Title: What The Soul Remembers
Timeframe: Begins in "Into The Lion's Den: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" Splits off to an AU at the moment of Talyn's final Starburst.
Story Summary: Peacekeepers don't believe in an Afterlife or Ressurrection. But when a 24 year old fighter pilot pulls off another wormhole from Earth and ends up in the past just after Talyn's death, Crais begins to think he should re-evaluate those ideals.
Chapter Summary: Talyn ejects Crais at the last second, saving his captain. During the Leviathan funeral, we find out what it was that Stark found out in "Meltdown".
Notes: I took a little bit of liberty with some Leviathan biological information, as little is known about it. Not gonna spoil it here, please read! :D
Chapter One: Sacrifices and Secrets
Talyn slowly came to, surprised at being reawakened still the same as he was. However, he sensed something was wrong. Very wrong. He felt Crais's presence and grogglily questioned quietly through a series of soft beeps and hums. Crais stepped forward, shining his flashlight around slowly.
~Crais...?~
"Yes, Talyn...I'm here." Crais said shakily, kneeling down in the center of Talyn's command center. He sighed a moment, and spoke again. "No need to be afraid."
The lights were slowly beginning to brighten as Talyn woke more, slowly powering up, as if afraid to come back to life. Somehow, though, the sound of Crais's voice in this moment was both comforting...and sad.
"Talyn. The...firing mechanism on your cannon...was taken from you...by the Peacekeepers." Crais spoke slowly, carefully and calmly, though his emotions betrayed the slight fear, resignation and a sense of duty...a final duty. Talyn responded softly, a low pulsing hum that changed tone, as if displaying displeasure and sadness at having his cannon disabled. But what Crais said next made Talyn worried.
"The rest..." Crais looked around a bit, taking in the beautiful metallic reds of Talyn's Leviathan heritige that surrounded the room. The Leviathan part of him was natural, organic and simply beautiful. The Peacekeeper technology, while it made Talyn who he was, began as of late to seem more foreign. Talyn's problems arose from many issues, some of which being young, being of a peaceful Leviathan heritige, but being mixed with the controlling, relentless, deceiving and forceful nature of the Peacekeepers. Being bonded with Talyn in his own process of trying to step away from being a Peacekeeper only confused Talyn and made him paranoid. But what was done was done. Now was not the time to reflect on that. Crais sighed again, finishing his words. "The rest...have been taken...And Moya...Moya will soon be enslaved." He paused, hearing a distressed sound coming from the walls of his ship. He knew Talyn would do anything to save his mother. Still, it didn't make this suggestion any easier.
"Unless...we do something. Something radical." He was scared to continue telling this part. He didn't want to kill himself...or Talyn. "You...and I...Together."
Talyn seemed to consider this for a moment. He remembered the moment when he placed his trust in Crais, offering the Hand of Friendship. Even though they had been through a lot together since then; mistrust, fear, worry, confusion, panic...somehow Crais managed to calm him in the end, either with himself or by having Aeryn talk to him. Many times it was Aeryn who calmed him. She reminded him of his mother.
Crais smiled sadly when Talyn responded with another series of blips and noises, each varying in pitch and tone.
~What is it you have in mind?~ Talyn asked, the mental voice that rang through Crais's mind laced with a bit of worry at the feelings he sensed from Crais. Crais swallowed, looking upwards towards the circle of lights above him.
"The Command Carrier...it needs to be destroyed to cease the work on the Wormhole Project, thus saving the others and Moya in the process."
Another pause, then more squeaks, blips and hums.
~But my cannons are disabled.~
This would be the hard part. Explaining to Talyn the plan that would ultimately take their lives.
"And therein, Talyn, lies our problem...and salvation." He reached down, placing a comforting hand on the floor lights. "A Starburst, Talyn."
There was silence. Crais could feel Talyn panicking again, and Crais reached out to his side, touching one of the Peacekeeper-styled support pylons that surrounded the command center. Talyn felt strength and comfort flowing through not only the touch, but in Crais's emotions. He calmed down a bit, but was still fearful. He replied with a rapid succession of noises, the tones relaying his fear very clearly. One would not need a transponder to sense what the gunship felt.
~But...there's nowhere to go...we'll be...I don't want to die...~
Crais reached through the neural link with his emotions, comforting the young ship.
