Finn sat sulking next to Rae, Anna throwing him a playful wink across the room. He couldn't muster up a reaction, feeling glum beyond words over the shitty way Rae was treating him. Spin the bottle was usually fun, a laugh, a bit juvenile, but that was part of the appeal. Finn would usually be joining in with the frivolity, not tied down by anyone or anything, free to kiss who he pleased without it feelingwrong somehow. Nothing had changed - he was still single, still game for a laugh, still a hot blooded 17 year old lad who was popular with most of the young ladies of Stamford, but at the same time, everything had changed. A girl had entered his life, well, more like stampeded into it, knocking him out of sorts and making him feel things that he'd never felt before. He suddenly missed the days where he wasn't so confused all the time, the days when he could define every emotion within him and act on them as he pleased. Now, he didn't know where he was, finding himself desperately longing for the approval of this girl who seemed to despise him. She was a tricky one, was Rae…she'd let him believe there was a chance for them, an open window in her life for him to step into, a place in her heart for him to occupy. She let him believe it with the look of grateful admiration she threw him before they headed off to Knebworth, the playful grin spread across her face as Finn teased her.
She grated on him when he was first getting to know her, and he wasn't sure what to make of this new arrival. His group of friends were an exclusive bunch and he was very picky over the people he associated with. In his mind, there was only room for one leather clad music elitist in Lincolnshire, a title he didn't want to share with anyone else. Yet the realisation that Rae was in fact female started to spread within him like roots growing in soil, and with that came a growing attraction to this loud, brash, forceful creature that only seemed to rear its head when somebody else got their hands on her - especially when that somebody else was a good mate of his.
His constant need to simplify things so his already turbulent adolescent life ran as smoothly as possible, lead him to the conclusion that he, above all else, wanted to be Rae's friend. He'd been relieved that Rae had accepted his apology over how he treated her at the beginning, assuming it would just be plain sailing from there. How wrong he'd been.
He'd confront her later on, he told himself, keen to get to the bottom of her sudden shift in mood. Rae didn't turn hot and cold with any of their other friends, despite the rare outburst, so Finn was annoyed that she seemed to be singling him out.
If things couldn't get any worse for him at that moment, his feelings for Rae sprang to the service once more as the bottle slowly spun to a halt, pointing towards her. He hated feeling this way, truly hated it. He hated how his stomach dipped and his pulse quickened, hated how his eyes stung and his skin burned, the hairs on the back of his neck standing to attention. He hated how the bottle seemed to spin for an eternity, hated how he instinctively sized up the 'competition' as the evil voice in his head deemed them, glancing from Chop, to Tyler, to Archie, the thought of any of them snogging her like a big rusty nail piercing his brain.
He tried to take a deep breath and compose himself, moving his gaze from the bottle to his hands, trying to force the horrible thoughts from his mind, yet when the bottle finally stopped spinning, his throat felt like it was closing up as he saw it pointing to Tyler, his friends jeering and whistling around them. Finn tried to keep his cool now more than ever, glad that nobody was looking at him at that moment. He used the opportunity to glare at Tyler, who seemed to look uncomfortable, of all things. Despite the majority of Finn's brain being consumed by the throws of jealousy, he couldn't stop a little voice from speaking up: 'What are you doing, you wanker? Do you realise that you could be kissing Rae right now? Do you understand how lucky you are?'
This part of Finn became more infuriated by Rae saying sympathetically:
"It's alright, mate, you don't have to do it." Finn chancing a glance at her as she smiled kindly at Tyler, as if doing him a massive favour by 'letting him off'.
"Woah woah woah, nobody's backing outta this!" Chop began to yell, and Finn wanted to stuff that stupid hat in his gob to shut him up.
Tyler smiled warmly at Rae. "C'mon Rae, let's go." he said, holding out his hand after he stood up. Everybody resumed their cooing, a small stab of pain hitting Finn's chest as he watched Rae's hand fall into Tyler's, a small smile on her lips as she stood up. Finn had to look away then, his eyes starting to water. He didn't notice Rae glance back at him as they left the room, a flash of disappointment in her eyes. He was too busy staring at the bottle he wanted to smash into a million pieces.
