I tried to make Dawn dinner today.
I didn't know how. How old am I? How many lives have I saved? How many apocalypses have I averted? I've won all my battles: the demons, the vampires, the humans.
I couldn't beat the stove.
I sacrificed my fucking life for this world. I go to Heaven. I find eternal peace. Then I get ripped away from this ecstasy, this paradise, only to find that my Slayer strength was stripped from me. I can't even beat Xander in a fight. I can't go out alone at night. I can't save the world anymore.
I can't make dinner.
It's funny. I never thought I'd have to learn these kinds of things. Home life was never for me. I belonged in the night, in the darkness. I didn't belong in the day.
Now I just don't belong.
I can't stand the sympathy. It's overwhelming. Willow looks at me with sad eyes, pleading for forgiveness. She thinks if she hadn't resurrected me, I wouldn't be helpless. She's right. I've tried to tell her it's not her fault, it's the demon that cursed me, took away my slayerness. She doesn't listen to me, and still blames herself. Honestly, I blame her too. Would it have been so wrong to leave me in peace? Guess not. I am Buffy Summers, after all. What can possibly go right?
Xander treats me like a China doll. I might break if I go outside! It's not safe out there! It's better to stay inside, and let the others out. As if. Do they have superpowers? They've lasted these past six years without them. I think I could too. But it takes too much energy to fight them. It's so easy to just give in.
Dawn is way supportive. Sweet, reliable Dawn. I can always count on her to be annoyingly familiar. She is one thing that will never change.
Well, her and Spike. Spike. I thought that maybe he'd gloat over my misfortune. Say this was my punishment for not "admitting my feelings" for him. But he didn't. He doesn't ask forgiveness. He doesn't treat me like I might shatter. He still banters with me, verbally spars with me. He takes care of me without making it seem like he is. Maybe I do lo…
Too many feelings. Must not explore now.
So, here I stand, a normal girl, my greatest wish. No slayage, no superpowers, no saving the world nightly while still managing to look cute.
God, I hate this.
I need to save the world. I need to fight. I need it. It's in my blood.
I couldn't make Dawn dinner today.
I didn't know how. How old am I? How many lives have I saved? How many apocalypses have I averted? I've won all my battles: the demons, the vampires, the humans.
I couldn't beat the stove.
I sacrificed my fucking life for this world. I go to Heaven. I find eternal peace. Then I get ripped away from this ecstasy, this paradise, only to find that my Slayer strength was stripped from me. I can't even beat Xander in a fight. I can't go out alone at night. I can't save the world anymore.
I can't make dinner.
It's funny. I never thought I'd have to learn these kinds of things. Home life was never for me. I belonged in the night, in the darkness. I didn't belong in the day.
Now I just don't belong.
I can't stand the sympathy. It's overwhelming. Willow looks at me with sad eyes, pleading for forgiveness. She thinks if she hadn't resurrected me, I wouldn't be helpless. She's right. I've tried to tell her it's not her fault, it's the demon that cursed me, took away my slayerness. She doesn't listen to me, and still blames herself. Honestly, I blame her too. Would it have been so wrong to leave me in peace? Guess not. I am Buffy Summers, after all. What can possibly go right?
Xander treats me like a China doll. I might break if I go outside! It's not safe out there! It's better to stay inside, and let the others out. As if. Do they have superpowers? They've lasted these past six years without them. I think I could too. But it takes too much energy to fight them. It's so easy to just give in.
Dawn is way supportive. Sweet, reliable Dawn. I can always count on her to be annoyingly familiar. She is one thing that will never change.
Well, her and Spike. Spike. I thought that maybe he'd gloat over my misfortune. Say this was my punishment for not "admitting my feelings" for him. But he didn't. He doesn't ask forgiveness. He doesn't treat me like I might shatter. He still banters with me, verbally spars with me. He takes care of me without making it seem like he is. Maybe I do lo…
Too many feelings. Must not explore now.
So, here I stand, a normal girl, my greatest wish. No slayage, no superpowers, no saving the world nightly while still managing to look cute.
God, I hate this.
I need to save the world. I need to fight. I need it. It's in my blood.
I couldn't make Dawn dinner today.