Piper nodded. "Somethin' like that I don't think the city can take much more of this the sewers'll give out if it doesn't stop soon."
I pressed my hand against the cold windowpane, idly watching streams of rainwater trickle down the glass outside. I'd always loved the rain, and especially the big thunderstorms, so the recent downpours hadn't bothered me much.
"Say, Shady Lady, wasn't tonight your and Race's anniversary, or something?" Flame called over to me.
Or something. I grinned. Flame knew perfectly well that it was our 2-month anniversary-she was always the one to remember things like that, and rarely forgot anything. "Yuh huh. We were planning on heading over to Little Italy for dinner doesn't look like it's gonna happen, though."
As if to punctuate my response, the front door could be heard slamming downstairs, followed by footsteps and the creak of stairs. A couple moments later, Race walked through the door, soaked from head to foot and dripping water everywhere.
He wrung out his shirt, and asked moodily, "Could it get any wetter? Jeezes"
I strolled over and gave him an appraising glance. "Love the 'drowned rat' look, Race. You're stylin'."
"Aren't I always?" He kissed me, and included an exceptionally soggy hug. "Look, doll, I dunno what you're thinking about tonight, but I'm not exceptionally keen on making the trek to LI in this kind of weather"
"Yeah, I know. Don't sweat it we can find something else to do, I s'pose-like building an ark."
Just then an extremely bright flash of lightning lit up the room, coming out of nowhere. It was immediately followed by a giant thunderclap, which caught us all off guard. I jumped, Race yelled, Apple screeched, Cheeky clutched on to whoever was unfortunate enough to be standing next to her, and chaos reigned for about ten seconds.
Once everyone had calmed down, Cats wandered over to look out the window. "Looks like it's going to get even stormier but anybody still up for Friday night poker at the boys'?"
There was bit of rumination over this prospect, and then Flame said, "Yeah let's make a run for it, girls. We'll go stir crazy if we stay here all night it's only six."
Reluctantly, everyone (excluding Race and I) agreed to make the run in the rain, filing out the door. Flame gave me a wink as she passed.
"Be good, kiddies," Owl called over her shoulder. We heard the slam of the door and a few whoops as everyone got hit with the cold rain, and then we were alone.
"So, what do you-" Race was cut off by another loud crash of thunder.
I jumped, again, and once my ears had stopped ringing, stated, "Come on let's find some candles and stuff real fast I've got a hunch these newfangled electric lights aren't going to last if it keeps lightning so badly."
"You know where to find 'em?"
"Uh, I think Flame mentioned something about an attic" We walked out to the hall, looked around for a minute, and Race finally noticed a cord dangling a short ways from the ceiling. I stood up on my tiptoes and made a grab for it, pulled, and a flight of primitive wooden steps magically folded down.
"Guess this is it," said Race, and I followed him up the stairs. The lodging house's attic was a big one, as far as attics go, cluttered with unwanted junk and furniture from years past. I glanced around, and saw a big, wrought iron candelabrum (complete with half-melted candles) sitting on an old dresser. I walked over to it, and noticed a pack of matches resting beside it. I picked them up, and then-
Boom.
More lightning, more thunder no more power. The yellowed light bulb overhead flickered and died, leaving the room all but pitch black.
"Greeeat." Race's voice came from my left. I fumbled with the matches in my hand, and (after a bit of maneuvering and several mild burns) managed to light the candelabrum. It didn't give off a whole lot of light, but it was good enough.
"Damn lights," I sighed, plunking down on a dusty velvet couch. Race tripped his way over and sat down next to me.
"Some anniversary, hmm? I'm sorry, Shady you know I wanted to go to Little Italy and all that"
"It's all right it's not like we knew the weather was gonna be so wretched"
There was a single window in the attic, and it let in a few weak streams of soft gray light. I turned my head to glance out of it, and abruptly felt my hair being brushed to one side and something cool and metallic slide around my neck. I turned to a cracked mirror that was propped up nearby to see what it was, and discovered that it was a small, silver chain-link necklace.
I turned back to Race and was greeted with a mildly anxious look. "D'you like it?"