"Finn, let us know when it gets to a minute, will ya?" Chop asked over to him, but he barely heard, his fists clenching over his knees.
"Finn…what's up?" he heard Chloe say to him from his other side, her voice barely an echo as his thoughts tormented him with images of Tyler and Rae together, Tyler holding Rae close, his tongue in her mouth, his hands running through her hair…
He couldn't take it any more, the anger within him reaching an all new peak. He drank the rest of his can of lager in one gulp, throwing the empty can to the ground as he stood, walking through the gap Tyler previously occupied to stalk to the cupboard, hearing Chop protest behind him amongst a few outbursts of "What the fuck?" and "What's he doing?", Finn barely registering any of it as all rational thought left him.
Finn opened the door, the half a second it took for Tyler's lips to leave Rae's burning into Finn's memory as if it took a lifetime.
"Finn!" Rae exclaimed in the darkness, completely shocked. Finn glanced at her, face pained before he looked at Tyler, grabbing the sleeve of his hoody and roughly yanking him out of the cupboard into the hallway.
"What the fuck, Finn?" Tyler shouted, face contorted in confused anger. The other spin the bottle players stood at the door, watching them as Tyler grabbed Finn's wrist, trying to get Finn to release him. Finn came to himself slightly, letting Tyler go once he was a good enough distance away from Rae. Finn looked at his friends, some of the boys standing to attention just in case something kicked off.
Finn chanced one last look at Rae, the hurt on his face melting slightly into embarrassment. Rae walked out of the darkness, her eyes wide, a look reminiscent of her reaction after Finn chased off Big G in the street a few days ago. Without saying a word, Finn walked quickly away, down the stairs and out the front door, grabbing his jacket on the way. He ignored Rae as she called after him, not wanting to face up to his actions just yet. Slamming the door behind him, he walked quickly away from Rae's house, resisting the urge to run. He wish he could do the same with his feelings - he wish he could just let it all go, let go of the petty jealousy and kill the angry monster inside him that wanted Rae all to himself.
"Finn! Wait a minute!" He'd nearly got to the end of Rae's street before he heard her call to him.
"Just leave me alone, Rae, alright?" Finn called back, still walking.
"Please, Finn…" She broke into a run behind him, trying her best to catch up.
"There's nothing to talk about." Finn continued.
"Bollocks isn't here!" he heard Rae say, out of breath. He rolled his eyes, cursing himself for stopping. He turned, waiting for Rae to get to him, inexplicably glad that she was at least talking to him now, even if the circumstances weren't ideal.
"What was that all about?" Rae said, her tone softening slightly as she came to a halt, pulling her hair out of her mouth and tucking it behind her ear.
"What happened in there, Finn? Why did you do that?" Rae continued after Finn only glanced to the side, shaking his head and looking at the pavement.
Looking up, he snarked "Why should I explain myself to ya when you haven't even been nice to me at all today?" Finn not wanting to leave the war path he was currently sprinting across.
Rae suddenly look embarrassed, guilt evident in her eyes.
"I'm…I'm sorry. I've been really stupid." she said, lowering her gaze sadly.
"I don't deserve it, Rae - I haven't done anything. Have I done somethin' to annoy ya?" he asked, face still flushed with the remnants of his outburst.
"No!" Rae said desperately, shaking her head.
"Then why have you been mugging me off all day?"
"Finn…" Rae began, suddenly more confident. "…if that's what's been botherin' ya, you didn't have to take it out on that Tyler guy."
Finn's face twinged with embarrassment once more, before he shook his head, responding quietly as he looked at the floor again:
"That's not why I did it…" The sentence trailed off, Rae sighing in growing frustration. A fuse had been lit ever since Finn burst into that cupboard, and despite Rae finding it impossible to believe that somebody like Finn Nelson could ever see her that way, his actions seemed to scream the opposite. They both knew it, and Finn couldn't retract what he'd done now, no matter how much he wanted to.
