pain, Moony. But it had to be done. I needed it to be done. You understand that right? I'm sure you do. I'm respecting your wishes. I'm only leaving you the things you wanted. Take care of them will you? I'm not leaving you what's in the package. It's something new, so I'm giving it to you, not leaving it.
I should go now. You'll be awake soon. Know that I love you. I've loved you since you were a knobbly kneed eleven year old, and I still love you now with the silver in your hair. That was a bit poetic, eh? If I am gone, I don't want you to pine. I couldn't bare the thought of you wasting away on my account. Take care of yourself and look out for Harry. He needs all the love he can get. Don't forget me. I don't really think you would. Just don't dwell. You've got to keep going.
I just want you to be happy.
You really are waking up now. You have all of me, Moony- Heart, body, and soul. No matter what happens, you'll always have me.
With all my love,
Padfoot
Wiping tears from his eyes, Remus carefully pulled back the brown paper to reveal a brand new pair of black robes. Clenching the material between his fists, he let out an anguished cry.