"Of course I do! It's beautiful, Race." It was. It just my style, too-simple and silver, without any bells or whistles.
He grinned in relief. "Thought you'd like it."
I leaned over (not that I had far to lean) and kissed him. He returned the embrace with enthusiasm, and pulled me onto his lap without breaking the kiss. My tongue explored the interiors of his mouth, and his did likewise. As this progressed, his kisses became more insistent, and then he lightly brushed his fingertips against the buttons of my shirt in an unspoken query.
I drew a few inches away to look him in the eye, hesitating slightly. "Race"
He withdrew his hand from my shirt. "Shady if you don't want to-"
"-no. I do really." I couldn't be sure, but it seemed to me that not many other guys would've asked-well, kind of asked...
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Well, then" Race pulled me to my feet and pulled me over to an iron-framed double bed resting in one of the corners of the attic, briefly detouring to pull up the steps leading downstairs. As he scooped me up and deposited me on the bed, I couldn't help noticing that the covers and such seemed newer than everything else in the attic, and that the bed was neatly made-as if others before Race and I had had the same idea.
He wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling my neck. I instructed my fingers to stop trembling as I undid the buttons on his shirt, but they didn't obey me. Nervous hands or no, eventually I freed him of the cumbersome shirt, and tilted my head up to plant kisses along his jawline.
In turn, I felt my shirt getting looser as the small buttons running down the front of it were carefully, unhurriedly undone. Then it slid from my shoulders and to the floor, cool air on my bare skin making me shiver.
Race breathed gently on me in an attempt to warm me up-I couldn't stop a smile, for that just made me shiver more. I lightly trailed my fingertips down his spine as he further freed me of my clothes. Not to be outdone, I loosed the button and zipper combination on his pants and inched them down over his hips.
When we'd both shed the last few articles of clothing, he drew back a bit and looked me over. I couldn't halt myself from blushing furiously under his gaze-this was the first time I'd ever been completely bare in front of another human being.
He must have noticed, for he gathered me back into his arms and murmured quietly into my ear, "You're beautiful, Shady."
Confidence growing, I answered with a kiss, one hand stealing up the back of his neck to play throughout his silky coal-colored hair.
Race gently laid me back against the bed, returning the embrace with passion. Our hands gently explored every inch of one another's bodies, breathing becoming more rapid and heavy. A quiet moan escaped my lips as I felt his fingers lightly brush against my inner thigh. Our explorations becoming more heated by the minute, I slid one leg up over his back in an almost involuntary motion.
He raised himself upwards and slid into me. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the intense, tearing pain that shot through my body. It was as if my virginity was giving me one last bite before it departed. Stifling a yell, I bit my lip until it bled and then, as quickly as it'd come, the pain was replaced by an even more intense feeling of pleasure. He thrusted, holding a steady rhythm, and I immediately felt a white heat building inside of me. His motions grew more rapid, and we reached climax at almost exactly the same time, two bodies combining into one. I heard myself cry out as hot waves of pleasure washed over me; felt him shudder as he experienced the same.
Eventually, the feeling ebbed, and he pulled out after a few more moments, collapsing next to me. We both just lay there for a moment, breathing heavily, and then he wrapped his arms about me and held me close.
"I love you," Race breathed into my ear.
I hugged his arms tightly against me, and murmured in reply, "I love you, too."
He kissed me softly on the neck, and I soon fell into deep, dreamless sleep, lulled by the sound of his breathing and the light patter of rain against the roof.
A dark brown eye opened and looked up at me. Race gave a sleepy sigh and flipped over onto his back. "Mornin', doll" he murmured.
"Hey. Sleep well?"
"Mmhmm," came the response. He reached over and pulled me on top of him. "What time's it?"
"How should I know? Where's your watch?" I asked, kissing the bridge of his nose.
He absently rubbed his fingertips against the back of my neck. "Wherever we threw my clothes, I guess."
"You're welcome to go and find 'em, then. I for one am not keen on getting up."
"I'm not all that curious about the time, either."
"Uh huh. Let's just be satisfied with the knowledge that it's Saturday and we're not going anywhere until we want to."
