Spoilers: Little innuendos from seasons past, XF:FTF, and a really huge spoiler for episode The Rain King.
Summary: What may have happened after Holman and Sheila left the reunion. Yes, when XF was on I was the ultimate shipper, so if you don't like MSR, turn back now.
Author's Note: This was written right after this episode first aired, and has been archived on Gossamer since April 20, 1999. Simply pulling it into my tangled web of fanfic stories.
IN YOUR DREAMS
"Hey, Scully, wanna dance?"
She eyed her partner suspiciously. All this music, the lights, the odd happenings...Lord only knew what frame of mind he was in.
"Aw, come on, you of all people know I don't bite," he smiled.
"All right. Just one," she acquiesced.
Mulder placed one arm around her slim waist, having to bend almost imperceptibly to do so, and reached down for her hand. She watched their skin connect as he gently clasped her tiny hand and raised it, assuming the normal dance posture. He kept his distance from her body, respecting her friendship, respecting her trust...respecting her. As only he could.
"Scully, what did you say to Sheila?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the last time I saw her, she was in love with me. Next thing I know, you go rushing off after her, and suddenly she and Holman are together. So what'd you say to her?"
Scully smiled slightly, wondering if his fragile male ego had been bruised in some way. "Why do you want to know, Mulder? Not used to being dumped?"
He chuckled. "Too used it is more like it."
Now she broke out into a toothy grin. "I just told her what your take on this whole weather situation was."
"That can't be it. That wouldn't have been enough to change her mind."
"You mean the weather wouldn't have been enough to make her look away from a hunk like you to more geeky guy like Holman?"
"Precisely."
They shared a laugh as the song changed. 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' ended, and now the couples on the floor barely missed a step as 'Our Love Is Here To Stay' began to play.
"No, really, Scully. What else did you say?"
"Well, if you must know, she said she'd never thought of Holman as anything other than a friend. That he'd always been her best friend."
"And?" he prodded.
Scully's eyes found a spot beyond Mulder's face to focus upon as she explained further. "And I told her that sometimes the best relationships start out as friendships. Good relationships are those that last. I told her that one morning you might wake up and look at your best friend and see them totally differently than you did the night before. That you might see something more there."
As she finished, she dared to look back into his eyes. Dana Scully was a brave woman. She was not afraid of anything. She'd been near-dead, she'd been captive, she'd been through things most people experience only in their nightmares. She feared nothing.
Except that look. From Mulder. The one he was giving her at that very moment.
"You said that to her?" he asked quietly, almost inaudibly.
She could only nod, lost in those hazel depths which were his eyes, the windows to the very soul of this man with whom she'd shared so very much, and yet, so very little. 'Snap out of this, Dana, you idiot, this is not good for business!' her mind railed.
"That's very insightful, Scully. As a matter of fact, you sound almost like you're speaking from experience."
A sharp intake of breath was her only response.
In time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble, they're only made of clay. But our love is here, our love is he-ere, our love is here to stay.
She heard the words. She almost thought she could hear his heart beating in time with hers. The lights flashed off the disco ball hanging high above them, casting speckles upon their faces, dancing about, twirling, in a rhythmic yet uneven pattern of light and dark.
The song ended. Yet still they swayed, dancing to the music which only they could hear.
"Scully? Do you really believe what you told Sheila?"
Had he said something? Yes...what did he say? Did she believe? 'Yes, Mulder, yes. I believe with my whole heart.'
"Yes."
"Has it...do you...how do...?"
"Mulder, if it starts raining again I'm putting you in a mental institution."
'Leave it to me to make humor at a time like this. Defense mechanism from hell,' she thought, groaning inwardly.
But Mulder laughed. "Ah, Scully, some things never change," he said as he twirled her around in time to 'On Top Of The World'.
She smiled, glad to be rid of that awkward moment they'd just shared.
"But...some things do change." Mulder said.
"Yes. Some things...do," she replied, laughing once more as he twirled her again.
"I don't believe this. We're stuck here one more night?"
"Apparently so. The last plane departed while we were tripping the light fantastic."
"Oh, Kersh is going to love this," Scully complained as she seated herself on the room's one bed. She removed a shoe and began rubbing her foot, sore as it was from the unexpected dancing.