"I know, my dear Talyn. Neither do I. But all of this...it must end. We are their only hope. Moya's only hope at this point. She sits outside surrounded by Peacekeeper ships, waiting for the word to disable her and put a control collar back on her." He sighed softly, listening to Talyn's reply. It was another series of hasty, worried blips, but the voice of a scared child in his mind.
~I want Mother free...I don't want her captured again. She told me what it was like...no freedom, unable to Starburst, forced to serve...a slave. Peacekeepers...are not peaceful. This I have learned.~ Talyn relayed, afraid. No longer for himself, but for his mother and the friends that were her residents, her crew...her family. Crais smiled softly again, realizing in that instant that he had, in fact, raised Talyn very well.
"You know I will never force you to do this, Talyn. The choice is yours." He paused a moment, and opened his mind completely to Talyn. "For so long I have been telling you that you must listen to me, you must obey me, and in that I have failed you. The Peacekeeper ways in me are still too far ingrained in me, and while I wanted to help, I only tried to control. I am so sorry, Talyn..." Crais explained, suddenly feeling a welling of emotion flowing through him. His apology was not only to his mentioned failure, but to the deeper, darker secret that he and Talyn shared that Stark found out about. His eyes watered, a few drops dripping to the slowly pulsing lights on the floor. Talyn felt his regret and sadness and cried out softly, the sound echoing through his corridors and reverberating gently through his command center where Crais was knelt down. If he were humanoid like Crais, Talyn would have hugged him in an attempt to comfort. Instead the feelings of forgiveness would have to suffice. Crais sniffed and wiped his eyes dry, looking up and smiling softly as Talyn spoke to him, a more gentle series of noises surrounding the man.
~You are not at fault. We were both finding our way. We were both scared. I am...proud...to have you as my captain.~ Talyn offered, in effect forgiving Crais.
Crais stood, staring out at the screen in front of him. "And I, Talyn...was proud and honored to be your captain."
~I want to do this. Do something for the lives on the medical ship...~ Talyn said suddenly, his voice trailing away as he remembered the needless destruction of life that was caused by his own fear and paranoia at being caught and made into a slave.
"Then we shall do it. Are you ready, Talyn?" Crais asked, mentally reaching out, tentatively feeling the soul of his ship. He hoped Talyn would respond in kind. He had done this twice before, and the first time was shortly after he had connected with Talyn with the neural transponder. It was a far deeper level of connection that Crais had actually stumbled across, and the result left them both in shock and unconscious. Their souls were, since then, completely intertwined. Briefly Crais remembered the Siren Sun...when Stark had bonded with Talyn via the Pilot's Den temporarily. Stark had seen and felt the time of the initial soul connection as it was the most prominent; this was the secret that Crais had threatened Stark's life to keep silent.
Talyn reached back, and Crais closed his eyes in comforted relief, swaying slightly as he felt their soul connection go deeper than he had felt before. Crais mentally grasped at that, not wanting to let go. Not during this time. It was a comfort to both of them, knowing what was going to happen.
"Talyn, open a comm to the Command Carrier. Crichton is back with Scorpius. I have a few...words to say before we do this."
Talyn complied, a quick series of beeps indicating that the comm link was now wide open. Crais stood tall, his hands shifting and clasping in front of him as he began to speak.
"Scorpius. I am just making my final...goodbyes." He said, his voice filled with both satisfaction and slight regret.
"Where are you, Crais?" Came Scorpius' voice over the comm, apprehensive about what Crais was talking about. Crais clenched his teeth, wishing he had his hands around the bastard's neck. He felt the familiar comfort of Talyn's soul next to his, causing him to calm as he replied.
"I am standing in your heart...and I am about to squeeze." he growled out, feeling anticipation and adrenaline rushing through him. He heard Scorpius call for Braca to find the source of Crais's transmission and arrest Crais.
"Its coming from the Hybrid, in the...gamma hangar in level twelve."
Crais chuckled softly to himself. It didn't matter anymore. Talyn was already beginning to power up. And apparently Braca realized that.
"The...hybrid's powering up..." he said, slightly surprised.
"You are the most repellent of creatures, Scorpius," Crais interjected, continuing his little speech. These were the words he had longed to say for so long, and finally he had the nerve to say it. Frell did it feel good to do so. "You weren't born into Peacekeepers. You weren't...conscripted...against your will. You -chose- to be one."
"I want the bay doors sealed. All prowlers scrambled." Scorpius said over the comms, interrupting Crais. "That hybrid must NOT get away!"
