THINKING OF YOU – Peeta's P.O.V
Comparison's are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
like an apple hanging from a tree
I pick the ripest one I still got the seeds
Gale kicked the bedroom door open with his foot, his hands never leaving my skin. He touched me tenderly and gently, but still nothing compared to how Cato could ever make me feel with a single brush of the hand or smile. Cato... Yet again I'm comparing Gale to him. Of course, Cato was my first love. I could say my only love, but what a horrible betrayal of Gale that would be. There's something about a first love though... Something new and fresh. Like the first day of Spring, how everything feels flawless.
You said move on
where do I go?
I guess, Second best
is all I will know...
Cato told me to move on. Forget him once he died in the games. I couldn't. I never believed I could. He told me to find someone else who would treat me just as well. But how could I find someone who's kisses were just as sweet? Whose eyes sparkled as much when they saw me? Gale was amazing, but... He just couldn't sum up to Cato.
Because when I'm with him I am
thinking of you, thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was
spending the night, spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes...
I'm snapped out of my thoughts When Gale presses me against the bed, his lips trailing against my skin. His skin. Property that had to be given up. This happens every time he spends the night with me. My thoughts are flooded by him. And I don't even picture Gale as Gale. I picture him as the lost love the Capitol stripped from my life.
You're like an Indian Summer
In the middle of Winter
Like a hard candy
with a surprise center
Gale pulls of my pants in one swift motion and shoots a sweet smile up at me. He's hurt. I'm sure of it. He's known for so long... I snap my eyes shut, because I can't stand that sad smile.
"Just do it!" I yell, my nails digging into the bed. I hear a sigh, but he continues, peeling each garment off one by one until there's nothing left.
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
I feel his lips encase around me, a sensation now so familiar to me. My hands tangle in his hair while I yell out in pleasure, the main reason I have Gale. Because pleasure can occasionally help me forget the events that took place in the arena. I had to find someone to help me, and he... He was the best choice.
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Gale leaves my lower half and entraps my lips in a kiss, where I let out a soft moan.
"Cato..." I let slip out as he pulls away. I couldn't help pretending. Gale was just so easy to make into Cato if your eyes were closed. Defined muscles, tall strong build. Sometimes even the way he whispers to me reminds me of Cato...
He wrapped his arms around me, my legs wrapped around his waist. He's alright with me calling him Cato, so I do it. He kisses me softly once more, not finishing me and rolling off of me.
"Goodnight." he says, not looking at me again before drifting to sleep. Tonight must be a sensitive night.
Because when I'm with him I am
thinking of you, thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was
spending the night, spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your...
I curl up in a ball on my side, silently crying to myself. I wish he was here. I wish it was him holding me. I wish I got to see his smile again, and not some pictures his family was planning to throw out anyway. I know I can't, but I like to pretend I can. Secretly, it's driven me insane. I call his phone some nights and leave messages I know can never be read by him. I have conversations aloud like he's standing right next to me. I know it isn't healthy, but it's all I can do to keep from suicide...
You're the best, and yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learned, I touched and I was burned.
I think you should know...
I drape a blanket over myself and walk teary eyed into he guest room I've littered with memories of him. Pictures, items of clothing, letters. Some of them aren't even my memories. But when I see them, I see him. Holding me in his arms, telling me he loved me. The kisses he left on my cheek, and the bruises he left from all the kisses. I smile in remembrance.
"Cato..." I whisper, brushing a hand over a picture of him in the training center with Clove. She has an annoyed look on her face, and he has the usual stupid grin.
On the bed I find his sword. I begged them to let me keep it. I won the games with it. I couldn't with anything else. I lift it and still see the blood from Katniss' chest. It makes me feel sick, but I enjoy having the sword in my home.
Because when I'm with him I am
thinking of you, thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was
spending the night, spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your...
your eyes, looking into your eyes looking into your eyes...
I sigh and draw another mark in my skin with the still sharp blade. "Another night without you, hero." I mutter to myself, smiling at the burning pain. He'd hate seeing me do this, but truthfully, it reminds me I'm not trapped in some terrible nightmare. The pain reminds me it's real. It's all fucking real and I hate every second of it.
Won't you barge in the door and
Take me away
No more mistakes
Because in your eyes I'd like to stay...
I force myself to pull the sword away from my skin, leaving it to bleed. The victory tour's tomorrow. I'll have to fake being alive and well for a whole two weeks. And I'll have to visit the place he was born. I remind myself to leave a simple red rose on his grave. His favorite.
I pull the final picture taken of him off a shelf. The night of the interviews, someone got their hands on a picture of us together, right before he kissed me. It looks like something you'd see on the cover of a shitty romance novel, and that's why I love it so much. It's so us.
"Cato..." I whisper to the picture, as if it would jump alive and he'd save me form living this hell. "My Cato..."