I am so unbelievably bored today. This is what came out of my boredom: a parody!
Ladies and gentleman, I give you, Perry Johanneson and the Toothbrush thief!
Disclaimer- I am not Rick Riordan. I am currently on Facebook, not writing the Son of Neptune. I also do not own any of the songs mentioned here and neither do I own Jedward, Eurovision or the X Factor.
-Three months earlier-
Zeus hummed a tune to himself as he walked towards his bathroom to get washed. He may be the king of the gods, but his teeth weren't going to brush themselves! Well, they could if he wanted them to, but he loved his toothbrush that his son Apollo had made him for Father's Day a few decades ago. It was solid gold in the shape of a lightning bolt and whenever you pressed a button it would play a two minute sample of a song to let you know how to long to brush your teeth for. All of his favourite songs were on there: Mr. Blue Sky, Under the Sky, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Red Sky, and his all-time favourite song, Lipstick by Jedward.
However, he reached up to the golden cup in which is toothbrush was kept and realised the shocking truth: it was gone! The toothpaste was there, the dental floss, even the mouthwash, just not his beloved toothbrush. His prized possession vanished without a trace! Screaming like a girl, Zeus thundered into the throne room, hoping to catch a thief.
"WHO DARES STEAL MY TOOTHBRUSH?" Zeus roared to the gathered Olympians.
"Your toothbrush?" Hera repeated sceptically. "Zeus, you're a god. You don't need a toothbrush."
Zeus groaned, woman! They just didn't understand.
At the same time, Aphrodite said "you only own one toothbrush?"
"Yes, I can't find my toothbrush, because ONE OF YOU HAS STOLEN IT!" Zeus beat his chest in rage; nobody dared steal anything from him, especially not his favourite thing in the entire world. You could steal his throne, steal his lightning bolt, but never under any circumstances do you steal his toothbrush!
"Is it the toothbrush I got you for Father's Day?" Apollo enquired, taking the headphones out from his ears.
"Yes!"
"Well why did you lose it?" Apollo sounded hurt. "I worked very hard on that, you know!"
"If you're so bothered about your toothbrush, Zeus, we can always get Hephaestus to forge you a new one," Athena sighed.
"BUT I DON'T WANT A NEW TOOTHBRUSH; I WANT MY OLD ONE BACK!" Zeus whined. Why did nobody understand that it was so important to him? That's like telling Ares that his spear had broken, or Demeter that there was going to be a drought so she couldn't grow plants. Just because it was a toothbrush didn't make it unimportant. It was still a magical item nonetheless.
"Well, can't you tell us what it looks like, so we can keep an eye out for it?" Athena replied, looking doubtful.
"It's gold, shaped like a lightning bolt and has a button that plays a song when you press it. It has my favourite song on: Lipstick by Jedward!" The other gods looked confused so Zeus sang a line of it to see if he could refresh their memories, "You know, she got her lipstick on here I come, da da dum!" Still no response. "Come on, you must know Jedward! That Irish duo who were on X Factor and Eurovision! They're musical GENIUSES, right, Apollo?"
"Um," the music god hesitated, "as the god of music, I'd have to say no. In fact, they're awful and can't hold a note to save their lives."
Zeus groaned, what gave Apollo the right to insult his heroes? Normally he would have defended them but right not the main focus was to find the thief. "I think one of you has purposely stolen it, just to smite me for being a bad father!"
"More like a bad husband," Hera muttered under her breath, quietly but still audible. She just didn't understand him. Just because she was the goddess of marriage didn't give him the right to boss him around. He was the king of the gods! He could date whoever he pleased.
"HERMES!" Zeus exclaimed, "You're the god of thieves! It was you, wasn't it?"
"No, father, I would never steal from you!" Hermes cowered. It was true though; Hermes wouldn't dare steal anything from him. Only pesky mortals and his brothers and sisters. Often he encouraged it; it was so amusing to watch them run around frantically trying to find their beloved item.
"Ares! You're the god of war, perhaps you thought that if you stole it a war would result from the conflict?" Zeus accused, though he didn't really believe it. Ares may be stupid, but he didn't think he would be that stupid.
"Of course not," Ares sniffed, "I wouldn't want to touch your toothbrush anyway."
Zeus ignored the last comment, then suddenly had a burst of inspiration. "POSEIDON! IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT?" Poseidon looked taken aback. Hah. So it was him! "HOW DARE YOU!"
"Zeus, I can assure you that it was not I who stole your toothbrush. Even if I wanted to, I cannot enter your dimension without invitation, therefore I couldn't take your toothbrush," Poseidon explained. He pained to admit it, but he did have a point. However, he couldn't look like a fool and admit he was wrong, so he carried on accusing him.
"Nice try, but you could have ordered somebody to do the dirty work for you."
"Um, who?"
"I don't know, your son or something," Zeus shrugged.
"I don't have a son, though," Poseidon replied. Zeus disbelieved him regardless.
"Fishface, if my toothbrush is not returned by the Summer Solstice, um, I will ground you!" Zeus seemed pretty pleased with himself; he'd thought up that punishment all by himself. He could give Athena a run for her money.
"Zeus, you aren't my father, you can't ground me," Poseidon smirked. He was right, so Zeus thought up something even better.
"Well then, I will take away all your pocket money for the next decade!"
"I don't get any pocket money."
"How about a fully-fledged war of the gods?" Ares suggested. It was tempting, but Zeus still preferred his idea.
"No, I like the idea of no pocket money," Zeus admitted. How dare Ares suggest that he could come up with a better punishment?
"Come on, it'll be fun!" Ares pleaded.
"Fine, there will be a war AND you'll get no allowance!" Zeus declared. "Now, I bid you all goodbye!"
Zeus left the room dramatically, letting his final declaration linger in their thoughts. That'll teach that kelp-brain to mess with me! Zeus thought to himself.
Then Zeus sulked in his bedroom and cried for the next few hours.
The next chapter will switch to Percy, or shall I say, Perry?
Also, I'm British so I like to add extra Us and stuff in words, so do not review saying I've spelt 'favourite' wrong, that's just how I spell them! I'll try to use some American words, because it's an American series, but I can't guarantee anything seeing as I don't really know a lot! The only reason I'm saying this is because in a previous multi-chapter I got called out for using grey instead of gray and apologise instead of apologize, when that's how it's spelt here.
Reviews are loved. Tell me what you liked, disliked, any constructive criticism, if I should continue. The next chapter will be funny, I promise!