June/RANDOM DATE/2012

They say love comes in many forms. Mine happened to be my best friend...who's a girl. So what? even if she is a girl I can love anyone I want, even if we are the same gender.

How did I come to love her? mabey it was her abusive personality, or her smile that could light up a whole room? I love everything about her. Those glasses, that curly blonde hair, those enchanting eyes...even her laugh.

She supported me. Unlike my ex. He just stood by and watched me slip into insanity wanting to be loved by someone who would show it. I even had the balls to kiss him at the end of our year, after that I knew he wasn't the one I needed by my side.I came to hate him more as time went on, I even had a panic attack once because I wasn't fucking careful enough to stop it from happening, all he did was ask "are you ok?" and when I shook my head no...he walked the hell away, the bastard.

I knew for a long time that I was bi. I would hit on some girls sometimes and get jilted. Damn bitches cant handle this. She didn't mind, she didn't care, I was still the same silly friend in her eyes. I would tell all my friends about how she wasn't as cold as they thought she was, she was-no is adorable, funny, and a little abusive but thats just how she shows she cares. I didn't realize I cared for her in that way until we didn't see each other for awhile. It just didn't feel right...like something was missing.

Now, as embarrassing as it is to admit, all I want to do is cuddle with her in my arms and hold her hand. Im not being mushy dammit I just...I DONT KNOW! SHUT UP! I JUST WANT TO OK? Ive been told im a hopeless romantic, but what do they know? Assholes don't know me! I-Its not like I would celebrate our relationship after only a week! No, im not mushy like that even if she would think it was sweet...

Too bad she has a jackass of a boyfriend or so she tells me, if he's so bad why not leave him for me? Because she hasn't hinted to her family that shes bi. I understand that...it was hard keeping it a secret from my parents too, when it did happen all I wanted to do was hide in a hole and wait for it to end. My sister was so goddamn perfect that I became the problem child after they found out, made my life hell, not that I would ever let it show on my face.

Im pretty isolated from people. Why would'nt I be? I think most of the population is full of assholes! But, she is the only one who ceases to annoy me. Who makes me feel better by asking for hugs, smiles when im down, and understands me. I just hope I never forget this stupid journal somewhere where just any snooping creep could pick it up and read it. Id be blackmailed for the rest of high school! Four fucking years of that shit? No thank you.

I cant belive my stupid sister, "just write what you feel in this ok Lovi? I just know you'll feel better!", WHO GIVES A JOURNAL TO SOMEONE AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT? The only good thing about this is that its the only present I got for my birthday. Its not that I hate my stupid sister I love her as much as the next sibling would...I just don't like being compared to her all the time.

"Feli is in the IB program, why cant you be as smart as her?", Its not that im not trying, I actually do try, its just never seem to be enough for their expectations. I have to get ready to see her at school again, Ill probley write some more later, I just hope I dont see him anywhere near me or her.

OMFG this looked alot longer on my other program =.= I hate technology. Im hoping to continue this even though its going to be a PAIN IN MY ARSE. I got my parents nagging me about rehab (DONT ASK, IM NOT A DRUGGIE ITS NOT THAT.) So I dont have alot of free time. This is actually for someone who I know and asked out the other day, the conversation we had gave me the idea for this so thank the beautiful girl! And blame my asshole parents for trying to make me go out and do shit while I was trying to make this, its so hard to read write days! -Kei