"Love what? He doesn't have to know we finished our investigation prior to the plane leaving."
"No, I mean...this," she replied, waving her free hand about the room to indicate their predicament. "You know it's against regulation, Mulder. I know, I know...you couldn't care less, as usual. But I'm really getting sick of having to defend my every move to that...man."
Mulder pulled a chair over and seated himself upon it, directly in front of Scully. He absentmindedly grabbed her foot, placed it in his lap, and began massaging it for her. She actually thought nothing of it at first.
"But it's not our fault that a cow smashed a hole into the roof of my room, Scully."
"It's never our fault, Mulder. Don't you know that by now? Everything we do wrong is never our fault. Yet still we're assigned to wiretaps and other such nonsensical jobs."
"Are my ears playing tricks on me, or is By-The-Book-Scully scoffing her present job assignment?" he smiled.
"Oh, it's not that, really. I mean, I could be off doing practically anything. They'd hand me almost any FBI position I want, as long as it were far away from you."
Mulder's face darkened. He lowered his eyes, and his bottom lip stuck out a little. Worst of all, he stopped rubbing her aching foot.
"What is it? What's the matter?" she asked, knowing full-well she'd triggered his guilt complex.
"The same thing that's always the matter, Scully. The fact that you could do anything you want if it weren't for me."
"Knock it off, Mulder, I'm too tired to play 'Let's Erase Mulder's Guilty Conscience' tonight. You know damn well why I've made the decision I've made about where I'm working. And with whom."
"Not really, I don't." he replied, looking more like a beaten puppy with every passing second.
Scully removed her foot from her lap, took the shoe off her other foot, and placed it in his lap. He began massaging it immediately, again, neither of them thinking much of it.
"Okay, once and for all, let's clear this up," she said in her matter-of-fact way. "I want to know why you think I'm still here. By here I mean with you, on all these crazy wild goose chases you lead me on."
"Well...like I said, I'm not really certain. I mean, you and I know each other better than anyone else knows us, yet I never know what's in here," he said, reaching a hand out to touch his fingertips to her chest. Right over where her heart lay beating within her. "You say you want to find the Truth. You don't want Them to win. I know it's your ass now just as much as it is mine. Your dignity, your pride, your reputation, your search for justice."
"With all due respect, Agent Mulder, I have found that my reputation is not best served by remaining your partner. Reputation be damned! I don't care about that."
"Then what do you care about?"
"I care about all the people who've died senseless and meaningless deaths because of our work." Scully's eyes, much against her will, filled with tears as Melissa and Emily crossed her mind. "I care about putting the bastard Syndicate out of business. I care about saving millions of people from a fate worse than death. I care about justice, yes, but more importantly, about stopping the madmen who control everything and everyone on this planet just because they have the power and connections to do so."
A tear escaped her eye and slid down her cheek. 'Dammit, how is it that this man can always hit me right where it counts?' she asked herself.
"Scully, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
But she continued as though he hadn't said a word. "And most of all, above everything else, I care about us, Mulder. About what we've seen, what we've learned. About everything we've been through because of what we do, who we are and what we know. I want us to have a future. But I can't build any kind of future without first knowing I can live a safe, happy and normal life. And I can't do that if I have to look over my shoulder every five seconds to see if some shadow man is following me, ready to gun me down. And neither can you."
"No," he replied softly. This was something Mulder didn't often see. His partner opening up to him, sharing with him her thoughts, her feelings. "No, I can't. I can't have a future without you in it."
Now that she heard. She looked up, wiping her face on her sleeve to dry her tears. "What?"
"I've told you this before, Scully. Don't you remember? In the hallway outside my apartment?"
He'd stopped rubbing her foot again. She blushed. "Yes, I remember."
"Without you, my life is meaningless. Even my work...our work...means nothing to me without you by my side. I'd be dead now, a thousand times over if not for you. You know that. Don't you?"
"I suspected as much," she smiled slightly.
Mulder slid from the chair to the bed in one easy move, slowly releasing her foot to the floor. This time he had no respect for her space. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder, arm-to-arm, hip-to-hip, leg-to-leg.
"Why did you let it happen?"
As always, she knew what he was talking about even without him saying.
"Nothing happened, Mulder."
