Disclaimer-Me no own, you no sue, Me stop speaking broken English
WARNING-This fic contains homosexual pairings, odd pairings, deaths, and mentions of terrorists. If any of this bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.
The Day Every Passions Character Was Horribly OOC
The Wallace family was sitting at the table eating breakfast.
"Why, what an extremely lovely morning it is, my dearest mother!" Beth said. "Would you like sugar for your tea?"
"Yes, of course, my precious, darling, sweet daughter who is prettier than any blonde in the world!"
Just then, Charlie entered the room through the side door. She was dressed in a pink mini-skirt and matching blouse and jacket. Her hair was dyed blonde and she had blue contacts. A swarm of men were crowding behind her.
"I just wanted to tell you, Beth, that I hate your guts. Now, I'm off to see Legally Blonde II!"
She turned and walked away.
"But, Charlie, whatever shall I do without you?" Beth shouted.
"You look very pretty today, Charlie!" Mrs. Wallace called out the door.
"The name's Charlene!" Charlie yelled back.
Sheridan was on her black Harley, dressed in a black leather halter-top and matching skirt, with boots reaching to her mid-calf, and dark shades. She drove heedlessly down the road until she ran over Luis.
"Uh…oops!" she said sarcastically.
"Sheridan, honey, you look so pretty today!" Charlie called from where she was sitting on one of those fancy couches Egyptian queens sat on, while being fed grapes by her boyfriends.
"Whatever!" Sheridan called, then stepped on the accelerator to terrorize the little people of downtown Harmony.
Whitney was beating a microphone stand with her tennis racket. "THIS." WHACK. "IS." WHACK. "WHAT." WHACK. "I." WHACK "THINK." WHACK. "OF." WHACK. "CHAD." WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK. WHACK.
Downstairs, Chad was trying to get Simone to kiss him, but she wouldn't even look at him.
"Oh, come on, Simone!" T.C. yelled. "One of you girls have to marry this fine, upstanding man!"
Eve and Liz walked in with their arms slung over each other's shoulders. "We're going to a Karaoke Bar to sing and drink!" they said simultaneously.
"Yeah, whatever," T.C. said. "Come on, Simone, give Chad a kiss!"
Pilar was throwing every item that had anything to do with the church or her family into a box. "Here's the candles, and the pictures, and the crosses…HAHAHAHA I HAVE TURNED ATHEIST!!"
Grace walked in. "I have, too! AND I'VE BECOME A SERIAL KILLER!!!!"
Kay suddenly appeared. "I have given up Miguel to pursue a life as a nun and rid the world of evil! But not my loving mother!"
"Ah, shut up!" Grace attacked Kay with a knife while Pilar sat and laughed demonically.
Ethan stood on top of the mansion in his briefs. "ALL HAIL ME, FOR I AM GAY!!!!"
Theresa snuck up behind him and pushed him off the mansion. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Julian got up behind her and draped his arm around her shoulder. "Ready to go, Honey Bunches?"
"Oh, yes, Sugar Britches. I fostered out the baby to some very suspicious-looking international terrorists…But I'm sure they'll take care of him!"
"Well, I never really cared, so it's all good!"
On the ground, near the flattened body of Ethan, Beth was crying in Gwen's arms. "Charlie left me!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bethie! She didn't deserve you!"
"Oh, Gwennie!"
"Oh, Bethie!"
The two started to kiss passionately. They continued to kiss passionately until Sheridan ran them over with her Harley.
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"
On the other side of Ethan, Fox was holding his half-brother's hand and sobbing.
"NO! MY HANDSOME, TALENTED BROTHER IS DEAD! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!"
Charity was busy dying her hair black when Miguel snuck up behind her.
"Hey, ugly."
Charity turned around and kicked Miguel where no man should be kicked.
"How's my beautiful cousin today?" Kay asked, walking up next to her. She was strangely covered in blood stains.
"KISS MY BUTT!!!!!!!!"
Charity put on a black collar and hopped in her black convertible, and proceeded to drive off…and run over Jessica.
