Chapter 1: A new beginning no one wanted
George laid on his bed, eyes glued on the door to his and Alicia's bedroom. He had been doing that a lot lately, staring at the door, hoping that if he wanted it enough Fred would appear on the other side. More than once he allowed himself to believe his fantasy was a reality as he listened to the door creek and watched a figure immerge, but it was always Alicia. Patient and doting Alicia, who had left the job she loved at the ministry to take care of her fiancé and keep his business afloat. George wished he could help her, wished he wasn't such a burden but he felt as if half of him had died. And how could he mourn himself? He asked Alicia that one day, she didn't have an answer and he couldn't move on without it.
"You're still not dressed Georgie?" Alicia said in a sweet tone, but George could tell there was frustration hidden underneath it.
"Didn't feel up to it today, sorry." George felt like he was always apologizing to her lately. Always for the little things. 'One day', he thought, 'I will tell her I'm sorry for all of it and we will finally marry and be happy.' But days went on and the words never came.
"Don't be, my love. It's just that I told you we were going to see Angelina today. I'm really worried about her, she hasn't been responding to my owls and I haven't seen her since the services." George's heart dropped at the memory. Fred's funeral was George's worst nightmare; his mother and Ginny wailing, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. That is, excluding Angelina – not a tear fell down her cheek. But the look in her eyes, her stature, it was worse than tears. Her eyes were lost in a dark, glazed contemplation that only seemed to intensify the longer George looked; he watched her shake all over even though it was warm outside from the coming summer. George couldn't face her. He couldn't see that again – it would break him.
"You go on ahead without me, I'll be fine by myself." He said trying to conjure up the strength to sound functional again.
"You know I can't do that" she said not even stopping to consider it. "If you have another episode and I'm not there your mum will definitely make you move back home." She put a hand on his cheek and kissed him on the forehead. George peered up into her pleading eyes and nodded, one night with Angelina was worth not having to look at the loss and pity in his mother's eyes every day.
"What if she doesn't want visitors? What if she's fine and we are just intruding?" he said as a last attempt to get out of it.
"George, she lost her fiancé. Fred was her best friend too. Are – you - fine?" She asked gently but he knew the tone, he better get showered and dressed because they were going to Angelina's.
An hour later, Alicia and George stood outside what used to be Fred and Angelina's apartment. George wondered how she could live there, in the place the represented all their love. He had to apparate out of their apartment because it was above his shop and he still didn't have the courage to look at it. Alicia, seeing the look on his face, took his hand and knocked on the door. No one answered, George's heart leapt, maybe they wouldn't have to stay. Alicia knocked three more times – no answer.
"Maybe she's out." George remarked, hiding his desperation to leave. Alicia looked through the crack in the doorway.
"No, I don't think so. The lights are on." She pulled out her wand.
"What are you doing?" George asked aghast.
"I'm breaking in. Isn't it exciting, me breaking the law. It's a rush." She replied. George looked at her mouth open.
"It's a bit intrusive don't you think?"
"Please, as if you haven't done this about one hundred times." She hit him on the shoulder and smiled up at him. The smile only lasted a second then it disappeared when she'd remembered herself. George almost collapsed from guilt, he hadn't seen her smile in weeks. Is this what he was doing to her? Was he forcing her to suppress her happiness and the smiles he used to love most to see? The thought made him sick, he took out his own wand and performed the spell himself.
"Alohomora" He enchanted, pointing his wand at the doorknob. As they entered apartment, they shared a brief moment in wishing that they hadn't. There were clothes, magazines, books and food particles everywhere. Underneath her living room window sat a stack of unopened letters, collecting dust. George covered his nose as they walked through the kitchen. The putrid smell came from a plethora of rotten casseroles. George checked to make sure Alicia was alright but she didn't flinch, she moved right passed the kitchen and into Angelia's room.
