Disclaimer: I do not own anything; I am just a creative writer creating fictional stories about characters created by the owners of Dexter. I in no way gain contribution.
Authors Note: Yet another One-Shot, I seem to be having many short ideas today. This one is about Dexter and his feelings after Lumen leaves.
On My Own But Not Alone
Dexter's POV
I feel controvert right now, cold and alone, but the fact that I can feel astounds me. I don't know weather to be joyous of my new found humanity, or fear this very aching in my chest. Lumen is gone and I now have this dreading regret to pervade, she made me feel as if I didn't have to do this by myself, that there was actually someone out there that could understand me, not fear my darkness. She was… perfect. Broken and desolate but perfect for me all the same, she was someone I deserved, someone I could be with.
Now her darkness is gone and I am left to be forlorn again. But I have the proof I needed, that there are people out there like me, and think like me and aren't just mindless droids to their passenger, killing and raping the innocent, discriminating with violence. I have learned, but I still feel empty. A void I know I will have to fill. But I feel like I have to tread gently with Aster, I know Cody won't care as to who I am or would be with, but Aster is the one I have to worry about, tend to her sympathies, but at the same time manipulate her so I can have my perfect slice of life.
As much as I miss Rita, I can't help but wish I could have kept Lumen a little bit longer, this regret that I could have let Jordan Chase live, give him over to the Miami Police. Then Lumen would be forever cursed with this darkness, unable to fill it like me. And at the same time I envy her, knowing she doesn't have to be like this the rest of her life, knowing she will find happiness in her future and not fear persecution if she were to be caught.
A fear and loathing overcomes me and I am taken to an even darker place where I realize that I am alone, that this life I have is not meant to be shared with anyone I wish to be close with. I have to carry this on my own, feel it's deepening sadness, and keep it secret.
Then there is Deb, my sister, I'd do anything for her, and she has done everything for me, even if she hasn't realized it. She stud there, inches from my discovery, and she let us go, I can tell she feels no guilt, but as a cop knows she was wrong. But it makes me think, what if she had known it was I who killed all those men? Would she still have let Lumen and I go? Would she have hated me, been scared of me, wanted me thrown away for good? I cannot fathom her reaction if she were to ever find out.
And again, it brings me back to Lumen, how she made me feel. Her dark passenger may be withdrawn now but I know she will see me again, either in dream state or reality, what she has done will haunt her without the darkness keeping her sane. I meant what I said; I will carry it for her, be me for both of us. I will be on my own, but not always alone, that little spark that was Lumen's darkness will be with me always.
End
Author's Note: Dexter is one tough cookie to write as, but I have done it in the past so I figured I could do it again. I wanted to capture how he felt about everything that was going on, not just Lumen, mostly, but not just her alone. I wanted the readers to feel his pain about losing her but his happiness about knowing he could be loved for who he is.