So we simply lay there for a while, kissing and cuddling and talking until we felt good and ready to get out of bed. I sat up, stretching, and looked around for my clothes. They'd been scattered every which way, but I eventually managed to gather them all up.
"You think the others are still asleep?" Race asked me as he climbed into his pants.
"Hopefully they usually sleep late," I answered, tossing him his shirt. "Think you can get back to the boys' house unnoticed?"
"It's not something I'd bet on," he said as we buttoned up one another's shirts. "All set?"
I made a pitiful attempt to smooth my hair, fixed his collar, nodded. He released the stairway and we crept downstairs as quietly as possible. It didn't seem like anyone else was awake, and Race decided to head back to the boys' lodging house before someone did awaken.
"I'll see you later, Shady Lady," he told me. We kissed lengthily, and then he skipped downstairs and was out the door.
I smiled happily and tiptoed into the bunkroom to grab some fresh clothes. We'd been right, everyone was sleeping-everyone, that is, except Flame, who was stretched out on her bunk reading a book. She looked over at me as I entered, giving me a big, lusty wink. I grinned sheepishly and quietly went about gathering up a change of clothes.
"Had fun last night, did we? How was it?" the redhead inquired with blunt interest.
"None of your business," I said, making a face at her. "But it was exquisite, terrifying, wonderful, and a whole bunch of other adjectives I can't recall. Satisfied?"
"Mm, that'll do for now. The Italian Stallion left already?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes are you finished being irritatingly nosy, now?"
"Hardly, but I can wait 'till later to interrogate you."
"Your benevolence never ceases to amaze me," I drawled, and wandered off to bathe.
I was halfway through the tedious task of shampooing my near elbow-length tresses when a thought occurred to me. Rather, it came like a proverbial kick in the face.
Birth control. I couldn't particularly recall having used any sort of protective device the night before.
"Oh, damn" I moaned, burying my face in my hands and ending up with a good bit of soap in my eyes.
"Damn, again!" I yelped, eyes rapidly tearing as I tried to scrub the offending substance from them. Finally my vision returned, and I mechanically rinsed my hair, climbed out of the tub, dried off, and began dressing for the second time that day.
I pulled on a shirt, frantically telling myself that I couldn't be pregnant. I felt fine, and just one time wasn't enough to have a baby right? After a good deal of thought and hyperventilation, I decided to just not worry about anything until I had cause to. I also determined that I wasn't going to mention anything to Race, either.
Refreshed and sufficiently in denial, I shoved all thoughts of pregnancy into the back of my mind and went to go enjoy my Saturday with the others.
"Ugh this had better just be one of those 24 hour things," I said to myself.
"Try a '9 month thing', dearie," came a voice from the doorway.
I jumped and turned my head to see who it was, and there stood Owl.
"What?"
"Shady, you don't have a virus," she told me.
"Then what do I have?"
"Think. Haven't you been a bit lethargic these past couple of days? Not to mention moody and now this morning sickness. Looks like you and Racey got a little more than you bargained for."
All of a sudden, my hands turned to ice. "Oh, no then it's true. I'm"
"pregnant. Yeah."
"But but I didn't want this! And what'll Race say? Oh, jeez!" I wailed.
Owl gave me a sympathetic look and offered me a hand. "I confess I don't envy you, Shades. You'll get through it, though," she said. "When're you going to tell him?"
I let her pull me to my feet. "As soon as I can, I guess" came my blank reply.
She nodded. "No sense in prolonging it. Look, why don't you rest for a little bit before we have to go sell?"
"I think I will" I said, and wandered back to my bunk in a trance-like state. It was impossible to get back to sleep, even as tired as I was, so I simply lay there and concentrated on my worries until 6 am rolled around and it was time to head to the distribution center.
If anybody noticed my strange attitude, they didn't let on. The only other person I told about my new condition was Flame. She didn't mince words-told me I was dumb as toast for not thinking about protection or anything, but then said that of course she'd get to be "Auntie Flamie," which, apparently, was a good thing.
At least somebody was happy about it.