"THE RIPPER STRIKES AGAIN!!!!!!!"
Charity continued to drive and run over Hank and other various people.
Sam was getting beat up by Grace and Ivy on the Bennet living room.
"We want you to DIE!!" Ivy ran into him with her wheelchair while Grace went after him with her knife.
David walked in to see Sam getting killed. "NO!! I MUST SAVE MY TRUE LOVE!!"
He threw himself down on top of Sam, which only served to get himself killed as well.
"Now that that's finished." Grace dropped her knife and turned to Ivy. "Wanna make out?"
"Sure, Hot Stuff!"
Fox walked into the living room, sobbing. "Oh, Mommy! Ethan is dead!"
"Oh, don't worry about that stuffy egghead, honeykins! Guess what! You're going to have two mommies once I find a state that allows it!"
"YAY! I'M GETTING ANOTHER MOMMY!!!"
WE INTERRUPT THIS FIC FOR A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN
A young man known as Reese Durkee was seen burning Harmony Community College. He was dressed in black baggy pants with safety pins on it, a Linkin Park T-shirt decorated with Spongebob Squarepants buttons. His hair was black and spiky, and he was last seen in a black convertible with a girl whose hair was half-blonde and half-back, who is wanted for the murder of Jessica and Hank Bennet and a bunch of other unimportant people. If you locate this couple, whoop-de-doo, nobody cares. Thank you.
Alistair and Tabitha skipped around Harmony in hippie clothing, spreading flowers all over the ground and grinning.
"We're giving up lives of torturing for lives of peace and happiness!" they said, skipping arm-in-arm.
And so they went on their merry way before Reese and Charity ran them over.
Julian and Theresa stood in front of a shrouded figure.
"Stay away, Theresa. Julian is mine and mine alone!"
Theresa clutched Julian's arm tighter. "I'm staying with my Sugar Britches!"
The shrouded figure pulled out a gun and shot Theresa. "Now, I can join my one true love for a lifetime of happiness!"
Antonio stepped out.
"Antonio?"
Antonio pulled down a zipper.
"Tom??"
Tom pulled down a zipper.
"The ghost of Luis???"
The ghost of Luis pulled down a zipper.
"T.C.????"
"Yes, Julian, I have loved you from afar for so many years!"
"And I have suffered from unrequited love for too long!"
And so, T.C. and Julian were united, and were later found in a hot tub together, drinking Virgin Daquiris.
Me: That's the End!
John: -_- I didn't show up at all.
Me: Well, of course not! I couldn't do anything bad to my love monkey!
John: O_O;;;;;;;;;;;
Me: Well, I would like to make several apologies for this fic. First of all, I'd like to apologize to all homosexuals, atheists, and fans of various couple who were torn apart, and fans of various characters who were shot/run over/pushed off a building, if members of these groups were offended, which I didn't want them to be. I would NOT like to apologize to Passions because the series would be a lot funnier if I wrote the script late at night after reading Ridding The World Of Stupid Stuff. All of this was in the name of humor!
John: No, all of this was in the name of a scary little girl who was on a powdered cheese and soda high.
Me: ………Oh, wait!
John: There's MORE?!
Me: I didn't do anything to Rebecca yet!
John: Heavenly Father, please deliver me from this nightmare…
Me: *Summons Rebecca*
Rebecca: *In Nun's habit* I am now a Bride of Christ!
Me: ………That's not really funny…
Grace: *Appears. Sees Rebecca* DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Attacks Rebecca with her knife*
Me: Heehee, that's funny! Well, my powdered cheese and soda high is gone, so you know what that means!
John: THAT THE WORLD HAS HOPE???!!!!
Me: No! It means REVIEW!!
PS Please don't flame me. I know that this fic has problems but it's supposed to. Check the title and the genre. Flames get Mr. Bigglesworth upset. *Gets Buttosai eyes from Rurouni Kenshin* And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset…PEOPLE DIE!!!!!
John: J-chan! You did it again!
Me: Uh…well, review and don't flame.