Angelina sat on her bed surrounded by a mess of shoes, dirty clothes, and butter beer bottles. George saw her gape at him when he walked through the door. Angelina got up and stammered toward them, Alicia opened her arms to embrace her but Angelina took no notice. Her hands went immediately to George's face, he stiffened. Tears fell down her eyes and she held him so tight, he feared she would never let go. But soon enough she remembered with pang of sadness that her late fiancé had a twin and it was George that walked through the door – not Fred. Angelina crumbled to the floor and silently cried atop a pile of clothes. Alicia put her hands over her mouth and fought back tears over the sight of what her strong, brave best friend had become. George was numb, he had been so worried about what it would feel like for him to see Angelina that he didn't even think about what it would be like for her to see him.
After a long uncomfortable silence, Angelina stood up with a manic smile and hugged Alicia.
"Sorry about the mess," Angelina sang, "Fred likes it like this. He says 'this is our house and it can be as messy as we please, who are we trying to impress?'." George and Alicia gaped at her, Angelina just smiled. "And one day I got very cross with him and yelled 'I don't want to live with a blast ended skrewt' and he just looked me with his mischievous smile and said 'The mess hides things, keeps them buried' he said 'hide your anger under the mess and kiss me.' Then when I came back from the services two weeks ago, the apartment was so clean and I was so sad and he said 'make a mess, hide your sadness under the dirt and cover up your pain' He has a funny way of being right about that stuff."
It was too much for Alicia, she left the room as quietly as possible but George heard some muffled sobs in the other room. Angelina sat on her bed, looking exhausted with her head in her hands. George stood, frozen, wondering what he could do to help her.
"I'm sorry," she finally spoke beneath her hands, "sometimes it's just so much easier to pretend." She looked at the ground while she talked. "I used to wake up every day and feel his loss all over again. I'd see him in my dreams and wake up to find him dead in the morning. I couldn't take it so I started to pretend that it was like my last year of Hogwarts when we were separated with no communication. I told myself he was coming back for me. For a second when I saw you, I thought he had actually come" She paused, the corner of her mouth turned up slightly. "I've turned into a complete nut ball haven't I George? They're gonna throw me st. mungo's"
"Probably," George said. Angelia let out an unnatural chuckle, "but I'd be in there with you." He finished, clearing a spot on the floor near the bed and sitting down. She looked up at him questioningly. Something within him lifted. George looked at her; she was a mess. A tuft of curls sat on the top of her head, there were deep bags set under her eyes and she wore a sweaty, stained tee-shirt with sweatpants. Her appearance was so comforting. For the past few weeks George felt like he was living a lie, everything around him was clean and put together while inside he was falling apart. Angelina and her apartment looked like how she felt – like shit. "The Monday after the service Alicia went back to work." George told her, Angelina nodded her head. "And well I couldn't look at myself, so I smashed all the reflective surfaces in the apartment. Mirrors, windows, the glass coffee table in our family room. That day my mum was stopping by to check on me, she freaked when she saw all the glass and blamed Alicia. She said either Alicia had be with me at all times or that I would have to move in with her. It was pretty bad." George frowned, he didn't know why he was telling her all this. "She had to leave her job at the ministry. I will spend the rest of my life repaying the debt I owe that woman."
"I'm sure she's just glad enough that you're alive." Angelina said grimly, George grimaced. Her eyes went wide with shock. "I am so sorry. I have no idea why I said that." George laughed, a hardy laugh he hadn't heard himself make since before the battle.
"Oh, I'm used to it. Angelina I'm sorry to break it to you but you pretty much never think before you speak." He smiled at her.
"Shut it." she called sternly from across the room, reaching behind her and throwing a pillow at him. They both laughed a little awkwardly. A little harder than the joke required. George just wanted to pause that moment of delirious amusement but the longer he tried to make it linger the faster thoughts of Fred floated in his head. So the laughter died off and the both of them sat there in silence. Angelina clutched her knees to her chest.
"I started cleaning the kitchen." Alicia said softly as she entered the room. "If you want to get in the shower Angelina maybe George can straighten up some things in here." She looked from Angelina to George. He rolled his eyes.
"Oi mum," He said jumping up and kissing Alicia on the cheek. She jolted up and smiled so fully that tears almost formed in her eyes. George's mood had drastically improved and she had noticed. As George pulled back from the embrace, he saw Angelina stiffen and walk directly out the door.