"The hybrid is building to maximum power INSIDE the hangar," Braca stated, his sensors lighting up more and more as Talyn mustered more of his strength. "I don't think he's planning to escape..."
During this time, while Crais was busy with his send-off to Scorpius, Talyn very quietly put barriers into place and unlocked clamps around the command center. Even though their souls were intertwined at this moment, he still managed to keep this one thing from Crais. If he knew...no, Talyn couldn't allow that. Crais's voice continued over the comms.
"The last time I left this ship -MY ship- I did so under a veil of secrecy. YOU forced that situation. YOU took away MY command. You STOLE my life from me!" Crais snarled out, glaring at the viewscreen in the command center. Crais took a breath for a moment, raising his hands to the level of his waist, guesturing slightly with them as he spoke again.
"Well, this time Scorpius...I'm not leaving quietly." He finished, his voice dropping to a quiet, calm and deadly demeanor. Crais's voice had the correct effect on Scorpius. Fear was instilled in the half Scarren, half Sebacean.
"Somebody FIND that fool, and get him out of that ship!"
It was already too late. Talyn reached full power and employed his thrusters, lifting up. He shifted his Starburst igniters as the tips began to glow near his back end, letting them nearly touch with the Starburst Generator. He was ready. If this saved everyone he cared for, he was ready. But timing..timing HAD to be perfect.
"SOMEBODY GET THAT TRAITOR OFF THAT SHIP!" Scorpius yelled, finding himself staring at Crichton through the glass of the hangar bay where he had come back from the wormhole expedition. Crichton looked at him with a frighteningly deadpan stare.
"I suggest you hang onto something." warned Crichton. His voice displayed no joke, no snarkiness...just pure, dark seriousness. Scorpius realized in that instant what was going to happen. He felt the rumbling as Talyn began to redirect power to the tips of the Starburst igniters and Generator. His face filled with fear as he turned around.
"Talyn." Crais spoke with a softness, a kindness, and a finality. Talyn responded, a gentle chorus of sounds and blips eminating from all around.
~...I'm ready.~
There was a moment of hesitation as Crais buried his soul with Talyn, afraid to let go. But he knew it had to be done. He felt his heart breaking as he spoke the final command he would ever speak to his ship...a ship that had become more than just a ship. A friend, a home, a companion. His heart hurt horribly.
"...Starburst."
Talyn complied, feeling the pain through their close connection. He was consumed by a brief moment of his own panic as he released the energy, sparks flying between the igniters and the Generator. It was Crais's presence that calmed Talyn enough to go through this and keep his mind clear enough for what he had to do. The power surged through him like lightning through a metal rod. Because of his smaller size, Starburst took only mere microts whereas with his mother it took a bit longer. Talyn would only have less than a microt to deploy his final act.
As the final wave of power rushed across his hull, he opened a hatch beneath the command center and released the final clamps. The floor shook beneath Crais, causing him to lose balance. He noticed the vid screen go black and a sudden jolt that made his stomach fly to Talyn's ceiling caused a considerable amount of alarm within Crais. He fell to the ground, smacking his head against a console, causing a deep gash in his head. Blood instantly dripped, coloring the now-detached command center's floor with a deep red. Crais pressed a hand to his head, feeling sick to his stomach. Deep down, he knew exactly what Talyn was doing.
"Talyn! What are you doing!? What have you done!?"
The vid screen came back on and Crais realized he was staring at the amazing gold glow from underneath Talyn as his Starburst ripped a hole in space in front of the gunship. The view confirmed what he felt from Talyn in that instant. He was sinking...towards the floor of the hangar bay while Talyn continued the Starburst.
"TALYN! NO!"
~You have to live, Crais!~ Talyn's voice surged through his heart, mind and soul. He felt a mix of sadness and relief wash over him from Talyn, but Crais screamed out in anger and hurt, feeling betrayed. It took only another half microt before Talyn burst through and crashed into the side of Command Carrier, ripping the gunship's form to shreds. Because their connection included their souls, Crais felt Talyn die. It hurt. Oh by god did it hurt more than anything he had ever felt. He curled up on the floor of Talyn's detatched command center, the pain causing him to go into convulsions as tears and blood stained the now-dark floor. He didn't care anymore if anyone found him. After a few moments, Crais blacked out from the pain. His mind and soul couldn't handle the sudden shock from the loss of Talyn.