Despite my attempts to slow down the pace and prolong the walk to the distribution center, eventually I was forced to accompany everyone else through those giant iron gates and into line for our papes.
Before long, as I stood apprehensively chewing on my thumb, I felt two arms snake around my waist and was hugged from behind.
"Heya, doll," said Race, kissing me lightly on the ear.
I turned to face him. "Hey I've, uhm, got to talk to you. Now."
His expression turned serious. "Yeah? What about? Everything okay?"
Taking him by the arm, I tugged him out to the street and into the shadow of a nearby alley. "No, not exactly" I took a deep breath. "Race, I'm kind of uhm I'm pregnant."
There. It was out. I cringed, waiting for his reaction.
First, he gave me a "yeah, right" glance, then caught on that what I'd said was legit. I watched as all the blood drained from his face and his eyes got big as dinner plates.
"P-pregnant? As in, a baby?" he whispered hoarsely.
I bit my lower lip and glanced at the ground, nodding.
"B-but when? How?" he stuttered.
"When? Sometime last month, I speculate. Or last night, maybe, but I don't think anything could've happened that fast. And if you don't know the 'how' of it, I'm in deeper trouble than I thought"
"Oh, god Shady, I"
"You what? Don't want to deal with it? If you're going to dump me, might as well just do it now and not prolong anything"
He shot me a hurt, angry look. "You think I'd do that?!"
I immediately regretted my remark. "Oh I'm sorry, Race. I didn't mean it, really. I'm just I was so afraid of what you'd think and" I trailed off, throat closing up and vision getting blurry with tears.
Race put his arms around me with a sigh. "It's all right, doll. I wasn't expecting all this, either," he said quietly, stroking my hair as I cried unabashedly into his shoulder.
I cried until I couldn't cry any more, tears completely soaking the shoulder of his shirt. Eventually, however, I got a hold on myself, and coherency returned.
"What'm I going to do? I'm not exactly the maternal type I don't even like kids that much!" I raved.
"Shh, it's okay we can get through it," he replied soothingly.
"Easy for YOU to say!" I snapped, then took a second to soften my tone. "How are we going to support a baby? We're out selling papes all day there's no time for a kid"
"Hey, we can find a way and we've got the other newsies. They'll help; I know it. There's the tracks, too-no, don't roll your eyes-I won five bucks on my first race and ten on my second yesterday, and I intend to save most of it."
All of a sudden, I felt completely drained, too tired to argue (or think, for that matter) anymore. "Wish I was as confident as you are," I muttered. "I think I'm gonna go back to the House for a while I sold a bunch of extra papes yesterday, so I'm doing all right"
Race gave me a concerned look. "You want me to walk back with you? You're not looking so good"
"M'just tired go sell your papes, Race. I'll see you later," I replied, kissed him on the cheek, and walked drowsily back to the lodging house.
Once there, I crawled up onto my bunk, and flopped down on my stomach, arms about my pillow. I shed a few more tears of self-pity-after all, this was my life going down the drain. I'd never had any desire to become a mother, and I'd only just turned 15 in August. I cringed, imagining what my old family would say if they could see me now. Not a pretty picture.
I worried until I was too tired to think any longer, and eventually dropped off into peaceful, dreamless sleep.
"Flamie?"
She stopped and turned to look at me. "Oh. You're alive you've been asleep for the past four hours, girlie." The redhead gestured towards a nearby bunk, where I saw Race, fast asleep. "Your boy came to the House about 5 minutes after you crashed he didn't sell at all today. Guess he was worried. How're you feeling, anyway?"
I half-smiled. "Okay, I s'pose I don't feel as tired."
Flame nodded. "Good well, I'll catch you later Conlon wanted me to go out to dinner tonight."
"'Bye."
After she left, I stretched, hopped down from my bunk, and quietly tiptoed over to where Race was sleeping.
I sat down next to him on the bed. "Hey, Higgins wake up."
He gave a sleepy murmur and opened his eyes. "Mmm? Oh guess I dozed off. What time is it?"
"Afternoon-ish. Flame said you didn't sell today."