He reached out and touched her cheek, turning her head so she had no choice but to look into his eyes. "You're wrong, Scully. Something did happen. Something very big. We crossed a line that night. We made a decision. Just because it was interrupted doesn't mean it didn't happen. In here," again he touched his fingertips to her chest, "and in here," now he placed his hand over his own heart, "in here," his hand moved to her forehead, "and in here," his hand moved to his own forehead, "it happened. And you know it as well as I do."
She tried to lower her eyes, but his hand darted out and lifted her chin. He wouldn't allow her to shut him out now.
"Mulder..." she breathed, caught like a deer in the headlights as she looked once more into his eyes. "We were both...upset."
Exasperated, he stood and walked away from the bed, clasping his hands behind his back. He just stood there with his back to her, saying nothing, yet speaking more to her with his moves, his thoughts, than words could ever say.
Scully's body shook as she tried to choke back a sob. How could she choose between justice for all and this man who meant more to her than any breath she ever took? There was no choice to be made, really. She'd made it long ago when she'd become Mrs. Spooky, willingly, with eyes wide-open. Now it was only a matter of action.
Like a puppet responding to the puppetmaster's pull of the strings, her body stood, even as her rational mind screamed for her to stay put. She saw his back coming nearer, but realized that he wasn't walking backwards...she was walking forward. To him. Taking a deep breath, she walked the few paces to where he stood. But it felt like she was leaping over a chasm which threatened to take from them their very lives. She was crossing it. Eyes open and unafraid.
Mulder was right. He was always right. About everything. But especially about this.
'Dana, what the hell are you doing?' the logical part of her asked menacingly.
Her response to herself: 'Bite me.'
Having thus quieted her inner voice, she smiled as she circled him to stand in front of him. She was not so very surprised to find tears streaming down his face as he unashamedly cried in front of her.
"Mulder. Look at me."
He brought his eyes to hers. They widened at what he saw there. He'd never seen them so open, so totally vulnerable. No matter how close they'd ever been, no matter what circumstances had surrounded them, she'd always kept a part of herself locked away, even from him.
As he so oft had done with her.
She reached one small hand up to his neck, placing it just below his hairline. His skin tingled at the sensation of her skin touching his. He trembled.
She placed her other hand open on his chest, over the spot where his heart beat steadily within. He wiped the tears from his face with his hand, then reached out to brush through her hair, closing his eyes as he let its softness ripple through his fingers. His other hand found her face as his thumb brushed slowly and gently upon her cheek, reopening his eyes to find hers pooled with unshed tears.
Outside the four walls of that room, reunion-goers partied loudly, screams of pleasure, peals of laughter, sounds of bottles breaking and cans rattling to the ground were all that one could hear.
But inside that room, there was only silence. No other sound reached into the circle built around them as the flame which had burned within their hearts and souls for so long suddenly flared, as once it had not so very long ago.
He leaned down as she rose to her tiptoes. That breathless moment when time and space cease to exist, and all that's left in the world is a man and a woman who have suffered so much, lost so much...yet gained so very much more along the way. He hesitated only a moment before closing his eyes, anticipating that long-awaited moment as he'd done no other.
She closed her eyes, waiting for his lips to reach hers, waiting for their breaths to combine into one, uniting them at last. Her lips parted. His lips parted. Only millimeters away now from the end of one era and the beginning of another. A new life. A whole new possibility of being.
And at last, their lips met, salty from the tears they'd shed, wet from the tears they both cried now. As their breaths mingled, they could feel the flow of energy from one to the other, transferring itself back and forth, until at last, as their tongues reached out in hunger, the energy balanced itself between them. Making them one mind, one heart, one soul...moreso than ever before.
And yet they knew this was not enough. It had to be seen through to the end.
Mulder wrapped his arms around her body and lifted her off the floor, continuing his hungry feast upon her mouth, pressing her against him as closely as possible.
Lack of oxygen finally forced them apart, and they stared wildly into each others' eyes, the windows into their souls clouded by desire.
Almost as a command, yet more like a plea, Scully whispered, "Make love to me, Mulder."
He smiled into her hair as he walked to the bed, still holding her off the ground. "You have no idea how many times I've heard you say that to me."
"In your dreams," she smiled back as he lowered her gently onto the bed.
"Not anymore," he replied, reaching up to turn off the light above the bed.