Crais awoke several arns later in Moya's medbay, completely alone. He coughed and groaned, rolling over onto his side. His head had been patched up, but he had one hell of a headache. His once slicked-back and binded hair was messy, tendrils of gently curled hair framing his sweat-beaded face. The hairbind at the back of his head was loose, but still mainly intact. A few strands of hair poked out here and there. He looked like a mess. He wore a white, loose tanktop that served as an undershirt, his leather coat sitting some distance away in a chair. Stains of blood covered one side of the shirt, the result of his gash. He still wore his black pants and leather boots. He realized with a start that he was onboard Moya. The unmistakable browns, golds and rose golds of Moya's interior was almost haunting to him now. He instinctively reached to the back of his neck; the neural transponder was still there, but dead. It was purely silent. Pain overtook him again, but it wasn't physical. It felt like his heart was ripped from his chest and thrown in acid, then put back in and ripped out again. He curled up, tears threatening him as he struggled with the knowledge that Talyn had left him behind...had somehow managed to save him from the Starburst. Talyn...Talyn was gone.
About twenty microns later Crais slowly wandered to Moya's command center, a grey blanket wrapped around him tightly. His eyes were red and puffy from the tears earlier. The powerful and controlled Bialar Crais had been reduced to an emotionally ripped apart man. He found Aeryn and Crichton there, and looked away from them, stepping up to one of Moya's consoles. He didn't do anything, just stared out at the vast expanse beyond the screen. A tiny gold nebula floated in the far off distance, slightly bigger than the stars that surrounded it. Crais didn't pay much mind to it; his mind was elsewhere.
"Crais?"
It was Aeryn. She had tentatively stood up and took a few steps towards him. She fiddled with one of her fingers as she hesitated to speak. To Aeryn, Crais looked absolutely horrible. He looked at her silently, waiting for her to continue.
"Talyn...Moya insisted on taking him to their sacred graveyard...We're headed there now." Aeryn said softly. She watched Crais for a moment, who was taking in the fact that Talyn was on board. He nearly turned and ran to the cargo bay, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to see what little remained of the beautiful gunship. Crais only nodded once, allowing Aeryn to pass. Crichton didn't say anything; he just seemed content to stare off into space. After a moment, Crais decided he needed to see Talyn one last time.
It was painful all over again. Talyn's remains had been carefully laid out on the floor of Moya's cargo hold. Aeryn, D'Argo, Jool and Chiana stood off to one side, their discussion falling quiet as Crais came in and began to wander the floor, tentatively reaching out and touching charred remains. He didn't fight the tears that fell, though he remained silent and kept what little composure he could in front of the others. The others just watched him, not even beginning to comprehend the amount of pain Crais was in. He walked up to Talyn's nose section...somehow that section was still intact, but badly damaged. He reached up, placing a hand on the charred hull. After a moment he collapsed to his knees, his hand slipping from the once beautiful red and black metal.
"Why, Talyn...? Why did you leave me behind? I swore to be with you until the end and you LEFT me!" Crais's voice rose suddenly at the end, startling the other occupants. They all looked at each other with sadness, each not wanting to say anything, but seeing the same thing in each other's eyes. Crais struggled to gain a grasp on his emotions and pain, and let out a staggered sigh. He was angry at Talyn for leaving him alone, leaving him behind to deal with this indescribable pain. Is this what it felt like to love someone? To need someone? To feel painfully empty when they were no longer there? He knew he cared for Talyn and would have done anything to protect him but he wasn't prepared for this level of pain.
"We have entered the Leviathan Sacred Burial Grounds. Everyone is requested in Command." Pilot's solemn voice came over the comms. Crais looked up, his eyes resting on the red and black hull of his beloved ship, Moya's son. Her son...instantly a wave of guilt and remorse washed over him as he stood, following the others at a small distance behind as they went back up to Moya's command center.
When he entered the command center, he felt all eyes turn to him. Everyone knew he was in pain. It was not the result any of them expected, Talyn ejecting Crais to save him. He swallowed and stepped forward, between the others, pulling the blanket closer around him. Pilot's voice came over the comms as Crais clasped his hands in front of him, staring out at the golden expanse of dust just outside. In that dust, Leviathan remains sprinkled the screen, creating an aura of silence and reverence.