Race sat up, rubbing his face. "Naah I wanted to check on you an' all. How're you feeling, Shady Lady?"
"Better. It's wonders what a nap can do," I replied, kissing him lightly. "How about you?"
He pulled me into his lap. "I'm fine I was thinking about what to name the baby when she comes," he said.
"She, hmm?"
"Yeah, she." He seemed excited about the prospect of a child, for some reason.
"What makes you think it'll be a she? It's a fifty-fifty chance, you know," I said, quirking an eyebrow.
"Yeah, yeah. Look, I just know it's gonna be a girl and she's gonna look just like you, but have my charm, of course."
I giggled. "The poor kid." Then I turned to him, serious. "You're really looking forward to a baby, aren't you?"
"Why? Aren't you?"
Glancing at the floor, I shrugged. "Yeah kind of not really. I mean, it's easy for you to just take this all in stride, because you're not the one that has to carry the thing around for nine months and your body isn't going to be totally out of whack. I bet you think that the baby's going to be all fun and cuddles, right? You bring home the coppers, I raise the kid?" I was starting to get indignant. He had no idea how I felt.
Race frowned at me. "No, I wasn't planning on that and you could have a little better attitude about it, I think. After all, there's nothing we can do about it, unless you feel like paying loads of money to have your stomach ripped open and the baby torn out."
Now I was mad, and stood up off of his lap, sharply banging my head against the edge of the bunk above us in the process. "Ouch! Shit!" I yelled, then turned to him, rubbing my injury. "You. Neanderthal! Listen here, Racetrack. I've been around babies. I had to take care of them all the time. And they're not just soft skin and cute giggles and big, innocent eyes. They cry constantly, they're messy, they eat up all your time, and just you try nursing one! And what's more, the woman always gets stuck with the dirty business, her life squished beneath the wheels of a baby carriage while the man goes out and makes money and horses around with his pals all day!"
Race double-blinked in surprise, then his eyes narrowed and he jumped to his feet as well. "I can't believe you think I'd do that, just leaving it all up to you! I think you're just being utterly selfish and too worried about yourself to give any thought to the care of our baby!" he yelled. I couldn't remember ever hearing him yell before, especially at me.
"No, you're too obsessed with the potential of having offspring to give any thought to me!" I yelled right back.
He opened his mouth to respond, but then snapped it shut and strode for the door. "You're impossible!"
"It takes two to tango, Higgins!" I shouted at his retreating back. Angry footsteps sounded down the stairs, and then I heard the main door slam shut with such force that it made the bunkroom floor quake.
I cussed violently, snatching up a nearby pillow and flinging it as hard as I could against the wall. My venting caused a small flurry of feathers to jettison out of the pillow and swirl around the room for a moment before settling. After a moment, I felt my anger ebb slightly. My lower lip trembled and I threw myself down on the bunk for my third cry that day. My inner self poked me indignantly, informing me that what I'd said was over-reactive and low. It was probably hormonal or something, but I couldn't apologize, and he probably couldn't forgive.
Completely miserable, I fell asleep again, and didn't wake up until the next morning.
"You slaughtered my pillow," the tall girl commented.
Ooh, that's right. This was her bunk. I noticed that somebody had placed the pillow back under my head, after first patching it up with clumsy mismatched stitching.
"Oh, jeez. M'sorry, Cats I didn't mean to crash on your bunk and all. You can have my pillow, if you want it."
She shrugged. "Naah, s'okay." After a pause, she inquired, "What happened to make you bash the living hell out of a pillow like that?"
I groaned, remembering the other day in detail. "Race and I had a fight it was my fault, though I was being a jerk about the whole pregnancy thing."
Cats nodded knowingly. "Ah. Well, it'll sort itself out. Bumlets and I quibble all the time, but after a couple hours or so we make up because neither of us can keep our hands off the other," she said with a grin.
"Yeah, well, I hope so." I stood up and pulled on some fresh clothes. "I'll talk to him this afternoon, I guess."
"You should."
So I did. Cats decided to stay at the lodging house and finish her book, so I set off down the street towards the distribution center and Tibby's.