"Why don't you like me, Rae?" Finn's sudden question caught her off guard. Before she could answer, he carried on:
"Loadsa girls like me, ya know…in fact, most girls I know have at least fancied me at some point." He kept his eyes fixed on Rae, being more matter of fact than boastful.
Rae rolled her eyes, annoyed: "Well, good for you! Do you want a medal or something?"
Finn's jaw clenched in annoyance, rocking on his feet.
"That's not what I mean- fuck Rae, I don't know what to say to ya!" he yelled, frustrated, his voice echoing in the night air.
Rae's expression softened once more, not wanting Finn to blow up again.
"Why do you even care if I like you or not? Why do you care whether or not I…fancy ya?" Rae asked, annoyed with herself for not being brave enough to just tell him that she likes him more than any other girl ever has, she would predict.
Finn sighed, eyes down. "I just do alright, and not because I'm the vain bastard you think I am, I just…I care what you think about me." He glanced up at Rae, uncomfortably.
"I don't think you're a vain bastard." she said, shaking her head.
Silence fell between them, only the sound of the distant traffic and the music pumping from Rae's house accompanying them as they stood in front of each other, a million unspoken words floating between them.
"I know I was out of order back there, you should be able to kiss anyone ya want…" Finn said, quietly, clenching his fist and looking down at his knuckles.
"I didn't even want to kiss him, Finn!" Rae found herself saying, a little louder than intended.
"That's not what it looked like from where I was sitting." Finn threw back, moodily.
"Well, you seemed to be enjoying yourself with that Anna girl or whatever her name is." Rae threw back, wondering why the hell they were arguing like a married couple when they didn't seem to even have their friendship sorted.
Finn looked up at Rae, the corners of his mouth pulling up slightly in the beginning of a smirk.
"What's so bloody funny?" Rae asked, brow furrowed, making Finn's face shoot back instantly into its previous severity.
"You're so frustrating, Rae! I don't know where the fuck I am with ya!"
Rae sighed before staring up at the heavens, thinking about the big bag of bullshit she was still debating whether or not to unload. The look on Finn's face as he saw her and Tyler in the cupboard was something she didn't ever want to see again, the so called advice Danny Two Hats offering her only making things worse. Even if her hopeful suspicions turned out to be false, and Finn somehow didn't storm into that cupboard because he was jealous, even if she told him everything and he didn't feel the same…what's the worst that could happen? As Finn had said, loads of girls fancied him, it wasn't a rarity, so Rae would just be one of many…but the way she felt about him…she didn't just fancy him…
"You wanna know what I think about ya?" she started, still riled up. "I do like ya…I really like ya actually; in fact, I think I kinda…love ya. You happy now?"
'You happy now' came out in a quiver on the tail end of an otherwise aggressive spiel, such tender declarations oddly misplaced in her frustrated tone. Her 'deer caught in headlights' expression melted into something utterly awkward, her arms dangling uselessly by her sides.
Finn stared back at her, surprise snaking into his tender expression.
"You mean it?" he said, voice low, looking Rae up and down.
Rae nodded, looking down at her hands as she lifted them slightly, eyeing the tips of her fingers.
Finn stepped forward, slowly, Rae allowing herself to glance at his face as he did so.
"Rae…" he began, making her look up at his face as he gazed at her, eyes brighter than before but still a little conflicted.
"I pulled Tyler away from ya tonight because…I hated that he was kissing ya. I don't like the thought of anybody kissing ya." he said in a near whisper.
"Oh right." Rae said, mirroring his quiet tone.
Finn lifted his hand slowly to gently touch Rae's cheek, looking at her as if she was a gem he'd found buried in a patch of earth.
He moved his head forward, meeting her lips with his own, wanting to erase any trace of Tyler and Archie from them, wanting to claim them as his, for however long she'd let him. The kiss was soft and brief, Finn moving back to look at Rae once more. The pain he'd been feeling all night was extinguished instantly by the bright happiness he found in her eyes and the flush in her cheeks as she smiled at him.