A/N: This was such a joy to write. Ted Tonks is one of my favourite characters and writing him is always a pleasure! xD I really hope you guys enjoy this letter. And if you're waiting on a chapter for Bubble-gum Pink Moon, I have finished it already, I'm just waiting to get it back from my beta so I can publish so ... expect it soon! And in the mean time, enjoy this litle fic. ^^
Dearest Dromeda,
I've tried writing this so many times. I don't know why I always scratch everything, knead the parchment and throw it away. I know I'll never send these to you. You will never read the words I write for you.
I've been writing you since the day I left. Every single day. One letter after my turn to watch and before I tuck in to sleep. Dirk says it's a waste. Waste of ink, waste of space, waste of parchment. I even broke my quill on the first week. A waste too. He told me to stop. I didn't. After a couple of weeks, he gave up. You would think Dirk would know better than to try and stop me from thinking of you after all those years at Hogwarts ... You would think ...
Food and water are all right for now. Salmons are delicious this time of the year. To tell you the truth, I thought I'd lose more weight after all this time not knowing what will happen tomorrow, but believe it or not, I'm keeping my shape. I know you enjoy the extra quite a lot so I'll try my best to keep it. Promise.
I'm sorry I wasn't home for Christmas. I wanted so badly to be there with you. Only you know how much I love the holidays. The snow, hot chocolate mugs, stupid jumpers, lots of presents, days with Dora, nights with you ... 29 Christmas together and now one apart. I rather this one never existed. I rather this war never existed. I rather they never demanded Muggle-borns to register. I guess I know a bit how Lupin feels. Needing to register and put your condition out there in the world for everyone to know. Dora is right, you know. What Muggle-borns fear really is to be treated like werewolves. I wish this had never happened. It did. All right, this is pointless. I should change the subject.
Keep Dora busy, would you? I know it's not easy when you two practically don't leave the house, but you know she's got a free spirit. It kills her to stay there without a useful thing to do. I know what you'll say, being alive is useful, caring for her child is useful and all that. You know what I meant though. We didn't raise her for us. She belongs to the world now. She needs to be out there saving lives. Anyone can see in her eyes that she was born for her job. We were hesitant to let enter the training, but I honestly believe that the best thing that ever happened to her was to become an Auror. And the proudest moment of my life was to see her in scarlet robes for the first time. Between the two of us though, do you reckon she saw me crying? I didn't think so back then, not with the way you told me to wipe my face, but now I'm thinking ... I'm not sure ... I don't know. Maybe.
Also could you please not be so harsh on Lupin? He's a good lad and Dora loves him. He didn't plan to get her pregnant, but the baby happened and this can be the best thing that will happen in Dora's life. In both their lives. Dora wasn't planned either, was she? Remus shouldn't have left her, I know, I think so too. He came back though, didn't he? Takes a lot of courage to do that. I should know because I'm still thinking on what the bloody hell I'm going to tell you when I finally come back home. And he was gone for what, 5 days? This is my 78th.
Yeah, I've been counting them. I hope you haven't though. It's not exactly nice. Makes time pass slower than a paralytic slug. Sometimes I swear my watch hates me. I try not to stare at it, counting the seconds. It always goes significantly slower when you do that; it happened back at Hogwarts when our classes wouldn't end, it happened every bloody time I was dealing with tedious paperwork and wanted to come home to you. You're part of me, Dromeda. I feel like bits of my soul leave me every day that we're apart. I want to come home. Merlin knows I want to come home. Even if it put you, Dora and her child in danger, I want to go back to you. But I can't. I just can't.
Maybe that's why I always simply throw the letters away instead of destroying them. Part of me wants you to find me and drag me home to see all the things you'll knit for our grandchild. Merlin, Dromeda! We'll be grandparents! That makes us sound so old. Remember when we were young and getting married? Remember when you were pregnant? I miss those days, love, but I wouldn't change a single minute with you. But can you imagine? Dora being a mum. Well, of course you can. You're so much closer to Dora now than I am. You can see her growing bigger and bigger every day. I wish I was there, love. How do I wish I was there. You'll take good care of our girl, I'm sure of that. I wish I could see Dora bring up a little girl. She'll be better with a boy, there's no denying that. A girl would be a real challenge for her. Oh God, I'm getting melancholic. I'm sorry. I'll stop now. I should go. We don't know for sure where we're going tomorrow; I do need my rest. Stay strong, Dromeda. I'll come home for you, my love.
Love,
Your Ted