Nobody was at the former except for a couple of kids from Harlem who made rude commentary as I passed, but there were a few from the Manhattan gang loitering in Tibby's. Race, however, was not among them.
I wandered briefly over to a table where Flame, Spot, Owl, and Skittery sat.
"Hey, she's alive!" remarked Owl.
"Damn," said Spot.
"Nice to see you, too, shrimpy," I drawled. "Hey, anyone seen Race anywhere?"
They exchanged knowing glances, and Flame said, "He's still at the boys' place, I think."
Skittery nodded. "Yeah he was awfully mopey this morning."
"Oh, okay. Thanks." I made a hasty retreat before any more questions could be asked, and hitched a trolley back into the heart of Midtown.
I walked up the steps to the lodging house and cautiously went in the door. I couldn't see or hear anybody, even Kloppman had gone out for some fresh air, it seemed. Nevertheless, I walked up the stairs and silently pushed open the door to the bunkroom.
Race was sitting on his bed, playing a game of Solitaire with his beloved cards and puffing sullenly on a weathered cigarette. He didn't notice me standing in the doorframe, so I just observed him for a while before quietly walking into the room.
He jumped as he noticed me, and quickly scrambled over to where I was standing. "Shady, I'm so sor-"
I cut him off by placing a finger over his lips. "Shh. Don't apologize. It was entirely me you were right. I was being selfish and I overreacted. I'm sorry, Race."
Dark brown eyes blinked at me in surprise. "It wasn't entirely you, Shades. I shouldn't have yelled and all forgive me?"
"How could I not? I love you. Always," I said, kissing him lightly.
He pulled me to him, kissing back. "I love you, too." With those four monosyllabic words, I felt all the angst flutter far and away from me. I hoped it'd never come back.
"Why's that?"
He grinned. "Because making up is so much fun."
I giggled and flipped over on top of him. "I'll do my best to be mean to you more often, then."
"Is that possible?"
"Listen here, mister. One more instance of sarcasm like that and I'll be forced to pitch your secret stash of cigars into the harbor," I said menacingly.
He eyed me suspiciously. "You wouldn't but I'll be good, just in case."
Kissing the bridge of his nose, I mumbled, "I think you like those damned cigars better than you like me. They're gonna kill you, y'know."
"Of course I don't and they will not," Race said indignantly.
"They are too. I think all that smoking is what stunted your growth-hey, ow! Stop that!" I tried to squirm away as he began to tickle my ribs. "I hate th-that quit!"
"Stunted! Hrmph I am not stunted!" He continued tickling me fiercely.
"Okay, okay! I t-take it b-back" I gasped. "You're not stunted just, uhm, vertically challenged, or something."
He finally let me go. "You're not exactly the 40-foot woman, either."
I made a face, squirming over to the other side of the bed. "Can it. And don't ever tickle me again, or you'll discover a whole new definition for 'stunted'."
"Uh huh whatever," Race drawled, then switched the subject. "So, now that you've accepted the fact that we're gonna have a baby and there's nothing we can do about it what'll we name it?"
"He is going to be named Charlie."
"I told you. It's gonna be a girl!"
"Boy!"
"Girl!"
"Boy!"
"Girl!"
"BOY!"
"GIRL! Girl times infinity plus one, so there."
"You cheater! Listen, I'll bet you ten bucks it's a boy."
Race pondered the odds for a moment, then nodded. "Fine. You're on."
"Very well," I said smugly. "Now, what were you thinking of naming hi-it?"
"Anything but Charlie," he said with distaste.
I scowled at him, arms akimbo. "What's wrong with Charlie? It's cute!"
"That's just it," he replied, wrinkling his nose. "It's too cute. Not manly or strong it's cute."
I rolled my eyes. "And I suppose you can do a whole lot better, hmm? What would you name the baby?"
He responded without hesitation. "I was thinking either 'Lucky Star' or 'Hot Coal'. Those are the best two horses I've ever bet on. Lucky got me 30 bucks, once!"
I looked at him to see if he was serious, determined he was, and doubled over laughing. "Race! We are not naming our child after LIVESTOCK! What the hell are you thinking?"