"Moya...wishes to thank all of you for being here. It's a painful time for her, as I am sure it is for the rest of you..." Pilot's voice faded for a moment as a shudder ran through Moya's frame. She had opened her cargo bay and released Talyn's remains. She flew gently around to give the crew a view of what remained of her beloved offspring. Crais knew he would be expected to say something, but he had no idea what to say. Tears were flowing freely from the women's eyes, John and D'Argo were fighting it, and Rygel was descreetly wiping his eyes, pretending there was something in them. On the vidscreen, Pilot looked visibly pained as well.
It was Aeryn who spoke the first words.
"When I first saw Talyn after I boarded him, I couldn't help but be absolutely amazed at how beautiful he was," Aeryn said, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Even though he was part Peacekeeper technology, he was Moya's baby, and she had given birth to a beautiful baby." She sniffed, trying to fight back the tears. "Moya wanted me to talk to him...and it was a great honor to do so. I was the first to speak with him, to calm him...and it was the most amazing feeling in the world to do that. But there was another who received a greater honor than I." Aeryn said, glancing over at Crais. She didn't know if Crais was ready, so she paused, bit her lip, and continued.
"Talyn...had been scared of being caught by the Peacekeepers. He only wanted to be free. Today...he brought meaning to the word freedom. He fought for it. He died free." She paused a moment, turning to Crais a bit. "With Crais, he was free. He freed us...and his mother...from certain capture and eventual enslavement." Aeryn reached up and covered her mouth, the tears becoming too much as she turned to John and buried her face against his shoulder. Aeryn felt in-part like Talyn's mother, because of her being the first on board him, and being able to help calm and direct him as well as she had been able to. She cared for him like he was her own son.
"He was a free spirit..." Crais said quietly. He stared at the screen, fighting back the waves of tears that threatened to overtake him. He swallowed his pride, preparing to speak again.
It was a pure white mist that swirled around the room that caught them all off guard. The mist coalesed into a strange being that reminded John of an ancient Roman or Greek god, the same one that had nearly decommissioned Moya previously. No one knew about that instance, though, and as such, didn't know of this being.
"Do not despair, crew of Moya. Talyn...has been accepted to the Burial Grounds. He has honored the peaceful ways of the Leviathans with his last act. Here he will remain, and will remain safe." The being spoke, his words sounding light and gentle. Crais backed away and stared at the floor. The being noticed Crais and called to him.
"Bialar Crais. Captain and Soulbond to Talyn. Step forward." He said, raising a hand outward, beckoning the distraught captain forward. All the color drained from Crais's face and he swallowed nervously. Aeryn and the others stared at Crais like his head was on fire. Chiana glanced up at Aeryn with a curious look.
"Soulbond? What the frell is a Soulbond?" She asked, her voice quiet but squeaky. Aeryn shook her head in disbelief. Crais growled softly, clenching his teeth. He hadn't foreseen anyone knowing about this. No one was supposed to know.
"I don't know, Chiana...I have no idea what a Soulbond means in this case." Aeryn whispered back, watching Crais take a few tentative steps forward.
"Who are you? How-" Crais started, wanting to know who the frak this being was and how the frell he knew about the Soulbond with Talyn. The being held his hand up, silencing Crais.
"Moya...wishes to speak to you." the being said, raising his hands as a soft sound whispered through the command center. After a second, a voice sang through the walls, a female voice. The sound dropped Crais to his knees.
"Crais...you took...care...of Talyn. Thankyou." Moya spoke slowly, her voice sounding more like several layers of a female's voice, and in an almost singsong tone. Crais nearly crumpled to the floor at her words.
"No, Moya. I am sorry. Had I not stolen him from you, had I not needed to fill my own ambitions...he would be here now. We would never have gotten to this point." He said, his eyes filled with tears as he glanced up at the ceiling. He was truly sorry, anguish rushing through him. "I took him too early, Moya. For that...I-"
"Crais...do not fear...Talyn...was happy. Those were...his last words...to me..." There was a short pause, and the being in front of them nodded. Moya spoke again.
"A part...of my son's soul...resides in you, Crais. Talyn lives...in you..." she said softly. Aeryn covered her mouth again as tears began to fall once more. Chiana just stood there, wet lines gravitating down her face. Jool wiped her eyes while D'Argo and Crichton's eyes watered up. And for once, Rygel was silent. Even he knew when to be silent at a burial.
"You carry...my son with you...therefore you...are my son as well." Moya spoke, bestowing a tremendous gift upon Crais. It was Moya's way of forgiving Crais for taking him so early on in his life. He had protected him, saved him, took care of him, and did everything he could to make sure that Talyn was always out of the grasp of the Peacekeepers. Crais's eyes filled with tears as he looked around the room, as if trying to find an ethreal form of Moya somewhere.
