Stupid
A/N:One of my lovely one-shots.Review if you want. Yeh...it's written in Syaoran's POV. Forgive me for any errors. Er...yeh wrote this randomly. And the poem...I don't know who wrote it -0- sorry.
"Sakura please read your poem to the class…" The teacher's voice resonated in the classroom. I sighed inwardly, keeping my collected composure as I watched her slowly walk to the front of the class. I couldn't control myself. I stared at her, but automatically my lips curved into a smirk.
Eriol and Yamazaki snickered beside me. I felt like punching them in the face, but instead chose to glare at them. Suddenly their faces distorted into serious expressions. At least they understood what I was going through. I clasped my hands together in concentration.
I sat at the back of classroom with my friends. And like in all typical stories, I was the bad boy. The one every girl in school and the district dreamt of having in their arms. I won't deny it. I don't wish to be modest. The girls flocked to me in crowds, worshipping me like a celebrity. I was hot and I knew it. The teachers knew it, the girls knew it, heck even the guys knew it.
I could overcome anyone and everyone. I sound arrogant, don't I? Well…that was my downfall. You see Eriol, Yamazaki and I, we went from group to group like a trend. We easily seduced and broke the hearts.
Up until last spring, I had played with every kind of girl. I played with the slutty type, the overprotective type, the pretty, the sweet, the mysterious and the tough. Then last spring, the trend changed. I had a different type of fetish. I just had to taste what it felt like to conquer the tallest and proudest of all mountains. The nerds.
My goal? To conquer Kinomoto Sakura.
I needed a challenge.
I planned what I was going to do. I always had a plan of action. I'd butter them up with some sweet talk. Ask them out for dinner...and in turn they'd invite me into bed. Now that I think about it, I want to laugh out loud. Girls are stupid. They never learn from their mistakes.
No matter how many times I said "It's over between us", they'd always come back for more. Sure even though everyone knew I was a player, I was still so irresistible. My reputation had been blackened, but no matter. It's not my fault they adore me. Like I said, girls are stupid. They just never learn.
But she proved me wrong, completely.
In your life you seem to have it all
I listened to her words intently as she read her poem. Her voice was melancholic, filled with apathy. For some reason I felt as if her words were directed to me. She was staring directly at me with piercing jaded eyes. She paused appropriately, as if giving me time to reflect.
I had approached her one day as she peacefully ate her lunch. Now I wish dearly that I had never talked to. I wish that I had never destroyed her peace. These days when I look at her I only see distraught etched upon her face.
She looked at me with a wide smile on her face. I was surprised and vaguely disappointed. I had expected her to give me a bewildered look and immediately tell me to leave. Oh, but she didn't. She did exactly the opposite, imitating precisely what the others did.
You seem to have control
But deep within your soul
You're losing it
Haha. What a funny girl? How do you know me well enough to understand what's going on within me? I don't have control. All of a sudden I had weird feelings for some girl I had known for only months. Even with my mother I did not have these feelings. Maybe I did know what 'love' was. If love was something that accompanied sadness, then I'd have experienced it a million times.
"Hey, you want to go with me to dinner?" I asked confidently. Even if she did reject me I always had a plan B.
"Sure why not?" Where's the fun in that if you except right away? I grinned nonetheless.
Funny, funny girl. I want to laugh at the memories. I want to laugh it all away. The following Friday when I attempted to pick her up, I ended with a nasty punch in the face and a stomp on the foot.
"What the hell are you doing? Sakura says you were trying to play her? You bitch! I'll kill you! Answer me bitch!"
I assumed it was her boyfriend or something. Later on…much later on she explained it was her brother. They looked totally different. She had brown hair, he had black hair. She had emerald eyes, he had scary black ones. She also told me to never mess with her. Hah…as if I would leave my prey alone. I was like a cat and she was like a mouse. I'd play with her a little and give her some time to escape, before evilly reeling her back in.
She was an interesting 'find'. As the weeks rolled on I continued to woo her, not wanting to give up. I would win and if need be, force would be used. She was unique, different from the others. You might even say I was infatuated by her presence.
You never took the time
Assume that you're to blame
Was playing with girls, my way of easing my pain and loneliness? Was it my fault? Did I victimise my fellow students because of my selfish desires? You know how I said she was a nerd? I guess she was in a way…she taught me many new things. She enlightened my clouded mind.
"I think you're like a spider Syaoran…"
"How?" I was bewildered by her comparison. If anything I should be compared to the dominant male in a pack of wolves. She looked at me softly, and smiled innocently.
"You're like a spider that has weaved a web…and I'm pathetic little fly that got caught in your trap…"
I gave her goofy smile, nodding my head. I guess it was true. I wanted to tell her that I was the fly…as strange as it sounded. But I would never admit that.
I remembered how her face slowly turned serious and she looked at me with pained eyes. I shudder just to think of it now.
"Spider's prey on the weak…Destroying them. Devouring them."
Had…I destroyed her? Had I taken what was left of her poor fragmented soul? I wish I never knew her. Never had the opportunity to bask in her beauty…
You think that you're insane
I am insane. I go crazy for you everyday. You're still a riddle to me. I just can't seem to figure you out. You're so unpredictable. When I look into your eyes I don't know what your intentions are. You're not a book to be read and understood.
I want to spend my whole life knowing you, unravelling the secrets within your soul. I want to be someone you can relate to. I want to know how you're feeling. Please let my soul commune with yours. You're untouchable.
I feel my heart thumping rapidly as these thoughts race through my head. I never knew this feeling. What am I feeling? Is this what they call infatuation? No, I don't think it is. She's different from the other girls I've known.
I just want to be able to say to her that I adore her. Everything about her is so imperfect…that in my eyes it has become perfect.
But I would never admit those things to her.
Won't you spare me?
Her last few words hit me like a bullet. Did she really want me to let her go? I was being so cruel and selfish. For once in my life I knew I had to do something. I know I can't reverse the pain. I know I can't rewind our lives…but I can take the burden. I'll let her go and live peacefully. I'll try to restore the peace I once saw in her eyes.
Sakura…you're really different from all the others. Truly you are…and for that I love you.
It's sad to think though. I both love you and hate you for being different. Because unlike the rest of them, you weren't stupid. You learnt from your mistakes. You weren't stupid enough to come running back to me.
This time I was the stupid one. I was stupid enough to continue thinking about her…stupid enough to continue wishing for her company…stupid enough to continue hurting
And stupid enough to continue loving…it's true…you can still love with a broken heart.
Hey:D Be kind! How was that? Ehh...I write one shots to relieve stress. So please bear with me. This wasn't very well thought out. But if you likee please reviewee. Keke. Anyways I love you all!
Luv White xoxo