Race shot me an injured look. "What? They're perfectly decent names! You just have no taste," he informed me with a lofty air.
I continued to giggle insanely, much to his annoyance. "You're crazy, y'know that? How about something nice and at least semi-normal like Amelia? Or Iris?"
"Iris is nice," he said, after a moment's thought. "Isn't that your favorite flower, or something?"
I nodded. "Yeah. They're so pretty so, Iris for a girl and Charlie for a boy?"
After rolling his eyes when I said "Charlie," Race nodded. "Yes, if you must. But you'd better start saving up that ten dollars."
"Don't hold your breath. C'mon, let's go find the others."
Flame and most of the other Manhattan girls decided to cede the lodging house's attic to Race and I in the interests of privacy, convenience, and the interests of the baby. At first, I didn't think it was right that we got a room all to ourselves, but then I saw the logistics of it and gave in. I did miss bunking with the other girls, though, and I think it took Race a while to get used to life without the fellowship and many inconveniences of living with a bunch of guys. The only other protests came from the Manhattan guys-some missed Race's constant poker advice, and others grumbled for a while over the loss of one of the few sexual sanctuaries open to them and their significant others-the attic. Eventually, though, everyone adjusted, and it was only temporary, anyway.
It was now early June. One evening, Race and I made our way up the stairs to our room (which, let me say, is a hell of job when you're nearly 9 months pregnant) and bedded down for the night. Flopping over onto my side, I did my daily grumble about how I felt like a pilot whale and how this baby had better come soon, or else.
"Yeah, well, you're the prettiest whale I've ever seen," Race responded.
"Thanks or something," I muttered.
He grinned, kissed me on the cheek, and patted my swollen midriff affectionately. "'Night, doll. 'Night, baby."
I smiled, and drifted off into sleep. Not for long, however. An hour or so later, I was abruptly awakened by the feeling of my muscles contracting sharply. I waited a minute or two, and it happened again. And again.
"Oh, great." Wincing, I reached over and whacked Race on the shoulder. "Race! Wake up!"
He rolled over and gave looked at me groggily. "Hunh? Wha'?"
"I think the baby's com-ouch!-ing."
That woke him up. He sat up as if someone had just injected a few shots of espresso directly into his veins, and tumbled onto the floor. "Now?! Oh, jeez!" He proceeded to go completely helter skelter, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. "What do I do? What do I do?"
"You shut up and find a midwife! Now!"
He nodded dumbly, grabbed a shirt, and tripped off down the stairs. I was left alone with my contractions for a few minutes, until the other girls came running up the steps.
"Shady!" Flame scurried over to the side of the bed. "How're you doing? Copper and Race went to find a midwife."
The contractions were growing worse by the minute. "This is not fun!" I said through gritted teeth.
"I don't envy you, that's for sure," Owl remarked.
Trapper elbowed her in the ribs. "Hang in there, Shades. Just try to think about something else."
I snorted derisively. "Yeah, right. Somehow the pleasant images of pasta, fluffy kittens, and chocolate keep getting overruled by the intense, unceasing PAIN ouuuuch."
"Oh. Well, uhm, just breathe keep breathing that's good."
"Thank you, Miss Wizard. I feel better already."
The others continued feeding me sympathetic and encouraging commentary until Copper and Race returned with a large woman and a thin man, both looking to be in their 40's or so. Race was paler than a dead fish, trembling slightly as he ran over to my side.
"This is, uhm, Mrs. Workman and Dr. Spiegel, a midwife and a doctor," he said breathlessly. "How-"
He was unceremoniously elbowed aside by the midwife, who ordered Spiegel to shoo everybody downstairs-including Race. The doctor obliged unsmiling, and herded the protesting crowd down the stairs. He must have wanted to keep them securely at bay, because he left and shut the trapdoor behind him.
Mrs. Workman pressed a cool rag to my forehead. "There, there you're doing just fine." She had a soothing Southern accent, and seemed pleasant-not that I cared much. My only concern for the moment was not screaming aloud. I could feel the baby inside of me start to slip downwards.
"Okay, dear, time to push come on, give it all you got."