"Moya, I...don't deserve..." He was at a loss for words. Moya interrupted one last time.
"Thankyou, Crais...thankyou...all of you...for protecting Talyn."
Moya's voice faded out as she lost the ability to communicate again, the last reminants of her given voice echoing softly through her frame, almost like a soft song. The being smiled gently and then extended a hand to the group.
"Moya is grateful to all of you. We Builders see how you fight to protect freedom and honor. You fight for the freedom and safety of the Leviathans. Your weapons are used to protect, and we are pleased with this outcome." There was a pause as the being looked around, a gentle smile forming on his face. "Moya will retain her ability to produce gunships, but only if they are male. Females will not retain weapons. And if she does produce a male again, he must be raised by all of you. Never allow one to enter the hands of evil, and teach them the ways of peace."
Everyone stared in shock at this, a soft rumble rolling through Moya's frame at the news. It made her happy knowing she would be able to continue to have young, even if any future male offspring would be gunships. She would love them unconditionally, just as she had Talyn.
"On Talyn's honor...I will never let anyone use any of Moya's children for mindless killing..." Crais spoke softly, lowering his head. His voice cracked twice as he struggled internally, his voice hoarse from the entire ordeal. He was still on his knees; he didn't feel like getting up just yet.
The being nodded in approval, then faded to a column of mist and drifted away, leaving Crais feeling even more exposed than before. He might as well have been completely naked in front of the entire Moya crew, scars and everything showing. Now everyone knew just how close he and Talyn were. Their secret was exposed. Chiana decided to ask him directly this time.
"So...what's a Soulbond?" She asked, tilting her head, her shoulders twitching as curiosity overtook the smaller grey woman. D'Argo growled at Chiana, feeling like now was a bad time. Crais waved his hand a bit, slowly standing up.
"No, D'Argo, it's alright." He sighed, his voice sounding resigned. What the frell, everyone knew about it now. Might as well explain it. Damn frelling being, giving away his and Talyn's secret like it wasn't a problem. He stood slowly, regaining what composure he had left. "Right after I joined with Talyn with the neural transponder, I was exploring the link, seeing how far I could go, how much control I had. I had no idea what a Soulbond was, much less that it would happen. I stumbled across it by accident, and it shocked both Talyn and myself like an electrical current. Ever since then...things have been different. It became basically a deeper form of communication than just the neural link. We can sense more, do more, be more." He paused, looking down. "Rather, we used to do those things..." He added quietly. He clenched his fists, not finishing the rest of the description. There was one other thing, and it was something that he believed contributed to the reason why Talyn became so aggressive. He glanced down, praying that no one knew anything about Soulbonding. Behind him, Pilot was staring at Crais through the viewscreen with his mouth and eyes wide open in pure and total shock. Aeryn noticed this.
"Pilot...? What's wrong?"
"Crais...? Soulbonded? To Talyn?" Pilot finally asked incredulously, trying to understand everything he was hearing. Crais, turned to look at Pilot in the viewer, his eyes silently pleading with Pilot to not say anything else. He had forgotten that Pilot had been there, and had heard the whole thing. "What is more disturbing is Moya knew about this...but said nothing!" Everyone in the room looked around in more shock. There was no sound from Moya at first. Then a soft humming noise enveloped them. Pilot shook his head. "Moya knew when Talyn asked questions about it. She says she was extremely upset, but knew that attempting to remove you, Crais, would only prove to slowly kill Talyn." Pilot finished, anger in his normally calm and cheerful voice.
"I have never..." Pilot continued, shaking his head as if trying to wake himself from a nightmare. "Crais, do you realize what exactly you did to Talyn?" Pilot demanded of Crais, wondering if the man actually KNEW. Crais's face clouded over with fear, embarrassment and anger.
"Yes, Pilot, I KNOW what happened. It was NOT intentional!" He blurted out, his heart racing. Everyone behind him looked at each other, and then at Pilot's screen. Aeryn was the first to speak.
"Pilot, what-"
Crais whirled, pointing a finger at her, his blanket falling off of one shoulder. Fear showed plainly on his face.
"Do NOT ask that question." He stated, his voice dropping to the same dark tone that he had used on Scorpius just before he instructed Talyn to Starburst. Aeryn glared at Crais, shifting her stance slightly, as if saying, 'Bring it on, you got nothing left to lose.'
"Pilot. What exactly happens during a Soulbond?" She asked, slowly and purposefully, driving home each. and every. single. word of the question straight into Crais's being. She stared Crais right in the eyes, not backing down. She could see the anger rising in Crais, his face turning red and heated.
"A Soulbond...Once a Leviathan finds a mate, many times they will bond beyond neural connections that are normally created during mating...and create...a Soulbond," Pilot said, earning stares of disbelief at Crais. But Pilot wasn't finished. "A Soulbond...strips away a Leviathan's ability to find another mate...ever...even if one of them dies." Pilot tilted his head.
"The Hand of Friendship that Talyn gave to Crais must have opened up the conduit that allowed this to happen, and unknowingly, it seems." he added, his voice cleary indicating he didn't believe Crais's explaination that it was an accident.
Crais's jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. He turned his head to stare at the wall in front of him, his blood running cold. He hadn't realized what was happening that first time. All he knew was one minute he was exploring all the systems that the neural Transponder connected him to, and the next thing he felt was a wave of calm and peace. He sensed Talyn so much closer than before, and for a moment, it felt like a warm blanket wrapped around him. He wondered if Talyn felt this, and he both heard the reply in his mind and the comforted, happy blips through the consoles in the command center. He thought it was another effect of the Transponder, that it was still aligning their mental and neural signals. But after just a few microts, both him and Talyn were struck by severe electrical impulses, knocking them both unconscious and left to drift for a short time. Talyn was just a few solar days old when this happened.
Chiana tilted her head, twitching at the confusion.
"Wait a sec. So you mean Talyn and Crais were m-mmmff...!" Chiana started, and immediately had Crichton's hands over her mouth.
"Shut up, Chiana."
Chiana struggled and whined from behind Crichton's hands. She tried licking his hands, but all that got was John whining in complaint, but for Crais's sake, he kept his hands there. If Chiana spoke the last word to her question, no doubt someone would be wrapping their hands around Crais's neck. John leaned down and whispered to Chiana.
"Not. Another. Word. Chiana. D'Argo here looks like he's about to rip Crais apart, and I don't think Moya would appreciate blood all over her command floor, no matter how much I'd love to do it myself. Not to mention Talyn is still out there. Visible. It would be disrespectful. " He growled out, keeping his voice low. Honestly, he had no idea what Moya wanted. But with Talyn's remains visible from the main viewscreen, he really didn't think that they needed to disrespect Talyn with more anger and violence. Chiana grumbled and whined and finally sagged, agreeing to not finish her question.
Crais quietly took a shuddering, deep breath. He was prepared to face whatever the others had to throw at him. Yelling, screaming, even pain.
He knew after a couple times of Talyn disobeying and lashing out at him. It was the third time that Talyn had forced a bleedback on Crais that he finally got answers out of Talyn, even if it was through an argument that ended in severe pain for Crais. He found out that Talyn had been talking to Moya the last time they visited, about 30 solar days prior to the third bleedback, about a cycle after Talyn had been born. Moya had mentioned to Talyn what to expect when he would reach certain points in his development, considering new sections within Talyn were already being formed. Moya made the offhand remark about eventually finding a mate and very likely Soulbonding. Talyn, confused, asked a few other questions about it, attempting to not reveal his concerns. When Moya finally said it would link Talyn with his mate permanently, Talyn began to withdraw and grew upset, but hid it very well. What Talyn didn't know was that Moya had a pretty damn good guess as to what happened; while it made her angry, she had no choice. Talyn was well taken care of by Crais, and Crais was doing his best to teach Talyn about peace and to use his weapons for a last resort only. It was these reasons that eventually calmed Moya. To protect her son, she had to protect Crais now...which lead to her decision of secluding this information from Pilot.
During that third lashout, Crais hadn't even done anything to provoke the Leviathan other than make a suggestion about where to go, not that he had ever provoked Talyn to begin with. It always started as disagreements in actions. The argument that ensued once Talyn revealed why he was so angry brought forth emotions of shock, regret, pain and sorrow. Talyn felt betrayed, but Crais kept insisting he had no idea what had happened and that he would have never allowed it to happen had he known what was going on. Both were a victim of an accident, but Talyn was too upset to listen, causing severe damage to Crais, who eventually passed out from the torture.