I didn't have much to give. I tried, though, insides ripping steadily with every push. It hurt worse than anything else I'd ever experienced, and I could feel my energy rapidly begin to decline.
"Keep going I can see it!" the midwife exclaimed.
One more time, Shady, my inner self instructed me. You can handle it.
"Get it OUT!" I yelled, and pushed with everything I had. I guess it was a good thing, because I felt the baby leave my body. Consciousness didn't stick around long enough for me to be happy about it, though. Distantly, I heard myself scream, and then pain overtook my brain and it simply shut down.
Oh, sweet nothing.
I half-smiled up at him, and said hoarsely, "Well who won the bet?"
His lower lip trembled as he spoke. "You did."
"Iris, then? Where is she?"
He broke down crying at my query. "Oh, Shady she it was she was stillborn. A miscarriage."
It took a while to register. "You mean the baby's dead?" At first I didn't know what to think. It couldn't have happened, especially to me. I was too shocked to say anything but: "No."
Race looked at me helplessly, and the midwife quietly came to the bedside, holding something in her hands. "I thought that you might like to see her, before the doctor takes the body with him."
Numbly, I accepted the outstretched bundle. There, wrapped in white linen, was a perfect little human being. This was Iris, the child Race and I had worried and argued over, cried about, and anticipated for so very long. The eyes were closed, but I knew they were brown. I just knew. She looked just like a miniature replica of me, just as Race had predicted, right down to the nose. I gently brushed her cheek with a finger, the pale, bloodless skin smoother than anything I'd ever felt.
I held my baby for a long, long time, wishing with everything I had that somehow she'd come to life, that her large eyes would open and focus on me, that her tiny chest would expand with the intake of breath.
Dimly I heard the midwife speaking, but the words all blurred together and I didn't hear a thing. Eventually, she reached over and gently took Iris from my arms, murmured something else, and went downstairs with a sigh.
I looked up at Race. His expression of utter pain broke down the last of my denial; I felt a hot tear slip down my cheek, followed by another and another and another.
"Oh, god," I sobbed. Race put his arms around me, and I put mine around him. We held each other for what seemed like years, grieving as neither of us had before. It felt like a part of me had died, which it had, in a way. The sorrow was like an invisible force, oppressing me from all sides. The pain my body felt was nothing, nothing compared to the torment my heart was enduring.
We exhausted ourselves crying. I fell into a tumultuous sleep, dreams haunted by the soft but relentless cries of a baby.
Intense hunger, coupled with the constant goading of the other guys and dolls, finally got me out of the attic. I ate my way through three giant bowls of pasta, trying to concentrate on anything and everything but the loss of Iris.
The days flipped by, and ever so slowly, I began to feel the pain subside. Everyone was incredibly supportive-I think Flame cried almost as much as I did-and the knowledge that I had a big newsie family who cared about me did more than anything to heal the wounds.
Eventually, I felt good enough to get up and out. Race didn't seem eager to face the world again-neither was I, actually, but I had to get some sunshine and fresh air or I'd die. So, I managed to coax him out for just a simple walk in Central Park.
We didn't talk much as we walked, both lost in our own thoughts. We stopped at the bridge over the little duck pond, which had always been one of our favorite haunts. I silently gazed at the scenery, noticing some small purple flowers over near the bank of the pond. Closer inspection revealed that they were irises.
I broke down.
"Oh, Shady," Race murmured, pulling me close to him. "Think it'll ever stop hurting?" he asked, voice choked.
I buried my face in his shoulder, mumbling, "No... but we have to get on with our lives." After a moment, I straightened resolutely, cheeks wet with tears. "We can't ever forget her. Ever. But at this rate"
"we'll grieve ourselves down to nothing," he finished. "But it feels like we lost everything, Shades"
I looked up at him. "I know but we didn't lose each other. I'm here. Always."
Race crushed me in a hug. "I love you."
Crushing him back, I kissed him tenderly on the jaw. We'd get through this, and who knows? Perhaps in a few years, we'd be ready to try again.
But for now, all I had was the solace of Race and the memory of Iris.