Afterwards, Talyn had withdrawn from Crais as much as possible, only allowing him basic control of navigation and sensors for the longest time. That time was quite possibly the most painful part...and he knew it hurt for not only himself, but for Talyn, too, as the gunship's power levels began to lower and he began to weaken to the point of not even being able to do a Starburst. It scared Crais, and it didn't take him long to realize just what was going on, but it took considerably more time to convince Talyn to not kill himself over this. Ironically, it took using their Soulbond to keep Talyn from doing just that, and to bring him out of his depression. The reason Talyn kept lashing out...was that he felt that Crais had stolen his ability to ever find a mate and to keep him perpetually alone with Crais for as long as the Leviathan lived. A form of hatred had been planted within Talyn, but together over another cycle they began to work more together. It was hard for both of them. Talyn still lashed out at times. He became more unstable. He felt chased at every turn. Even with Crais there, no matter how close...his anger fueled the paranoia of being caught and enslaved..and a deeper fear of having Crais taken, which would likely result in Talyn's death.
When Stark had become temporarily bonded to Talyn in the Pilot's Den, Talyn bombarded him with so much information at the time. He saw...oh he saaaawwww...the pain and anguish that Talyn had been through. Stark saw the hatred. Stark begged to know why, and Talyn showed. Talyn shared the feelings of betrayal, the hurt and the paranoia that sprung from the fear of being caught and controlled. It all became clear to Stark, but there was nothing Stark could do for Talyn. A Soulbond was unbreakable except, usually, by death of BOTH participants. Stark later told Crais that he knew...oh how he knew. He would always know.
That thought back then bothered Crais more than he realized, and the feeling backlashed into Talyn, which fueled more of his paranoia, leading to the destruction of the med ship.
Crais did his best to ignore Chiana, but she was right. He knew what her last word was, and in effect, with everything Pilot said, she was correct. And THAT thought...he didn't know what to even think of that. His jaw trembled with many mixed feelings. He continued to stare at the wall as he finally spoke.
"Well then. I guess this is one problem...you don't need to find a solution for." He said coldly, lashing out at the others, hiding the immense amount of pain he felt within. He turned, walking around the group and towards the door. "I need to rest." he said flatly, walking through the large command door and heading for a secluded space where he could grieve in peace.
It was a non-negotiable statement, leaving the others stunned and shocked at what they had just learned.
Crais' blanket fell to the floor, forgotten.
Crais found himself on the observation deck. In front of and below them, the golden mist held Talyn's remains in a gentle hold, keeping him safe and sound in the Sacred Burial Grounds. He sat down in the middle of the deck, just staring at what remained of Talyn. He prayed no one would come looking for him. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially after he felt like he had been ripped open and all his and Talyn's secrets revealed. He reached up, wiping his face with a hand. His fingers brushed the bandage that covered the cut on his forehead, sending a shock of pain through him. A sudden well of anger rushed through him and he grabbed the bandage and yelled, ripping it off and throwing it a few feet away. Blood began to trickle slowly down his face, the pain in his forehead throbbing. He didn't care. He deserved it. He eventually rested his hand across his mouth and chin as he found himself thinking, anger still clouding his face.
A mate...
Crais scoffed sadly and shook his head burying his face with both hands now, smearing the blood across one side of his face. He had never thought of it that way at all. He had never considered that. It was physically impossible in every way, shape and form. What he and Talyn had was more of...well, it was an emotional connection. There were good times and bad, and he felt himself more of a mentor, friend, caretaker and captain rather than...The idea was far too strange to him, yet he still found Chiana to be right in a strange, perverse way.
"Talyn...Moya...I am so sorry. I swear to you...to BOTH of you...I never meant that to happen. I never wanted to steal Talyn's chances of finding a mate, of knowing what love was, of having children of his own." He talked softly, not even sure if Moya could hear him. He knew Talyn couldn't...
Talyn...
He stared at the remains, feeling as if there were still more to come. Like something else was going to happen. He reached up, feeling the transponder still buried deep in his neck. Maybe it was just phantom pain of Talyn's presence missing.
"I suppose it's time to have this removed..." he said to himself quietly. He lowered his hand and watched the endless gold sea of death in front of him for a few minutes before finally breaking down, able to grieve without someone else there.
Unbeknownst to him, Moya watched him through a DRD back at the door to the Observation Deck. Watching him wracked with tears, Moya realized something. He had told the truth about the Soulbond being an accident. But beyond that, the most important part was that he had truly cared for her son. Those two points brought her peace, and she relayed this to her Pilot, who also calmed at Moya's peace.